U can only cheat on someone whose mind and soul is still in a relationship, but since the husband doesn't even care if u know he's cheating or not I doubt he'll give a hoot about ur escapades. That might even give him reasons to pack his bag and leave or pack ur loads outsides. Sometimes we do something's and we regret our actions later.Lots of of women r going thru what u r going thru and some ve resolved to prayers, some divorced and some ur type of life. I tried that once and I was so bitter with myself, I wanted to get back at my husband but after my first experience I was so miserable and I knew then and there I couldn't do it. No matter what my husband does I know I wouldn't be able to do it. I couldn't even bring myself to pray with my children or hug them and kiss them cos I felt so filthy. Funny enough we had a terrible incident not too long ago and it's made him submit himself to the will of God. He's actually making progress and doesn't wanna go anywhere in d evening or weekends especially with some "friends" except am with him. Everyday he's renewing his mind with word of God. He's always asking me to help and that he never wants to fail again. Am only telling the writer this and every other encouraging her to continue that there is nothing on this earth without a solution and that God can actually do all things. I remain prayerful and that which the Lord has started in my marriage will surely last. MEN ARE ACTUALLY MOVED BY WHAT THEY SEE. with half clad women every where it's only the grace of God that sustains.

vivian chinaza:

Ok.....I have gotten the facts I needed since divorce is not an option for u. I'm gonna say something but you have to know I'm not married, I don't know what it is like her to be married or be in your shoes......so I might be wrong, so sieve everything I'm gonna say ok.

1. Stop flirting with the other guy, it will confuse you the more and land you into bigger mess.
2. Be the best wife you can be now, oh God its gonna be hard I know, but you have to try, be charming, sexy, full of smiles, no more nagging or crying, just be unpredictable ok, do the things you normal don't do often, make him his favourite meals all the time. Do those things you used to do when you were single, u remember those breath taking outfits? Now is the to rock them more! Oh God, I understand u rather punch him right now but you have to fake it if you can!

Reason: it will make him wonder! "What's this woman upto?" It will draw him closer to you cos he would wanna find out what's up with you. Keep doing that and don't tell say a word to him yet.

3. Since you have a job, concentrate on it, take a step higher if you wish, go for a course if u want. I'm assuming you can balance these two aspects of your life.

4. Concentrate more on your kids......be charming to them, teach them something new!

5. Rearrange your bedroom, repaint it if you can. Just change this about your bedroom.

Remember you haven't said a word to him about your problem all this while. And trust me by now he is very curious to know what's up with you......now is the time to talk. Send your kids on a play date, choose a conducive atmosphere, hand him a plate of his favourite,this will make him comfortable. Now he is happy, comfortable and curious, this is the time to talk to him with a heavy heart.........Now let your tears flow freely without saying a word.......let those anger out in just tears, let him see how hurt you are, he is your husband, let him see how his habit has affected you, if he is a man who can't stand your tears he will be more confused now......then open your mouth and talk to him, you know how best to reach him, remind him of your special days, the love you guys shared and what you have built together, while you do this don't get your eyes off his face......maintain the eye contact, look him deep in the eyes and then ask him this "is this all worth it? Is those ladies outside worth our marriage? Are u willing to sacrifice all we have laboured and built over the years? Put yourself in my shoes, the you know how much this hurt me and the kids? While u still do that, maintain the eyes contact........pause a little, and be silent, let him break the silence himself..........depending on what he says, tell him how much you love him and how much you are willing to forgive him.
I believe by now he will feel remorse unless he is really a beast......go into his arms and cry, when you are done crying, listen to his heartbeat.

Now he has felt remorse (assuming),,,,,,start from there! Start working on your marriage, go see a marriage counsellor........do the things you did when you were dating......be young and silly(pls I'm not being offensive) again.

Madam work on yourself! I believe you are not completely innocent here, no more nagging! Be a wife and not a competitor!

Above all, invite God into your marriage (especially the places that talk about marriage), read the bible together, make sure everybody says what he/she understands, pray together especially every morning holding his hands.......all pray for him always in your lonely times!

I don't even know if I'm making sense at all but what more can I say? I'm just a child.

I feel your pain and frustration but all I'm gonna do is wish you GOODLUCK.

Thank you.

sunnshyn: Mrs Ajokealako,

Ako yin po! Lol...

E wo, you need to speak with him about this. Communication is key. Let him know that you know about he's philandering ways! Listen to him, hear him out.. From what you've said so far, you've both been married for quite sometime and I also noted you said he treats you well.

Don't throw your beautiful marriage down the drains, e wo, flirting with that old buddy wouldn't do you any good in the long run, it will only further ruin the wonderful marriage you have both taken years to build.

Seek Godly counsel, so you do what is right.

Don't be deceived Aunty mi, there's no perfect marriage anywhere, don't consider Divorce o, it shouldn't be anywhere on your mind, you are both christians, and as christians we weren't promised a life without battles, this is your own battle, and triumph is all that counts at the end of the day!

As for Brother mi, just speak with him, shey e gbo? It may even have been peer pressure or one of those things men do for ego-sake. Just talk to him, I'm sure he's also a good man, he'll listen if only you'll handle this issue with great patience and maturity. Even if you have to fight, fight with love, remember all the fond memories you both have, remember the lovely kids..

Never stop praying, we need to keep praying for our men, their heart is in God's hand shebi the bible said so...

It is well ma, e ni suru, shey e gbo!


Do away with that old buddy o...God wouldn't like that ra ra....shebi one person said: an eye for an eye will only end up making the whole world blind...don't pay evil for evil..

God bless you ma!!

Thank you. I guess I might eventually talk to someone who can talk with him.

Mynd_44:
That is the problem with you people. You keep on making excuses for him and he keeps cheating and hurting you. Are you so silly that you don't realise that he will cheat whether or not he has money? A man that will be unfaithful will be no matter how much he has.
I don't forgive infidelity from men or women and any man who cheats on his wife only shows that she is incapable of meeting his standards. In other words ma'am, you are less of a woman to your husband and he need the other women on the side to complete him. To him, you are not enough and you never will be.
All men are not like this and you don't have to live like that either. Do you really want your kids to grow up with the mentality that it is okay for their husbands to cheat and they can also flirt and eventually cheat? Please stop being silly.
And yes I still say you are desperate to be or stay married

I am not making excuses for him, but to me marriage is much more than what u think. And let me make something clear. And I know it will surely kill him if by any means the children finds out that type of thing. They don't even know we argue. I make enough money than most Nigerian men. The only reason I spoke on dis forum was because I know nobody knows me. why would u advice me to get divorce. I have 3 little children the last being 2+ What do I tell them. He's never raised his hands on me for once. Will you be willing to accept someone like me with 3 children and raise them like ur own. Maybe you've never really been married or u just haven't married someone u really love to know how difficult it is to leave the person for ever. I married for love and I never in million years think dis would happen.

vivian chinaza:

Madam, is this a long distance marriage? Or you guys live together now?

We've never lived apart except maybe occasional traveling

Mynd_44: And I think your idea of chatting with another guy is just silly. You should just get out of the marriage cos this will eventually end the marriage. So now you are living like two strangers and you both are cheating and this is what you like?
You have issues or maybe its the fact that he pays the bills that is the problem here

All ye men are just hypocrites. All ur advice boils down to divorce and am 100percent u would do worse than him if u find same fortune the same age he is.

[quote author=vivian chinaza]Madam, this is a delicate issue, honestly I'm scared to say a word cos this is marriage we are talking about here.

So I'm gonna ask, pls answer me.....is divorce an option for you? Do you have a job?
[/quote
No divorce is not an option for me and yes I do have a very lucrative job. I tried sometimes last year not to pick his calls for just 4 days while I was away with the kids and he was yet to join us.And my children wanted to kill me asking after him. Especially my daughter who's is 7 and kept saying daddy always calls even when we are not together. How come he hasn't called. I didn't have an option but to pick his call.

MRbrownJAY: i am trying to understand what exactly you are saying, but cant finger it....... ONE thing that i've understood very clearly is that your husband is a serial cheater, and you've decided to FORGIVE HIM. oh well, we all know how you "desperate to be married" women think and i hope you feel just the same the day he gets one of these women pregnant (or better yet catch a deadly disease, infect you and make your children possible orphans)

.
Mr brown, point of correction I wasn't a desperate to be married type. We dated for 4 yrs before we eventually got married. I agreed to marry him cos he never gave me any reason to doubt him. We were inseparable and always together. I didn't ask for ur type of advice. Am 34 and to some extent I know good from bad. I just wanted to unburden my heart. I don't think u r any different from him, with d way u judged

Am a wife and a mother of 3 very adorable children. I met and married my husband while we were both trying to become somebody, he works with one of this multinational coys now. I thought I had a wonderful marriage until 3yrs ago when my husband got a blackberry. For 6 yrs I never had any reason to suspect my husband of infidelity. And no reason whatsoever to go through his phone. I got to found out my husband was cheating on me when he stepped out of the car one day to talk with some people and I was in the car waiting for him. The phone kept buzzing, I picked the phone to try and answer the call but realized it was the pinging thing. I got curious when i saw the face of a girl beside the message, and immediately another face appeared and it was another girl. Apparently he was chatting with some people before I went to pick him up. Curiosity got the better part of me and I battled with the phone till I was able to read all the messages. By the time I finished, sweat was all over me and I was shaking and I realized not only did I not know my husband I didn't even know what he was capable of doing. From the messages I got to know he had slept with a married friend of ours. And they were even planning to meet again. I couldn't even talk to anybody cos even in my family he is a saint. I didn't say a word to him for 5days. I cried my heart out. He begged, cried, called like 100 times a day from office, but I was too sad to even open my mouth. My mom thot it was pregnancy that made me sick. I decided to forgive him after a while cos my house was like a graveyard no laughter nothing even my landlady noticed because I always see him to the car before I go back in and get ready. Never knew that was the genesis of many more tears and lies. I have prayed and fasted so much that sometimes i get discouraged. kept malice, got angry, the only thing have never done is spoke about it. Even in church they see us as one of the most adorable couples. He is a good father to the children. I get whatever I want especially when am angry. He's never abused or maltreat me in anyway. I drive the best of cars and we've never spent summer in Nigeria. He tries deleting messages and calls before getting home and even stores some names as guys name. But I always find out somehow. I've resolved to keep chatting and flirting with an old buddy of mine I met recently at the airport. And I realized for the past 2 months I've not checked my husband's phone or pick a quarell with him. By the time he returns from work am filled with erotic nonsense and even imagine the guy making love to me. Not sure if I want to go to the next level but for now since we live in different states am okay with that. Before u judge and blame and crucify me I think I like the new found peace in my home. Why can't my husband understand that not all Nigerian women are comfortable with infidelity. I hear lots of pple say if the man is taking care of you then u should be grateful. I know he's happy have not gotten sad over any issue. Let's keep it that way.

There is really nothing wrong with taking care of someones mother inlaw. I think it's just a proper thing for couples to know how much they want to give thier parents if not monthly may be every 2 months. The bible tells us to take care of our parents. I believe even when they ve u should still show gratitude by giving them something , it tells dem ur not an ingrate but a daugther or son who ve dem in mind. No matter what pple say I strongly believe u still make out something for her every month end no matter how small. 20 or 30£ won't kill u. Her survival might depend on dat money u know. God loves a cheerful giver.

ote author=Lady Amaka]He doesn't have money to help him but has 1.8million to pay cash? Some relatives nawaoo but the younger brother went to the extreme.[/quote]. U re just an idiot. Couldn't he ve waited for when d brother will be ready to help him out. I don't blame u, apparently u've never worked for money in yah damn life.