[quote author=Mynd_44]
Erm.........
**grabs a dictionary***

what was not clear to my brother -mynd

You've done a nice job; but a lot needed to be done. Perhaps i should wait and see the end first.

Are we at the end of this story? Please say... so i can comment. I don't want my criticism here now; but i'll like to advice you to bind this together as a book, after it's been completed and edited -i think there're people (a lot of readers), who would love to read a piece like this; but seriously: the work needs a lot of typographical and syntactical re-arrangement.

TO CHINUA ACHEBE'S MEMORY

From afar, is the sound i heard;
Sounded from the Iroko that Fell.
Alas! The finest Gold has melt,
Like the beautiful ship that recked.

Sure; you can't be buried with your name.
Your great and wonderful name,
will never seize to reign.

The fall of a great Iroko
Forms dyke for its river to flow.

To a journey, went the light;
And closer, comes the night!

The red sand owns the cover
to the life and death border;
but your work can't be covered
but will alway highly hover.

Adieu, prof. Chinua Achebe
It's a call everyone obeys

I've decided to finish reading the story before commenting on it; and these are my observations:
* You have a poor syntactic arrangement -but this doesn't mean you have a poor story;
* punctuation is another important tool which seemed to be missing out of this story; and
* You need to spell your word(s) completely.
* My criticism is not aimed at discouraging you; it is aimed at improving your writing. I don't want to say much, but i think you have a very nice story. Keep it up!

**Unstopable Move**
With my brain in my hands, there must be progression;
and like the unstopable move of buldozer, no retrogression.
The fact that our ballot box
is the content of our leaders' travelling box
does not stop the beauty of star light
even in the most darkest night.
The government coffer
is our leaders' platter;
and our nation's project plan
has died a misterious death
in the hands of that wicked sword
of that fist of the flipant crown.
Our safety has travelled very far,
leaving our helpless souls on the blades of that favourable slotter!
Speedy was the discription
of mr. Justice's relocation
from my lovely nation
and still in that speedy motion
and here comes a great mansion
accomodating mr. Corruption.
Those past beautiful hours
now taste so sour.
I patiently await the rebirth
of that crown that had melt
in our wrong leaders' net.

I have a few lines of poetry, but not until i have commended everyone's efforts!
********************
**The Waning Soul**

Shiny like the sun,
was the beauty of her song!

Calm like a gentle flow of stream,
was that beautiful dream.

The memory of that beautiful smile can never fade,
like the beauty of the dale's dhalia had never wane.

In the city of thought i wondered,
like the helpless mad man meandered.

Like the glitter of the shining star,
was that smile that never last!
In front of the red sand i gazed,
in awe of that gentle soul that's waned!

(may your soul RIP)

It's a very nice story. Keep it up.

[

If you're a good writer, you're self-employed already my brother! The whole money anybody needs in this wide wicked world is all in the pocket of men; all you need do is provide the service and they will beg on their knees to give you the money - not you asking!
Have you ever thought of why MTN, Etisalat, Airtel, Globacom and other GSM network provider never beged you to buy their air-time? The simple answer is because they had provided the service; and you pay in turn to subscribe!
The beginning of every successful journey is tough though! Endure the heat life hits you with; it will soon cool off!
What exactly do you write on - may i ask?