₦airaland Forum

Enjoy this, in the same lighter mood
Dear All,

Before reading the followings,promise not to be bias especially all the female ones on my correspondence.I found the whole thing to be the truth and nothing but the truth.You cannot discountenance the result of months of painstakingly conducted reserach just like that.All the males on this forum should please pray for me o.I surely will get some bashing from the females.What a merry xmas.


MALE VS FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE


A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:


'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.


Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.


After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1, Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


*******************************


FEMALE PROCEDURE:
(What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!)


1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

It is not easy to be an atheist. "You can hardly find one man in ten thousand that has the goodness of heart, or the strength of mind to be an atheist". --Samuel Taylor Coleridge

YOU CANNOT PROVE A NEGATIVE!!!!!!!  That is the first trap you must not fall into!!!  The burden is on the theists who claim that there is a God to prove it.  If some one claims that there is a teapot revolving around the planet saturn , and now asks you to prove him wrong,  you tell him the burden is his to first prove his claim first before you can take his seriously.  As at today there is no evidence of a God, and until one is presented that can stand scrutiny, I will take the default position that there is probably none.  I even go further, theists don't even have a consistent definition of what they call ''God" , different religions have different definitions of what they call God, even different strands of the same religion.  Remember the maxim 'Man created God in his own image' ?  It puts it all in perspective.  Remember, never fall for the trap of being told to prove a negative.  It is impossible.  I wish you well as you go along the path of reason!!!

MY IMAGINARY CITY


Once upon a time, a long time ago, my world view was deeply religious. I was devoted to my religion and holy book. I felt well protected with the armour of God. My world appeared to be a city, meticulously constructed with beautiful engravings and huge halls. The walls were deep and strong, to keep us all safe from the corruption and sin of the outside world, and they were guarded by God to prevent Satan intruding. All in all, a very comfortable and safe place to live.

One day I wanted to just look up close at one of the engravings on a wall. It didn’t quite look right, and I just wanted to check that it wasn’t my eyesight. When I reached out to touch the engraving, to my horror my hand went right through. There was nothing but dust left of that engraving. I went to my preacher, as he would have to know about this. I showed him the hole, guiltily expecting him to berate me for it. Instead he acted as if he couldn’t see it. He commented upon how beautiful the engraving was, how neatly it fit in with the rest of the decorations, and how his father, and his father’s father had also admired this engraving.

As you can imagine this caught me a bit off guard, but I accepted that maybe it was me who was wrong. After all, he was expected to be much more intelligent that I was in matters like this, not to mention wiser. In a spirit of interest however, I went and had a look at some of the other sections of the city.
To my amazement I could knock down whole walls and rooms with hardly any effort. After a while I was pulling down the buildings just for the pleasure of being able to. Whenever I pulled down a structure I could see that people were still walking around in it as if nothing had happened. This confused me and scared me.

After a while I knocked down the outer wall, the one that protected me from all of the evil in the world. What I saw was a collection of similar cities and small towns. I went and had a look at a few of them, but I didn’t seem to be able to inhabit them, because again I could easily knock holes in the buildings, and find myself unwelcome.

Eventually from my standpoint all that I was left with was a huge flat plain. There was nothing left that could stand up to even the most simple investigation. Nothing was certain, everything crumbled. I could still see my family walking in the air as if their city was still there, but I could not talk to them because they were so far away.

The flat plain was definitely the most intimidating time for me. I could not talk to anybody. I had no shelter, no rules, no group. I spent many hours shouting for people to hear me in their imaginary cities, but to no avail. Perhaps this is what hell is like? No certainty, no authority, no faith, no deity. I tried everything.

Eventually I worked out that the only option available to me if I wanted somewhere to live was to build it myself. I started out with some building blocks that I knew couldn’t be knocked down. “Treat people the way you like to be treated”, “Learn before believing”, “Understand before judging”,
”Be honest with yourself”. These are plain and simple bricks, not the fancy marble
sculpturing that my old home had, but at least they are verifiably solid. They withstand the most rigorous scrutiny. The house is simple and I started to enjoy every day I spent in it.

My neighbours now look at me with a mixture of envy, fear and curiosity because I didn’t build my new house with any of the ‘usual materials’ that is commonplace in all the cities I visited. How could this house stand? Hmmm! How could it protect against all the dangers lurking in every corner, the principalities and powers, and rulers of darkness? No engravings or sculptures, just simple solid bricks, but they suffice for my home. I included a garden for contemplation, and I considered myself lucky to have such a large plain to build on. Now my house is how I want it, shape, size and décor. I few neighbours have come over to see how they could build a house like this. Some have started building, others are consumed with fear. I wish them well, in their journey to the real world.

dabriggs:
Suicide bombing, jihads, cutting off one's limbs, flogging one in public, marrying more than one wife, and so on are all allowed in Islam

In Christianity these are not rreallypermitted.

The first suicide bomber is in the blble!!!!!
His name is called SAMSON

Ivynwa:
Now don't be mad at me, by "tripping" here I mean "amazed, in awe of God". I happen to be of the school of thought that are very comfortable getting hippie with God. Haven't you seen how I have been making some noise for the Lord. I can sing to him, dance to him, give him a high five, shout to him, bow before him, love him , wave holy hands to him and trip for him. In his presence is fullness of joy.

I suspect this poster must have inhaled some smoke from some burning bush!!!

This your god smells like a typical nigerian policeman!  You can commit the most henious crime, but once you give him his cut in égunje', then you are 'saved'.

I am just curious. How much does this man pay as tithe? It is supposed to be 10% isnt it?

I think the poster means Akingbola should get the kind of prayer a judge says to a condemed man when sentencing him to death "I hereby sentence you to death by firing squad. May the Lord have mercy on your soul"

If you want to move mountains, use dynamite, not prayers

Ivynwa:
@Alaper and Mudley329(whatever)
The verse of the Bible that came to my mind on reading your posts is 1 samuel Ch 17 vs 26 where David on being old about the taunts of Goliath asked "Who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God"?

HOW DARE YOU TWO TALK DOWN ON GOD LIKE THAT? I pity you two and pray you don't rekindle his anger on you because I don't wish that on you. Our lives are in God's hands, he gives, he nourishes, he takes, he blesses who he chooses. He has his reasons for so doing. I do not blame you because you can only think like the humans you are as you simply can't figure him out as written in Isaiah 55:8-9: For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts
I can only leave you guys with these verses below to ponder on, always remember that He is an "AWEOME God" just as he is "UNFATHOMABLE"

Isaiah 43:11-13. I, even I, am the LORD; and beside me there is no saviour. I have declared, and have saved, and I have shewed, when there was no strange god among you: therefore ye are my witnesses, saith the LORD, that I am God. Yea, before the day was I am he; and there is none that can deliver out of my hand: I will work, and who shall let it?

Isaiah 40:21-25:Have ye not known? have ye not heard? hath it not been told you from the beginning? have ye not understood from the foundations of the earth? It is he that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, and the inhabitants thereof are as grasshoppers;[b] that stretcheth out the heavens as a curtain, and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in. That bringeth the princes to nothing; he maketh the judges of the earth as vanity.Yea, they shall not be planted; yea, they shall not be sown: yea, their stock shall not take root in the earth: and he shall also blow upon them, and they shall wither, and the whirlwind shall take them away as stubble.
TO WHOM THEN WILL YOU LIKEN ME, OR SHALL I BE EQUAL? [/b]saith the Holy One.

Now Roger that!

It seems this your God likes to boast! Is he trying to frighten or impress us? Can you send a message to him that I am not impressed!! You chaps seem to have his GSM no.! As for Isaiah, the man must be hallucinating or he must have inhaled some smoke from some burning bush

Ivynwa:
Let us glorify God with the Chileans as they achieved a breakthrough in the digging of that rescue hole which reached the miners today. There are great challenges ahead but May God who started this good work be faithful to complete it and bring relief to the families of these miners when they are finally rescued in a week or half. Glory be to God, somebody shout Alleluiah. Read up more on these and please do pray for them even if it is simply a statement of"God deliver these miners" Alleluiah.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101009/ap_on_bi_ge/lt_chile_mine_collapse

If you want us to glorify god for the rescue, I think you should first ask us to issue a query to this God for allowing them to be trapped in the first place He should have known before the accident that they were going to be trapped And he did nothing to prevent it?? or he could not see the future??(meaning he is not omniscient ) Or he saw it coming but was unable to do anything?? (meaning he is not omnipotent??) Or he could prevent it, but refused to do so?? (meaning he deliberately wanted them to suffer??) Heads or tails, this your God is no God!!

John Lennon put it very nicely in his song::  IMAGINE THERE IS NO RELIGION!!!  Everyone will be living a life of peace!!!!  That is the truth!!!

I don't understand this!! You mean believers are doomed to a life of suffering?? Me I de kampe!! I don't want to suffer O!! You have just made my day!! If you dont want to suffer, be an agnostic

While prayer may move mountains, but I think dynamite will work better!

The details of the study are here. Quite an eye opener!!  All born againers should come to me for bible study
http://gawker.com/5649907/study-atheists-know-the-most-about-religion



So if you have a question about god, ask an atheist. If you can't find one, a Jew will do in a pinch. Or a Mormon, I guess.

The first recorded suicide bomber is in the Bible!!! His name is called SAMSON!!!

Anybody knows what we mean when we say someone is poor!!!!! It is only in religion that a word or phrase can mean ten different things

Anybody knows what is meant when we say someone is poor!!! It is only in religion where a word or phrase can be twisted to mean ten different things

It is interesting that both of you are in agreement that your religions are barbaric!!! The arguement is about which one is more barbaric

Deep Sight:
For Ilosiwaju -

I drew this very rough image and I hope it will make some sense to you:

Surprises and coincidences only exist for those at groud level. Those with a bird's eye view see the pattern ahead of the event, and will be able to forsee the event.

This smells like a case of pareidolia Check these out!!
http://www.skepdic.com/pareidol.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareidolia

Joagbaje:
^^^^^^
that's what make it a miracle. Or Sarah and Abraham must have stolen a baby too.

Are you asserting that the Genesis story is historical fact? Genesis is pure myth!! The first issue anybody with the minimum of critical thinking skills will ask is "who wrote the Genesis story?" Obviously, it is not an eyewitness account! But when you read it, it gives the impression that there was a reporter there taking notes. The best it can be is that someone dreamt and claimed God told him! Genesis is theology not history

noetic16:
where are the atheists to debunk this?

You don't need to be an atheist to see through this scam.  Just a bit of critical thinking skills.  It is unfortunate that grown-up adults will swallow any miracle claim no matter how ridiculous in as much as it helps to validate their religious beliefs.  I wonder what their reaction will be if later they hear that the woman is a muslim, or Guru Marahaji for example.   I bet, then, they will then scrutinise the issue more critically.  It is interesting how miracle claims are accepted without question when they come from the person's strand of a particular religion, but rejected when they come from another religion or even a diferent strand of the same religion!

What amuses me is that some people attend these churches!!

Here is an example of strong belief!!!
Once upon a time, there were three psychiatric patients waiting to see their psychiatrist.
The first one proclaimed with confidence “I AM JOHN THE BAPTIST”
The second asked “HOW DO YOU KNOW?”
The first replied “ GOD TOLD ME”
The third shouted “THAT IS A LIE!! I DID NOT TELL YOU!!!”
Anyone can believe anything he wants. Reality is a different ball game. I guess with the appropriate drugs, you can create your own reality.

Maybe they feel they are in good company. They both take other people's money under false pretences!!

Image123:
^one vital point you're missing is that the whole idea is real.

That is what continues to amaze me! That grown-up adults could still believe such a story.

Image123:
One may argue that a child is responsible for his actions at a particular age, but there's no doubt that he can well face the consequences of his actions at any age. Ignoranc e is not an excuse in the law courts, you know. And he's not sinless like you stated. He's already corrupt by default. True, everyone is responsible for himself, but fact remains that we did inherit something. Take for example that you inherited a particular citizenship from your parents, or wealth or poverty. It is sure inherited, and could well dictate your life and destiny, but on the other hand, you can change the tide, from rags to riches, or from abundance to penury due to mismanagement that you are responsible for, or from being a pathetic black slave to the world's beloved. A behavioural trait you inherited cannot be overlooked, or a blood genotype etc. But you still ultimately decide what you do with what you inherit, that's free-will. So nobody has an excuse to languish in an "Adam has put me in trouble" excuse. We can all make our way right by accepting Christ's payment. It's one thing to be offered a gift, it's another to receive it. It's one thing to have money paid on your account, it's another to cash it and use it to your good.
Then also, scriptures say that blood sacrifice s for atonement. Maybe that's part of the 90 that you choose not to believe. See what its already costing you? You can check up passages like Leviticus 17v11, Exodus 29v36, Exodus 30v11. There are dozens more on that but this 3 should do.

Can someone explain to me what this ‘atonement’ business is all about?  From my viewpoint, the whole idea is laughable.  From what I hear, we are created by an all-knowing God in his own image, but he did not foresee that we would start misbehaving!  So much for omniscience!  He later decided that our misbehavior was so bad that he sentenced everybody to death by the most sadistic form of execution – execution by drowning!  So much for an all-loving God.  He left one good family to repopulate the world, but the descendants   continued misbehaving making them eligible to be sentenced to eternal fire and torment in a hell created specially by God himself.  But on second thoughts, he does not want to roast everybody.  So he arranged and sent his son to come to the world to be killed by the same people he wants to save, as a sacrifice to himself?  After three days, this son will wake up, and this whole spectacle would make God change his mind and not want to roast everybody again.  However, some will still be roasted.  The main yardstick in deciding those who will escape roasting will be those who believe the man who was killed and woke up was his son.  Any other parameter is secondary.  Am I missing something?  The whole idea is laughable.

vanitty
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Online

Re: "Jesus" Or "Christ"? Which are you following?
« #59 on: Today at 05:57:33 PM »

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Why do this people feel christians have to justify themselves to them everytime
Follow whatever you like, it is your life








It is because it is the christians who make it their business to tell everybody that if they dont believe what they believe, they are doomed!!   It is an inherent part of the religion!  It is called "spreading the good news"  I call it minding other people businesses.  A good christian is suppossed to take it as a commission to tell everybody who disagrees with them that they are going to hell!! Even if you mind your own business, they shove tracts thruogh your door, stop you in the road to "give you the good news", threaten you on tv, radio or any other way they can find!   And when you tell them their beliefs and doctrines are junk, they get angry and tell you to mind your own business   By the very nature of this funny religion, a good christian is not supposed to mind his own business.  The more people he disturbs, the more credit he gets in his celestial bank account!!  They call it "winning souls"!!