Although I am 19 and it is in the past, I never had that much of a great childhood.

My father was very abusive to my mother and me the most out of the family. My father was less abusive to my brothers because I guess they were boys. I admit, I think my father abused me because I was the oldest and I remind him of himself. There is that one child who isn't the best and messes up and I guess that was me.
Because I always misbehaved in school, my father always verbally abused me by saying I was a fool, a disgrace to the family, and idiot, and psychotic, but yet it's okay for him to beat women and get sent to jail. He said that he never though I would make it to college because he said I was stupid and crazy. He sometimes beat me for things my brothers did or for little things I did. He rarely did this to my brothers.

Heck, my father isn't the only man who made my life hell...many guys just don't respect me. They call me ugly, a b*tch, and stupid...they always beat me and made me the laughing stock in school...primary to secondary. If I were to ever fight back, I would get in trouble, so I was kind of forced to take the abuse.

Sometimes I hate males and it's all my father's fault, and I have zero respect for him. I am really starting to get sick of men and I don't see myself getting married or having children because I guess people only think that that was what women are born to do. I don't want another man in my life because all most of them do is ruin everything for me.

I don't like how people preach "respect your elders," but yet some they destroy your self-esteem and make you feel like a zero.

That is life for u. All those things u go through are meant to make u stronger in life, just get over it and pray/work for the best in life.

Very sad indeed.

Afam4eva(i will be unbanned someday)

not all men all like that,its just that girls always love the bad guys.

Dare to challenge anyone who assaults you. Life is not fare, you shouldn't be. Until you realize that you are a bonafide citizen of planet earth and have rights to kill or be killed, you have not yet mastered the art of survival. Today, decide to be the victor and not the victim. Good luck.

girls always fall for abusive guys sometimes because of their greed for money and opulence,its better for a girl to marry a middle class guy with good attitude than to marry a billionaire with an abusive attitude,but nigerian girls always go for the second option

__12543675: Although I am 19 and it is in the past, I never had that much of a great childhood.

My father was very abusive to my mother and me the most out of the family. My father was less abusive to my brothers because I guess they were boys. I admit, I think my father abused me because I was the oldest and I remind him of himself. There is that one child who isn't the best and messes up and I guess that was me.
Because I always misbehaved in school, my father always verbally abused me by saying I was a fool, a disgrace to the family, and idiot, and psychotic, but yet it's okay for him to beat women and get sent to jail. He said that he never though I would make it to college because he said I was stupid and crazy. He sometimes beat me for things my brothers did or for little things I did. He rarely did this to my brothers.

Heck, my father isn't the only man who made my life hell...many guys just don't respect me. They call me ugly, a b*tch, and stupid...they always beat me and made me the laughing stock in school...primary to secondary. If I were to ever fight back, I would get in trouble, so I was kind of forced to take the abuse.

Sometimes I hate males and it's all my father's fault, and I have zero respect for him. I am really starting to get sick of men and I don't see myself getting married or having children because I guess people only think that that was what women are born to do. I don't want another man in my life because all most of them do is ruin everything for me.

I don't like how people preach "respect your elders," but yet some they destroy your self-esteem and make you feel like a zero.

eh ya! What a wicked father indeed. Don't worry jare, most guys wud call u fugly if u give dem no punny.. In between, d lord is ur strength. That is where u focuse should be. Ignore men for a while. One day someone that truly loves u wud appear like an Angel. Cheer up okay. And mind u, no matter how fugly,bitchy a woman is, there's always a man dying for her love. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Cheers

__12543675: Although I am 19 and it is in the past, I never had that much of a great childhood.

My father was very abusive to my mother and me the most out of the family. My father was less abusive to my brothers because I guess they were boys. I admit, I think my father abused me because I was the oldest and I remind him of himself. There is that one child who isn't the best and messes up and I guess that was me.
Because I always misbehaved in school, my father always verbally abused me by saying I was a fool, a disgrace to the family, and idiot, and psychotic, but yet it's okay for him to beat women and get sent to jail. He said that he never though I would make it to college because he said I was stupid and crazy. He sometimes beat me for things my brothers did or for little things I did. He rarely did this to my brothers.

Heck, my father isn't the only man who made my life hell...many guys just don't respect me. They call me ugly, a b*tch, and stupid...they always beat me and made me the laughing stock in school...primary to secondary. If I were to ever fight back, I would get in trouble, so I was kind of forced to take the abuse.

Sometimes I hate males and it's all my father's fault, and I have zero respect for him. I am really starting to get sick of men and I don't see myself getting married or having children because I guess people only think that that was what women are born to do. I don't want another man in my life because all most of them do is ruin everything for me.

I don't like how people preach "respect your elders," but yet some they destroy your self-esteem and make you feel like a zero.

If you had an abusive Daddy, then I'm sorry.. In his defence, he prolly didnt do it out of prejudice but was only being the best father he could be.. Dont hate your Daddy, many people have worse.. Atleast he didnt r'ape you..

On beating women, as much as I dont sanction the beating of women, I dont think the rule on hitting women should be set in stone.. If a woman acts a fool such that the man is in physical danger of losing his life or being injured, he reserves the right to give the woman a federal government arse-whooping such that no amount of foundation can cover the black eye and bruises on her face and body.. I have seen some rabid biitches in my life to come to this decision... However, if a man beats his wife regularly at the slightest of provocation for every and anything.. The woman reserves the right to drug his meal, wait for the effects of the drug to kick in, beat him silly with weapons to within an inch of his life, pack up all his shiit, leave him lying b'utt N'aked and run far far away..

On men calling you Ugly... If you are Ugly, then I guess they are just being Honest... Dont blame them, blame God and your parents...

If all the men in your life thus far have been abusive, then you need to pick up yourself and migrate to a place were good men are.. Just because one man is an arse dont mean all men are.. You need to check yourself as well and find out what about you attracts bad men to you.. This is not an excuse to become a le'sbian.. Women are also equally bad..

Respect is reciprocal.. If an elder acts a fool, he loses the previledge of respect and deserves to be cursed out..


MODS!!

FREE Afam4eva...

I can feel your pain from your post, and at your age these feelings and abuses just don't help your self esteem, however you would have to make a decision to make something good about YOUR life, cos it is yours and does not belong to your father or your abusers, should you end up as they expected, then they would say ...'I said it' and you suffer more,
Strive to achieve your maximum potential, do the right things irrespective of whom it is to whether an adult child or elderly, this builds character, you get to discover who you are...
Also you have to discover a purpose for living... are you here to fill in space for a period and thats it?

NigeriaKwenu: Very sad indeed.

Afam4eva(i will be unbanned someday)

ROTFLMAO.

OP,
Take heart. Life is not black and white. Because of your experiences i understand why you think this way. For your sake, it is best you go down on your knees and leave this burden in God's hands. Just leave it and move on. The day you are able to forgive yourself and your father is the day your life will change. When i say forgive, i dont mean forget. Your father sees joy in making you what you have become, and that joy continues when you help him prove that he is right. From dealings with people, dont treat everyone like they have hurt you. Treat people like you will want to be treated and dont carry that baggage from one person to the other. I know these scars take a while so take time to heal. Also with people insulting and attacking you, i think you may be projecting your hurt in ways that you did not know. You may be aggressive and rude.Always ready to attack and fight. The moment you accept that you are ugly is the moment you become ugly inside and out. We project what we feel on the inside. Focus on school and work hard to be everything your father said you could not be. Look at him and decide for yourself what you want in a future spouse. Work hard and face your studies for now. Leave guys alone. You are young, you have at least 10years to find the right person. That shouldnt be your main focus in life right now. No one is ugly or useless.

__12543675: Although I am 19 and it is in the past, I never had that much of a great childhood.


Because I always misbehaved in school, my father always verbally abused me by saying I was a fool, a disgrace to the family, and idiot, and psychotic, but yet it's okay for him to beat women and get sent to jail. He said that he never though I would make it to college because he said I was stupid and crazy.

Heck, my father isn't the only man who made my life hell...many guys just don't respect me. They call me ugly, a b*tch, and stupid...they always beat me and made me the laughing stock in school...primary to secondary. If I were to ever fight back, I would get in trouble, so I was kind of forced to take the abuse.

Sometimes I hate males and it's all my father's fault, and I have zero respect for him. I am really starting to get sick of men and I don't see myself getting married or having children because I guess people only think that that was what women are born to do. I don't want another man in my life because all most of them do is ruin everything for me.

Girlfriend, seriously you need to search yourself. I guess the answer you need is within you. You sound like you were more of a "a black sheep" and an enigma in your family. I would'nt see reason why you should always be used as a scape-goat for every man's trouble.

It did not just stopped with your father abusing you, even males outside your home took pleasure in abusing you. There is more to your fate than what you think you are. You are the architecture of your predicament. You need a foresight and probably a change of attitude towards men. You are lost in your deep-rooted hate for male gender. Search within you, you will find an answer.

Women never get blamed for abusive men in their lives...4rm my own knowledge and xperienc.so,wrong qst that shudn't hav made d front page.tnx to our mods

Koolking:

Girlfriend, seriously you need to search yourself. I guess the answer you need is within you. You sound like you were more of a "a black sheep" and an enigma in your family. I would'nt see reason why you should always be used as a scape-goat for every man's trouble.

It did not just stop with your father abusing you, even males outside your home took pleasure in abusing you. There is more to your fate than what you think you are. You are the architecture of your predicament. You need a foresight and probably a change of attitude towards men. You are lost in your deep-rooted hate for male gender. Search within you, you will find an answer.

This shiit is so deep!!!

@nigeriakwenu
Afam4eva. Kpele oooo
Nor worry we go stage solidarity protest for you soon.
Abeg mods free afam4eva

Love makes the difference. If a guy loves a lady, he won't be abusive to her, however to me, falling in love is a weakness.

Your plight is kinda sad nd am short of words walahi but I guess u need to pick urself up, set a higher standard for urself nd do away with all the sons of bittches causing both physical nd psycological pain in your life....

Only you can help ur self.....

Because I always misbehaved in school, my father always verbally abused me by saying I was a fool, a disgrace to the family, and , and psychotic

That is bad, but thank God you are here now.

slimming:


That is bad, but thank God you are here now.

Which is where?! Bitter and leaning towards becoming a Lesbian?!

@OP: i feel ur pain b'cos i've been there before. i know that underneath that bad sheep persona, u re capable of being a good person. dear, there is only one person who can totally heal u, make u whole again, make u free to love n trust people generally n live life to d fullest and not as ur father's prisoner is Jesus Christ. u have to give ur life to Him and He ll heal u. decide to help people in any little way u can. greet people warmly and face d world wit a smile. if u are opportuned to stay away from ur dad for a while like visiting family or entering school pls do else the bitterness keeps growing. don't go into a relationship thinking it ll complete u cos it wouldn't. see ur situation as an advantage: u'll be tougher than others, u've known hatred so when u see love, u ll recognize and cherish it. God Be Wit U. As i think of more things that helped me, i ll post it. don't feel sorry for urself and dear, not everyone is evil, there re very good people both men and women out there.

Dear OP those that hurt you are living their lives. I know its hard to deal with that longing for love in your heart. I as a child used to think my mom hated me. She abused us physically and pshycologically tOo. She blamed us in her heart for all the stress dad put on her. That's why I laugh when some guys say old school marriages lasted well and were the best. If only they can really think back and remember how hard it was for women inthose days to be independent cos they were uneducated, economically dependant on their men. There was no way in hell they would survive without a man and all men were the same . Anyway I told myself see she is enjoying herself, dad is enjoying himself doing things they love to do. I threw myself into school cos I wanted to have something that could help me make money if I can't start my own business ASAP so I don't depend on anyone all my life. I got involved in teaching kids at my church . I still felt the desire to be loved by my parents but it made me have a reason to wakeup everyday. Don't rush into dating and don't sitout abuses when you can move. And learn to forgive. Mom and I became close I made sure I gained back all the lost love and when she died I was happy for the time we spent making each other happy something I couldn't and didn't enjoy with dad cos I was mad at him. I regret it.

as for d issue of abuse from other men, check urself: does ur bitterness spill to other people esp guys? ow do u dress? re u always d boning snobbish type? all these attract abuse from guys sometimes esp guys within ur age bracket. it could also be that u re looking for affirmation from them unconsciously and they use this to abuse u. wateva is d case, stay away from the guys who abuse u. it's everyone u come in contact wit u should keep. make friends that appreciate n seek to improve u and also make sure that u're a good friend to them also. as a poster said, treat people exactly how u want them to treat u.

OP life is often not fair like they say.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that,brace yourself up and forge ahead,you must know that not all men are bad,there are still good ones out there.

Meanwhile you said you misbehaved in school,if there are things you do to attract this abuse,i suggest you quit them and try to be a better person,you have to learn to respect people,man or woman.

Okija_juju:


If you had an abusive Daddy, then I'm sorry.. In his defence, he prolly didnt do it out of prejudice but was only being the best father he could be.. Dont hate your Daddy, many people have worse.. Atleast he didnt r'ape you..

On beating women, as much as I dont sanction the beating of women, I dont think the rule on hitting women should be set in stone.. If a woman acts a fool such that the man is in physical danger of losing his life or being injured, he reserves the right to give the woman a federal government arse-whooping such that no amount of foundation can cover the black eye and bruises on her face and body.. I have seen some rabid biitches in my life to come to this decision... However, if a man beats his wife regularly at the slightest of provocation for every and anything.. The woman reserves the right to drug his meal, wait for the effects of the drug to kick in, beat him silly with weapons to within an inch of his life, pack up all his shiit, leave him lying b'utt N'aked and run far far away..



On men calling you Ugly... If you are Ugly, then I guess they are just being Honest... Dont blame them, blame God and your parents...

If all the men in your life thus far have been abusive, then you need to pick up yourself and migrate to a place were good men are.. Just because one man is an arse dont mean all men are.. You need to check yourself as well and find out what about you attracts bad men to you.. This is not an excuse to become a le'sbian.. Women are also equally bad..

Respect is reciprocal.. If an elder acts a fool, he loses the previledge of respect and deserves to be cursed out..


MODS!!

FREE Afam4eva...

Lol @ "Federal Government arse-whooping"

Great comments on here!

OP,
I empathize with you but I bet you people have gone through worst circumstances and have come out triumphant, it's all in the MIND!

(Though this may take some time, but)You need to adapt the technique of looking past all those negative emotions and focus more on the positive ones by focusing on your strenghts and channeling all your psche energy to something more productive.

Trust me, a time will def come when you will look back to this time, smile and thank God you went through all this!

Women don't get blamed for the abusive men in their lifes unless you picked them.

For example, you didn't pick your father so no one blames you for his unnacceptable behavior. However, you did pick your abusive boyfriends so you have no one to blame but yourself.

By all means avoid men if they are so evil, there is no law that says you must be with a man. I actually hope you choose not to be with a man, for his sake, because you carry a stunning amount of baggage. I do not think relationships are the best idea for you. All that I ask is that you don't have an illigitamate child to continue the cycle.

__12543675:


Because I always misbehaved in school, my father always verbally abused me by saying I was a fool, a disgrace to the family, and idiot, and psychotic

Heck, my father isn't the only man who made my life hell...many guys just don't respect me.

@op did I hear u say abusive father? Ah...4rm ur story ur dad abused u 'verbally' whenever u did something "'wrong'". And equally abused ur brothers(though rarely) and mum.
I guess he is just that way...wel,i dnt understand why other men/boys,including ur school mates would also abuse/beat u. Hp urent feelin inferior.
Plz be strong n move on...Life is a teacher! Sori u had 2learn d hard way.

A Wake up call to the women who insist of staying with abusive husbands stating the reason as doing it for their kids. This is a good example of the damage that is done to the kids when this happens. How can a woman going through a bad and abusive marriage herself have time/energy/mental state to pep up her daughter and to boost her daughters self esteem

@poster are you able to arrange counseling for yourself? please look into that. You need help in reconditioning your mind.

You are worthy my dear and no matter what, you are beautiful. You are made in Gods image and God is beautiful. beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you may seem ugly to some but beautiful to others . . .besides its whats inside that counts. Find out what is good about you and flaunt it.

Guys only treat you badly because you allow it. Change your friends, where you hang out and so on and set yourself a standard when it comes to men. Abeggiiiiiii learn to walk the confident walk. tilt your head back and raise your shoulders. Everyone has something that they may have wanted to change about them physically so dont let anyone bring you down. All the best babes

__12543675: Although I am 19 and it is in the past, I never had that much of a great childhood.

My father was very abusive to my mother and me the most out of the family. My father was less abusive to my brothers because I guess they were boys. I admit, I think my father abused me because I was the oldest and I remind him of himself. There is that one child who isn't the best and messes up and I guess that was me.
Because I always misbehaved in school, my father always verbally abused me by saying I was a fool, a disgrace to the family, and idiot, and psychotic, but yet it's okay for him to beat women and get sent to jail. He said that he never though I would make it to college because he said I was stupid and crazy. He sometimes beat me for things my brothers did or for little things I did. He rarely did this to my brothers.

Heck, my father isn't the only man who made my life hell...many guys just don't respect me. They call me ugly, a b*tch, and stupid...they always beat me and made me the laughing stock in school...primary to secondary. If I were to ever fight back, I would get in trouble, so I was kind of forced to take the abuse.

Sometimes I hate males and it's all my father's fault, and I have zero respect for him. I am really starting to get sick of men and I don't see myself getting married or having children because I guess people only think that that was what women are born to do. I don't want another man in my life because all most of them do is ruin everything for me.

I don't like how people preach "respect your elders," but yet some they destroy your self-esteem and make you feel like a zero.

guess we both experienced the same thing. the only difference was that it wasnt only my Dad but my Mom too ( though dont realy blame them cos i finally realize they were trying hard to pass down their economic frustration on the odd child in the family) and am male. the truth is we cant get the desired joy and peace from something outside of us, its all reside within us (atleast that was how i always console myself way back then). @op please dont hate or drive urself to the other side cos of what some people did or said to (its all in the past. leaving in the past is like strolling round hellfire). just accept the past and move on. dont use it to prepare a future that doesnt really exist. enjoy every bit of ur present moment (hating will only hinder that peace and joy u crave for)

pleep: Women don't get blamed for the abusive men in their lifes unless you picked them.

For example, you didn't pick your father so no one blames you for his unnacceptable behavior. However, you did pick your abusive boyfriends so you have no one to blame but yourself.

By all means avoid men if they are so evil, there is no law that says you must be with a man. I actually hope you choose not to be with a man, for his sake, because you carry a stunning amount of baggage. I do not think relationships are the best idea for you. All that I ask is that you don't have an illigitamate child to continue the cycle.

if u don't have an advice for her or can't put urself in her shoes please, ejo, biko, mbok just stay clear.

Okija_juju:


If you had an abusive Daddy, then I'm sorry.. In his defence, he prolly didnt do it out of prejudice but was only being the best father he could be.. Dont hate your Daddy, many people have worse.. Atleast he didnt r'ape you..

Now that i am old enough to be a father, this excuse no longer makes sense to me. Being the best father you could be requires a lot of self-sacrifice, patience and LOVE. If you dont know, LEARN!

You are a strong, young woman. You write lucidly and you sound very rational. That is one of the vibes I got from your post.
I might not have a lot to give you in the way of advice, but I wish I could give you a big, warm hug.

#I agree with Chaircover that men only treat you bad when you allow it. Keep a distance from the negative people in your life!

lola.luv:
You are a strong, young woman. You write lucidly and you sound very rational. That is one of the vibes I got from your post.
I might not have a lot to give you in the way of advice, but I wish I could give you a big, warm hug.

#I agree with Chaircover that men only treat you bad when you allow it. Keep a distance from the negative people in your life!

staying around negative people help a great deal atimes if you know how to use the Energy Medicine (it has helped me a great deal). one just need to move with enough positive energy wherever and dissolve any negative energy coming towards you atleast i have used it and it helped me.

my best advice is too realize that nobody can give you joy or peace (its what you already have but most of us dont know it). you dont go asking for what you already have. take a break and feel ur inner self and you will see that there bountiful of joy and peace residing there ( there is more for you to share to others).