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Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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My top 5 funniest jokes ever!!! / My top 3 Jokes ever!!! / Funniest Jokes Ever (2) (3) (4)

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Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 5:51pm On May 29, 2012
(1) Where a man Happily meet a lady and when she
goes back to her friends, their only question was "Is
the guy loaded?
(2) Where leaders pretend to be patriotic when they
are in office, out of office, they will turn to ethnic
tigers.
(3) Where a blind beggar will reject a fake naira note.
(4) Where Groundnuts are sold in Bottles & Waters
sold in Satchets.
(5) Where parents claim they always came first
position in school.
(6) Where You Can Be A Driver For Years Without A
'DRIVER's LICENCE'
(7) Where Presidents and other government officials
don't know the national anthem.
(cool Where the Police on a road block makes more
money a day than motorist and their owners.
(9) Where Gala and Lacasera is the best option when
stuck in traffic jams (hold up).
(10) Where you are jailed for stealing Maggi and yam
and others given a chieftancy title for stealing billions
and Front row seat in churches.
(11) Where we fight for everything. To gain admission
to university, to get a job and to enter a bus!
(12) Where you are robbed of your phone and the
robbers come back for your Pin code and the charger.
(13) Where politicians use big unnecessary grammar
to scam people.
(14) Where your type of GENERATOR shows how
RICH you are.
(15) Where you can easily blame your unsuccessfulnes
on family members in the village.
(16) Where rich men must have a pot belly, and a
healthy looking, slim Man is despised in the street as a
pauper.
(17) Where if you where do anyhow you see anyhow.
(18) Where generator is a social amenity.
(19) Where people dey collect change for beggar hand.
(20) Where People produce Toyota Camry jeans and
Dr. Dre slippers
(21) Where the man who had no shoes becomes the
president.
(22) Where a 60-yr-old grandpa is a National youth
leader of a party (PDP).
(23) Where citizens are more afraid of Police than
Armed robbers.
(24) Where a civil servant saves $544,000 in her bank
from Pure Water business in just 2 years.
We are always proud to be called Nigerians despite all
these odds.
Naija For Life.

4 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 7:40pm On Jun 15, 2012
NIGERIA....My beloved country, where people.....
(Add urs)
~ Check d expiry date of gala after eating it.
~ Go to church with extension and BB
charger (charging in his presence).
... ~ Update on BBM "about 2 cross", get hit by a
car and still update "dying tinz"
~ Say an opening prayer at nite clubs
~ Go to an eatery and buy bottled water just
to watch a soccer match.
~ Go to a Shoprite, buy a bottle of coke and
spend 30mins snapping with champagne
bottles.
~ Dress in complete rainbow colours like its
rag day and call it colour blocking.
~ Count money after withdrawing from an
ATM (we trust no one, not even machines).
~ Wear head warmers at 45 degrees celsius.
Keep it rolling...

2 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Nobody: 10:21pm On Jun 15, 2012
lol
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Lolajoy(f): 5:08pm On Jun 16, 2012
Where a yoruba girl knelt down in front of an ATM machine after collecting money 4rm an ATM machine.Yoruba girls have respect.

1 Like

Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 6:28pm On Jun 16, 2012
Lolajoy: Where a yoruba girl knelt down in front of an ATM machine after collecting money 4rm an ATM machine.Yoruba girls have respect.
Hahahahahahahahahha!!!
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Nobody: 6:36pm On Jun 16, 2012
nice write up
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 6:42pm On Jun 16, 2012
^^^ Thanks @Vicky...
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Nobody: 6:56pm On Jun 16, 2012
[size=20pt]ya welcome smiley[/size]
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by toygod2: 10:57pm On Jun 16, 2012
Where ZEBRA CROSSING is now a DANGEROUS CROSSING
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by clemzy012(m): 11:02pm On Jun 16, 2012
cashless economy
one day some thieves broke into our
house.the following conversation
ensued:
Thief 1: open dis door or else I will
break it down.
Father: plsssssssssssssssss..., I will open d door.
Thief 1: where is d money u kept in dis
house?
Father: cashhhhhlesssss economy... Pls
don't kill us.
Thief 1: Hahahaahahahahah.... Fool!, ur credit card or ur life.... Or else I will kill
u
father: Yepah! Mogbe!! Wat will u do
wit credit card... We don't have ATM
machine in our house keee...
Thief 1: shut up!... Akpos, (turning 2 thief 2), give me d POS machine and let
him dis old fool insert is card into it...
gringringrin
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 10:15am On Jun 17, 2012
What's a POS Machine?
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 2:50pm On Jun 17, 2012
A Blind Man bought a television.
A Deaf Man bought a radio.
A Dumb Man bought a walkie-talkie. People,
Who's the wisest among this Men?.
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 1:25pm On Aug 09, 2012
MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH.
*ABEG DRESS BACK.
*If I hear pim, u go hear
weeen.
*Have they BROUGHT light?
*The FILM is SWEET
*Pls help me SLOW that fan
*Mummy HAVE come
*I'll tell my daddy FOR YOU
*Have you paid your school
fees money?
*See as you BAFF up
*Put the bread inside LYLON
*I strong KAKARAKA
*Oya come and be going
*I KUKUMA don't have your
time
*Shebi you have BB charger
*See how her eye is entering
my food
*Did you see the sound of my
ringtone?
*I know you have come since
bcoz I hear
your perfume.
Oya add your own ...lets hv fun..Good morning Peepz

6 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by bbporsche: 3:14pm On Aug 09, 2012
Dondav got me laffing. u r too much

1 Like 2 Shares

Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by leggyb(m): 11:01am On Aug 12, 2012
[quote author=Dondav]What's a POS Machine?
Pay-On-Sale machine; a portable machine dat alows 1 to credit one's account using your credit card

1 Like

Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 7:57am On Aug 14, 2012
[quote author=leggyb][/quote]
Oh! I gerrit now
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 7:58am On Aug 14, 2012
Dondav: MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH.
*ABEG DRESS BACK.
*If I hear pim, u go hear
weeen.
*Have they BROUGHT light?
*The FILM is SWEET
*Pls help me SLOW that fan
*Mummy HAVE come
*I'll tell my daddy FOR YOU
*Have you paid your school
fees money?
*See as you BAFF up
*Put the bread inside LYLON
*I strong KAKARAKA
*Oya come and be going
*I KUKUMA don't have your
time
*Shebi you have BB charger
*See how her eye is entering
my food
*Did you see the sound of my
ringtone?
*I know you have come since
bcoz I hear
your perfume.
Oya add your own ...lets hv fun..Good morning Peepz

Guys, Keep it rolling....
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Ashma: 10:46am On Aug 17, 2012
....where ladies call their fathers' age-mate baby.
.....where debts are used to pay for transanction.
.....where the honourobbers are called"honourables".
......every rich hausa man is alhaji and the poor ones aboki.
......where garri is considered the poor man's food and rice the rich man's food..
...,..where we have toilet and the flush doesn't work.
.....where we pay for the government/public bore-hole.
.....where animals bear human name....

1 Like

Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by JojoArmani(m): 11:27am On Aug 17, 2012
Nice Joke man. Me Likey

1 Like

Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Help4rmme2u(m): 7:40am On Mar 16, 2015
Why Nigerian Girls are so Greedy...

I have been sending chat msgs to this
gal as in
“hi”, “hey”, “xup” …since 2009 but
she has
neva replied me! Today i sent,
“232252536421162” to her and after 3mins
she replied “xup handsome, pls which
network
airtime is dis?” And i replied, “its a
NOKIA
torch light serial number” …. and she blocked
me immediately. Pls have I said
anything bad?
Source: http://ngreports.com/joke-why-are-nigerian-girls-so-greedy/
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Help4rmme2u(m): 7:41am On Mar 16, 2015
The missing part...


Interviewer: Where were you born?
Akpos: Lagos
Interviewer: Which part?
Akpos: What do you mean which part? The
whole
body was born in Lagos.

Source: http://ngreports.com/funny-apkos-jokes-the-missing-part/

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Help4rmme2u(m): 7:53am On Mar 16, 2015
Naija Jokes:

A man escapes from prison where he has been
for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for
money and guns and finds a young couple in
bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a
chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on
top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and
goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at
his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in
jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw
how he kissed your neck.” If he wants s*x, don’t
resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells
you. Satisfy him no matter how much he
nauseates you. This guy is probably very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll k*ll us. Be
strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing
my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told
me he was gay, thought you were cute, and
asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it
was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love
you too!!”
Source: http://ngreports.com/jokes-the-excaped-convict/

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Help4rmme2u(m): 2:32pm On Dec 01, 2015
Jokes:- Pilot and the Mad Man A pilot was transporting a bunch of madmen from Lagos to a psychiatric facility in Johannesburg, South Africa. The madmen were making noise and suddenly, one of them entered the Pilot’s Cabin; MADMAN: Teach me how to fly a plane! PILOT: I would, but under one condition. MADMAN: What? PILOT: If you can get your colleagues to keep quiet. (5 minutes later, the plane was eerily quiet!) PILOT: Wow! How did you get them to keep quiet? MADMAN: I opened the door and asked them to go and play outside! See more interesting jokes here
http://ngreports.com/category/jokes
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by stineman: 5:43pm On Aug 23, 2016
It is boring for human being to read
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by chaktty: 7:32pm On Dec 06, 2016
Get the most collection of all naija jokes put together in app and the best apps are here
http://www.wificallingiphone.com/2016/11/akpos-best-jokes.html
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Khaytunechi: 9:46am On Dec 07, 2016
grin
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Damilaredrey24(m): 11:39am On May 22, 2017
Where Police go dey ask truck load carrier. "Wey Our Money"
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by kindim(m): 4:31pm On May 22, 2017
Dondav:
MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH.
*ABEG DRESS BACK.
*If I hear pim, u go hear
weeen.
*Have they BROUGHT light?
*The FILM is SWEET
*Pls help me SLOW that fan
*Mummy HAVE come
*I'll tell my daddy FOR YOU
*Have you paid your school
fees money?
*See as you BAFF up
*Put the bread inside LYLON
*I strong KAKARAKA
*Oya come and be going
*I KUKUMA don't have your
time
*Shebi you have BB charger
*See how her eye is entering
my food
*Did you see the sound of my
ringtone?
*I know you have come since
bcoz I hear
your perfume.
Oya add your own ...lets hv fun..Good morning Peepz
you dey mad i swear... Sabi man
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by booksrite(f): 10:00pm On Jun 29, 2019
bbporsche:
Dondav got me laffing. u r too much

grin

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