Hello people, I would like to sample opinion on an issue. I am a married young lady working with a bank. I am experiencing strain in my marriage now which is beyond my understanding.

The recent lay off in Eco/Oceanic Bank affected someone who happened to be an ex-staff of my bank. He was actually the Branch Manager where I reported to as a new entrant. He later joined Ecobank until the termination of his job recently. On my way from Firstbank last week, I saw that he came around to his bank (Eco/Oceanic) and stopped by to empathise with him. My husband called while I was there, we got talking and he asked where I was which I told him. That was the beginning of the problem.

He feels that as a married lady, I didnt have any business going into their bank to empathise with him. On my own part, I didnt see anything wrong, it was just a courtesy visit. (I didn't plan on it, only stopped by on seeing him around)This caused serious tension between us. He saw it as disrespectful.

So my people, I didn't know what to make out of the issue. I want 3rd party neutral view, especially from guys, on this situation.Thanks

Your story does not sound straight forward and raises suspicion. I can understand your husband.
If he is offended why do you not apologise.
You would have been hurt too if it were the other way around.
Assure him of your good intention and that you did not mean any wrong. Let him know it would not haen again and you did not mean to offend him.
Is it so difficult to apologise?

mutter:

Your story does not sound straight forward and raises suspicion. I can understand your husband.
If he is offended why do you not apologise.
You would have been hurt too if it were the other way around.
Assure him of your good intention and that you did not mean any wrong. Let him know it would not haen again and you did not mean to offend him.
Is it so difficult to apologise?

@mutter very true
@op, no vex o cause am not a man. I also sence some coma in your story n i guess thats why your hubby as reacted thus,if you ad imformed him before paying such visit then you have come out clean with no room for doubt.your hubby as to know every of your movements NOT AFTER BUT BEFORE,except when situations do not warrant you inform him before u go. All you need to do is go on your knees and beg your hubby,you dont need to explain anything wotsoever or trying to justify your action cause you could have prevented it in the first place by telling him before paying the visit. You realy need to beg your hubby well o,cause this are things that destroys trust in marriages and ensure it dosnt happen again. GOODLUCK

I wonder where the comma is in the story. I wrote that it wasn't a planned visit. As a matter of fact, all the 8 banks are next door neighbour to one another, its just only banks on the street. I went to Firstbank for a transaction, on going back to my bank, I stopped by to empathise. (Oceanic is almost adjacent to my office)

On a very good day, cant I just go into another bank. If you must know, I am in marketing unit and its very important u get as much info as possible that will help to keep abreast of competition. Or are u ladies saying that even before I enter any customers office, I must also report to my husband. These are things that come with the job and yes, we do discuss all these. I told him exactly where I was when he asked cos there was nothing fishy.

And for peace sake, I did apologise cos that has never been a problem for me. He held on to the issue and it dragged on. This is why I am here wanting to know if it was such a grievous situation.

Nairaland Judges!!! Always ready to dissect, analyze, criticize and condemn other people's story. There is always something fishy in someone else story.

since you have nothing to do with him and you have apologized to your husband, no problem

When can be funny at times and believe the issue of respect should be held high. This is a very small issue that shouldn't cause any strain in your marriage. Even if u feel you re not wrong for peace sake apologise to him so that your relationship with him can move forward and hold any resentment against him.let it go

On my way from Firstbank last week, I saw that he came around to his bank (Eco/Oceanic) and stopped by to empathise with him. My husband called while I was there, we got talking and he asked where I was which I told him. That was the beginning of the problem

Simplechic, again contradiction in your second post.
You did not go to the bank for business as usual but because you noticed the mans car there. So this was a planned visit. You went there to empathise with him, as you put it.

The recent lay off in Eco/Oceanic Bank affected someone who happened to be an ex-staff of my bank. He was actually the Branch Manager where I reported to as a new entrant. He later joined Ecobank until the termination of his job recently.

Your description of the man speaks volumes for someone who can read between the lines.

Thirdly, why was your husband angry that you were in that particular bank? Maybe he has his suspicions.
You do not have to prove your innocence in Nl but to your husband.

@op
abeg no vex oo,if i don offend u. Hope my apology is accepted.

@mutter, what is wrong in her seeing the man's car and going in to empathise with him, this man was her former oga for crying out loud, you people should advice her if you have any and stop judging her cos no one knows it all.

@Mutter, you are obviously reading but not fully comprehending. I am not proving my innocence to you or anybody cos there is nothing to prove. I wonder how stopping by on sighting someone translates to planned visit. (Like I got up from my office with the intent to see him, SMH). If I get you right, I should have called my husband immesiately I sighted him before going in there. Like seriously, am I a kid, Phew

If u must know, I highlighted the'"ex-staff/branch manager" to make it clear why I felt the need to stop by. What is there to read in between. Do you go about suspecting your husband because he has female colleagues, come on. Anyway, why am I not surprised at your utterance. I've seen some of your response on peoples thread before and I know your reasoning can be warped @times.

Not comprehending
My dear the plan was made well in advance to have this encounter. The opportunity on that particular day was the only sporadic thing about it.
Remember that there are so many being laid off. Is that how you stop your car and go empathise with them all.

And since you ask, I do not trail my husband neither does he trail me because we have never given each other room for suspicion. Your relationship with your former boss is inappropriate and I bet your husband suspects you might have been having an affair with him for longggg,
You husband is not mad about you stopping in the bank but whom you stopped to see.

When people start getting mad I know I am getting warmer.

@Mirob,  Thanks. At last, there's someone who understands the need for good interpersonal relationship with people. @ Chaircover, thanks too. My husband does not even know the man neither was there any ugly incidence between us. The man in question is a middle aged respectable family man.

To set the record straight, am not here for advice on how to save or remedy the situation. I only want to hear peoples view.

@Mutter, you are just pathetic. I assume you are a mature woman so I expect you to act and reason like one. But of course, maturity is not about age or size The best solution for your type is to totally ignore.

interpersonal relationship
Since when does it belong to interpersonal relationship to stop a car, go into a bank and , "sorry you lost you job,

You asked for views you got them and they are all basically in the same direction.
maybe you are just interested in hearing your view .
Well anyone that gives you that is not helping you.

mirob, I am not judging her!!! please come off it.
Look we all know how totally morally decadent the society has become and a middle aged respectable family man can also be a lay about dangling his rod in all directions. So words do not change facts the just present them falsely or accurately.

When you have a past and get married, you need to be very focused on gaining your partners trust.

@Mutter u are just amazing in your myopic world. You have a way of reading what you assume in you head without necessary reading the post. It beats me where you read of 'stop a car' etc. If your husband has a problem keeping his 'rod' from dangling, be rest assured some men don't.

Why do I get the impression you are only reliving ur past history in ur response, prolly why u are reading invisible lines. You assume everyone has a dirty past like you, SMH. Am done responding to your myopic mind.

Simlechic sorry i OBVIOUSLY touched a raw nerve there!!!!!

If your husband has a problem keeping his 'rod' from dangling, be rest assured some men don't.

Now is the above just a former staff/MANAGER  You protect his integrity more than yours. One would think i referred to your husband.

we areee getting warmer

You sure are right about reliving my past, like most others here I grew up in Nigeria and the societal decadence was all around and did not leave me unaffected. In my past there was the first boom of private banks and customer /INTER STAFF -with-manager relationships and this still exists today.
Young women with nothing in their skull or degrees totally alien to banking, lure men to the banks, earn a fortune and then go head to marry.
No problem with that but give the poor Man his respect and "RETIRE" when you marry.

NOW CALM DOWN, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, SWALLOW THE TRUTH AND BE A GOOD GIRL.   

SIMPLE

Poster, Speak with your husband and ask him why he was upset, not only for this time but for the future. Please, Ignore and forgive all insults, no one or nothing online is worth getting angry over. I beg you dont get angry over some responses, speak with your husband so this wont happen again. Find out why he is insecure and if it is just as regards this man or if he feels this way about others too.

debrief

To set the record straight, am not here for advice on how to save or remedy the situation. I only want to hear peoples view.

Get it -your advice is not needed.

AND

Stop being patronising and if you must be objective.
Why don`t you advice her to stop being rude to people who are giving her exactly what she asked  for- THEIR VIEWS

mutter:

debrief

To set the record straight, am not here for advice on how to save or remedy the situation. I only want to hear peoples view.

Get it -your advice is not needed.

AND

Stop being patronising and if you must be objective.
Why don`t you advice her to stop being rude to people who are giving her exactly what she asked  for- THEIR VIEWS

Madam I have heard you, Thank you.

DEBRIEF YOU ARE A WOMAN WITH CHARACTER
I apologise you did not deserve that.

mutter:

DEBRIEF YOU ARE A WOMAN WITH CHARACTER
I apologise you did not deserve that.

Lol Madam I wasnt upset. I may appear 'weak' or patronising sometimes because I know what I have been through and I wish at those times I had someone to unburden my pain with. I planned suicide twice but somehow God intervened. SO I understand what it means sometimes for people to come with their problems here becuase they have no one to talk with or no one who may understand, sometimes it can be that those close to you have turned you to a gossip item and it may appear safer to share your burden to online strangers.
I know how it feels to hurt so much and have almost no one to turn too. I also know that Nigeria has no support system for people to cope and an annymous online community is the closest some have to keep them sane and off the suicide list.
Everyone reacts differently to situations and people and God knows we all cant be the same, so I try not to get angry over comments here, initially I would get angry and even throw some words, but I found myself hurting strangers i barely knew who were also dealing with their own daily real life issues. Why make them feel worse?
Also I know how delicate life is, one minute you are here next you are gone. I joined Nairaland not to hurt anyone but to share and to help people through my own experience, so sometimes when I do things that make me seem paatronising I do it because of these factors.

-sighs-  women!

OP, Sometimes the mind plays tricks on us. Your husband is probably looking for something that is not missing. He is insecure!

Some people tend to just read meaning to simple things! He'd  probably noticed something unusual and rather than asking you, he just assumed. An innocent visit has now triggered a reaction based on his initial assumption. There is definitely more to it, and until he finds a way to communicate his insecurities and assumptions to you and hears your on side, he might repeat this same behaviour in a different way on another occasion.

Just my point of view!

Another point of view is that he is guilty of something and is looking for something you did to make him feel less guilty about what he has or is doing.
Cos i can't understand why he would flare up the way he did and keep holding it as a grudge even after you have apologised. My own 2 kobo.

@ Poster, this is a simple matter, you did  what you did out of being humane, now your hubby is not happy only because the person in question is a man, trust if it was a woman he will care less. Now that being said, immediately he complained, all you had to do was apologise and tell him it was not intentional, that you would not do that again. Sometimes it is good to just give peace a chance and be foolish for some minutes in every 24 hours. that is not going to turn your boobies to the back, Abi??

just reading the way simplechic responds to posts she deems unfair to her . . . i'm not surprised she has problems with her husband.
I'm willing to bet my left foot that when your husband asked you why you went to the bank to see your ex-manager your response was - Like seriously, am I a kid, Phew

Why would you expect him not to be mad?

op,
your husband is one of the men who get a little bit more jealous than others, no wahala with that.it only makes you learn.make peace with this situation and next time, dont mention all the men you accidentally ran into in the day, his heart cant bear it and you probably are free spirited and dont think anything about saying hello to someone ( a man) you know, but its a big deal for your hubby.mine is like that too, so i can identify.

onye okwu  why you come dey pour petrol put again, the kerosine no reach, no make her respond to you o

davidylan:

just reading the way simplechic responds to posts she deems unfair to her . . . i'm not surprised she has problems with her husband.
I'm willing to bet my left foot that when your husband asked you why you went to the bank to see your ex-manager your response was - Like seriously, am I a kid,  Phew

Why would you expect him not to be mad?

OP, if it were the other way round, i think you'd feel the same. now you just have to talk to your husband and let him know you were just showing sympathy.
i'm sure your marriage is young. Communicate well with your husband and learn from the experience.
hopefully it is just a 1 time sympathy visit.
imagine his own madam saw him with you.
another wahala too.

dare2think:

-sighs-  women!

OP, Sometimes the mind plays tricks on us. Your husband is probably looking for something that is not missing. He is insecure!

Some people tend to just read meaning to simple things! He'd  probably noticed something unusual and rather than asking you, he just assumed. An innocent visit has now triggered a reaction based on his initial assumption. There is definitely more to it, and until he finds a way to communicate his insecurities and assumptions to you and hears your on side, he might repeat this same behaviour in a different way on another occasion.

Just my point of view!

Women attacking themselves so openly is not very graceful. I don't think it has anything 2 do with her husband being insecure but then people can keep their point of views. I too thought the story appeared incomplete that was why I waited till now 2 reply in the hope that she would complete it. Anyway, if things just happened like she described then all she can do is 2 ask her chairman (hubby) why he is so angry. U r his wife 4 God'd sake, sit with ur man and ask him directly what the problem is. Settle issue with him at home, u don't have 2 come here and argue or fight with other chicks about issues concerning ur home.

Thanks everyone.

Thanks everyone. Shushu is the closest to the true picture. I already settled with my hubby but couldnt help wondering if his reaction was peculiar. Hence I posted with focus on male's perspective.

I am not quarrelsome. I.just couldnt understand why someone who doesn't know me from anywhere will go on insinuating things. One can air ones view, no matter how unpleasant, without necessarily being judgemental.

@David, be ready to loose ur left foot