₦airaland Forum

Wait for me, Ayam kuming

I'm broke and still serving as a Corp member. Will round up my service year by November this year but I don't have any body to look up to. I ve been insulted and humiliated by friends, some said that I don't have future but I believe in myself. Please if you can help me out with business advice or employment opportunity I will forever be indebted to you.

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sunshineG:
Is there anything like unconditional love in Nigeria?

Unconditional love or love without conditions refers to the feeling of affection without limitations. In other words, love without conditions means love without any pre-existing requirements e.g. requirements like money and wealth.

In Nigeria such love may be very hard to find because more often than not, money is always at the heart of discussion when it comes to romantic relationships.

Many young men and women often have certain standards that revolves around how financially stable their patners should be before approaching them for a relationship.

For example, many young ladies in Nigeria often desire a spouse earning a decent salary, men on the other hand also desire more or less financially independent partners. Therefore, these types of relationships can never be termed unconditional.

Thus, is it safe to presume that there is nothing like unconditional love in Nigeria? Or are there still lovers who love unconditionaly in Nigeria?

The simple answer is No.!!!!

donpata:
I was moved to write this epistle cos of the fp topic of marrying someone who earns 35k yesterday. I have seen such questions on NL but I normally ignore them. Someone even asked if a lady can marry someone who earns 100k . I normally laugh at the comments and move on. I laughed at the sheer ignorance of many commenters, and the foolish statements many made. I decided to assume that 70% of the people who commented are either undergraduates still studying who have a big Disney picture of the sweet employment awaiting them or some who have not really known what is out there in the world. The remaining 20% earn well probably and so feel life should be like that for everyone. The remaining 10% commenters are those who really see life as it is in reality – DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS. Now am gonna be objective and subjective at the same time. And let me warn you – IT’S LONG

Me? 30yrs, had my BSc in the north but did my MSc at UI. Hoping to register for Phd by next year.
My fiancée? 24ys old and currently awaiting 300 lv registration. Will be done by 2019.

Fact: without any serious research, I think I am save to say that at least 50% of families (basically father and mother) in Nigeria earn a combined income of less than 40k in a month.
Fact: The federal govt claims it has about 100k civil servants. Add paramilitary and military with about 500k personnel and public office holders, I think 800k people in active service on FG’s payroll is a fair judgment. For the sake of argument, let’s assume fg has another 800k retired personnel on pension. That’s like 1.6 million people. Nigeria has a population of 180million people. The WB estimate Nigeria has a workforce of about 60 million in 2016. If we delete the 1.6million on FGs payroll, we still have about 58.4million people left. Obviously, the remaining are left for the State and Local govt as well as private sector to employ. How many are employed?
Lagos state claims it has about 100,000 workers in its payroll. Let me be liberal enough to use it as a benchmark for all Nigerian states and fct. 100k by 37 = 3.7million employees.
Obviously, we still have over 50million people to employ. How many will the Real private sector pick? Yeah those that will pay a graduate from 60k above – how many can they pick? Now many will have to be entrepreneurs, “self-employed” people, petty traders, artisans etc. How much can they really earn monthly?

Fact: 80% of state and LGA workers between level 1 and 10 earn less than 50k in a month. Apart from states like Lagos, Rivers, Akwa Ibom and a few others, most states, especially in the North, pay quite low. On level 8, with Kad Govt, I earn 35-37k. It fluctuates monthly. Note that there are married people with at least 3 children that are on lev 1 - 6. Do the maths.

Wedding:
Many asked how one will pay bride price. Well, I have crossed that bridge. I know my status so before I even got a lady, I started buying some stuff like wrappers to keep. More so, my savings, family and friends rally round me and that was solved. Only a foolish lady will think of bride price as an issue here. Except if her family is poor, why should they demand too much?. 2 of my sisters that married had their bride price pegged at 5k each. The total money paid on the first was 25k and 50k for the 2nd. Mind you, they are currently running their masters programme so they ain’t illiterates. Let me stop here.

So the Wedding? How will I handle it? SIMPLE: I AM CUTTING MY COAT ACCORDING TO MY POCKET

Box: I went to the market and saw boxes of 100-200k. I was showed a set of 5 for 30k as well. I opted for a set of 5 at 60k. That’s my own level too. Mind you there were people picking that of 30k too. Different strokes for Different folks.

RECEPTION VENUE: Church Premises. My church got a lot of space so why should I spend 200-500k (that I don’t even have) renting a hall for a 2hr event? A guy who got married last month in my Church did not do reception at all. Again, Different strokes for Different folks.

Wedding Cards: Saw a nice foreign one. They said it will cost me 30k per 100. I needed 500. I was showed another that will cost 5k per 100. I Finally opted for the one of 10k per 100. Even got a 5k discount.

My suit? I opted for a 16k suit and my best man decided to pay for it.

My shoes? I got really nice shoes but coz it’s my day, I opted for new ones. I picked up a very nice one for 2k. It aint top notch quality but it should take me through the day. It can actually pass for a ck or d&g when viewed from a distance.

My Chairs and Canopies? My organizers are 20. Lol . They have paid 80% of the money.

Cake? My aunt who has a HND in catering bla bla and has been in it for almost 15yrs running has taken that as her contribution.

DJ and Camera man? My men in suit, (5 in number) have paid for that service.

MC? A friend is good at it. That is his contribution.

Wedding Gown: My cake designer linked me to a lady who rents out. She thus charged us 10k for a nice wedding gown. I deposited 5k. Will pay 5k after the event.
Need I continue? I don’t think so.

The main thing – The marriage life
Yeah I know you are saying all I have said na wash. You are waiting for how reality will hit me after the marriage cos that’s the main deal. You gonna say you await my regret thread after some few months. Sorry, your expectation will be cut short.

Fees:
Now, my to-be wife will be registering for a new session by December. Her fees is just arnd 30k so I kept that amount and I have promised myself not to touch it until its time. I don’t even need to touch it. Everything appears almost set and done.

Clothing: I filled my wife’s box to the “brim” with both native and English wears. So for now, cloths aint really an issue.

Accommodation: Here in KD, a 1 bedroom mini flat cost between 80-150k depending on the location. Am not talking of a 2 room flat cos, truly, I don’t need it now. But I am not even thinking of taking the mini flat either. A room and parlor (real face me I face u) cost between 18k-45k depending on the location. There are better ones; mostly new houses that cost 40-60k. I’ve gotten a very nice one for 55k. Just 2 tenants in the house and the other guy is single so we just gonna be sharing the toilet with him. It’s not that I can’t afford it but wisdom must direct me. I got 2plots of land already so I don’t even intend staying in that house beyond a year or 2.

My building: I already have 2 plots of land. I’ve struck an agreement with some guys who will supply me mud blocks at N20 each. At my estimate of 3000 blocks, that’s 60k . Havent paid but after my wedding, I will do it jejely. My plan is to rush the building and roof it b4 the rains come next year. I paid some guys in my area 7k so by next week, they are gonna go there and dig the foundation of a 2bedroom flat for me. Not that I am building now but I have to dig during the rainy season cos the land gets hard during the dry season. My intention is to use just ¼ of the land for that so that when I am blessed wella, I will use the remaining ¾ of the land to build my pent house. Need I tell you that by estimates, I need 6 bundles of those “aluminum” sheets to roof it? I bought 3 last year when it was 16k. I could not add cos it went up to 30k. I heard it’s 20k now but I can’t buy the remaining 3 now cos of my wedding preps. Will do that after my wedding when I have relaxed a bit.

Feeding?
A 50kg bag of rice takes me over 5 months now that I am alone. I believe in varieties so I got different things stocked in my room. Adding one or two extra plate should not make life difficult. I planted maize on my 2 plots. Once harvested, I won’t need to buy semovita all the time. If you have been to the north, you will know that with my harvest, Tuwo is served. Need I continue? I don’t think so. Let me not bore you further.

My support to extended Families
Someone asked in that thread that how do one take care of his families and inlaws. Well, my family aint rich but they can cater for themselves. My dad and mum earn and have only one child left in the university. Moreover, they are sensible enough to know that they should not expect from me. Rather, what is sensible is for them to support me if need be . My fiancées’ parents aint rich either. But I know they aint so poor to demand me to take care of their own responsibility when they know I have their daughter to cater for. Of coz, once in a while, I will do what I can for our families.

Children
Just a child and I will pause until she is done with school. I know it’s gonna come with challenges but I don’t think you expect me to plan out every day of my life and budget for same here. I know that I will cross the bridge when I get there.

Other wants
I am a gadget freak. Before my wedding preps, I buy things impulsively. Now I know I have to control that. I know what lies ahead of me. That’s why I didn’t go for an iphone but went for a hot note. When the hot note packed up, I didn’t kill myself for a Samsung s7 even though I love it. I went for my sweet Ulefone Tiger @ 31k. When I went for a tab, I didn’t go for an ipad; not even a tecno pad. I went for imose xii . Instead of ps3 console, I download games to my laptop and play them. That serves me.

I CAN TRULY GO ON AND ON BUT CALLING SOMEONE A FOOL AS MANY DID ON THAT THREAD YESTERDAY IS QUITE ILLOGICAL. My dad married at 24. My mum was 19 then. Both are now degree holders. Things have changed and that’s why I am marrying at 30. I don’t want to clock 50 and yet taking my first child to write Common Entrance. If you like say I am rushing.
Firstly, I love my fiancée die. 2ndly, I am a Christian and my bodily desires are building up strongly. Marriage is the way out. 3rdly, I love kids. Since they are an inheritance, I can’t wait to have one as God wills. Lastly, I wanna retire in peace. Not old man using my pension to train undergraduates and Jambites.
Finally, I am not complacent with where I am. I have handled a few millions before but this is where I am now. I wanna go for my phd and I hope to reestablish myself in business. But I can’t again let my social life suffer cos of where I am today. I have a job now; low paying as it is, I know if well managed, I will make it out. Even if I remain in the employ of the State Govt, I cant earn 35k forever. I am young and will keep moving on.

DISCLAIMER: This is not meant to force anyone to get married when he is not ready - Not at all. I just want some people to know that there are different strokes for different folks. There are too many factors that determine happiness and success in life and marriage. Your salary is just one. YOU CANT CALL ME A FOOL FOR MY DECISION. I HAVE CAREFULLY WEIGHED MY CIRCUMSTANCE AND PROSPECTS AND I FEEL I AM READY TO TAKE THE LEAP. I KNOW IT WONT BE A WALK IN THE PARK; BUT IT WONT BE TOO DIFFICULT EITHER.
FOR THE “FOOLS AT 40” WAITING FOR THEIR MILLIONS TO BUILD UP BEFORE SETTLING DOWN, TILL UNA COME.
FORGIVE ME FOR THE LONG EPISTLE. HAD TO TAKE MY TIME SO THAT SOME PEOPLE WILL APPRECIATE THAT NO TWO PEOPLE HAVE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES AND SITUATIONS.

I PROMISE TO RAISE ANOTHER THREAD ANNUALLY TO TELL YOU HOW FAR WE HAVE GONE.

Great analysis Bro... I love you strategies God will definitely help you because you have a well focused life. Kudos....

AjahAgility:
you may want to try this :
DON’T LEAVE THAT HEART BROKEN FOR REAL, MEND IT NOW AND MOVE ON! http://cosbenet.com/dont-leave-that-heart-broken-for-real-mend-it-now-and-move-on/

Thanks alot I gained many things from the Write-up. Will truly my best

Fadiga24:
Time... just time.

How long will it take?

She's my best friend as well as my gf but broke up with me based marriage issues... It's really getting on me though I've been trying my best to forget about her and concentrate on my office work but unable to do. She's into another relationship now while I'm dying here, pls what should I do?

Nairalanders from the coolest city in town iemm 042 (Enugu) let's meet here to interact and make friends. We can also move on to whatsapp group.
Let's make here lively....
Drop your phone number








Here we go!

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Zeze06:
Keep loving her....(convert the love to gifts sometimes)

Stay close to her(same city)

See her very often......(tailgate her like your life depends on it, it's not foolishness, it will help)

Don't keep her for too long.... (Marry her soon)

....you are welcome

I think this will help

When a guy is not fully ready to settle down but fell in love with a special babe that's eager to marry, what should the dude do in order to make her wait for him for a year.