₦airaland Forum

Thanks Jidegirl and Airpure ..

No I'm not only givin kudos to posts that seems to be on my side , I just feel they get where I'm coming from

No , we never fought infront of our child cos we broke up before I gave birth , yes he was with me throughout the birth , he took us home from the hospital ...
I remember him leaving that night and I so wanted to say something , like please stay n he was lingering too , but I didnt n he left ..

This is not a classic boy dumps pregnant girl , it's more silly pregnant woman tells her man to leave because she thinks she Halle Berry .. Lool
I was stupid !

If I told u guys this story a year ago , u will think I was painting a monster , up until then , I didn't think I was wrong , but i felt like a cloth lifted off my face , I'm like who was that woman , that did sll this he even told me , I got so angry one day n threw a plum (canned tomato)at him n broke his lip

I did all those but I conveniently forgot them while talking to friends n family ..

Now I know my wrongs n I thought this was a chance to correct it cos I can never be that woman again .

But u r all right , he's a married man !

I've told him , I won't be getting involved and it's best we let it go and he should go sort things out with his wife ..

He said .. Ok , u never really liked me anyway , and we go after what we want in life as no one is going to do it for us , and If i could apply the way I am in my professional life to my person life , then I will always get what I want

I said , well , that dosent excuse the fact , u r married , u should have thought of all these before u got married ..

He didn't say anything ..

So with that said , will try n move on again !

@ Coogar .. Thank you so much , u put a big smile on my face. Thank you

To the ppl that , that have called me names .aka fish brains , hmmmmm if only u knew

No , i havent slept With him and I'm not trying to break up their home ..if I was , I won't have started this thread

I m very sure the wife knows about his son , he calls him most evenings to speak to him, even before he got married . He skypes him , when he's out of town , he set up a monthly direct debit , I really don't think he's trying to hide anything .. But then who knows

Airpure: This is a big lesson to everyone. people need to put pride aside sometimes and just live life. u had a son for some1. u loved him but was too full of pride to show ur true feelings now he is someone else's he seems appealing to u. i always say life is too short.wats old to u is new to d next person.please advice ur baby daddy to go mend things with his wife my dear cos if he marries u he wont treat u right.

Yes o , Pride was the major factor ..

N I've learnt my lessons.

coogar: i cannot see any major mistake here........

obviously, the two of you still have feelings for each other - this is why you could still blush after telling us about the kiss......the only snag is his wife at home! if he sends his wife packing, i see no reason why you can't get back with him(at least for the sake of your son)

mistakes were made in the past but for fück's sake, none of us here is perfect! he doesn't have a kid with the new wife yet so if he were to seek a divorce, there is no baggage of ex wife or ex husband visiting. tell him to start the divorce process if he still wants you......

Im still blushing , thinking about it , i just didnt think me and him could be here ( we ve threatened each other , effing n cussing ), ....so for us to even think about each other romantically , I don't know why , it came out of nowhere ..
I know I'll stop the thoughts , he's someone else's man , hard but I'll try.

N u r right .. we r not all perfect !
But If only it was that simple ....Sigh !

[quote author=baby_123]Sweetheart, just let it go. I can imagine how painful it is not having your ideal life, but he can easily suck you in with those promises. Before you know you would be 60, miserable, trying to fight everyone, and depressed. We are all adults and responsible for our actions and inactions. All over this thread you have made excuses for him and tried to absolve him. You still clearly love this guy and he is feeding on it. My dear, you made a wrong choice in boyfriend, baby daddy, but a smart choice not marrying him. I hope you know this. Can you imagine what the wife is now going through, that could have been you for potentially a life time. Be cordial and friends with him for your child's sake, that is it. Live your life, and meet other people. Forget that guy. Your own man will come and he won't find you if you are so wrapped up in this guy. Is it not the other thread where someone is marrying a girl already pregnant for another man? You think it is over for you that you don't mind settling as mistress? Forget that he is contacting your own family, some women have been second wives without knowing it and probably live in the same state. Some men have wives in every continent. Any low down useless man can meet your family and marry you sef while married. I have met these kind of men twice. They were proposing marriage, lying about their age, forcing themselves to meet my family. But I wasn't stupid now. Keep to your principles my dear, you will find your own. Focus on your child and do the best you can for him while he still has you as a single mum. If that guy wanted you, he would have fought and waited. Even if he gets a divorce, I don't think you want to marry someone that can lie about his marriage and engagement to his baby mom. Meaning his son was something to hide from his new wife, and from the people present at the wedding. You really escaped from getting married to a liar, a cheat, and a deceiver. You think he wasn't dating that girl all while you guys were engaged and fighting? Tell yourself the truth always, you will never go wrong in life. If he is serious, let him get a divorce, see the papers and maybe you guys can date for some 2-5yrs.[/quote]I'll try and let go .. Thanks

jennykadry: Both of you are pretty messed up

I know .. Me more !

That is why I'm trying not to make any more mistakes , especially with a kid involved ( I never thought of him then , but now I am )

chaircover: @poster I am not telling you off but am speaking to you as i would speak to my own sister.

We as women are sometimes our own worst enemies. we forget that when things go pear shaped we are the ones who suffer the most, so it is our responsibility to ensure that we protect ourselves to the best of our abilities.

You had a baby for a man but he didnt feel that you were worth enough to fight for and marry you. He was unable to get through to you and He went off and got married to someone else . . . married o!

Then he comes back a few months later obviously in the pretext of seeing his child and then he trys to seduce you.

Dare I ask have you ever met the wife? A decent man who had nothing up his sleeve would have introduced his wife to you long tome ago, knowing that the wife will from time to time be involved in caring for your child.

Did he tell you before he got married? I guess the answer was NO . . .again a decent man would have given you that respect and told you. His wife probably never even knew about you and the baby! some men are naughty like that. They are probably fighting now because she just found out about the baby.

Does he give you financial support for your child? does he even visit your child? in the year that he was married what input did he have in your child life?

You were the one left holding the baby and by your admission you have just said that men laugh at you when you say no sex before marriage because they know that you already have a child. if your ex said that he didnt have a child, will anyone be the wiser? You are the one suffering the consequences alone. I am sure that when you had your baby you would have had to delay/give up work or education while he prances about as if nothing happened. of course children bring joy and I am sure that you wouldnt swap your child for anything in this world but i am sure that deep down you would have preferred things to be different, with 2 of you looking after this bundle of joy and not just one.

So you let a man who has done all this come back into your life A man who could not hold a marriage down for one single year come into your life? a man who can so easily cheat on his wife back into your life? so if you hadnt pushed him away that night he would have committed adultery!! is this the type of man that you now want or are even considering back in your life?

Dont you think that you deserve better than that? so what happens if you and him go through a rough patch? wont that mean that he is going to go off trying to seduce another woman?

What did he do to patch up his marriage before trying to get into another relationship? and when he started being over friendly with you, why didn't you nip it in the bud there and there. he is someones husband you know.

Anyway a man who rushes off and gets married to the first unsuitable lady because according to you "wanted to settle down" speaks volumes about his reasoning.

Please tell the man to piss off; sort out his differences with his wife but if they cant, then make sure that he is 100% divorced before you let him through your front door.

You are right , I'm left holding the baby ! Though he did lie about getting married twice , 1. That he was engaged and 2. That he was married ( he said he lied to get a reaction) but all I did was ' oh really ? Congratulations (fake obviously , but thought never will I let u see how crushed I am ( font know where I got this pride from))


But the actual marriage ,he didn't tell me , he was going to , but then he said he had already told me n I told him congrats !


I guess I'm just baffled , he will still even attempt a comeback

Maybe his Ego is still bruised , but then he got married , so that should be enough right ?

[quote author=baby_123]Na wa, people are still falling for this trick in 2012. Papapa, he got you pregnant but did not see you as good enough to marry. Even if you were misbehaving he would have had patience and try to work it out with you. But no, he married someone else. He is settled in his marriage and as usual he has come to the one sure girl that will always give it to him when and how he wants it, as long as he dangles the child in her face as bait. My dear it is time to moveon with your life and gather the rest of the self respect you have left. A lot of us want an ideal life that is not obtainable given some circumstances. Because you had a kid for a guy doesn't make him in anyway indebted to you, only his child. So all that talk about, didn't she know he had a child before is you justifying your loss. The fact is your baby daddy didn't care he had a child before he CHOSE her and not you. So let it go, or people will keep using you. Am sure you will find your own. This one will keep telling you stories and keep using you. Time to let reality set in, he is gone.[/quote]Thank you for the advice , I know it sounds typical , but it's not the typical man leaves woman n want to get back story

I actually left him , I've not told u all the full story .. I cheated on him (covers face) , not physically but emotionally , I was chatting with this dude at work ( it wasn't explicit stuffs but more romantic ( if u didn't have a boyfriend , I would love u to be mine n i fed into it )

Me Ex read all the text message n e confronted me , and did I apologise ? No ! I said well I didn't physically cheat , so what the biggie ... My arrogance was beyond level and he still stayed , but obviously we started arguing ( unknown to me , I was pregnant ) , when I realise I was , my first reaction was to get rid of it , but I couldn't , cos I knew it was a bigger sin .. And he actually proposed to me , gave me a ring , we started planning a quick simple wedding , but the argument didn't stop , so what did I do , I composed a long letter n told him , it's best we break up despite expecting a child ( stupid me , I thought it will making him stop arguing with me n actually start over pampering me ) .. Oh I was so naive ! Even when I realised it had backfired , should I have stopped and begged ? No I didn't ..

Agreed he wasn't a saint , but I was mean n vicious with my words , now I look back n say , who was that lady ?

Honestly , it was more of a reality check , because if that didn't happen , I will still be a monster

I'm not excusing him for leaving me though , he probably should have tried harder ...or Not .. Hmmm

Richvkunt: What about clueless,undecided women?
The OP is getting a lot of sympathy from fellow women here,when she knowingly responded to advances from an ex that she knew was married to a fellow woman for just one year?
She responded to his advances and the man like a predator smelt blood and closed in for the kill-do you blame him?
My perception of this OP is that sher is a fickle minded person who is ready to get into a polygamy tangle. While wishing her luck we should remenber that women are their own worst enemies!

Hmmm , thanks Uncle ,Mr judgemental .. I'm sure u have everything all figured out in life !
  
At no point in my post , did I insinuate that i wanted to get into a polygamous tangle , the kiss was very brief , I pushed him away ! He has invited me to his house , do i can see that he lives alone , which I declined , .he's called my bro , my sis ,to apologise n get them to talk to me 
n they ve told me things I feel r not right .
hence me starting this thread to get advice from matured Ppl!

tpia1: yes, its very flattering when you think a man [whether ex or not] admires you and "wants you back", but since you said you're always good at letting things go, then whats preventing you from doing the same now.




i guess you're not married then.

were you waiting for him?

No , I wasn't .. I just haven't met the right person , I've dated, but most men r after one thing .. N they think I'm crazy when I say no sex before M , I get the r u kidding me ? With child ? Purlssss look n they waka Loool

kitty kat: Its a painful process. I know what you are goinG thru but you must excise a cancer, else it kills you.

How do you cope as a single mom for 3yrs? Why haven't you found a new man?


I love u and I hope to read ur success story in futuer.

Thanks Luv God has been so faithful , don't know how I would have coped if not for Him

kitty kat: Sweethrt, I feel ur pain. Forget this man. If he is really seperated from his wife and its over, he should get ur two families involved.

Push him outta ur mind and focus on finding ur own special man.

Thank you , I will .

[quote author=Efemena_xy]1 year? Just 1 year and you're willing to tear up a couple's marriage?

What do you think that'll portray you as? Aside being a home wrecker? Are you prepared to live down that label? If this man divorces his wife because of you, what moral high grounds can you claim for yourself?

Would you be able to bear the heat if this other lady decides to fight and keep her man? How prepared are you, if she decides to fast & pray for your downfall? Or go native and use juju against you?

I guess the question here is: What exactly do you want Annie?

There are plenty of fish in the sea. A man who loves and RESPECTS you would only come your way only if you love and respect yourself. Let sleeping dogs lie. That way, you won't get bitten.

A word they say, is enough for the wise.[/quote]Thank you ., Wise words ..

[quote author=Efemena_xy]^^ I asked you a question which you've not yet responded to:

How long has your ex been married to his wife AND do they have kids?[/quote]They ve been married a year now , and they don't have kids .

Hmmmmm , thanks guys , all ur advice makes a lot of sense . and this has always been my take , but then the advice have been getting from people have been to the contrary .

I've been wondering , if i was doing the right thing on just letting it go . In all my relationships , I've never been a fight for it girl , I just let it go and move on

All My exes have said the same thing ,quote ' theydenver thought I like them' , because I acted very non chalant when we were together n when we broke up

N I don't want to make the same mistakes again.

k2039: Provided he breaks up with his wife,I see nothing wrong in both of you getting back together

Thank you , but they r not divorced !
He said its up to me ... ,he's expecting me to also make a move , appear interested , which I am , but should I be acting interested while he's still married ?even though they r separated , it dosent mean they r not still married

Please I need more advice ..

My baby daddy more like .

We broke up 3 yrs ago ( my fault) , we have a beautiful 3 yr old son that has been a constant source of joy to both of us .

We were constantly at each others throat when we broke up , but we agreed to get along for our boy sake . To cut long story short , he got married last year June , to say I was stunned is an understatement , but then I didn't make any effort to get back with him all thru , so I had no one to blame but me

Last month , he started getting very friendly , sending funny jokes , reminding me of some funny stuffs we did when we were together , I didn't really think much about it , but it became frequent .. And we just started chatting like old days ,one day he came to see his boy , I was in the kitchen n he pulled me n kissed me ( I'm blushing even saying this ) .. Anyhow , I pushed him away ( after a brief kiss) n I asked what about his wife ? .. He said they were separated . It just wasnt working ..

I asked y did he rush into it ? , if it was not solid ! cos it's was too soon to break up . He said he was at that point in his life where he wanted to settle down and I didn't give any inkling I still liked him , I was wrong n I didn't even apologise or act like I cared ( which is true).. But now he wants us back n as a family ..

The dilemma now is , is it right for me to go back ? One he still married n I feel marriage should hold more weight than a baby mama , but friends r like , didn't she know he had a child before getting involved . .. And my child should be my main focus , to raise him up as a family

I want that , but is it right ?

Melahou: u only feel intimidated if u want 2...
2 me car is not a luxury but a necessity...
i may ve d moni 2 buy a car but may not ve d need 4 it
at d moment...

Gbam ! its a neccessity..

But i get the whole naija mentality, ITS VIEWED AS A LUXURY(imagine the comment , that my almara is better than urs, seriously WTF??)

Personally,i will prefer him to drive,its just more convenient for both of us.. but will i date someone that doesnt? OfCourse !!.. as long as the attraction ,connection, mental compatibility is there.

These are material thingz, that can come n go at any time.!

PPL offended with sexkillz comments, need to take a chill pill. or drink something

Life is not that serious haba , He curse anybody for this post? he's just been sarcastic and you guys are getting offended

Its called Dry Humour folks..

I wonder how you cope in the real world

Peterson1993: The best teacher you can ever have is you yourself . Hacking is not what you learn in a day or what anyone can teach you in seconds. It takes years of practice to be a genuine hacker and you can never learn it all. So long you have a pc with a fast internet connection, you can learn anything learnable online this days. Just keep reading and practicing any hacking content that comes your way and you will be climbing the laders gradually. But you should have a purpose for learning hacking. Don't comit evil with hacking even if you see yourself as the best hacker in the world and handle wisely so that you don't get into trouble. I learn hacking because am into programming and I need hacking knowledge to prevent from being hacked. I mentioned where I learned my hacking skills from i.e. . www.evilzone.org ... It is just a hacking forum almost like nairaland where hacking is discussed. You can never be a devoted member of the forum for 5 months and still don't know how to hack ordinary email. NEVER!!

Ok , what if my System gets hacked from practicing?

Ode ni e leyi sha

Na by force to comment

dem dey offer free drinks for Radisson?

where we see this ara abule?

God go punish u too , for ur useless statement

Ewu

Bawled my eyes out ....Too sad

God bless the boy...

Peterson1993: hmm I just de laf in Taiwan. There are several reasons why I wouldn't paste his password right here. Am am on nairaland with my real identity and hacking is illegal! If I do as he ask, it will tarnish the whole of his(that is if the email actually belongs to him) online activities and he has every right to press charges! Hell and heaven knows I don't know any road to Google and secondly there is every possibility that the email is not his and an innocent person may suffer what he never prey for. Who knows.I got the password of coolangeldude@gmail.com alongside with ade.yele@yahoo.com who willingly asked me to help hack his password cos he can't remember it anymore! I don't like talking much. All I know is that hacking email is the easiest thing to do on this planent earth so long the password is less than 16 and not too complex. Hacking email is not a big deal for God sake! That is no hacking but hacking for kids! WTF? Don't tell me you guys don't know hacking email is possible and very easy if you can!

Ok U try small for that answer... lool

Me , i dont know .. i will gladly love to be ur student

Teach me please ..Teacher !

[quote author=mxxpunkxx!]@Peterson1993
Come answer me ohhhh . . . am losing patience already . .

@Annie1
I never knew u were a lady . . I retract all my statements . .[/quote]Oooooh.. what a gentleman

@ Peterson1993

Na wa for u too o.. someone gave u a simple challenge n u cant even carry it out , upon all the mouth

Disappointed.com

hahahahhaha

This is the funniest thread i've seen here.. tooo bad

I'm loving it.. keep it coming hackers...

on a serious note.. Una know say na this hacking finish my relationship with my boyf

The Dude caught me big time(chats with an ex via email, Chats i was just using to pass time at work o)

He Broke up with me over this o... i noooo fit shout

up ontill now , i didnt understand how he did it

BUT NOW I GERRIT !