What is really wrong with my husband? I am Ibo and he is Yoruba. Before we got married, he talked so much about how beautiful (light skinned), intelligent, hardworking ibo ladies are. He also said an average Ibo lady knows how prepare good delicacies. He loves me and that was the reason i married him not minding our ethnic differences. After 14 months of marriage, i can say his love for me is still intact but the problem is that he is fond of calling me Sinmisola, a name i do not like. I asked him the meaning of the name and he said 'rest in wealth'. What sort of stupid name is that? I didn't marry him because i want rest in his wealth! Besides, it is not that he is wealthy, so why the name? Now, his parents too call me Sinmisola. He told me to do a change of name to Sinmisola + his surname. His Surname, Yes but why should i change my first name. Isn't he the yoruba man that love Ibo ladies so much to the extent of marrying one them? Why does he hate my Ibo name? I asked him why he wants my name changed and he said he just love it that way. I am not going to take this from him but i need mature people (married) to advice me on how to resolve this issue wisely.

You should do what you want to do. Secondly, YOU'RE the one who has to go by the name.
Not wanting his last name has nothing to do with how much you love him. It has to do with keeping your individuality.
If he loves you enough to marry you then it shouldn't be a problem.
I think it should be totally your decision, not his.
You are married, not imprisoned. If your personal identity is important to you, then he should respect that from his love for you.

@ Zitel, i want his last name but my first name is what i can not change..

LMAO!

What is in a name?Nothing.Its just the spirit of ego and stubborness worrying you both.

I don't know why your husband is insisting you change your first name to something you obviously dislike but if you too would just stop sulking and frowning,you would be able to get your husband back to his senses.I daresay the simi thing might actually be a harmful joke on his part but your rejecting it vehemently and seriously made him persist at it.

way to go:when he calls him Simi,respond with Chukwuemeka my love.hahaha
He wants you to be his simi,you want him to be your emeka,simples.

Please mellow down so that soon you guys wont fight over baby names(when they start coming).

Sinmisola is actually a nice name,

you must have brought joy and wealth to him for him to be calling you that

Call him okoronkwo. Simple as

Keep ya name, your husband wants to erase your Ibo identity. That is not cool!

sorry i meant to say first name.
its still ur choice, if u dont want to change ur first name then don't change it.

This is why i like Nairaland. I will try this today - If he calls me Sinmisola, i will call him Chukwuemeka.

@Ndidibabe, I really don't understand why your husband would want you to change your first name! Surname, yes;but first name, I am hearing that for the first time! You have to let him know that is about the last thing that is personal to you as an identity. I don't think it's cool for anyone to ask his spouse to do that. If he wasn't comfortable with it or your being Ibo in the first instance, he shouldn't have gone into the union with you.

Sinmisola may be a fine name to him, but obviously not to you. He can give you a pet name to call you, but going to the extent of asking you to change your first name is going too far. Please find out from him why he wants you to change the name and lose that identity and everything associated with it (certificates, credentials, attachment, cultural etc). Does he know the meaning of your name? Let him know if he doesn't already. The Sinmisola can be reserved for your daughter when she comes.

call him more too maybe to make him go crazy Chukwuemaka today, Egoka tomorrow, Nkemba, and many more

true sha Richy.

i have a yoruba name, hausa name, AA name, and many more.
nothing in a name. but asking her to change the name is another case.
it could cause a rift when he forces her to change the name.

Wht was the relationship btwn yu and yur husband b4 marriage as regard names, did he ever mention that to yu, wht is wrong if yu accept his request, its only a change of name and nothin more yu are stil thesame as ever, pls du for the sake of yur marriage i hp yu understand

ifyalways: LMAO!

What is in a name?Nothing.Its just the spirit of ego and stubborness worrying you both.

I don't know why your husband is insisting you change your first name to something you obviously dislike but if you too would just stop sulking and frowning,you would be able to get your husband back to his senses.I daresay the simi thing might actually be a harmful joke on his part but your rejecting it vehemently and seriously made him persist at it.

way to go:when he calls him Simi,respond with Chukwuemeka my love.hahaha
He wants you to be his simi,you want him to be your emeka,simples.

Please mellow down so that soon you guys wont fight over baby names(when they start coming).

there's nothing else i can add to this. +100.

Lol. Yoruba man wants to convert an Igbo woman to Yoruba by all means. Why he didn't go for a Sinmisola in the first place baffles me. Then again, any Igbo woman f00lish enough to settle for a yoruba man deserves whatever comes her way. This is the first sign of the kind of marriage she has gotten herself into. After one and half years of marriage, it is name change, what then would happen after say 15 years? she might then have been totally subdued and living in a cage somewhere in ogbomosho or something like that. SMH.

Ndidi, even if he is willing to change his name to Chukwuemeka don't do it. In Igboland after marriage the female goes to the mans home but the female still belongs to her father's family. Anything concerning you your relatives must be informed. I'm sure you are familiar with that part of our culture. This is another reason why if there is a problem in the marriage be call both families in a meeting to come and sit doen to that both husband and wife can state their case. What he is trying to do is unfair to your future children and the most, grandchildren. If you change you name and accept his last name, family his story will not show you as an Igbo woman,which is wrong. As time goes on the prints on Ndi Igbo in the veins of you decendents will be washed away. Your also learn to love the people(Ndi Igbo) who you are of and not just you.

@ OP. If I may ask. Is your husband a good and practicing christian. Something just popped up in my head. I have heard traditional stories from elders that names are not just names. They make or mar us. If he is not a very strong christian type, it may be that someone has actually told him that if You the woman bears the name Sinmisola, you would bring wealth his way or better put you will bring wealth the family way.

On the other hand, it may just be that the guy does not like the name Ndidi. Sorry to say I personally do not think it is the best of Igbo names also. But I believe it shouldn't be a problem for him if he loves you enuf to marry you.

My advice, try to probe as to why he doesn't like your name and marry that with the question I asked you earlier as per the level of his spirituality. More importantly, no cause Katakata for house just because of names o. at worst U go turn am to play call him Emeka or Okoro as someone had suggested.

Good luck.

I wonder why a yoruba man will end up with an ibo woman only to be complaining later.stu-pid man,didnt you see enough bolalanle,damilola,toyin,nike before going for ndidid ?

@ify always: u gave the best response

(mehn...i cant navigate thru this new layout. Couldnt find the ''insert quote'' button)

am married and will advise you to adopt the name . it is a sign of acceptance. my sister married an Ibo man and they call her by Ibo name.... Nkechi. i dont see any big deal in this .infact most times i call her by this name. if you love him , you wil not read meaning to his action. we nigerians are so quick to adopt english or other foreign names but disgusted with another nigerian name that is not from our tribe. This is ridiculous!!.
please it also seems you have many friends and family members which you relate whatever happens in your family to. this is not good as some advices from these people are based on jealousy rather than reason. try love him and forget whatever tribe you belong as you are now one . bear this in mind

Your husband actually hates your Ibo identity,point this out to him and tell him how not-s0o-cool and chauvinistic it is for him to ask you to change your first name,as if losing your last name for him is not enough.
If he denies hating your tribe and insists on calling you Simi-whatever,you go ahead and reciprocate by calling him Anukporonku

~Bluetooth:

I wonder why a yoruba man will end up with an ibo woman only to be complaining later.stu-pid man,didnt you see enough bolalanle,damilola,toyin,nike before going for ndidid ?

How did an Igbo girl stoop so low as to end up with an Yoruba man in the first place!!

Sacrilegous

My sister the word of God says submit to your husband period.Pls do, so that the love will continue.

You have to handle this with care as you at this point might look at this issue as a simple thing but this could trigger a brake up of which I pray you don't experience if care is not taken.

He should be sensitive to understand where you are coming from and MUST not change your name. Biblical, we are even advised to marry from our kindred. We only pretend here in Nigeria that we love ourselves, but deep down, we don't. How can your husband change your birth name when he is not the one that gave you that name. Every name has a meaning. Forget if Simisola meant wealth, it has it's own meaning spiritually. Is your husband using you spiritually to acquire wealth to your own detriment? People could be funny at times while pretending. You must ex-ray this physically and spiritually. Since you already retain his surname, he should allow you retain your birth name because your parents knew why that name was given to you and you became someone today through your own destiny. Names do affect people spiritually. I suggest you refuse this name. If he wants to call you that as pet name or whatever, then let it be but not to change your birth name.
Discuss this with your mother and also let him know that you cannot accommodate the new name no matter how sweet the name might sound to you or other people. Do not sell off your destiny and be very careful and try to know who your husband is. NOTE, love is not blind. You must shine your eyes. That slogan, Love is blind has expired. It was in the olden days. Not this generation.

I knew a family where a man suddenly became so rich, opened a big pure water company and and other investment for himself and bought a car for his wife with a thriving business. The wife always fall sick most of the times that the parents of the young woman went to a church and was told that the hands of their daughter's husband are not clean. The parents of the lady invited the lady home and opened up what they were told. The lady now told her parents that her husband started making love to her only when she was menstruating and she asked him why this attitude and he told her that he enjoys having fun with her under that situation. When this issue got blown up,the lady took her children and ran away. All of a sudden, the investments the guy had started closing up and his cars grounded and eventually the company folded up.

The guy was using the wife's destiny to make wealth while killing his wife. Women should be careful when they are going into marriage with some kind of individuals.

@Okija_Juju

Have you sunk this low, never took you for a tribalist sha, in Yoruba land when we marry, we are truly married, the woman becomes part of the family and can be given a native name, the name your husband has chosen is a good one, if you are not happy with it, you need to sit him down and let him know, you do not need to formally change your name (that is going a little bit too far) but, the family members will call you by that sinmisola which is no big deal anyway, when Christian ladies marry muslims, their names are islamised, this is nothing to get worked up about, you still have a lot of challenges ahead of you, this trifling one should not become a major one.

Very funny but pathetic and wicked, this how my cousin died in the hand of a Yoruba Man after 5 yrs of marriage. Watch out ppl are behind this not ur husband. b4 you know it they will be sending juju to u every night (if they r not xtains or fake).

Watz there! Ndidi Sinmisola Surname

n

U call him Chibuzor/Chinedu/Chidebere/Chike W!

hercules07: @Okija_Juju

Have you sunk this low, never took you for a tribalist sha, in Yoruba land when we marry, we are truly married, the woman becomes part of the family and can be given a native name, the name your husband has chosen is a good one, if you are not happy with it, you need to sit him down and let him know, you do not need to formally change your name (that is going a little bit too far) but, the family members will call you by that sinmisola which is no big deal anyway, when Christian ladies marry muslims, their names are islamised, this is nothing to get worked up about, you still have a lot of challenges ahead of you, this trifling one should not become a major one.

Im sorry if I dissapointed you with my rebuttal, but I see that some Ofemmaus have taken delight in attacking Ndi Igbos and I think its my place to defend my people.

Anyway, I hear you. . A married woman getting a pet name isnt strange. . . But what I and other Ndi Igbos would not stand for is the enslavement of our daughter in the name of marriage. Thats the same way the Whiteman changed Kunta Kintes name to Tobi. .

If she dosent want to be addressed by that Yoruba name, then why cant they respect her desire?! And where does her Yoruba husband get off asking her to formally change her name to the one given to her by himself and his kinsmen. .

My sister the word of God says submit to your husband period.Pls do, so that the love will continue.

See this Calabar dog eater o!!

What nonsense is that?! Submit what?!

Mbok if you dont have something to talk, mbok keep quiet. . _{in calabar accent}

Akpanbaba,
abeg no take laff kill me. So women should submit to their husbands so she should keep quiet and take whatever name he gives her? What if he decides to call her gorrilla or monkey? Should she submit and take the name without complaining?
Submit ko, submit ni. Rubbish

ifyalways: LMAO!

What is in a name?Nothing.Its just the spirit of ego and stubborness worrying you both.

I don't know why your husband is insisting you change your first name to something you obviously dislike but if you too would just stop sulking and frowning,you would be able to get your husband back to his senses.I daresay the simi thing might actually be a harmful joke on his part but your rejecting it vehemently and seriously made him persist at it.

way to go:when he calls him Simi,respond with Chukwuemeka my love.hahaha
He wants you to be his simi,you want him to be your emeka,simples.

Please mellow down so that soon you guys wont fight over baby names(when they start coming).

Chukwuemeka is a porshe Igbo name jor!!

She should call him EbubeDike