Your wife gets a very good job in another part of the country and career wise, it is the right move for her. You have a very flexible job and are in demand everywhere so getting another job wont be an issue for you. Would you move with her? Or tell her she can't go? Or maybe if she goes she's on her own? Really what would you do?

@OP
I have spent many yrs away frm my family. It's not easy but you do it for the good of your family.

it depend on wat part of the world.
if it in a country like america or europe, then it is a yes. otherwise, it will be a no no

Johndoe100: @OP
I have spent many yrs away frm my family. It's not easy but you do it for the good of your family.

Johndoe, do u have a family

Daresh: Your wife gets a very good job in another part of the country and career wise, it is the right move for her. You have a very flexible job and are in demand everywhere so getting another job wont be an issue for you. Would you move with her? Or tell her she can't go? Or maybe if she goes she's on her own? Really what would you do?

@ the highlighted,

You don't leave certainty for uncertainty. You don't know what the future holds. So, hubby leaving his job to follow a career wife isn't right to me. If hubby doesn't get anything doing soon, what happens? The wife becomes the bread winner.

IMO, the woman should be the one moving with the man, except in a situation where it is clear that the wife's finances is very important, then the man should be flexible.

If your hubby says "if you go, you are on your own", you better think twice if you still want that marriage.

rafhell: it depend on wat part of the world.
if it in a country like america or europe, then it is a yes. otherwise, it will be a no no

Let's assume you have a job in Lagos and then she gets a good offer in PH lets say shell or NLNG. She will be earning a good sum and will open doors for her. Will you go, refuse to let her go or send her off on her own?

Tgirl4real:

Johndoe, do u have a family



@ the highlighted,

You don't leave certainty for uncertainty. You don't know what the future holds. So, hubby leaving his job to follow a career wife isn't right to me. If hubby doesn't get anything doing soon, what happens? The wife becomes the bread winner.

IMO, the woman should be the one moving with the man, except in a situation where it is clear that the wife's finances is very important, then the man should be flexible.

If your hubby says "if you go, you are on your own", you better think twice if you still want that marriage.

Im not saying the man should go and be jobless, he is going to have to find a job he can move to first or if possible get transferred. My question is would he do it?

Daresh:

Let's assume you have a job in Lagos and then she gets a good offer in PH lets say shell or NLNG. She will be earning a good sum and will open doors for her. Will you go, refuse to let her go or send her off on her own?

Sorry o Daresh. I am not a man o, but this is tempting . . .lol

What I will say is that, money is not everything o, my sister. That kind of job, apart requiring hubby relocating with you, it will also mean you wont have enough time to take care of your home.

Please, in this case, the woman needs to think twice. Only if, (like I said earlier) their financial situation is in dire need of that kinda miracle.

Tgirl4real:

Sorry o Daresh. I am not a man o, but this is tempting . . .lol

What I will say is that, money is not everything o, my sister. That kind of job, apart requiring hubby relocating with you, it will also mean you wont have enough time to take care of your home.

Please, in this case, the woman needs to think twice. Only if, (like I said earlier) their financial situation is in dire need of that kinda miracle.

Stop answering for the men jor, I want to hear their opinions.

Daresh: Your wife gets a very good job in another part of the country and career wise, it is the right move for her. You have a very flexible job and are in demand everywhere so getting another job wont be an issue for you. Would you move with her? Or tell her she can't go? Or maybe if she goes she's on her own? Really what would you do?

Who will take care of the kids?

I'm afraid you're asking for d impossible. I should leave a decent job and tag along my wife like a puppy. Anyway some men may choose to. As a matter of fact, d reverse was d case when i married. My wife resigned and relocated to the state where i work. She remained jobless for almost a year before she got a job. Now that's how it's supposed to be right? After all it's a man's world.

Gaggi: I'm afraid you're asking for d impossible. I should leave a decent job and tag along my wife like a puppy. Anyway some men may choose to. As a matter of fact, d reverse was d case when i married. My wife resigned and relocated to the state where i work. She remained jobless for almost a year before she got a job. Now that's how it's supposed to be right? After all it's a man's world.

Why d emphasis ?

This is really sad

What is sad? If i'm jobless, i dnt mind relocating with her but not when i have a job. Women these days are cunning. Leave ur job and move with her and then u can't get another one, the same woman would start looking down on u and calling u a failure.

Tgirl4real:

Why d emphasis ?

Stating d obvious or rather reminding those who have forgotten.

Tgirl4real:
Johndoe, do u have a family

Very funny. You have a familly abi? I got married in 1996, when did you get married? I have teenage kids.

Johndoe100:
Very funny. You have a familly abi? I got married in 1996, when did you get married? I have teenage kids.

lol. Cos some of your comments are

I have a family too . . .just started actually. few years gone.

Difference of opinion here but it depends on several situations.
1. If my wife is going for a very good job that will be financially rewarding for her and also advance her career-wise then its something worth thinking about.
2. If i know my job is easily transferable to a similar one where she will be going in terms of remuneration and career... then sure we will be moving together.
3. If we cant move together then let her move (she is yours, she isnt going to run away with another man), arrange to visit each other often then seek an opportunity much closer to her.

I agree it is a man's world and ideally it should be the other way round but these days a lot of women now have excellent careers, i should be her number 1 supporter not the one who gets in the way of what makes her happy. Marriage should not be a bondage simply because you've got a vagina.

Gaggi: What is sad? If i'm jobless, i dnt mind relocating with her but not when i have a job. Women these days are cunning. Leave ur job and move with her and then u can't get another one, the same woman would start looking down on u and calling u a failure.

gaggi you didnt read my post well. no one wants a jobless man but can you start the process of relocating? looking for another job while you still have this one. Or in a proffession like medicine where you are always wanted. Or working on a transfer to be close to her!

Daresh:

gaggi you didnt read my post well. no one wants a jobless man but can you start the process of relocating? looking for another job while you still have this one. Or in a proffession like medicine where you are always wanted. Or working on a transfer to be close to her!

I understood u right. If my wife can get a job for me in her new city/country of residence i will move. However, u don't expect be to start the process of job hunting all over again or to go jobless for a while.
My wife can also relocate but be visiting every weekend if we are in the same country, no sweat.

Daresh:

gaggi you didnt read my post well. no one wants a jobless man but can you start the process of relocating? looking for another job while you still have this one. Or in a proffession like medicine where you are always wanted. Or working on a transfer to be close to her!

Daresh, you might need to be a bit more explicit in your question because the answer is not cast in stone. Like davidylan said which i 100% agree with him, it's a function of the type of job she got and the type of industry the husband is curently emplyed in. There is no one size fits all answer for your 'hypothetical' question, only if we have more details to be be able to put it into proper perspective.

Am currently in an industry where there are lots of couples that are living apart due to the nature of the job, pay wise, which is very good. As a result, it will be selfish for a spouse to deny his/her better half of such a good opportunity, thereby leading to them having to shuttle between locations especially if both are fairly career-oriented.

Bottom line is that, it's based on understanding and the level of maturity that can be exhibited by the couple in reaching a compromise becuase it's a very delicate issue. I know of people who have turned down such offers in the past due to 'family' reasons & continously regret it till today. Conversely, i know of others too, who have taken up such offers too and partly regret it.It's a catch 22 situation, so you just have to do what's best for you as it applies to your unique situation.

My 2cents!

It depends on what the jobs are worth.

Another option would be for the husband to secure a job in the wifes new location first before thinking of moving

This might make the family separate for a while, but its better than moving without any income

i JUST SEE SELFISHNESS WRITTEN ALL OVER THE HUBBY.....if he was the one that got the job in another state, will he stay or go? So just because his wife is 'the woman' she should not take-up the offer

ronkebp: i JUST SEE SELFISHNESS WRITTEN ALL OVER THE HUBBY.....if he was the one that got the job in another state, will he stay or go? So just because his wife is 'the woman' she should not take-up the offer

the OP has not provided enough information for you to make this baseless conclusion to be honest.
1. Is the husband established in a business that is easily transferable to another location? How far is the new location to where they live now?
2. How old are the kids? Are you willing to move them out of school all of a sudden to a new location and start searching for a comparable school for them?
3. Any job opportunities for hubby in the new location?
4. Is the move necessary financially or career-wise or is this just another lateral move that is no better than what she presently has?
5. Cost of living? Lower or higher in new location? How does this affect the family budget?

So many issues the husband has to deal with... and you've already labeled him a selfish brute? No wonder the likes of Johndoe and Richvkunt are so harsh in their assessment of much of what passes for "advice" in this section.

I thought the poster opened the thread to seek opinion of men only?

Don't mind me, i am just looking for trouble, who cares what the male cabals think!!!!


1. Anyways, read the first line again, the lady said it will benefit the wife career-wise.
2. NOw, if we have a man that will say NO, for no justifiable reason, then that man is selfish.
3. Even if the woman will change her mind, let her make up her mind as to what will benefit her and the family and not the man shoving decisions down her throat (if possible).
4. all those "if you go you are on your own" just annoys the hell out of me.

BlueDiva: I thought the poster opened the thread to seek opinion of men only?

i am a man for today.....

davidylan:

the OP has not provided enough information for you to make this baseless conclusion to be honest.
1. Is the husband established in a business that is easily transferable to another location? How far is the new location to where they live now?
2. How old are the kids? Are you willing to move them out of school all of a sudden to a new location and start searching for a comparable school for them?
3. Any job opportunities for hubby in the new location?
4. Is the move necessary financially or career-wise or is this just another lateral move that is no better than what she presently has?
5. Cost of living? Lower or higher in new location? How does this affect the family budget?

So many issues the husband has to deal with... and you've already labeled him a selfish brute? No wonder the likes of Johndoe and Richvkunt are so harsh in their assessment of much of what passes for "advice" in this section.

Let me explain this properly. I was watching a show last night and the lady had a dream job @ colombia university in Boston. Her husband is a highly respected surgeon dt had hospitals all over the country wanting him. My husband then said " is she planning to leave her husband?" And I said "y? He can just go with her I'm sure getting a job won't be a big deal for him." My husband said, " he can't just follow his wife" and I said "Y not? I'm sure she would do the same for him". He said "you don't seem to realise that he married her and not the other way round so it's on her to follow hin not him to follow her".
I spent the next 30mins explaining how flawed his thinking is and how such attitudes stop women from getting married. No one wants to be tied down because of marriage. He didn't answer again but I hope he heard cos if we get into such a situation and the offer is fantastic, only God knows what will happen.

Daresh:

Let me explain this properly. I was watching a show last night and the lady had a dream job @ colombia university in Boston. Her husband is a highly respected surgeon dt had hospitals all over the country wanting him. My husband then said " is she planning to leave her husband?" And I said "y? He can just go with her I'm sure getting a job won't be a big deal for him." My husband said, " he can't just follow his wife" and I said "Y not? I'm sure she would do the same for him". He said "you don't seem to realise that he married her and not the other way round so it's on her to follow hin not him to follow her".
I spent the next 30mins explaining how flawed his thinking is and how such attitudes stop women from getting married. No one wants to be tied down because of marriage. He didn't answer again but I hope he heard cos if we get into such a situation and the offer is fantastic, only God knows what will happen.

I think your husband just laid down the law for you. Pele

davidylan:

I think your husband just laid down the law for you. Pele

There is no laying down the law. We all have choices to make in life and if I decide that is the choice for me I expect him to understand. If he doesn't want to come then I will go without him. Case closed!

Daresh:

There is no laying down the law. We all have choices to make in life and if I decide that is the choice for me I expect him to understand. If he doesn't want to come then I will go without him. Case closed!

and what happens to your marriage?

This is a potential divorcee in d making. U would relocate even if ur husband doesn't approve. U shld have remained single. Marriage is for those who knw what it entails.

look daresh the truth of the matter is very simple talk to your hubby. Let him see the benefits to relocating and how it will improve yor family finances and overall quality of life. I feel this is a collaborative decision and should be taken as such. Hopefully he is a resonable human being and will see the positive aspects to relocating.