TonyeBarcanista:

No wise man will judge a matter without first hearing from both parties. Meanwhile, the whole story looked fake and cooked

I have the text messages. I also have a mutual friend who noticed but said that’s just how he is so accept it.

No Nigerian born and bred man will call his mother b1tch. Your boyfriend is a black American man who has Nigerian parents. I bet he doesn't even have Nigerian passport and probably hasn't visited the country.

If you don't think the relationship is working, simply walk away. No matter the volume of advice you get here, the one you give yourself will suit you best.

If the Nigerian passport is green then yes he does. They also have a home in Nigeria. And he came here when he was in high school.

xendra:
if this story is true then you are a very big Ode if you continue with that relationship. most of these Nigeria men with problems usually go for foreign women with low self esteem because they will allow them control the way a sensible Nigerian lady will never tolerate. you see the handwriting on the wall.

Yes this story is 100% true and has taken me awhile to talk about. I guess I should’ve known when he said he preferred white women>Nigerian women. He has been in the states longer than he was in Nigeria, but he claimed everything he did was that of a typical Nigerian.

iRepNaija1:


He's just trying to tear you down by continuously attacking your self-worth. If you are the least bit insecure (which I don't think you are), his tactics will work. I hope everything works out.

It has taken me awhile to see because like I said it was gradual. Because he is a well respected business man in my city and we share many mutual friends it is going to be hard to avoid him. I have been ignoring him but he’s found ways to contact me. Just hoping he’ll eventually leave me alone for good. Thanks though.

ibkayee:
He's been modelled/influenced by his environment and has normalised his dad's behaviour. You should leave the relationship, he's exhibiting abusive and misogynistic tendencies, he also sounds unstable. Leave, leave and leave.

I guess it’s just confusing bc on one hand he’ll reprimand what his father did and he’s only mean when I’m not listening or if I’m around the opposite sex. He is nice to other girls and other people in general. And when I listen to him he’s nice to me too.

iRepNaija1:


First Bold: This way his way getting your guard done and making you vulnerable, attached him, and cloud your judgment.
Second Bold: This was the first red flag
Third Bold: This was the second red flag
Forth Bold: This was the third red flag (and a dámning one to boot)
Fifth Bold: This is the fourth red flag and the final one you need but just in case...
Sixth Bold: Fifth red flag. He's gaslighting you.
Seventh Bold: Sixth red flag. No one should EVER put their hands on you. He committed assault.

You know what's going on. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here asking a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice. It's difficult to date with a clear head but you need to keep your wits about you so you don't excuse, rationalize or explain away scary and problematic behavior. You need to leave this man. Block his number. Remove him from your life immediately and keep in contact with your friends/family so they know your whereabouts. It's only going to get worse from here. P.S. This has nothing to do with him being Nigerian.

Thank you for being so thorough. The only reason I posted on this site is because a lot of the times he will tell me that this is typical Nigerian/African/Caribbean behavior and that I need to date a white guy because that’s all that will want me. And that’s not what I want

So this is going to be a long story but I have been dating this Nigerian man for awhile. At the beginning he was nice, attentive, communicative, giving etc and seemed like the ideal man. He’d always compliment me on how sweet and soft spoken I was too. The only thing that made me weary was his father was abusive towards his mother. I had recently been in an abusive relationship as well but he assured me he didn’t hit women bc of his mom. He was always praising her too. I was always told to look at how a man treats his mother so I felt like that attitude was good.

Not long after we had a very deep convo about abuse in relationships and he seemed to kind of take his fathers side saying it was her fault for staying and “some people are just weak while others are strong.” I told him I felt that was slightly insensitive and he just said “I wasn’t saying you’re weak, I’m just saying some people are.” So I just let it go. Sometimes he’d say how he hated women but shortly after he’d take it back.

But now he’s a completely different person. I don’t mind a little jealousy and control but everything has to be exactly how he wants it. Any time I interact with the opposite sex I feel like he punishes me. If I talk to his friends he calls them my “boyfriend” and says go be with them. He says how he can’t trust women because his father said women are the devil. If he flirts with another woman in my face and confront him he just tells me to stop speaking and says this is why he should go date a white girl bc they aren't hard headed (I’m mixed). When I don’t listen or he’s mad he’ll ignore me for a long time. And on top of that his mommas boy attitude changed. He will purposely ignore her calls. He’s let me listen to voicemails of her crying and he just laughs and deletes it. He flip flops between saying he loves her and calling her annoying/ a b*tch.

The thing is he is seemingly only like this with the females in the family and now me. Around other women he is charming and fun. When I brought this up in an argument he said it was because “he actually likes them but hates me.” Only to deny saying it a week later. I told him I’m tired and needed space but he grabbed my neck lightly and told me I’m not going anywhere. But now he’s back to ignoring me.

I hate to stereotype but my friend who is half Nigerian and also dated one for 7 years said it only gets worse and to watch out bc they can be abusive. But I feel like he's not like that he just gets annoyed with me. Is this typical Nigerian behavior? If I act better will he be nicer to me?