₦airaland Forum

Who really owns a man? His mother or wife? AN ARGUMENT:
Mother: My son must obey me unless he didn'tsuck my breast for 1yr. Wife: He sucks mine nowand sucked it for more than 5yrs and is still sucking.
Mother: I carried him for nine months.
Wife: He was only 3.5kg then, so what's the big deal? I carry him every night and he is 85kg now. Mother: He passed between my legs with pains.
Wife: Hahaha, he only passed there once, he stays between my legs like everyday and I scream with pains each night.
Pls WHO OWNS A MAN?
Kindly Post your answer.
Don't spoil the fun plssss
- Who Truly Own a Man??

Never argue with a man, just use your brains like this lady.
A woman went on a night out with her friends, her husband is furious and tells the kids that when she comes back they must not open the door for her.
At about 12 o'clock the woman comes back and knocks. The husband tells her "Go back and sleep where u are coming from".
The woman answered" I'm not here to sleep, I'm here to collect condoms from my hand bag on top of the table or give it to me, there are lots of men at the party!"
The husband opened the door and said; "idiot", you are not going anywhere!"

01- what is Destiny and kadar?
02- Who carried and lead prophet muhammad to visit Almighty Allah?
03- which Surat come first to prophet MUHAMAD?
04- HOW MANY BISMILAHI RAHAMON RAHEEM in holy quran?
05- which surah doesn't start with BISIMILAHI RAHAMON RAHEEM?
06- Why there are so many religions if there is only one God? 07-Which is the second largest religion in the world?
08-Who can take Zakat money? 09-How many verses (ayat) are in Holy Quran?
10-How many Surah are in Holy Quran?
11-What are the main religious festivals of Muslims?
12- Where was Prophet Muhammad born?
13-how can a poor man live happily?
14- who does not believe in the existence of GOD?
15- Who was mother of prophet muhammad?
16- Which prophet next after ADAM?
17-How many Prophets name are mentioned in The Holy Qu'ran? 18- If whole human race is from Adam & Eve , then why some are white Arians, some are black Niger’s, some are Yellow Mongolians & some are brown mixture ? 19-Who wrote QURAN?
20- who wrote BIBLE?

CONVERSATION BETWEEN LOLLY & JUNIOR!
Junior: hello who dey call?
Lolly: it's me Lola Animasahun!
Junior: Lolly Babe! U remember my side today?
Lolly: u know that I'm the caring type but school wouldn't allow me visit u. Where are u? And what are u doing?
junior: I dey chill for town! I dey on BB right now!
Lolly: u are a bigger boy now Oooooh! junior: na the levels be that! Always on BB level
Lolly: Do u know what Today's date is?
junior: not at all!
Lolly: U are not caring at all! U've forgotten that today is my Birthday!
junior: I dey sorry Lolly! Na wetin make u call me be that?
Lolly: just want to invite u over to my hostel to make my day!
junior: that one na small thing na!
Lolly: Ehen! Get me something special Oooh! junior: like wetin?
Lolly: I want to be on BB also!
junior: that one na small level for me to arrange! AFTER 3Hours junior Arrived with a brown bag with 4corner shape!
Lolly: JEZZZZ!!!
I guess it's Bold5! junior: shey na becos of BB u dey shout like this? She gave junior everything he wanted! AFTER EVERYTHING- Junior: Lol Babe! I wan move! Take ur BB Lolly: let me see u off fast, can't wait to see my BB! AFTER 10 Minutes junior Phone Rings-
bukky: hello Mr junior, ur Gal friend fainted just now after opening a brown bag that contains Bread and Beans Junior: Na still BB na!

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AN OPEN LETTER TO BILL GATES
TO: Bill Gates Microsoft
FROM: Engr. Adex
SUBJECT: Problems With My New Computer. Dear Mr. Bill Gates, We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a 'START' button but there is no 'STOP' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 'RESCOOTER' is available in this system? I find only 'RECYCLE' but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'FIND' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key and we've tried a lot to trace the key with this 'FIND' button, but was unable to trace it. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'MICROSOFT WORD' now he wants to learn 'MICROSOFT SENTENCE', so when will u provide that?
5. There's MICROSOFT OFFICE, what about MICROSOFT HOME since I use the PC at home.
6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse& keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY COMPUTER', when will u provide the remaining items?
7. Last one Mr. Bill Gates sir, why is it that your name is Gates yet you sell WINDOWS? Regards,

A girl mistakenly sent an sms 2 her father instead of her father' number (my sweetdaddy & my sweetheart)
saying; Sweetheart I don't want 2 abort this pregnant cos I might damage my womb, don't 4get this would be d 17th one I will be aborting4 u, but don't worry am preparing my parent food, I will poison both of them, so we can acquire their property 4 ourselves alone. Love u dear.
Question: What will u do if u were her father? Be sincere.

A Conversation Between A Dying Father (2012) And His Son (2013)
2012: My son I'm tired.
2013: Why? 2012: My time is up, I will be going to join your fore fathers.
2013: I know, your time is over... I will miss you Dad.
2012: Let me tell you some things before I go.
2013: What is it Dad?
2012: Please when I go, make sure you take care of this person.
2013: Who?
2012: The person READING this conversation of ours.
2013: Okay.
2012: I made some promises to this person during my reign, I fulfilled some, and some I couldn't.
2013: But why couldn't you fulfill all dad? 2012: Well, my son time and human factors affected some of the promises....
2013: But...
2012: But surely, I spoke with God on this person's behalf, and God granted my wish that you may fulfill the rest promises that I couldn't. So these are the rest of the fulfillment you will carry out on this person. 2013: Go on dad.
2012: Stabilize this person's health all through yourreign there shall be no sickness! Open a direct link between God and this person.
2013: Done, carry on Dad.
2012: Ensure that this person's dreams come to reality within the shortest period of time.
2013: Alright.
2012: Give this person wealth that will touch lives of multitudes.
2013: Surely.
2012: Make sure that you remove all remaining hindrances to success from this person's way and make the year a huge success.
2013: I will dad, no problem!
2012: Pay more emphasis on the advice of this person's friends, don't worry about that of this person's enemies, God will take care of that! Get it?
2013: Yes
2012: Finally, promise me that when your own time isup, you will instruct this to your offspring after offspring (2014 & the others) to keep positive fulfillment of this person going!
2013: Yes dad, may God help me!
2012: Now I can pass to the beyond happily! May you be prosperous!!!
2013: Amen.

A Boy Was Teaching A Girl Math. He Kissed Her, Then Kissed Her Again & Said, This Is Addition.
Then The Girl Kissed Him Back & Said, This Is Subtraction.
Then They Kissed Each Other & Said, This Is Multiplication.
Suddenly The Girl's Dad Came & Beat Up The Boy ,
Threw Him Away & Said mary This Is Division

If God would grant you any ONE request NOW, what would you choose?
1. Eternal Life
2. Love
3. Wisdom
4. Wealth
5. Health
6. Peace
7. Power
8. Humility
9. Fame
10. Others( please specify)
*Be honest coz u never know,God might be here on this page Today.

A Primary three teacher was having trouble with one of her students little johnny .
The teacher asked, "johnny, what is your problem?"
johnny answered, "I'm too smart for Primary three. My sister is in Primary six and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary six too!"
The Teacher had enough. She took the johnny to the Headmaster's office. .. While the johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the Headmaster what the situation was.
The Headmaster told the teacher he would give the johnny a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to Primary three and behave. She agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Headmaster: "What is 3 x 3?"
johnny: "9".
Headmaster: "What is 6 x 6?"
johnny: "36".
And so it went with every question the Headmaster thought a Primary three pupil should know.
The Headmaster looked at the teacher and told her, "I think the johnny can go to Primary six."
The teacher said to the Headmaster, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?" The Headmaster and the johnny both agreed.
The teacher asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
johnny, after a moment "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
johnny: "Pockets."
Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
johnny: "Coconut"
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The Headmaster's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, the johnny was taking charge.
johnny: "Bubblegum"
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The Headmaster's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer... johnny: "Shake hands"
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
johnny: "Yep!"
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
johnny: "Tent"
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Headmaster was looking restless, a bit tensed.
johnny: "Wedding Ring"
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
johnny: "Nose"
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
johnny: "Arrow."
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
johnny: "Fire-truck"
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if you don't get it you have to use your hand.
johnny: "Fork"
Teacher: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than in others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
johnny: "Surname"
Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love? johnny: "HEART" The Headmaster breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send johnny to College, I got the last ten question wrong myself..
DO YOU KNOW AIM OF THIS TEACHER'S QUESTION AND HIS EXPECT ANSWER? HIT THE LIKE BUTTON — AND COMMET.

JUNIOR caught his Dad red handed wit d maid. Dad told d junior, take dis #500 & don't tell ur Mum pls.
Akpors answered. But Dad dis unfair, #500 is too small for me,, becos Mum gav me #1,000 when i caught her wit d gate man last week!!!

Husband & wife were arguing on who is d most Coward & Scared between dem. After a long argument, they decided to ask their 2 kids who they think was d most Coward & Scared between them. The first Kid (Junior)says: Dad is d most Coward cos, 1: "He's scared of women: Whenever he sees a Beautiful lady in town; He closes his one eye (i.e- WINKs @ d LADY)...... Wife realizing d meaning was very angry with her husband" The Second kid (faith)says: "dat is nothing My Daddy is not coward as our mummy becos, Mummy is so Scared (coward) to Sleep alone When DAD works Night shift, MUMMY Sleeps with d Man next door; Sometimes She invites d GARDENER or Uncle KINGSLEY to Sleep wit Her. Sometimes Uncle Mayowa d Youth Corper, after leaving ur room even escort her to the bathroom & bath with her just because she's scared. HUSBAND FAINTED IMMEDIATELY! —

I Was on a sit in a taxi chatting with my friend on facebook and suddenly discovered that the man sitting beside me was reading my conversation. Since i did not want to embarrass the man, i decided to change the topic of the chat; Abeg oga, please tell Kabiru Sokoto or Abu Qaqa that I only took two of the bombs we just manufactured for this operation. Let them know as well that I may find it difficult to get to the target place before the bombs explode because there is terrible traffic jam now but nevertheless, I am sure casualty figure will be high since we are five in our taxi and all the vehicles in the traffic will be affected too. We have less than 3minutes for the bomb to go off bye bye and take care of my parents and siblings as agreed. The Man, without allowing the taxi to stop quickly opened the taxi door and jumped out.

If WITCH marry THIEF and born ASHEWO! who go dey house in the night

-> People Born in
•January- Bold and alert
•Febuary-Lucky and loyal
•March-Naughty and genius
•April- Caring and strong
•May-Loving and practical
•June-Romantic and Curious •July-Adventurous and Honest •August-Active and Hardworking •September-Sensitive and pretty •October-Stylish and friendly •November-Nice and creative •December-Confident and freedom loving. Plz tell me where u fall in?coz my own is JULY

An elderly lady was well-known for her Iman and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say Alhamdulilah "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by. Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There is no Lord!!" Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer" Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME BREAD!!" The atheist (Unbeliever) happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of RICE and shouted, "Alhamdulilah, Allah be praised!." The UNBELIEVER MAN jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought the RICE, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "ALHAMDULILAH WA SHUKRILLAH”. He not only sent me Rice, but he made his servant to pay for me!"

=*True Incident: A young man in a village refused to believe that Allah has total control of everything. He claimed that Allah cannot make him eat food if he didn't want to eat. To prove his point, he decided to stay hungry for a day and see if Allah can make him eat. His mother tried her best to stop this foolishness but he paid no attention. Annoyed of his mother in the evening, he decided to climb a tree and isolate himself there. Being compassionate, his mother decided to leave the food under the tree incase her son finally gives up and wants to eat. When the night fell, a group of robbers were passing by that tree. They noticed a plate of delicious food placed under the tree. They looked at each other in amazement and thought that someone must be playing a trick on them. May be someone is trying to poison them with good food. They looked around to see if there was anyone nearby and noticed the young man on top of the tree. The robbers got him down and told him to eat the food to see if it is poisoned. But the young man refused to eat as he is still carrying on his challenge against Allah. The robbers became suspicious and started beating the young man to eat. He gave up and started eating. Seeing that the food was not poisoned, the robbers left him and went away. Finally, the young man admitted that yes, Allah has total control of everything!

The conversation between Two LOVERS:
BOY;--Hello my Dear. how are you today?
GIRL:- Am fine my Honey, how is your night?
BOY:- I want you to come to my house by weekend!
GIRL:- Sorry dear! I have no time at all, Friday is preparation day for my aunty's wedding, Saturday is wedding day while Sunday is Thanks giving day. so, am occupied.
BOY:- ok. I just want to carry you for chopping as I promised to buy that BB phone, your wears and give you the money you request:
Girl:- My sweetheart! I will find chance, be expect me on friday morning, even I can stay play with for a week.
BOY:- but! what of that your Sister's wedding?
GIRL:- 4GET, no any wedding at all, am just play with you.
BOY:- Sorry my LOVE, am just joking with you!!!
who is FOOL who

An akada girl and her boy friend were on a walk and she saw shoe she liked and this following conversation occured:
Girl-->Dear! I 4got my purse at home, pls borrow me #5,000 to buy this shoe b4 we get home.
Guy-->There is no ATM close here but take #100 for bike, go home and bring your purse.
Is this guy SHARP or STINGY

A lawyer have a Luv to his girl Friend inside his car along the road side on gating home his Wife saw d girl's PANT on d back sheet of d car, She got mad and tore it 2 pieces screaning; Honey! Honey!! what's this the husband calmly replied: wao! My God, Why are u do that? U just destroyed the EVIDENCE of a abuse case worth millions of naira am handlin........imediately, she fell on her kneen and apologise to her husband. Honey, Plz 4give me!!!
judge d case~~~

WHAT CAN WE REMOVE OUT OF THE FOLLOWING OPTION TO MAKE NIGERIA BETTER.
A. BOKOHARAM
B. FUEL SUBSIDY
C. PRESIDENT JONATHAN
D. BAD ECONOMY
E. NONE OF D ABOVE

Can somebody help me write OLUWASEUN OMOSEWA in japanese Language.

Can somebody help me write OLUWASEUN OMOSEWA in japanese Language.
note: Airtel daily free browsing 10MB data code is available for the first 10 person.

NOTE:
USE THIS JAPAN ALPHABETS to write your NAME or NICKNAME:
A=ka, B=tu, C=mi, D=te, E=ku, F=lu, G=ji, H=ri, I=ki, J=zu, K=me, L=ta, M=rin, N=to, O=mo, P=no, Q=ke, R=shi, S=ari, T=chi, U=do, V=ru, W=mei, X=na, Y=fu, Z=zi

my nane in JAPANESE is:
ADEX= katekuna
write your own name in JAPANESE LANGUAGE!!!!!

In my Kontiri:
Our phone--wireless.
Car-----keyless,
cooking--fireless,
Food---fatless
Dress---sleveless,
Youth--Jobless.
Leader--Shameless,
Relationship---Meaningless,
Wife---heartless.
Education--valueless.
Children---mannerless,
Bokoharam--mercyless..
our country---Saveless.

*contribute ur own by ''less

-If a Barber make a mistake, it's a new style.
-If an engineer make a mistake, it's a new venture.
-If a driver make a mistake, it's a new path.
-If a politician make a mistake, it's a new Law.
-If a scientist make a mistake, it's an invention.
- If a Tailor make a mistake, it's a new fashion.
-If a pilot make a mistake, it's what?
---when a Drive make a great mistake, the result is WHAT?
**TRY TO WRITE MORE BY YOURSELF

*Father : junior, why are failed and teacher said you are not PROMOTE.
*Junior: Yes, Dad! I have reason for not to promote,
*Father: explain your reason!
*Junior: Since most of our Politician are now trying for second term in office....
*Father: when then?
*Junior: I have decided to repeat and go for my second term in class.
*Junior: Is anything bad in that?

*Allah the creator is the God. *Near Him for salvation,
*Pray to Him for safety,
*Worship Him for your Soul,
*Praise Him for betterment.