₦airaland Forum

May God help us on our pilgrimage to Heaven. May we not miss that glorious home and may God give more of Himself to us that we may be discerning in these end times in Jesus' Name. Amen.

rugged7:
Why are you not enjoying it?
Pressure at work?
Racism?
Fear of crowds?
Poor remuneration?
Going back to Nigeria IS NOT AN OPTION!

Thank you for your response. I just saw it today and that's because unknown to me, my post was duplicated under the same title and I've only been dealing the other thread. Here is the link to the other doubled/duplicated https://www.nairaland.com/2913171/advice-needed-quitting-phd-program
Actually, it is the pressure of the work that is most troubling; teaching most especially. And being the only African in the program with "no like" mind to relate to was frustrating. I've been working on it since the last time I opened the thread and hopefully, it will get better.

holamiday:
I tried to send you an email at win992004@yahoo.com...that email addy is dead.



I read your comment on you & your fiance and i was really touched to say the least. I could feel the friendship-gone-sour air that suddenly overwhelmed your relationship just because of sex & i understand what it feels like to see your lover walk away. Quickly, i'd like to tell you something strange about men.

You see, men like submission. Every man wants his woman to totally submit to him 100%. That's just the way we are wired. We hate it when you women say a thing & expect it to stand-even when you're right. I'd use myself as an example. Often, when i demand something from my girlfriend, i never take 'no' for an answer no matter how distraught & unhappy she may be & no matter how unreasonable my request may seem. At that moment, for the most part, all i want from her is to submit to me, & then i'd lovingly grant her request & let things go her own way. The focal point is in her submission. If she wants 'a' & i want 'b', i feel better when she accepts 'b' & then i'd deliberately change my mind & allow 'a'. I never want it to be 'a' because she insisted on 'a'. I want her to bend to my will first, before i bend to hers. Men don't want to be the first to bend. I hope you get that drill.

I have a strong feeling(it's awkward though & i don't know why) that your fiance may not have slept with you if you had given in to sex. I stand to be corrected anyway. I really perceive all he wanted from you was submission. Trust me, that guy didn't leave you because you witheld sex, rather he did, because you seemed to want to dictate to him & he detested that. It's good you know this about men. It's a sure potent anaesthetic to our hearts. Men value submissive women more than anything & those women usually have more power to influence their men. Next time you fall in love, accept his request with tears, make it clear you're doing that solely for love & if he loves you, he'll deliberately let things go your way.
Play with this psychology of men & you'll be amazed at the ease it'd bring. I wish you all the best. Cheers!

You sound like a very egocentric person; like the world revolves around you. Your "every man" category is troubling; thankfully not every man fits into your "every man" category. I strongly suspect that your personality and mindset are the offshoots of your background. Your father probably treated your mother in the same way. So, it's natural you are re-living what you saw and experienced and have grown to accept, live out and consequently believed in as a way "every man is wired."

GboyegaD:
You still have a long time to go and I will encourage you finish your 1st year and then think critically about your decision during summer. If you still choose to quit, I will suggest you get another Masters perhaps on a different specialization within your field different from the first.

Thank you very much for your encouragement and counsel.

GboyegaD:
What year are you? Just try to finish it or convert into a Master's program in your department.

I'm in my 1st year but I already have a Masters.

bigtt76:
Hmmm I understand the feeling. You just need to be you. That has always been the problem with our people, they feel having a white man's accent is the way to go.

No it's not. Speak and they will learn to understand you. When they come here, they don't learn to speak like us, rather we learn to understand them.

I don't know the other factors though but I also know that no factor is too complex for God.

Thank you for your kind and inspiring words. I was at a low point, feeling inundated with my own work and research (which I have learnt to handle) and also having to deal with teaching issues, which weren't so bad at first but all of a sudden, I started to feel incapable in my mounting teaching tasks. I will keep going, believing that God will help me, as you advised. May you find comfort and aid in your time of need. Thank you so much.

worry359:
Well you have to work out if you can afford to throw away all those tuition fees if you "give up."
Will you get a well paying job if you finish your studies? What about if you quit, what are your plans?
You can not stay in the USA as a legal resident which means that you either become illegal or come home and admit failure.

Thank you for your frank response. It was just that I was wondering if this is what I want to be doing long term.

bigtt76:
What part of it don't you enjoy? The lecturing part or the studying part?

Are you doing a PhD in the course you're lecturing in or something different?

Are you on scholarship or self funded?

What were your expected goals that prompted you into doing the PhD?

What would you rather do paraventure you ended up quitting?

Bear in mind that Winners don't quit..... Losers do! You're not a loser dear.... There's light at the end of the tunnel and the successful path in life is not the smoothest. The test of steel is in the fire that heats it.

All the best.

Thank you very much for your response. The experience feels traumatic and I question if this is what I want to do long term. I love to work with young people but with having to adjust to the accent, amidst other factors, I just feel unspeakably dumb or stupid. It's almost as if I cannot speak English again! It's very discouraging.

Hello, people. What do you recommend to someone who is doing phd in the US and teaching undergraduates at the same time but is not enjoying it. What are the viable options for quitting the program. I will appreciate your honest and helpful advice from people who have or are running a PhD program in the US. Please, no insults or sarcasm. Thanks.

Hello, people. What do you recommend to someone who is doing phd in the US and teaching undergraduates at the same time but is not enjoying it. What are the viable options for quitting the program. I will appreciate your honest and helpful advice from people who have or are running a PhD program in the US. Please, no insults or sarcasm. Thanks.

Hello, what do you recommend to someone who is doing phd in the US and teaching undergraduates at the same time but is not enjoying it. What are the viable options for quitting the program. I will appreciate your honest and helpful advice. Thanks.

Thanks; helpful tips.