I got married few years ago to a pastor, a gentleman,loving and caring husband. When he came to ask my hand in marriage, my family was very supportive of us getting married because of his lovable personality. He lives in the UK, so after the wedding, he arranged all the travel documents for me to join him there. When I got to the UK, I gained admission to study a four year course. I am in my 2nd year at the moment. Some months ago, a woman who claimed to be his former wife called our home. She threatened me for taking her position. I was confused and could not believe her. After the call, I confronted him with the story and he eventually opened up to me.

He claimed to have two kids with the woman but that his nine year old marriage with her ended because she left him. However, he is telling me that he doesn't want her again. That he is done with their marriage. I am at cross roads at the moment because he is a pastor of a large congregation and everyone believes we are having the best of marriage, yet I am dying in silence. I cannot tell my parents because they will be devastated. What will I do? Should I leave him? I am confused. HELP!!!

How could you marry someone without a background check? Are you telling the truth? How did you meet this fella? I don`t believe your story Ma`am.

Okay, I know you are heartbroken by his betrayal but if he has truly left the other woman, you might want to get used to it if he his okay in other areas except for this Major lie. If you cannot accept it, divorce is an option. There is absolutely no reason for you to die in silence.

Sounds like a bogus story 2 me,I mean how do you hide an ex-wife n 2 kids during courtship n d 2 yrs u claim 2 have stayed with him n am sure u will claim 2 have dated dis so called pastor. If indeed you story is true, den I gotta say he deserves 2 b divorced twice.

@Our Naija!There was no hint about his previous marriage. Moreover he lives in UK while the victim lived in the eastern part of Nigeria. Background check was done but maybe not properly and there was no much time for courtship since he did not stay in Nigeria. You do not need to believe the story for it to be true.

The victim has met many other pastors who encouraged her to remain in the relationship because they husband does not want to go back to the former wife even though the marriage was not dissolved legally. However, the issue here is concerning her Christian which is against divorce and remarriage. Does it mean she is living in adultery since she is a second wife?

^I laugh in Chinese.

As it is, your marriage is illegal. I will advise you to hold off on kids and then have him do the right thing by divorcing the woman in Naija. After which you would both go to court and be properly and legally married in the presence of those other pastors and the law. If he is unwilling to do this, then I will advise you to walk. He can get arrested for bigamy any day. I believe you didn't do your due diligence and were most likely desperate to marry and travel. There is no how a pastor can keep this kind of thing secret, when he is a leader in a church. Church folks talk too much for that fact to have escaped you. You are the owner of your predicament.

Gospella: The victim has met many other pastors who encouraged her to remain in the relationship because they husband does not want to go back to the former wife even though the marriage was not dissolved legally. However, the issue here is concerning her Christian which is against divorce and remarriage. Does it mean she is living in adultery since she is a second wife?

. So this pastor is against divorce and remarrying but for having two wives. The bible allows divorce so the pastor should try to follow the bible. And yes, your fears are true, you are an adulterer and living in sin at the moment. You are not married to him but a live in girlfriend committing fornication. . Imagine the pastors advising you to stay in such. Where is this fake church please. Publish the name of the pastor and the church.

Very funny.
The op or woman is more bothered about her Christian life (what people would say in church) as opposed to how this mess would affect her as an individual. In other words, she is trying to save face, appear a victim of circumastance instead of trying to fix her shyte.
I wonder how many more wives, children and mistresses are out there somewhere for this same "mog" . The most pathetic thing is that some people, men worshippers and arselickers must have at one time or the other missed out on a beautiful relationship Cos this very mog advised them to do so citing reasons like bigamy, adultery etc while he himself is neck deep in it.
@op,why has the other woman not sued the "fastor" for bigamy yet?abi she too was married same way, displace and replace?
O ga ju!

no b small thin ooo @Op let me think b4,i reply u Ele yi le oo....o ga.

Even a pastor does not know that he ought to open to his prospective wife about his past marriage.

afam4eva: Even a pastor does not know that he ought to open to his prospective wife about his past marriage.

i wonder

come to think of it do u have kid/kids or better stil children for this ur husband(pastor) coz if u dnt, dere is a problem

Hmm... hope you're cute.. I'm a pastor and I have no kids.. I can manage tokunbo..

In total regard to the office of a PASTOR...abeg not all Pastors are qualified to be called Pastor oooooo!

A true man of God...knows his stance in life! This misconception has made many who in the nearest future would be Christians loose hope in Christianity!

nna pastors are not smiling oh.

@OP; you have no problem with the woman. Just try to convince your pastor husband to invite them over to your crib and u can easily poison the wife and 2 children then u move on with your new life and marriage. I'm sure the pastor is an IGBO cos IGBOS are deep liars and promoters of bigamy. Mtcheew

maclatunji: ^I laugh in Chinese.

. Divoice him and come 2 kaduna 4 a new hubby.

Gospella: The victim has met many other pastors who encouraged her to remain in the relationship because they husband does not want to go back to the former wife even though the marriage was not dissolved legally. However, the issue here is concerning her Christian which is against divorce and remarriage. Does it mean she is living in adultery since she is a second wife?

I'm confused, are you the victim here or your friend? Just asking.

Its a silly question no doubts, whats bad about having kids from previous marriage ?

Gospella: I got married few years ago to a pastor, a gentleman,loving and caring husband. When he came to ask my hand in marriage, my family was very supportive of us getting married because of his lovable personality. He lives in the UK, so after the wedding, he arranged all the travel documents for me to join him there. When I got to the UK, I gained admission to study a four year course. I am in my 2nd year at the moment. Some months ago, a woman who claimed to be his former wife called our home. She threatened me for taking her position. I was confused and could not believe her. After the call, I confronted him with the story and he eventually opened up to me.

He claimed to have two kids with the woman but that his nine year old marriage with her ended because she left him. However, he is telling me that he doesn't want her again. That he is done with their marriage. I am at cross roads at the moment because he is a pastor of a large congregation and everyone believes we are having the best of marriage, yet I am dying in silence. I cannot tell my parents because they will be devastated. What will I do? Should I leave him? I am confused. HELP!!!

Assuming this is all true . . .

a) make sure he is still no married. Since you did not know he was married before, at least make sure now that he is at least officially divorce, and it is not the case that he bailed on the first marriage. If he did, chances are you are not only an ADULTERY by Bible standards, but the likely next victim.

b) Make sure your parents know of this. The worst you can do is try to keep this to yourself. Accept your fault in this and make sure that those around you are aware of the situation. Should he try anything miserable next, the last you want is to end up an UNSOLVED MURDER case.

c) Look into ensuring your finances and you life is not wrapped up in this individual. Yes it is all great to claim/pretend he is a changed man. But consider your changed man, under God, withheld the truth from you, and probably from the mother of his four kids, when he married you(she probably does not know of you either). You do not know his credit history in the UK(I am guessing) and chances are his past marriage is not the worst of his past you are not aware of.

d) Stop being ignorant. Not everyone who claims to be of God is Godly. Investigate him(not do a shoddy job now) to make sure that i) he is not now even involved in some other marriage apart from the first you now know of and ii) he is not playing around with other potential future wives.

It's probably that KICC man,Ashimolowo or something like that.I always knew there was something non-kosher about that bloke

One man, one wife. At least, that was what Jesus said. I laugh in Swaili hahahahaha. Bloody hypocrites.

Hmmmm!!!! Story land!!!!, Naija man, living in london was his passport to your heart..

OP, how can someone be married for 9yrs with 2 kids and you couldn't find out before marriage?

Didn't you meet his extended family before marrying him? And none of them told you about his 1st marriage?

He pastors a big Church, you mean even the big church is not aware of his marriage/separation? And none of the members hinted you while you lived with him for 2 years?


Some things are not adding up here.

the strory is crap, just looking for attention.

Please leave that man. His wife is still alive. It's not right from the word of God. Luke 16:18.

cold: It's probably that KICC man,Ashimolowo or something like that.I always knew there was something non-kosher about that bloke

Lol

cold: It's probably that KICC man,Ashimolowo or something like that.I always knew there was something non-kosher about that bloke

hey! what did he ever do to you! lol