₦airaland Forum

[quote author=American/Nija]God is so good that my husband took me to Nigeria and I did not want to come home. My In-Laws embarrassed me with open arms thanking me the entire time for the five boys that I gave them. Spoiled me the entire time and now if he does anything to me all I have to do is call Mama in Nija and talks to him. He is in church more now and we are doing great. Please go to the market while your there you will love both the fish market on Victoria Island and the Large Market in Lagos. We stayed ea month and one week I begged my husband to stay an extra week.

Igubosa[/quote]I can't wait to go! Thanks so much for the info. Unfortunately my husband's mother is deceased but his father is still alive. I've met my brother in law and his wife when they visited and fell in love with them both immediately. I can't wait until we go to Nigeria, my husband is very excited about it as am I

[quote author=American/Nija]Being married to a Nigerian man has not been an easy task. I was married ten years the first time and twenty three years to my present husband; the problems I encounter was cheating. In their culture they are allowed to have multiple wives and for some reason they want to continue that life style here in the United States. Also in the Nigerian culture if a Nigerian man married to an American Woman marriage is not considered valid and the American Woman is subjective to abuse from the Nigerian Women. They flirt with your husband in your presences as if your not their. Just like in any culture women experiences this type of disrespect but this causes your husband to try and work hard for validation among his peers. Eventually he will find himself trying to force his culture on you. Remember what you tolerant in this marriage is up to you. It has been my experience that if you stand your ground and practice zero tolerance he will either leave are give you the respect that you are entitled too. Never have a fear of them leaving you it take two to tango. Dr. Phil said it best "You teach people how to treat you". Igubosa (My husband gave me this Name) Which means a gift from God). Igubosa[/quote]I love that! I'm going to Nigeria and we are getting married there. Also, I'm a little bit of a thug so if any women give me issues they will discover this American woman doesn't play at all. Honestly, my husband got me in the first place because he is the complete opposite of what I've seen in Nigerian men having been around them for over 10 years. He is very much an alpha male but other than that, I am treated with nothing but love, kindness and respect. He even once told me that he intentionally trying not to love me to the level he does, it scares him because it's an unkown feeling to him. He was a jerk in his single days as I was. He dotes on me, he doesn't believe in having multiple wives or having a relationship period outside of his marriage. The last thing my husband wants me to do is cheat on him so he knows, if he were to cheat I'd do it too! Yeh, I have a evil streak and was raised by men and my husband sees this in me. I'm laughing at "flirt with your husband as if you're not there" trust me they would most certainly know I was there but I trust he'd handle it before I even had to slap a woman upside her head
Thanks so much for your insight and wishing you many blessings in your marriage.

Thanks! I think I just gained 10 pounds looking at that yummy food!

@Blyss, not all Nigerian's are bad apples anymore than not all black americans are bad apples. What the ladies need to do is use their smarts, especially when it comes to finding love online. Do your due diligence and know what you're getting into but be aware that are plenty of scam artists out there looking for lonely insecure women to prey on.

loveis0320: Hello everyone, Currently I am talking to a Nigerian man who lives in the states. He seems really nice and caring, but since this is my first time talking to someone that is not an American black man I wanted some advice. First I was a little hesitant to continue to talk to him, but I am still communicating. Right now he is in Nigeria and will be back to the states at the end of this month. He keep saying how impressed he is of me and how he loves me so much. He keeps saying that God brought me into his life and he will never let me go. But that was after I busted him for talking to other woman, but yet telling me he is not. Of course that is know different than American black men.

With all the comments I have read the majority seem to think it would be wise to not get involved with a Nigerian man, but then you can say that about many other race of men. Love is about taking a chance with someone and since I am not familiar with their culture. I want to learn as much as I can about him and his family to make a clear and prayerful decision as to if I should continue in the relationship or not. When I was going to stop talking to him after I busted him, he called me and begged me not to stop talking to him and not to leave him. He texted and called like crazy professing his love for me and that he knows that God brought me into life and that I am to be his wife.

Are all Nigerians the type of men that profess love to a woman they have never met. We have been talking for about a week going on two and he has all but proposed, wants me to meet his mother and come to his house in SC. This is new for me and would love comment.

Be very careful. For one, Nigerian men throw the word "love" around immediately! As a whole, it doesn't mean the same to them as it does to us. Also, wait to get involved with this man when he is in the states. You wouldn't believe how many dating sites these guys use. If you can see anything else that I've posted I stick by what I say because i've been dealing with Nigerians for about 10 years and just recently married one. I love my husband and he loves me, I'm happy as a lark but even if he read what you have written, he'd tell you not to trust the guy. He's explained to me in full detail how they run these scams to get American wives, the lies that are told, the entire thing. Since I am happily married to a Nigerian man, I won't deter you from your own happiness but trust your gut and use your smarts

FORUM QUESTION

I just went to page 1 of this section and saw postings dating back to 2007 and 2008. Do any of those women still post? Has anyone had a successful on-line Nigerian marriage? I'm just curious since the postings are that old and the few that I scanned had the same theme, "so in love" "met on line" "getting married". Did it actually happen and has it been everything that you hoped for?

He's one of the Nigerian scammers no doubt and figures it easier to get a white american woman versus another. Like I've stated, I've known plenty for years and have been taught all the tricks and methods. Somewhere there is a lonely woman seeking attention and then he will pounce. Sad but true!

osram: m not only interested that they are white,i also do love and cherish them because of their livestyle(simple) and also they are trustworthy,faithful,submisive and obidient.

This is hysterical! I am a black woman married to a Nigerian man and I am all of those things TO HIM! He is a great man and husband, I am treated with love and respect and because of his treatment of me, I am loyal, faithful, submissive and obedient! Women (regardless of race) can be good wives or bad ones. I have an alpha personality in all that I do but that leaves once I'm with my husband. HE is the MAN and I love the man that he is

Nigerian men can be very demanding but that is because they are raised as Alpha men, they are supposed to lead,provide and protect their family. This is not something most American women are accustomed too and that causes the breakdown. A very close friend has been married to a Nigerian man for over 10 years and it was hard but it was hard because she had grown so accustomed to being the LEADER in her home, they clashed. I recently married a Nigerian male, and my husband is understanding, romantic, intimacy is more about me than him BUT I am also the type of woman that demands to be treated a certain way, regardless of nationality. He is the head of the household, as he should be, I've been head of my household for 20 years, it's good to be stress free and leave things up to him. We maintain a balance in our home that works for us. Also, it takes at least 5 years to become a US Citizen. I find it hard to believe that these men changed so dramatically 5 years later. There is a form that you sign when going through the USCIS forms, that makes a spouse legally and financially responsible for the foreign spouse, if a person wants to be a jerk, they'll become one once that paperwork is submitted. Unless you are willing to say your marriage is a fraud and face jail time, you're going to know much sooner than 5 years if your spouse is a jerk or not. The form is I-864, google it and read it.

The ones that have done fraud have been pretty up front about it. I've been asked several times with the offer of money. Due to my beliefs on marriage, I wouldn't do it. The best way to know that it's the real deal is for him to be willing to marry you in Nigeria, legally. If a man is unwilling to marry you there as well as here, then you're probably dealing with a scam artist. You must register there like you have to do here, do not fall just for the familial celebration, you are not legally recognized as a spouse with rights to his property or anything in Nigeria. I've spent the past 10 years friends with Nigerians, I was taught plenty
Meeting family and friends doesn't mean anything, this is a common practice period when Nigerian men start dating an American woman.

I'm also sure that no one goes around looking for an ahole, but when you see that you have one, it's time to leave. I am 40, I've dated some aholes but it was my choice because I was still in my own "play" mode. Fast forward 20 years later and these exes are still good friends, we grew up together and understood that we were young and having fun. Now, for a woman to marry a man that is an ahole, I don't get that. If he was one before the marriage, how can you possibly believe he'll change after? I do know someone that was duped, he was one way and when they got married, he became another. She is a great woman and worked it out but she didn't like him for the first 2.5 years of her marriage, me on the other hand would have ended it immediately. Life is too short to be unhappy and some people sacrifice the wrong things just to say they are married. My husband and I have disagreed and see things totally different on several things but they do not compromise the core of who we are as individuals nor as a couple. It's a difference of opinion and we move on. Having a happy marriage with trust and mutual respect and a TON of communication, is what we care about. He helps with the dishes, he cooks, and does all the things that they say Nigerian men don't do. He does what he does because of his relationship to me. People do to you what you allow them to do, that has nothing to do with culture, race or anything. I can be a sweetie or a bitch, it really comes down to how I choose to interact with another individual and they can either take it or leave it, it's totally up to the other party to know their worth instead of letting another person dictate what they think their worth is.

In my google search for one thing, I found this place. I am a happily married black american woman married to a Nigerian. I was reading some of the stories on here and I must say they are truly sad. My husband is affectionate, attentive and has treated me like a Queen since day one. I've been around Nigerians for about 10 years, a close friend is married to one and in those 10 years, not one has remotely held my interest. My husband came to the states to party, I met him for the sole purpose of hanging out with him for the summer since I wasn't seeing anyone, I was going to play tour guide Low and behold the day I met him, I knew I was going to marry him and 3 months later I did just that. Our home is filled with love and fun. He has made a huge sacrifice, he misses home and at some point we are going to get married there and have the entire shabang wedding.
I say all of this to say, people need to trust their gut. If it feels off then you are probably right. I've always been a damn good judge of character, which is one of the main reasons I kept all the Nigerian males I've met over the years at arms length. I even tease him and tell him that I will probably get deported because of all the stupid crap you're required to do when you marry a non-us citizen! I get it, some marriages are frauds and I'm pretty sure I've witnessed a fake one or two for the sole purpose of getting citizenship.
I've been telling him about some of the things I've read online. Yes, he is an alpha male, which I love alpha males as I have an alpha personality myself. He is not a control freak, but he is the head of the household. I am not denied anything at all, he's even agreed to something that I know for a fact Nigerian men would never agree too!
Ladies listen to your gut it doesn't lie, you know when you have a rotten apple and when you have a King!