When I was at school, a friend of mine told me of a practice in his extended family. When he finds a girl he wants to marry, he is expected to sleep with her to try to get her pregnant. If she gets pregnant, then they go ahead and get married. If not, he dumps her and looks for a more 'fruitful' woman to be his wife. I have heard stories about women telling their sons, "don't get married to any lady if you haven't tested her to see if she can become pregnant - because I want grandchildren!"

On the other hand, there's the orthodox religious view that sex comes after marriage. And that if you, as a girl, must have sex, then don't get pregnant by any means and disgrace your family. But this "no premarital sex" idea seems to be giving way to the idea that you can, and should have sex with your fiance/fiancee, and only get married when a pregnancy is on the way.

I belong to the school of thought that sex and pregnancy should come after marriage, and that if after marriage your spouse is found to be infertile you should go and adopt a child. What about you? Ladies, will you wait until you are pregnant for a man before getting married to him, to assure yourself that he's capable? Men, would you delay marriage with your woman until she conceives, to assure yourself that she is fertile?

Hmmm...I belong to the school of thought on sex and pregnancy after marriage!Marriage is not solely to produce children,but to share your life with someone you love.Parents who give this advice are saying they slept with their spouses before marriage?!Not too likely in the times past!that means you would have regular contact for some months,and how do you decide when to conclude that the person is not fertile?!This is just giving a good excuse for people to be promiscous.

No I won't get pregnant before marriage but since am already a fiancee that means am ready to face his incapability and that is, he cannot ONLY have children and which am aware before marriage.

The idea is really ridiculous. And what if the guy doesn't marry you? What happens? Or God, forbid, he dies before the weddin for one reason or the other, then you'll bear the tag unmarried mother.

Started reading the post without taking note of the author, after the last line of d second paragraph, scrolled back up to confirm the name Seun. No surprise

NO!
    Marriage is not meant for child bearing alone.God forbid..if there's no child then we'll adopt because on that day you promised "for better for worse".I think some parents do advise their son to make sure the fiancee gets  pregnant before getting married but the idea is not that good though its good for some but I wont do that anyway.
  The bible says "none shall be barren in the land"

This is hugely objective. Most guys having problems with child conception would want to agree with this. Others would suggest they wait until after marriage.

IMO, there's no harm in waiting.

I don't belong to that school of thought...what if the problem is from the guy?- I mean if the man is impotent or something of that nature and couldn't impregnate the woman?

No...! its really ridiculous.

@ uchetobi

Question: And what if the guy doesn't marry you?  What happens?
Ans:         then you don't have a husband and we are talking about an unmarried couple in here

Question: he dies before the weddin for one reason or the other, then you'll bear the tag unmarried mother
Ans: if he dies before the weddin....you are still not married but you lost a very dear one but not yet MRS. WHATEVER
and that means you bear no tag and I never said i will ever be pregnant before marriage sweetheart.

N:B; I believe there is a different between an impotent man and a man who can't have a child. Some men just have low sperm and that causes their being childless or do I need a doctor to explain the difference in more biological way.

The idea behind the practice is that both the man and the woman are testing each other. The man is testing the woman to know if she can get pregnant. The woman is testing the man to see if he can father a child naturally.

What if they test, she gets pregnant, but then they end up hating each other and never marry?

Not good. Not good at all. Marriage is not just about making babies. I must agree with Abuguy on this one.

To me marriage is not about making babies, but mutual and sacrificial love for each other.

The Bible in Hebrews 13 vs 4 says that "marriage is honourable, except the bed undefiled, but whoremonger and adulterers the Lord shall judge".

So it's very important to keep the chastity. Enough of the "testing thing", cos this breeds bastards, if the so called "testers" ended up not marrying each other.

As a married man, I waited for the wedding nite before we had sex and we're happily married with 3kids, 9yrs after our wedding. My wife is still a cute lady, sorry woman.

It brings respect for each other too, if you can do it. what of if you're both "testing", the co called lady is still "testing" with other guys outside and unknowingly the lady is pregnant, how would you know if the pregnancy is yours. There was a case like that, that the guy told the lady point blank that even though they were testing, how would he know the pregnancy is his, since the "thing" does not have a meter. The lady died while trying to commit abortion. Men, hell fire straight.

Modernisation and free thinking has spoilt everything. Remember that during the time of our parents, there was nothing like testing o and they were very productive, some even having up to 12kids.

If you fear God, you'ld not do any testing. May God help us.

Seun, thanks a geat deal for the topic. God bless you

Hell no. I aint gon get pregnant before marriage. When i married, we can start thinking of making babies. Besides, as most people already stated: marriage is not all about bearing kids.

Ladies make una no gree o!

2 points worthy of note.

**If after u get pregnant, he refuses to marry you (probably saw another lady who is also pregnant)..what would you do ?
**Why is he gettin married?..for kids only?..u might as well have his kids 4 him(without marriage) and bill him 2M for "child breeding". For geez sake, what is marriage all about...kids? Remember these kids would grow up and leave u both someday.

Why do men think its the ladies responsibilty to get pregnant? Just because mr man rises and shoots doesnt mean it can score. Lots of men are impotent.
That idea wont work for all men by the way, because an impotent man would keepin sowing his seeds everywhere but they'll never germinate.

@ breeding! there is no way on earth that i'm gettin pregnant before the wedding. if he can't handle that, then he dosen't love me. it's that simple.

You guyz have said it all. I don't see any sense in pregnancy before marriage no matter whatever reasons behind it. Such experiments end up in producing bastards. Lets just keep off that idea when ever it is suggested by anyone.

@ motayo
I want refering to your suggestion when i said the idea is ridiculous. i meant the topic with the emphasis on " Fiance"

yes o

Everyone is sayin i ain't gonna get pregnant before getting married.Fine n good is not advisable cos is a disgrace to womanhood.

but then in recent times gettin pregnant before the weddin is no longer an issue.I have seen couples who r about to wed,the wife to be is already 6months gone.

At times is on the part of the woman ,cos she lets herself so loose for the man to put her in the family,which in most cases can be possible when they r livin together already.On the contrary the men are meant to be blamed,for insisting on"No preganacy no marriage" which is now the latest pharse in vogue.so is a two way thing.

some of you guys are confusing male sterility (firing blanks) with impotency; with the latter you cant even get it up, talkless of firing any shots of any kind whether live rounds or blanks.

i think the "koko" is whether people should be engaging in pre-marital sex at all with its attendant hazards including unbudgeted pregnancy. Really, it takes two to tango, if the woman wants to take that risk in the name of whatever it is that she is feeling then good luck to her.

As for me, it is not a practice my parents encouraged nor is it something a personally believe in, so if i were to moot the idea to a woman and she agrees that would probably get me thinking if i want to be with that woamn.

you have said it all. Well done nairalanders. No pregnancy before marriage is the answer.

However, i do hope you all agree that no pregnancy before marriage simply means no sex before marriage. If your answer is no, then we have quite a long way to go.

Well done and keep the hold on.

The Bible says Marriage should be Holy so for that pre-marital sex should be discourage. So getting pregnant for your fiance before marriage is not Holy and should be discourage.

The main essence of getting married is for companioship and not really for having children, though producing children is part of marriage.

@dablessed i agree that no woman should even think about it cos anything could happen and she will end up with the wrong end of the bargain. but i dont think that avoiding pre-marital pregnancy translates to avoiding pre-marital sex, unless you are talking about an ideal situation. dont get me wrong i believe sex is definitely better appreciated when the ¨participants¨ are legally married, but the issue is that you will have to get rid of contraceptives and protection before the fear of pre-marital pregnancy will drive people away from pre-marital sex, and even then some selfish men will still be able to convince some girls (who unfortunately look at the world through rose-tinted glasses) to go ahead and have pre-marital sex even at the risk of getting pregnant.) unfortunate, but that´s the way it is.

I personally disagree with that, off co's that is a wrong foundation and it can speek against someone and generation to come, because what ever seed a man sold that he/she will reap. so I think that any guy that want pregnancy before marriage did not like me, definately you are God, He is the one who know the end from begining.

Lets wake up from our slumber and pray that God's will be be done finish.

You guys have said it all. Don't know what to say again......
But i agree that there should not pregnancy before marriage, cos it is a sin.

let me just hit the nail at the head. i believe everybody here belongs to a religion that talks about sex and also marriage. I've not come across any religion that talks about sex before marriage. and to say this, ANY BODY THAT HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE HAS COMMITTED A SIN AND HE/SHE WILL BE PUNISHED BY GOD. thanks

Welcome tj

I think the topic is a 2 edged sword. But anyway, if u choose to look at it as wrong. What If the lady got pregnant before marriage, and after the wedding has a miscarriage, and after the miscarriage is finding it difficult to get pregnant? What will you think about that? :-

At least, u know she was n is still capable of giving birth. it also depends on how bad her miscarriage was or wat caused it, but hey, with God, everything is possible.

I agree with you Scopio, that all things are possible with God. In the case of abortion, I will not agree with you but with Tj , even though those that truly come to God in repentance, he is just and faithful to forgive.

Abortion is a no-no, so i'm totally against it.

Abortion!!! thats the worst sin................Murdering an innocent soul for what sake......................

Hey hey hey? Excuse me? Let us NOT be fast in Talking and Casting down?
How many men and women can stand before God and say they are NOT guilty
of contributing to the act of abortion.
The percentage is not much dearie