hey all! I need to know the general position on something, take for eg a family are having dinner together (a naija family) everyone is eating and the man asks his wife to leave her meal and go to the kitchen to get him some more food. Does this ever happen?is this normal? I know my mother did it for my father but she never worked and she would always offer automatically. In any naija household whether the woman is a full time housewife and/or full time worker outside the home does this custom apply? thanks in advance

Is there love in the family/marriage/relationship etc.

If a husband said to the wife like, darling can you please get me more of the food I am really enjoying it. What is the problem?

In african /nigerian Culture women owns everything that is in the Kitchen, men hardly goes there or allow in there, it is the equivalent of looking into a woman's wallet in the West/Europe/America.

To be quite frank with you there is no big issue with it. If the Man is not enjoying the food or has alredy eating outside he wouldn't be eating the food the woman laboured to cook let alone ask for more.

If the wife love her husband she will do anything for him and same goes for the man

A classical example- a wife may be doing her face with all those vanity fair stuff and may not want to stain any of her clothes can ask husband to please get her some of those things or even her handbag.

Everything we do must be done and seen to be done in Love, then all of the rest are therefore not important.

This issue with greatest of respect is a trivial matter. What hapen if your husband ask you to go get the food and feed him. LOVE CONQUERS ALL

It takes 72 muscles to frown and 12 muscles to laugh, which would you rather do?

@vigasimple
I love you. U are a man after my heart. U've said it all!

@ Leilah,

Next time set the table so that the pot of rice, stew etc are all on the table .

mmm but we are both out working all day. Thouht a woman was the weaker individual. why can't a man get his own food?

I don't mind cooking it though. its just that well, I would understand if he was the SOLE breadwinner and I am quite surpirised that this traditional submissive female atitie is still there 100% even when the lady has been out working all day!

Furthermore, I bet if I asked my husband to getme food from the kitchen he would laugh his ass off

I don't think there is a general hard and fast rule; its the custom to some people, while to others it is not.

Women tend to be possessive about their kitchen as viga said, but in a modern setting, asking your wife to get you more food or vice versa should not be a big dea as long as its done out of love and not in a bossy/ordering fashion.

I think most women (in naija at least) would see it the way Viga put it, as a sign of the man enjoying the cooking and would gladly oblige.

I don't think it really has anything to do with being the bread winner or otherwise. Submission is not a matter of who has more money/power, its a display of love, affection and respect.

Its a non issue to me - I'd gladly do it for my wife if she wants, and would expect the same thing. My mum worked full time too, and sometimes even came home later than my dad, but she thoroughly loved attending to him eat, even if she wasn't eating herself, though we the kids took on this role later and enjoyed it too.

If you feel offended by the request, you can avoid such a situation by taking omoge's advice - make all the food available on the table

Cheers

thank you, I feel guilty now that I have addressed the issue to him. I said it in friendly way to him and I just aske dhim if it was normal in his culture and he said no its not normal for the lady to attend to her husband that its just him that asks of this. I was confused, but thankfully now I have more insight. Now, it confuses me as to why he did not elaborate on this (same way as he never elaborates on any cultural issues). he still tends to aviod any cultural debates either because 1. He may not be interested in all this teaching me when he may not be with me forever,or either
2. he may genuinly feel as though it should be of no major concern

Any thoughts?

first of all. . .are you married? If yes, why are you thinking he won't want to be with you forever?

Secondly, you sound like you're either not Nigerian or you've been away for a long time, so he doesn't seem to see the need to give you 'culture education' meaning he likes you as you are.

I think/hope its more of the second reason not the first. Don't try to second guess your man, if you have a question about something, feel free to ask him and your relationship will be better for it

Yeah thats true Debosky yeah well I am leaning more towards the second. I mean I just don't get why he avoids any culturally realtion conversation. Maybe I'm actually lucky in a way. I would like to be educated int he area of nigerian culture as I am very interested to know. Thankfully, I have gotten answers in this forum. Thank you.

Ps no I'm not Nigerian - I'm Irish.

Leilah:

Ps no I'm not Nigerian - I'm Irish.

what about ur parents, are they nigerians?