ffddee

Gosh this is a problem
what does your brother think of your relationship with this woman
are your parents (both sides) aware of your relationship
Why is the fact that your brother slept with her in the past now bothering you after i asume a long relationship

By the way how and why did you hook up with your brother's ex if this issuue was on your mind this whole time


depending on your answers, you will get some good advice

You should have thought about all this before you started sleeping with her.  This is highly incestous! Your brother having slept with her may come back in the future to continue where he stopped having tasted the "pudding" or is it the "pie"?   I really would like to talk to this girl's parents, then yours. Any marriage plans should be discouraged before you bring more people like you into the world.  What do you know about love and making yourself happy when you have started out with a most "unholy" blunder?

But this is just unpleasant. I really blame the girl though.  Of all the men in this world. 2 brothers?  What is so special about the males in your family that this girl wants to sleep with them all?   And the sad part is that you are older and should have known better.  Let us see how long she is going to make you happy before you start using this sordid past to insult her and her family.  Look, just get away from it all--for you all messed up.  All 3 of you should never speak to each other again.

I cannot just imagine giving 2 brothers the privilege of getting into my underwear in one life time.  Even if I were attacked, I will have to kill one or both of them without anyone knowing in this world.  What crock!

hear yourself again.I just don't know the kind of virus spreading around your emotions.You will surely live to remember it and why not save yourself from intermitent and lasting disturbing moods.picture it this way, just picture how your wanna be wife would have moaned when your smart bother was chopping her ooshy.Could you imagine that his friends might have been at the window or somewhere watching a life performance.I suggest u Leave her and find another woman.do you know how many girls Nigeria recorded at the last census, if you can't find yorubas,you have nupes,if ibos are that scarce for u,u have igalas and so on like thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.But if your symptoms(love) persist after several days you are on your own oh.

dovidylan:

Almond baby

how big is your undies - i wish to get in o - not only to get in but to lie there yakata - i am sure it will be heavenly.

Enough for you and 3 of your friends weighing 250lbs each. Like them line backers  Just leave your brothers at home!  Y'all will have the swim of your lives!   Just don't come alone for you may need a rescue team to revive you often.

Go to church!
Pray for deliverance

Na only Jehovah God fit help you, not Nairaland. If na me, kai walahi I wouldn't be caught marrying her. Are there not other girls in the street or house since u like playing home matches

A knotty issue if you ask me, but personally, i feel you should follow your heart. We do many foolish things, which if it were possible, we would wish we could turn back the hands of time. Due to our norms and cultural inclinations in our part of the world, i would advice you to think long and hard about the course you are following, and if you still believe in it, then do what your heart tells you to do.

why don't u all try and look at this matter from another angle why just go ahead blastering words on the poor guys head.

My dear poaster i will like to come to realise some today that "our past dosn't matter but our future do" so don't let the past judge you.
       
           Wake up and look up to the bright side of life and be a man whom you claim to be, for where we find ourselves in life today is a direct result of our dessions(choises)

            So man i would like you to follow your heath as cybersleek rightly puts it.

cybersleek:

I feel you should follow your heart. think long and hard about the course you are following, and if you still believe in it, then do what your heart tells you to do.

             My dad use say somthing! "If you really want some then go get don't anything between you and that thing"

Wish you all the best as you take a "dission" because it does counts.

fffff

@Sabmack,i undesrtand how you feel but trust me you will be doing the lady a favour by leaving her now

For now,you claim you can't leave without her but i can see you going back to this issue everytime she does something wrong years after your marriage,the truth is you can't forget about it.
Every little suspicion in later life brings back this issue, thats the way guys are
If i were the girl,i will prefer to face the consequences now than in later life,you only think you can cope with this now but after marriage when all these feelings aint new,you try to recollect the good times you have had so as to keep the relationship going and you are definitely going to remember this incidence.

How will she relate with your so-called younger brother.

my dear i will advice you to seek god before you make this decision. it is very sensitive i must tell you.

@Sabmack,
I will like to structure my own view this way. Though the question might be technical, but that shouldn't bothered me.  
"Life is all about choice". Why can't you follow your mindset?
Remember, "yesterday is a memory; tomorrow is an anticipatory thing, but, today is your own".
Man, why can't you take your time and think about this problem?
If u believe and strongly believe that it will not affect your marriage in the nearest future, then, go ahead.

@ poster

Leave the poor girl alone. What is wrong if she had an encounter with you brother?

how was she supposed to know she would be involved with you in the future?

People like you really annoy me, making a noise about nothing.

Don't blame your lack of confidence on the poor lady.

She'll be better off without you!

Before you make conclude plans to marry her I would advise you to answer these questions.

1. Would she fall for my younger brother in the near future if we get married?

2. Can I tolerate it when I see both of them together even if it’s just a mere discussion?

3. Is she using me as a passage to get back to him?

4. Can she resist him if he approaches her?

5. How close where they in the past and what was the cause of their breakup?

6. Would I refuse to accommodate my younger brother into my home if he needs shelter in the near future because of the flirt he had with my wife in the past?

Your brain is crowded with anesthetic emotions that makes you think you can't be happy without her.

The truth is if you take your mind off her now, you will surely find someone else that will equally make you happy if not happier, and you will save the girl and yourself a heartache that will inevitably come.

sabmack:

The issue now is that I can't imagine a life without her. We love each other so much. She always cry each time we talk about what happened. She wish it never happened. Life without each other looks really miserable. I have a serious pain in my heart and I wish what happened never took place. Her Mum knew everything including her sisters and they wish too that we can come together. I try to forget her and look for another woman but it has not been easy. I am thinking of making plans for us to travel abroad and leave our lives together. Is there no way past mistake can be corrected.

Are you not Nigerians?---who do not forget anything that happened in the past?  Wait till the the little children in your village start clapping after all three of you.  I guess you will be happy then.

The fact that you are on Nairaland to discuss this means you have reservations about the matter.  If you did not care, you would have married yourselves and not even bothered who cares or not.

There is no room for privacy or respect if you guys ever get married since this has become a "family affair".  You will never live to hear the last of it.  I just can't imagine living like that with something at the back of my head to defend all the time.

If you were in a western country I would not have bothered.  When they forget--they really forgive and forget without qualms.  But as Nigerians especially---lai lai!

Wait for the insults to start flying around between you and this babe, between you and your brother or between your brother and the babe. It is one thing to make a mistake--but another thing to live inside that mistake.  You will regret it someday.

Or better still all three of you!  What an ngwo-gwo soup of an affair!  I can understand making a mistake by sleeping with 2 brothers but marry one of them after that?---Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Just for my sanity---or what is left of it--that can never happen as a female!

It's unfortunate that sometimes we make mistakes at a very young age that hunts us forever. You have fallen in love with the wrong person. My friends call it wrong emotional investment.

She's not particularly a wrong person though but for the fact that your brother had it with her makes it totally wrong for you to marry her or even have it with her at all.

Fact is that you'll never be able to trust her with your brother as well as anything can happen in your absence. There's always going to be that perculier familiarity between your brother and this lady. It's going to be like they share the same secret as you share with her.
So, for the health of your future family, sit this lady down, have a good talk with her and both of you should see that it is totally wrong for you to be in this relationship. It's unfortunate but she has also been not so wise. Now two brothers would have slept with her and she can't have non of them. The loss is hers.

your parents wont like her if they know she F ed your brother and her family will think less of her too unless you are super rich but if both famillies dont mind then you can go ahead and marry her.

i think the pertinent question every1 is missing here is; how old were they (your brother and the lady in question) when they did it!
there's a particular period in every1's life when one cannot be held fully responsible for one's actions, it's called innocence, or naivety, or even ignorance, if u like!
i can't believe nairalanders will berate this chap without even asking this first and basic question, how old were they?

i think the pertinent question every1 is missing here is; how old were they (your brother and the lady in question) when they did it!
there's a particular period in every1's life when one cannot be held fully responsible for one's actions, it's called innocence, or naivety, or even ignorance, if u like!
i can't believe nairalanders will berate this chap without even asking this first and basic question, how old were they?

men if u really love each other,i dont see anything wrong in marrying her

yemivictor:

i think the pertinent question everyone is missing here is; how old were they (your brother and the lady in question) when they did it!
there's a particular period in everyone's life when one cannot be held fully responsible for one's actions, it's called innocence, or naivety, or even ignorance, if u like!
i can't believe nairalanders will berate this chap without even asking this first and basic question, how old were they?

Trust me, if they can have sex--they are fully grown.

Don't marrer what the age is--this union is cursed!

hey, we all av our past d gud n d bad. if their is a sign of change n remorse of the past 4rm her,go n ahead n marry ur luv. the devil u know is btttr than the angel u , (fillin the gap). nobody holy past ooooooooooooooooo (even u guy sef)

hhhh

Pig!

Signs of the times!  Having sex in Secondary schools--I am sure with all your "African values" you have overtaken your western counterparts and started at the day care having MouthAction with your child minders or babysitters!

This is a case of insecurity. i don't understand why a past relationship of someone should now become an instrument to judge her.

For goodness sake, this guy is just making me sick by making a fuss out of nothing.

When he was dating this girl didn't he know she had had a relationship with his younger brother? NO.

Now that he is ready to marry he is bring out stupid excuses.

@ poster

If you knew you were such an insecure person why did you go for her in the first place?

Don't tell me you didn't know about the "story" because i don't believe.

You are a big-time waster.

Geez, grow up!

hh

Don't worry you will soon get it when you have to go do a DNA profile on all your children to determine which is yours and which belongs to your "junior" brother. Infact make sure you name all your kids "junior"!!!!

Nihil-ce-M:

This is a case of insecurity. i don't understand why a past relationship of someone should now become an instrument to judge her.

For goodness sake, this guy is just making me sick by making a fuss out of nothing.

When he was dating this girl didn't he know she had had a relationship with his younger brother? NO.

Now that he is ready to marry he is bring out stupid excuses.

@ poster

If you knew you were such an insecure person why did you go for her in the first place?

Don't tell me you didn't know about the "story" because i don't believe.

You are a big-time waster.

Geez, grow up!

Marry what?  I hope you realize that this drama or "super story" character of a poster said the "girl" is still in secondary school--probably at 25 years of age?   Please she should just finish up with the sexual parade, cure the itch between her legs and continue with her education.  These guys obviously are used to eating from the same plate.  She needs to concentrate on her studies and get rid of both of them.

Would any sane parent agree to this?  Infact I would think that I have failed my daughter somewhere and I need to work on her some more, while I make sure that is the last family my daughter marries from.  I now understand how Patience Ozokwor feels in many of these Nigerian home videos,  I have never visited a Babalawo--but I think I will make an exception in this case.  That thing between them must be erased from their memories--for good!  The end result is that all of us might end up as cripples--I can live with that!

I would!

My daughter may be a-she-wo goat but the last thing I will do is to make sure she ends up in a family of bonafide "he goats".  What will they do next?  Climb into my bed or my grandchildren's beds? Where do they draw the line?

No other set of men in this whole world but 2 brothers?

uuuuunnnn

Thank you for the clarification. Please tell me she finished her youth service too.

I said over my dead body will I let you or any of person from your village in my neighbourhood. If we happen to come from the same village--We will gladly relocate for you. In as much as I love men--there are some that I would not touch with a 10 foot pole and you happen to fall in that catergory and I will kill my daughter first before I let her hook up with you!

If you run away with her, I will find her and kill her--and you can go your merry way for your own parents to find what to do with you!