Efemena_xy: ^^ Na wa o! Calm down & take it easy sister.

And here I was thinking na be get bad temper!

Sowwy jare, I just don't understand wimpish men. Dunno why he can't see his fiancee has stripped him of his last confidence. See the writing all over the wall that he is ignoring, small time now she will start misbehaving, or dump him and tip him over the edge and he will start hating all women and painting us bad and start punishing my fellow innocent sisters who makes the mistake of dating him

Busy_body:


You irritatingly keep on harping on about your lies as the excuse for her immature, unpalatable, atrocious ill-treatment of you. Where did you lie cos I still can't place one finger on it oh Did you not tell her 3 times according to your story up there. And if she was the good person you are claiming she is, she was aware you only had 5/6 months left on your visa and you have been in the UK longer, shouldn't her main concern be her fear on the possibility of you overstaying and how you are working on resolving it, rather than shoot down your submission and dismiss you all the time


According to you, your Mum loaned you some money, you gave her a substantial amount towards her own business and decided to sit on the rest. She suggested you used the remaining to buy clothes in UK and ship it down to her in Naija to sell, you sought further advise and found out about the lucrative car business.


You told her this, she "ignorantly" throws a tantrum that it will tie your money down, you forged on and a couple of months later approached her to share the joy with her that you were making a success of it, she coldly dismisses you that you are wasting your time. You press on yet again, and decide for the 3rd time to let her know how God has been good to you, she flares up and goes gutter on your ar'se and rubs your nose in it that she regrets choosing you i.e if her ex was still available, you would be a goner.


You relocated because of this ingrate to do introduction with only £2000 in your pocket because old age was creeping on her. She was privy to all the ordeals you went through to, to stand on your feet, now because she is 30 years old and wants to start a family, she wants you to leave your bouyant business to come back and become a jobseeker again in Naija. What are you going to start that family with? Don't tell me it is the £11,000 you are going to use to get married, rent a family home, start a business, repay your Mum's loan etc.


Your mind is made up. There is nothing no one can say to convince you to slow down on this relationship where you have been strung up by the balls and your woman is the one wearing the trousers and calling the shots despite the fact that you have been "carrying her along" with all your thought and plan.


Hmmm, it is well.













^{My gentle response was tailored to the small fact that you said you don't want us to insult "you", hence reason "she" was fair game I've got a few choice words for you too oh, but would rather prefer my knuckles to do justice to your soft head instead}

ol boy, bb don vex..

@busy body, while i apprecite all you have said, can i say that you've just acted in the same position which she is acting as well which is summing evrything up as me being a wimp and she the controlling devil, i have not brought this up to come paint her as the devil here, agreed the comparism with the ex is a no no, which i have dealt with and she has apologized, reality here is like they say he that wears the shoe knows where it pains summary of this relationship is we've been dating for two and half yrs, and we've been together for about 13 months in those two and half yrs, she's tried with jobs as she has linked me with family and friends both in the UK and in naija, she sends link of almost every other job, she's travelled to do business during her leave and we both put money together and she raised good profit.

maybe i should make anyone reading to understand i havent come here to paint her as a devil and me faultless but rather seek if i did something wrong by lieing and also how do we go from here so what happened not to tear us apart as i believe we've both sacrified a lot so far, reality is there are loads of ladies who have at one time been in this situation and walked away, some even plan their wedding, got pregnant while the guy abroad still calls them and believe he has a girl at home (i actually had a friend that had this experience), this happens when they feel they have nothing to give again, so as she hasnt made such move yet i cant just classify her being self centred or unreasonable but a girl under pressure. if you had her as a sister you would asker her at least in interval what is going on and what move is she and her guy making. for a girl that is being told about the success of the business and all sorts and she is not seeing it but hearing it maybe she feels a considerable/little amount be set aside to show plans of wedding as having sought opinions of people, they all said the same thing which is she just wants to feel there is a direction.

concerning the business i feel she was disapponted in herself for not believing in it and so when she got to know about the success she wanted an excuse to hide that, yesterday night we spoke at length and she has apologised for all she said, she just wants this phase to be over soon, and she is hoping the decision of the application would come good at the same time we are talking about a plan b and about different busineses we could do should there be a not so good result and she wants to put some of her funds , i forgot to say this week she talked about plans to come do her masters and take a study leave from work which is not bad. i'm happy with the discussion last night, hope and pray things works well from here, but reality about life is human beings would always be human and while you should trust your dearest ones be not suprised at some actions they could take when vulnerable we see this all the time

@busybody what i said earlier is not an insult to you and if it seems so, i do apologise.

emmatok: From your post it seems you allow your wife to determine your life.

Never ever allow any woman (Wife/GF) to trap or control your life.

Your responsibility is to provide for your family by any legal means and you don't have to tell her everything.

I will advice you tell her to go and meet her EX since she still admires him(EX).

Totally agree with emmatok.
OP to me has done nothing wrong.Do not feel one bit guilty. Leadership is not about seeking validation and taking the best action (calculated risk). You took your risk and it paid off. Even if you lost your funds, there was no reason to compare u to her ex ( that a very red flag). You did not lie to her!!! Get talking with her, since you are not yet married, put your foot down and set the tone of the rship. She shapes in or shape out (to look for her ex). Do not late any babe "drive" you, your vision , your goals. If you do you will be sorry!
Even God never told his arch angel then (the devil) everything. If he did, he would have been sorry. I do not tell my partner lies, I tell her of my strategic plans what I want to tell her, and when I think it is necessary.I believe if you had told her of this move b4 u took steps, you would have been discouraged, and worse off financially.
On a very serious note, this lady that is stressing you ( to dictate to you), how much money has she earned with her "wisdom" to complement your struggles. Or is she waiting for u to make it and come marry her, while she has all the time to make tantrums and comparisons. Find a challenging financial tasks for her, by the time she loses funds , she will be humled.
OP this is the time to set the dynamics that set the pace of your marriage b4 u enter into it. Do not make a grave mistake.You are the man, and it is your cup of tea to provide leadership and provide for your family. You are the one in the cockpit in the UK trying to navigate the storm, and your babe is in Naija trying to direct the "battle" away from the field.
Be wise !!!

OP seemed to have perfected all the excuse for the gf already

You managed to make £11000 from your car business and you are willing to let that business run to the ground since you have made up your mind that you are going back to Nigeria regardless of the decision over your visa even though you have no fall back / job to go to when you get to Nigeria

you have tried that once and you failed (sorry) so you came back to UK

Because of an omission on your part, your girlfriend is already comparing you to her EX.

You keep going on about how she is good, she is sweet etc well she can't be that 'sweet' if she thinks her EX is better than you, now can she.

God save you and you just go home and get married with no solid plans,chei, it is your wife's ex that will be controlling your family, you will still come back here and write part 2 ( 100000 word more) on this same nairaland
Good luck poster.

Bobo yi,ejo e po gan. Mehn!

Ishilove: Bobo yi,ejo e po gan. Mehn!

LOL! I am glad somebody else noticed this. Did he come to defend his fiancee or to get advice? Confused murrafucca.

you wonder why there is so much bitterness in the world when you see miserable people come online to imsults faceless people that they dont even know, all i have put her is 'did i do something wrong by lieing and what could i have done better' not 'is she a devil/woman' and if you cant grasp that and also grasp my statement about being rude, then there must be something so miserable about your life that you could only come online and vent your anger on faceless people.

i hope this thread doesnt go the normal way every other thread degenerates into where insults are thrown here and there.i 've had some advises and opinions of posters here and i'm quite ok with that.

manheem: you wonder why there is so much bitterness in the world when you see miserable people come online to imsults faceless people that they dont even know, all i have put her is 'did i do something wrong by lieing and what could i have done better' not 'is she a devil/woman' and if you cant grasp that and also grasp my statement about being rude, then there must be something so miserable about your life that you could only come online and vent your anger on faceless people.

i hope this thread doesnt go the normal way every other thread degenerates into where insults are thrown here and there.i 've had some advises and opinions of posters here and i'm quite ok with that.

Ogbeni manheem ti binu

manheem: you wonder why there is so much bitterness in the world when you see miserable people come online to imsults faceless people that they dont even know, all i have put her is 'did i do something wrong by lieing and what could i have done better' not 'is she a devil/woman' and if you cant grasp that and also grasp my statement about being rude, then there must be something so miserable about your life that you could only come online and vent your anger on faceless people.

i hope this thread doesnt go the normal way every other thread degenerates into where insults are thrown here and there.i 've had some advises and opinions of posters here and i'm quite ok with that.

Applause!!! Guy, just ignore them. They want to hear you say, you would cut off the relationship. In local parlance, we call them Ogbanje, they are looking for miserable people so that they can suck blood and be happy. They cleverly ignored one of your posts that stated how she has apologised. Only you understand your fiancee. Advice no be by force o!

manheem: you wonder why there is so much bitterness in the world when you see miserable people come online to imsults faceless people that they dont even know, all i have put her is 'did i do something wrong by lieing and what could i have done better' not 'is she a devil/woman' and if you cant grasp that and also grasp my statement about being rude, then there must be something so miserable about your life that you could only come online and vent your anger on faceless people.

i hope this thread doesnt go the normal way every other thread degenerates into where insults are thrown here and there.i 've had some advises and opinions of posters here and i'm quite ok with that.

Look, seeking advice on nairaland isn't by force. People have said that you didn't do anything wrong given your initial story. What else do you fcking want? If your fiance were perfect, you wouldn't have started the thread in the first place. Please shut-up already and get out of here with this nonsense.

@op good that you and your woman have sorted your differences. Under pressure a lot of us may have acted worse than your madam because of panic and so many negative voices from within us and others opinion. Good that you were able to keep your focus on the real person despite the negatives. good work

manheem: @busy body, while i apprecite all you have said, can i say that you've just acted in the same position which she is acting as well which is summing evrything up as me being a wimp and she the controlling devil, i have not brought this up to come paint her as the devil here, agreed the comparism with the ex is a no no, which i have dealt with and she has apologized, reality here is like they say he that wears the shoe knows where it pains summary of this relationship is we've been dating for two and half yrs, and we've been together for about 13 months in those two and half yrs, she's tried with jobs as she has linked me with family and friends both in the UK and in naija, she sends link of almost every other job, she's travelled to do business during her leave and we both put money together and she raised good profit.

maybe i should make anyone reading to understand i havent come here to paint her as a devil and me faultless but rather seek if i did something wrong by lieing and also how do we go from here so what happened not to tear us apart as i believe we've both sacrified a lot so far, reality is there are loads of ladies who have at one time been in this situation and walked away, some even plan their wedding, got pregnant while the guy abroad still calls them and believe he has a girl at home (i actually had a friend that had this experience), this happens when they feel they have nothing to give again, so as she hasnt made such move yet i cant just classify her being self centred or unreasonable but a girl under pressure. if you had her as a sister you would asker her at least in interval what is going on and what move is she and her guy making. for a girl that is being told about the success of the business and all sorts and she is not seeing it but hearing it maybe she feels a considerable/little amount be set aside to show plans of wedding as having sought opinions of people, they all said the same thing which is she just wants to feel there is a direction.

concerning the business i feel she was disapponted in herself for not believing in it and so when she got to know about the success she wanted an excuse to hide that, yesterday night we spoke at length and she has apologised for all she said, she just wants this phase to be over soon, and she is hoping the decision of the application would come good at the same time we are talking about a plan b and about different busineses we could do should there be a not so good result and she wants to put some of her funds , i forgot to say this week she talked about plans to come do her masters and take a study leave from work which is not bad. i'm happy with the discussion last night, hope and pray things works well from here, but reality about life is human beings would always be human and while you should trust your dearest ones be not suprised at some actions they could take when vulnerable we see this all the time

@busybody what i said earlier is not an insult to you and if it seems so, i do apologise.

Please, please, please open your eyes, ears, and mind and stop making excuses for her and none of us have any issue with English comprehension trust me, we can still even recollect you telling us she helped nurse your sweet Mother back to health so we are not saying you should right her off. The bone of contention here is that she has no right to belittle you and compare you to her ex no matter what. That's just childish. And take it from us, before a woman would say such, she would have ruminated 10000 ways/excuses to leave you for her ex, in her head.

Both male and female sexes on NL have never come to such unanimous decision as this ever, even the "Cabal" stuff you must have been hearing about in this section is nothing other than the battle of the sexes. And here we all are agreeing and trying to pass a message across to you, but your the-only-Mr-nice-guy-on-the-block-persona would not let you see front. . .

FYI, the only motivating factor for her that we can see is ultimately getting married to you, but is this the be it and all? Why do people put so much emphasis on this marriage sef as if it is guaranteed to last forever or heck even guaranteed to last a year without appropriate consideration for the hard work it requires?

For some reason, I did not understand this thread. Need to leave NL and go back to reading novels. God help me.

u didn't go wrong anywhere. . . . u did what most good men would do. . .

Ur fiancee is just being unrealistic and selfish a bit. . . . For even comparing u to her ex n u stayed. . . kudos bro

this is a big conundrum, i hope the op has resolved the issue. Money sure does cause alot of trouble!