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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! (142126 Views)
My top 5 funniest jokes ever!!! / My top 3 Jokes ever!!! / Funniest Jokes Ever (2) (3) (4)
Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 5:51pm On May 29, 2012 |
(1) Where a man Happily meet a lady and when she goes back to her friends, their only question was "Is the guy loaded? (2) Where leaders pretend to be patriotic when they are in office, out of office, they will turn to ethnic tigers. (3) Where a blind beggar will reject a fake naira note. (4) Where Groundnuts are sold in Bottles & Waters sold in Satchets. (5) Where parents claim they always came first position in school. (6) Where You Can Be A Driver For Years Without A 'DRIVER's LICENCE' (7) Where Presidents and other government officials don't know the national anthem. ( Where the Police on a road block makes more money a day than motorist and their owners. (9) Where Gala and Lacasera is the best option when stuck in traffic jams (hold up). (10) Where you are jailed for stealing Maggi and yam and others given a chieftancy title for stealing billions and Front row seat in churches. (11) Where we fight for everything. To gain admission to university, to get a job and to enter a bus! (12) Where you are robbed of your phone and the robbers come back for your Pin code and the charger. (13) Where politicians use big unnecessary grammar to scam people. (14) Where your type of GENERATOR shows how RICH you are. (15) Where you can easily blame your unsuccessfulnes on family members in the village. (16) Where rich men must have a pot belly, and a healthy looking, slim Man is despised in the street as a pauper. (17) Where if you where do anyhow you see anyhow. (18) Where generator is a social amenity. (19) Where people dey collect change for beggar hand. (20) Where People produce Toyota Camry jeans and Dr. Dre slippers (21) Where the man who had no shoes becomes the president. (22) Where a 60-yr-old grandpa is a National youth leader of a party (PDP). (23) Where citizens are more afraid of Police than Armed robbers. (24) Where a civil servant saves $544,000 in her bank from Pure Water business in just 2 years. We are always proud to be called Nigerians despite all these odds. Naija For Life. 4 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 7:40pm On Jun 15, 2012 |
NIGERIA....My beloved country, where people..... (Add urs) ~ Check d expiry date of gala after eating it. ~ Go to church with extension and BB charger (charging in his presence). ... ~ Update on BBM "about 2 cross", get hit by a car and still update "dying tinz" ~ Say an opening prayer at nite clubs ~ Go to an eatery and buy bottled water just to watch a soccer match. ~ Go to a Shoprite, buy a bottle of coke and spend 30mins snapping with champagne bottles. ~ Dress in complete rainbow colours like its rag day and call it colour blocking. ~ Count money after withdrawing from an ATM (we trust no one, not even machines). ~ Wear head warmers at 45 degrees celsius. Keep it rolling... 2 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Nobody: 10:21pm On Jun 15, 2012 |
lol |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Lolajoy(f): 5:08pm On Jun 16, 2012 |
Where a yoruba girl knelt down in front of an ATM machine after collecting money 4rm an ATM machine.Yoruba girls have respect. 1 Like |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 6:28pm On Jun 16, 2012 |
Lolajoy: Where a yoruba girl knelt down in front of an ATM machine after collecting money 4rm an ATM machine.Yoruba girls have respect.Hahahahahahahahahha!!! |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Nobody: 6:36pm On Jun 16, 2012 |
nice write up |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 6:42pm On Jun 16, 2012 |
^^^ Thanks @Vicky... |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Nobody: 6:56pm On Jun 16, 2012 |
[size=20pt]ya welcome [/size] |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by toygod2: 10:57pm On Jun 16, 2012 |
Where ZEBRA CROSSING is now a DANGEROUS CROSSING |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by clemzy012(m): 11:02pm On Jun 16, 2012 |
cashless economy one day some thieves broke into our house.the following conversation ensued: Thief 1: open dis door or else I will break it down. Father: plsssssssssssssssss..., I will open d door. Thief 1: where is d money u kept in dis house? Father: cashhhhhlesssss economy... Pls don't kill us. Thief 1: Hahahaahahahahah.... Fool!, ur credit card or ur life.... Or else I will kill u father: Yepah! Mogbe!! Wat will u do wit credit card... We don't have ATM machine in our house keee... Thief 1: shut up!... Akpos, (turning 2 thief 2), give me d POS machine and let him dis old fool insert is card into it... |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 10:15am On Jun 17, 2012 |
What's a POS Machine? |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 2:50pm On Jun 17, 2012 |
A Blind Man bought a television. A Deaf Man bought a radio. A Dumb Man bought a walkie-talkie. People, Who's the wisest among this Men?. |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 1:25pm On Aug 09, 2012 |
MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH. *ABEG DRESS BACK. *If I hear pim, u go hear weeen. *Have they BROUGHT light? *The FILM is SWEET *Pls help me SLOW that fan *Mummy HAVE come *I'll tell my daddy FOR YOU *Have you paid your school fees money? *See as you BAFF up *Put the bread inside LYLON *I strong KAKARAKA *Oya come and be going *I KUKUMA don't have your time *Shebi you have BB charger *See how her eye is entering my food *Did you see the sound of my ringtone? *I know you have come since bcoz I hear your perfume. Oya add your own ...lets hv fun..Good morning Peepz 6 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by bbporsche: 3:14pm On Aug 09, 2012 |
Dondav got me laffing. u r too much 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by leggyb(m): 11:01am On Aug 12, 2012 |
[quote author=Dondav]What's a POS Machine? Pay-On-Sale machine; a portable machine dat alows 1 to credit one's account using your credit card 1 Like |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 7:57am On Aug 14, 2012 |
[quote author=leggyb][/quote] Oh! I gerrit now |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Dondav(m): 7:58am On Aug 14, 2012 |
Dondav: MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH. Guys, Keep it rolling.... |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Ashma: 10:46am On Aug 17, 2012 |
....where ladies call their fathers' age-mate baby. .....where debts are used to pay for transanction. .....where the honourobbers are called"honourables". ......every rich hausa man is alhaji and the poor ones aboki. ......where garri is considered the poor man's food and rice the rich man's food.. ...,..where we have toilet and the flush doesn't work. .....where we pay for the government/public bore-hole. .....where animals bear human name.... 1 Like |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by JojoArmani(m): 11:27am On Aug 17, 2012 |
Nice Joke man. Me Likey 1 Like |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Help4rmme2u(m): 7:40am On Mar 16, 2015 |
Why Nigerian Girls are so Greedy... I have been sending chat msgs to this gal as in “hi”, “hey”, “xup” …since 2009 but she has neva replied me! Today i sent, “232252536421162” to her and after 3mins she replied “xup handsome, pls which network airtime is dis?” And i replied, “its a NOKIA torch light serial number” …. and she blocked me immediately. Pls have I said anything bad? Source: http://ngreports.com/joke-why-are-nigerian-girls-so-greedy/ |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Help4rmme2u(m): 7:41am On Mar 16, 2015 |
The missing part... Interviewer: Where were you born? Akpos: Lagos Interviewer: Which part? Akpos: What do you mean which part? The whole body was born in Lagos. Source: http://ngreports.com/funny-apkos-jokes-the-missing-part/ 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Help4rmme2u(m): 7:53am On Mar 16, 2015 |
Naija Jokes: A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants s*x, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you.” To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!” Source: http://ngreports.com/jokes-the-excaped-convict/ 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Help4rmme2u(m): 2:32pm On Dec 01, 2015 |
Jokes:- Pilot and the Mad Man
A pilot was transporting a bunch of madmen from
Lagos to a psychiatric facility in Johannesburg, South
Africa. The madmen were making noise and
suddenly, one of them entered the Pilot’s Cabin;
MADMAN: Teach me how to fly a plane!
PILOT: I would, but under one condition.
MADMAN: What?
PILOT: If you can get your colleagues to keep quiet.
(5 minutes later, the plane was eerily quiet!)
PILOT: Wow! How did you get them to keep quiet?
MADMAN: I opened the door and asked them to go
and play outside!
See more interesting jokes here http://ngreports.com/category/jokes |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by stineman: 5:43pm On Aug 23, 2016 |
It is boring for human being to read |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by chaktty: 7:32pm On Dec 06, 2016 |
Get the most collection of all naija jokes put together in app and the best apps are here http://www.wificallingiphone.com/2016/11/akpos-best-jokes.html |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Khaytunechi: 9:46am On Dec 07, 2016 |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by Damilaredrey24(m): 11:39am On May 22, 2017 |
Where Police go dey ask truck load carrier. "Wey Our Money" |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by kindim(m): 4:31pm On May 22, 2017 |
Dondav:you dey mad i swear... Sabi man |
Re: Naija For Life.... Funniest Jokes Ever!! by booksrite(f): 10:00pm On Jun 29, 2019 |
bbporsche: |
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