PART ONE

Back in the days at Onitsha, i stayed behind Mallam osumanu's house.
Mallam osumanu had this fine daughter Ramatu.
Ramatu was sooo pretty i couldnt resist her so i had to propose to her.
I proposed to her finally but she told me she couldnt date a christian. . . grin grin grin grin grin

PART TWO

Now, when i realised i couldnt get this hot babe for " dinner" grin i consulted my good friend pele.
Pele gave me a master plan.
I knew Ramatu always sat under one big acacia tree beside their house to pound yam.
With the aid of friends and sympathizers, i dug a huge pit under the chair under the tree, scraped a whole through the chair and covered the pit with roofin sheets and sand.
i did it sooo cleverly that, you wouldnt notice it. . . grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

PART THREE

IT was evening and ramatu came under th e tree to pound yam.My rod was already inside the hole soooooooooo hard.
she sat right on it, omg it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sweeeeeeeeeeeeet she began moaning and felt very sleepy.i did it like i was maaaaaaad ;DRamatu's mother noticed her asleep and asked " why are you sleeping ramatu?" she replied " i have exams to write tommorrow"










PART FOUR

Now this went on and on and on but Ramatu never knew i was the one behind her excitements.
Anytime she saw me in town, she wouldnt even greet me and all that.
so one hoooooooooot afternoon, Ramatu came under the tree to pound yam.
She sat on my thing, and i began the to and fro movement.
this time she was enjoying it too much so she fell asleep and left the yam unpounded.
Her mother was sooo angry and came to the scene.
She insulted and beat up Ramatu for sleeping and drove her off the seat though Ramatu was reluctant at first.
So her mother, Mrs osumanu sat on the seat to pound it herself. . grin grin grin grin grin grin

PART FIVE

Now mrs osumanu sat firmly on my thing.
i began the to an fro.
she was speechless for a while.
Ramatu was watching jelously.
mrs Osumanu started moaning " Ramatu thats why you sleep ooo" she said this several times and Ramatu was very angry at her mum.60 minutes later, mrs Osumanu left and there was a quarrel between her and Ramatu.
I went there after gone to change my self to ask why they were quarreling and they all said it was a small family matter, so i left. . grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin


PART SIX

Now one hot afternoon, Ramatu returned from school.
There was some yam to be pounded, she went for them eager to come and pound but just as she was about to leave the kitchen, her mum grabbed the yam from her and shouted " didnt you see someone is ready to pound these yams?"
This started a quarrel.
They quarreled and fought and quarreled over who must pound the yam till Papa Osumanu himself arrived home.
" why are u quarreling with Ramatu?" he inquired
There was no answer and from there, there was complete silence.
I was eagerly waiting in the pit for my "lunch" Grin Grin
Before i realised, there was someone one the seat.
i began smiling in the pit and moved my "rod" through the whole.
But it hit one hard thing, " snake!!!"Papa osumanu got up from the seat and yelled.
i came out from my pit and took to my heels.

PART SEVEN
Now two months later, i was passing by the Osumanu's house and noticed something strange.
Ramatu was pregnant.
mrs Osumanu was also pregnant."wow!, these are my babies" i thought.
But how do i claim Them? since nobody knew i was the one behind all the "pounding escapades"
i consulted the oracle at Onitscha and the oracle told me if i wanted the babies, i must bring two testes of a tortoise, a monkey's rib, one live crocodile, my landlord's early morning urine and two bottles of shnapps.
it kept me wondering. . .


PART EIGHT

Now i left the oracle, and for two weeks, i still couldnt get some of the items the fetish priest asked me to get.So i went back to him and told him.He suddenly got up from his seat and yelled at me "you either go and bring those items or you go madddd!!!".I was shivering, soooooooooooooooo much scared.where would i get testes of a tortoise, a monkey's rib, a live crocodile, and all that.so i told him i was no longer interested in claiming the babies any longer but he again yelled "you must get the babies nowwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!"
i was so so so so frightened, so i again asked him if i couldnt pay everything in cash and he replied "now you are talking" He brought out one big leaf which he said was the calculator of the gods, made some incantations and said everything would cost 5000naira.I begged for a reduction so he did his incantations again to beg the gods to reduce the amount.When he finished he told me the gods had been angered by the reduction request so they had increased it 10 000 naira.
i fainted. . . .. . . .. .

RAMATU PART NINE

Now hours later, i regaine d conciousness and finally agreed to pay the said sum to the gods.
Ileft for the house and was thinking how to raise the 10000 naira.
i finally had an idea.
In the night, when it was around 11pm, i tip-toed to baba issa's pen.Baba issa had sooooooo many goats with odour.I looked through and so this faaaaaaaaaaat one.i grabbed it by the left leg and wanted to bleat so i wrapped my hankerchief and put it in its mouth.it was very heavy, i managed to carry it to my house.
Next day, i heard an announcement that a goat was missing.I went to baba issa's compound and lots of people converged there expressing their worries and sympathy about the theft.one man uncle mike saw me and asked "have you heard about the theft?" i said " oh!, hmmm, na only Allah go punish whoever stole this goat ooo".i expressed my condolense to baba issa and left.That same day, i saw a poster on the street with the missing goat's picture with an inscription "missing, find him and get a handsome reward".I laghed throughout the night.
Now when it was 11 pm, i left my house again and tip-toed to baba issah's pen with my sack and torchlight.
i looked through well well and saw another fiiiiiiiiine goat.
i grabbed it by the legs, it was bow-legged, covered its mouth and pushed it into my sack.

RAMATU PART 10

Now within three days, i had stolen seven goats from baba issa's pen and was still thirsty for more.
so as usual, it was 11pm and i took my sack and left for baba issa's pen.
it was until i got to the site that i realised i had left my torchlight in the house.
i decided to forget about it and make way for my 8th booty.
i looked through the pen and saw blurred images of various goats.i spotted an unusually fat one so did the sign of cross and entered the pen.
i grabbed it and carried it on my head since it was toooooooooooo fat.
the moment i stepped out of the pen i experienced one haaaaaaaaaaaard sharp slap on my right cheek so i dropped the booty.it was a human being i was carrying.
my body's temperature rose abnormally so i took to my heels with the guy giving me one hooooooooot chase.
i was sweating like a pregnant fish and the guy was still chasing me with usual chants "thief, thiefoooo!!!, thief, thief " waking up everybody to join me in the chase

PART 11

Now almost everybody in the vicinity was awake chasing.
they finally caught me, and i swear i cant forget the beatings that night
one guy i felt his punches soooooooooo much was pozo, the painter.The only good news about the beating was that, because it was dark nobody really recognised me.
i was sooooo weak and tired so fell unto the ground and pretended to be dead,.this made them hold on for a bit and by the time they realised, i took to my heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels



watch out for part 12

what is this?

*ignores the rabid bull above me*

funny, interesting, weird imagination and more

nice fiction

am i suppose to laf at all dis shittttt?

*claps him*
pa pa papapa pa

hahahahaha,wetin be this eh?? kai nairaland no go kill person,this 1 na joke or a yoke??

hehehe, walahi u tried!!

Nice Jokes . . . .Kip it up man

Yu fucker, wats the punch line please....na nollywood u dey?

swtchicgurl: what is this?

u wanna know? well scroll down







it is your faeces! twerp!

bin gbagbo:

u wanna know? well scroll down

it is your faeces! twerp!

point of correction, its not my faeces, its ur scrotum!

swtchicgurl:

point of correction, its not my faeces, its ur scrotum!

indecent indisciplined imbbeccile!!!