It was the first time I would lay beside a guy on a bed, it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. Tegha and I stayed up late talking about so much both relevant and irrelevant. He told me about his dad putting his mum's belongings outside the house before she got back from wherever she went. He and his siblings never had a chance to say goodbye and they had had to live with the father and his wife for so long. To him, he had permanently moved out of the house when he got into the university.

We also laughed about him being beaten in primary 3 by a primary 6 girl. He would have hated girls if not for some other personalities he's met. "Eniye especially" he had said.

I couldn't hide the smile that went deep down to my soul and had made my stomach's butterfly flutter. I was still smiling when he rolled over and planted a quick kiss on my lips.
"Stay with me." He said staring into my eyes.

I laid numb on the bed, looking and blinking often at the space just close to his face, I knew I had fantasized about this but it was something I never thought would come. Now it's here and all I could think of was my father saying "stay with me." It might be everything I wished for.

When I looked back at him, he dropped his lips on mine, longer this time. I would tell myself I didn't accept anything but I knew I loved the idea. I kissed him back this time. It reminded me of Raymond, I had kissed him at our last time together at my house, it was a goodbye kiss. We had also played with our bodies, laughing all the way. But Tegha, wasn't laughing. It was serious. It was something I couldn't exactly explain. It was a first experience for me. A painful one. I got my hymen broken few days later by the same Tegha.

I had pretended to be asleep the following morning while he prepared for his class. When he shoved me to wake up, I told him I didn't feel too well, I was scared I wouldn't be able to walk well and everyone would know what transpired at night. I knew he understood why I had made such a decision so he didn't push. My friends would definitely call, I had a ready reply for them.

When I was finally alone, I sat up on the bed feeling bad for myself, I wanted to cry, not because I lost my virginity, I just wanted to feel the remorse, but it didn't come. The pain I felt down there was beyond any other pain I had experience in my 22 years but I was surprised at my desire to have him come at me again.

Tegha was 6ft plus so he was practically looking down on me with his brown eyes that made me feel he's been observing me. His looks screamed danger yet his first word "hello" made me think he had said "I love you."

"Economic and statistics?" He had asked. His voice had an underlying baritone that called everyone's attention, I was embarrassed seeing that I have only been smiling, and people had started looking. He took my file as he smiled, asking if I had done anything at all. I later realised he was appointed by the student union government to help out with the registration process.

When I told my cousin how I had been marvelously helped, she had given those girly screams I recognised from my secondary school classmates whenever they were talking about Raymond or Uche, though I couldn't tell what exactly excited her, was it me getting over the registration with ease, or the fact that Tegha had played the saviour, who ended up getting my contact? Trust me, I knew the answer.

I layed in bed once again that night with eyes to the wall and sank into a romance with my own thoughts. I wondered what Raymond was doing. I let Tegha take Raymond's place in my secondary school memories. My thoughts were fading into a dream. Raymond and I were dancing, Tegha had come in between us, I didn't mind, I kept dancing to Marvin's "Doro." The song was drawing my soul back to consciousness. It was my phone's ringtone. I woke from the "mini-dream", stared at the strange number, I would be damned if it was Tegha, it was him. He wanted to know how I was settling in. He explained how to get my departmental registration done. When he sensed I was a bit lost, he offered to meet me up the next day at a car park everyone referred to as faculty car park.

I was eager to go for my departmental clearance. Not as eager as I was before going to auditorium the previous day. Tegha was talking to two other guys when I met him, he introduced them as his course mates. He held on a few seconds with them before excusing himself.

Our walk into the faculty was sight seeing for me, I fed my eyes with every detail, the dead looking ACs hanging beside office windows, the beautiful place I later realised was called "love graden" with trees dancing, evidence of good ventilation. Girls were colourfully dressed in comparison to the yellow and blue that filled my secondary school. My eyes fell long on a girl putting on what I would call a long top. You couldn't mistake that for a gown. Another had a light brown shiffon top that dictated to us the colour of her bra, orange. I wanted to say something unpleasant about them, I would have if Raymond was the one walking with me. I wanted to ask if it was normal when I turned and saw Tegha looking at me and smiling.
"What?" I asked.
"It's the university, there's freedom, nobody cares how you use it."

That night, Tegha had called and warned not to misuse my freedom because of what he said. He had figured out his words might just have been taken too deeply to heart and in an extremely wrong way. I had smiled and said "yes sir" in my tiniest voice. That became my way of addressing him. He was warm and yet strict with me. I was quick to erase him as a potential boyfriend in my memory, it felt disrespectful. Especially since he had asked me to come with him to his church, it was more of him telling me, than asking me. He attended living waters church whose building stood a few feet from Uniben's main gate, it had quite a large auditorium. Tegha would make sure I don't miss a Sunday, he called every Saturday night to tell me we'll see in church, not because he had something important to say but to make me have a reason to come around.

I was quick to relax into the system. My worries reduced drastically. It was easy telling him about my family, he identified with my struggles and was ready to help in whatever way I needed. We would sometimes sit in the evenings in faculty car park and talk about anything. He sometimes joked about how he would spoil his wife with love. It wasn't long before I started to put myself in that position. It felt good. Sometimes after church, I would go with him to his room and help him with whatever I could. Cook, clean. All for what he had been to me. I believed there was nothing too much to be done for him.

When my cousin graduated, I didn't have so much money to retain the room, so I had to get a bed space in the hostel. I needed somewhere to stay while that was being sorted out and of course Tegha offered before I asked. I had taken part of my things to his room. It was a self contain in Osasogie, "Osaro hostel" was specifically built for rentage by Uniben students which made Tegha's neighbours students like us. It was a little uncomfortable for me initially, dressing up in the bathroom sometimes, at other times he had gone to a neighbour's room. I could do the cooking without thinking I was doing too much, but sometimes he'll call me to meet him up at food court porpularly known as "buka".

Tegha tried pulling strings in helping me get a hostel space but the strings kept cutting.
"What happens now?" I had asked. I had considered the option of calling my Father, but Tegha had saved me from the trauma of having to explain anything to my dad.
"You can stay here for the session."
"Really?" My heart was jammed up with diverse feelings; excitement; surprise; fear; love. It was actually my best option, if there was any other. But it was just the preamble for the story about a me I didn't know could spring up.

I was a bit scared about going off to the University of Benin. It had taken 3years to fit in at my secondary school and I have just 4years in the university. My mother didn't really say much. "Be careful and wise" was all her tired self could say, spoken out of obligation. I wanted to ask what wisdom is, instead I nodded my head.

She had grown lazier in words, working as a cashier at tabloid prints did her much good, she wasn't required to say much. She barely noticed the change in me, it was either because I mastered the art of having dual personalities, remaining my mother's daughter at home or it was because troubles had blinded her to the person her daughter was becoming. I was quietly watching her fade away in silence, my heart would skip when I imagine myself coming home to find her on the floor of the sitting room, the thought plagued me but I had not the slightest idea on how to change the situation.

I always did a quick prayer for her. "Lord please spare her no matter what." I would sometimes feel my prayer was unnecessary as she was already gone and I am left with nothing. Nothing at all.

First school day, I wore my favourite ash coloured Jean, with a red and white chiffon shirt, that would make one wonder how slim my stomach region was. I had worn a pair of snickers as I didn't want to be dragging a slipper behind or have my sandal cut in a crowd. My make-up was as light as it can be, though girls were on heavy make up, maybe trying to make sure nobody sees them as little girls.

My cousin, Tombra had told me how much sweat was likely going to accompany me back to the hostel. She had spent Sunday night telling me about the crowd I would encounter but my mind could possibly not have imagined what I saw, the whole world seem to be on their way to the school's auditorium. I scanned everyone, observing the pattern. Those who had older people helping them walked straight to the little canopy stands around the vicinity, it made me wonder why Tombra wasn't with me. The morning was supposed to be cool, the sun still had a sleepy look but having someone everywhere I turned made me feel sophocated. I was already thinking my being there was not my best choice. "You could wait it out and let the crowd reduce," Tombra had said.

I was about to consider the option when a certain breeze blew a brother to my side. I had him standing before me while my nerves acted up, pressing the "squeeze the file" button in my brain. Tegha was 6ft plus so he was practically looking down on me with his brown eyes that made me feel he's been observing me. His looks screamed danger yet his first word "hello" made me think he had said "I love you."

SS2 third term's results came and as it has been for three years, I had no dad to pat me on my back for the 1st position but Ray came. His face lit up as he read through the paper I had handed over to him. "Èfico" he had said with that smile that always shook my female classmates, he pulled me to himself, hugging me like I hug my pillow at night. A pat on the back would have been enough, but that hug was more pleasant. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but I got used to it soon. I was hugging everybody, when Ray saw hugs had become my thing, he took a step further, giving me a peck kiss. I didn't want him fully kissing me one day so I made no attempt at going close to anyone's cheek.

I loved my new company, there was no time to spend with my thoughts anymore. A new me was evolving, or had evolved. A new Eniye. Outspoken. Laughed loudly at a joke. Tongue-free around the opposite sex. Unafriad to stare in anyone's eyes. I had run into my dad on my way home from school once, and I had smiled and spoken confidently while my eyes rested on his, analysing the slight shock in his eyes and tone. I wanted him to see how I was doing without him. The timid girl he was making me into had died.

I felt free, free to sing, free to live, free to attend little get togethers held from time to time. I found myself moving my head to Style Plus's "call my name", when I tried dancing, it worked.

Ray had told me to dance to my first position while he danced to his 'fourth'. I felt we were a couple, "a couple of what?" the crazy voice in my head would often ask. Though he never asked me out, I saw loyalty when I'm with him. I could tell he also felt we were in a relationship and we left it that way.

When higher institutions came calling our names, Ray had visited me at home, we spent the afternoon talking about what his University of Port Harcourt looked like and what my University of Benin was about. We knew we were saying goodbye underneath the "we'll keep in touch." We were right, it was the last time I saw Raymond.

TBC

When I turned 16, my body started to experience a mystery, my hip bones were shooting sideways, my stomach was going nowhere, I had stood in front of the mirror and wondered if God had taken a day to make adjustments in his creation, adding more flesh at my waist region.

Aunty Linda said my body was taking it's real shape, I didn't know what she meant. More exciting was fact that the guys in school had begun to notice that I was probably more beautiful than the girls who paraded themselves on the school's corridors. I was both proud and shy. Proud because I loved the feeling of being noticed, every girl does, shy because that was my default setting, my mouth was only on fire in that place where only I exist. On the earth, it is tied up.

Raymond came asking for my biology note once while his friends watched. Playing ignorant and unaware of their games excited me to my stomach, while my face held no corresponding expression as I handed him the note. Not long, Hannah was sitting on my desk asking that I escort her to the school's tuck shop. I wondered how it would feel to walk beside the most gutted girl in school, I loved guts because I never had it.

I accepted her offer. Break period came and we walked together, the big boys walked up to us at various times to say hello. I saw faces of girls popping out of class windows to see who was walking with Hannah. I felt elevated and at the same time bothered that I was seen as an innocent girl on her way to being a spoilt brat. I feared for myself though, but I couldn't turn down Hannah everytime she wanted my company. You'd call it peer pressure, but it was the pressure I needed.

I was woken up the next morning by a lazy shove from my mum.
"Eniye get your things out and pack into this box"
I sat up on my bed and saw a red wooden box lying close by. I would have asked questions like "why?" But I didn't.
"What exactly should I pack up?" It was the only question I knew I was permitted to ask.
"Everything... Everything you have" Her words hung on the air. I wondered if she was also still pondering on her words and how they came out dryly and without much sense.

I folded my clothes, same way I feel my life is being folded up now. Silence filled our ear drums, something I am used to, mummy never explains anything, she was like daddy and I was like both of them. Maybe they also prefer to have the conversations in their head.

I was 14 when my mum and I moved into the small one bedroom self contain. It was furnished with necessary house hold items. I could tell mummy was seeing it for the first time. That night I had sunk into the bed beside my mother's and narrated to myself the parts my eyes had not seen.

Daddy had to stay with one wife. Pastor Eghosa had visited the previous week and had asked him to obey the Bible, being a man of one wife. He had given mummy so much money to appease the forth coming blow, money she had used to prepare Banga soup.

Mummy Rita had heard Pastor Eghosa when he talked with daddy and had panicked last night when Daddy was perceived to be spending the night with Mummy. But the reality was, he was explaining to her the decisions he had to make. The least he could do was get a house and furnish it.

I thought of my mother on her knees, this time not screaming at God but pleading with her husband. A fruitless plea it obviously was. I was supposedly old enough to live without a father, the twins weren't.

Mummy Rita had found out she wasn't the one leaving, hence the urhobo praise songs that slipped through the openings of her room into our ears in the morning.

When Pastor Eghosa came visiting mummy in our new house, in my mind I had used the frying pan to hit him many times, I had not stopped hitting him when mummy asked that I brought a glass. I didn't know how much hit will satisfy me, so I kept hitting him while I sat and watched the clergy. Pastor Eghosa had lost his life in an accident 6months later. Now I wonder if it was my doing.

I had looked forward to that wedding ceremony, only because I desired to peep into my parent's wedding, did daddy ever smile? The answer I got was an unapologetic 'No". I thought there was something wrong with mummy Rita for letting herself be the second wife of a man who couldn't show a bit of an affection. My Aunt Linda who I told the marriage wasn't like those in the movies had said what we see on screens are a figment of people's imaginations, they put out their fantasies for us to watch, and that it really isn't so. I took it. It seemed like a wise counsel. One that wasn't wrong but unintentionally robbed me of my senses.

As you can see I thought a lot of things. My thought was my companion. I looked and analysed what I saw in my mind. I didn't ask questions, I made up stories of the parts I didn't see.

When mummy starts cooking Banga, I thought of daddy giving her a pat on the back like he does to me every time I pulled the First position strings in class. Once she had made Banga and had not come out of Daddy's room all night, while mummy Rita walked to and fro the kitchen. It bothered me that I could almost see through her, it was obvious she wasn't busy with something in particular. I scanned her face before I retired to my room for the night, knowing it will keep me busy while I tried to find sleep.

I had stayed awake in my spring bed and analysed the facial expression of mummy Rita. Lips pushed forward, cheek sliding in and out, evidence of the inside flesh being cut off by a small portion of the teeth. Her brows often close to each other due to the downward squeeze on her forehead. She had shoved her twins into the room a little too hard. She was worried about something.

In the movies, the birth of a child is always glorious, I look at the faces of the new parents lit up, teeth being splashed all over the screen, some who are drawn by the innocence of the little figure cry alongside the baby and then I wonder what the atmosphere was like when I was born.

My imagination could only see the "nothing excites or bothers me" look on the face of my Father, as he stood looking at my little self, probably pink. While my mother only had a faint smile of a dying woman trying to encourage her child, other times I imagined her kneeling in the hospital, her hand moving back to front as if hitting a black board, while uttering statements in a way that only one syllable was heard, as in "ne..., je..., ty..., sus." Sometimes a word will be heard "fashioned..., Lose..., Fire..." It is the way she prays. I thought maybe the news of my birth was as devastating as that of daddy going to pay another woman's dowry. Mummy had prayed that friday for so long, loudly at some points and whispering at other times. While whispering it was hard to tell if she was still praying or had begun to sob, until you'll hear her roar again.

It was the last time I heard her voice so loud. Maybe she realised God didn't like to be screamed at.

I don't know who I am anymore. A criminal, A novice, a psychopath, a timid monster, I wonder who's correct. I see the social media thread that displays my picture and I'm forced to applaud their analysis. I'm a beautiful girl, so beautiful that I don't blame those that call me a witch. Maybe I am. I could be possessed but know it not. Only a demon will smile after all I did, but it wasn't only a smile, I let out a laughter that only my throat felt because my stomach rejected it, all the while sitting before my mother in the dimly lit room, her eye balls hung lazily in their sockets as always.

My heart burned within, suicide filled the wooden table between us while my mother spoke, but I had exhausted my emotions, I was done crying, I was done feeling pains, I had a shell, thick enough for my skin and my heart. I would have loved to show some emotions, cry maybe, shed a little tear, it could earn me sympathy from the people on Mark Zuckerberg's invention, ranting like they knew me from Adam. I sit here searching my being for the predominant me, the me I really am, especially when inmates ask me, "what can you possibly be capable of?" And all I can say is "everything." Though many years ago, I would have said "nothing."

So after taking a stroll round the world of fiction, I'm back here. Though I'm not still sure how this works, I'm gonna drop this here. "Everything I Never Had" is a short fiction, I mainly write short fictions. It captures the heart of a certain lady, Eniye, what she wanted, which she thought she had but realised she never really had it.

I hope we get the best out of it.

I don’t know how I survived a week but I probably have become a mere vegetable. Lost in regrets. Dead to my existence. I’ve had my share of satisfaction. What can fall this wall and let me keep moving?! Or better still, I wish life can be RE-LIVED.

Years had gone by, still Eddy and I found pleasure in each other’s arm. I love my other siblings but Eddy was special. As I grew, the light of my acts shines on me; my eyes became open but I was hardened by desire. I had dated, Eddy had dated but we found each other more pleasant. He tells me he loves me, I make him understand I feel same. He talks of his girlfriend and I get jealous, I mention my lover and he pulls me to himself, making love to me like he needed to pump love back into me. But we understood we can’t declare marriage to the world, or else our eyes will remain shut when men wake at dawn, yet we needed to get married. Eddy is 33 and mum and dad are raising eyebrows. He slips a ring into a finger. Jealous? Yes I was, but he needed to. Three years went by and I still was getting physical with my brother, even in his house, since I sometimes live there. Our wife was trusting, she confides in me and I sure put her mind at ease. When husband is missing and seem like he was cheating, he surely was with his darling sister, the proof of that assures her that all was well.

Two years later I was 29 and had accepted a proposal from a fine man who I know had chosen to love me. Jide. The day he kissed me, I felt “the spark.” I awakened from the kiss to a love I really couldn’t explain. Even if I would move to Lagos with him, I was pretty sure I had found an Eddy. Preparations for the wedding were on and I still found myself under eddy making up for the years ahead. The day of my traditional wedding, we all had assembled at my dad’s house and had excitedly performed the ceremony. Eddy had the look of bitter-sweet feeling. Same look I had on my face at his wedding. Eddy took me to his room at about 9p.m when everybody had retired to their rooms due to the stress of the day. I knew what was going to happen, and thought I should enjoy every moment, without raising a finger just like the first time when I was 12. We stood, his hands on my waist and my hands wrapped around his shoulders. As we stared into each other’s eyes, my heart skipped. Fear. Love. Doubt. Desire. I was sinking. Tears were being pumped. I hid it by resting my head on his shoulder. He knew.
“I can’t speak” he said. “I don’t know the right words to say… but one thing I’m sure of… is that I love you… I have loved you from the moment you were born. Stephanie…”
The sound of my name gave a shrilled feeling to my spines and my loins reacted.
“Once in a year is the… is how we will probably manage to see now, somehow this day was only imagined but now it’s here and we only have to make tonight memorable. I want you in my hands all night.”
Those words are unforgettable, because they led to a memorable night indeed. The left strap of my singlet fell to its side as his lips touched mine. Time passed and I was lost in the moment. We both were aware of only each other. We kept yearning for more. Completely lost in the loins of each other, we heard the room door bang. We jerked around to the audience of no one. We knew we needed to think fast but it hindered our thinking the more. There was someone in the room. Or was it another door and not ours. It was 10p.m, one hour into our night of unforgettable memories; quickly we got our tiny clothes on before mum stepped in. She wasn’t sure what was happening.
“Kilode?”
Our hearts were being chewed up by fear. “Why did Jide storm out like that?”
“I’m finished” my mind repeatedly said. My legs were running out before I realized I needed to go after him. At the gate he was seated in his car, he saw me approaching him but drove off before I could reach him. That’s the end of something. Didn’t know what it was. But I knew this was the end of that road. I had hit the wall, there was probably no escape. Could I fall the walls of Jericho?! His car disappeared from the road and I wondered what could turn the hand of the clock to 9p.m or better still the year 1999 when I was just 12. I had received a slap back to reality. There’s a way that seems right to a man, but its end is destruction. Was Jide going to call my parents tonight? What will he tell them? Is the wedding off? What happens to my brother’s marriage? How will family and friends react to this news if it’s let out? I had lost strength and gone weak with fear. I sat outside. Didn’t know what I had turned to a seat and didn’t care to find out. My future seemed as dark as the night. Very uncertain. I was numb. People were outside. Family I believe. Every question asked, my subconscious registered, but my mouth was too weak to let air through it. My tongue was lazy. The scent of my sins danced around my nostrils. I was floating. On air. Eddy had picked me from the floor and was lifting me back into the house. About an hour back, this act would have put smiles on my face. I closed my eyes. It was a memorable night indeed.

Thanks

Stolen water is sweet but stolen water from a forbidden pot is even sweeter, it didn't seem to hurt my uncle and aunt. Consistent pain at the end of the act was like labour pain, wiped away by the desire for pleasure and the love we both shared. Being paralyzed by something I couldn’t explain at the time gave me the impression that I was in love. In love with a guy that was not only handsome, but shared a lot in common with me. Mum always said her and daddy had a lot of things in common, from ideas to values, to looks, people even asked if they were siblings, but I didn’t have to search far for love, it lived in the other room.

My defenses were broken. Desires were awakened, and it has refused to even take a nap, let alone sleep. Eddy got admission into school, I thought I could hold on, but I realized immorality doesn’t like to go on break. During my JSS3 long holiday, I visited Lanre. I wanted him to hold me to himself, to feel his warmth but you just need a clap for the body to have what to dance to. I initiated the move as we sat watching a movie, my mind was messed up. I had gotten so drawn to a world of no return. Lanre was a novice but my body didn’t care, I just wanted something to fill the hole my brother drilled in me. The result you ask? Heartache for the next two weeks. What if Lanre had innocently released a baby into my womb? Thoughts tortured me but my scaling through that one made me more confident in my acts. Lanre became a fall back when Eddy wasn’t there. In his 200 level, he came home more often. I couldn’t understand why my parents didn’t realize that the closeness between us needed to be checked. We were siblings quite alright, but my older sister doesn’t come sleeping in my brother’s room, let alone regularly. My stone of blame anyways. Good they didn’t think too far, what controlled me made me daft to reasoning at that time.

Then I had to create the opportunity perfectly. I had told mum I had a little headache and was slightly dizzy. The result was ‘off school.’ My mum gave me drugs and left for work with my older sister and younger brother. Eddy was awaiting WAEC result so was definitely home. My uncle and aunt’s visit had expired so I was left home with “Lanre in flesh.” I had stepped into the room after having my bath when Eddy came in. And that was the beginning of a sex affair between my brother and I. Addiction was the drink of love-making. Desires became intense. Stolen water is sweet but stolen water from a forbidden pot is even sweeter.

My turn to the major road came as I walked down the corridor and heard sounds. Indefinite at first, but as I paid more attention to the sound coming from my uncle’s room, I suddenly felt cold, my heart skipped. Wondered why there was a skip since normally fear was my only reason for such. Maybe I was scared of being seen standing there. As I drew closer to the door, my stomach had a feeling of unease, I felt like the white house was my portion but my anus didn’t receive no signal from the stomach. The feelings became disconnected when I felt a presence, I turned and saw Eddy, my older brother, he had questions written all over his forehead but I had no idea what the exact questions were, so I smiled embarrassingly and walked away. My older sister and younger brother had left the house with my mum and since my older brother Eddy was right behind me, then behind the door were my maternal uncle and aunt who had come around for the weekend to just spend a little time with mum. It seem they really do not need her help to have fun, I thought to myself. I got to my room and the sounds of sex moan resounded in my head as I created a fantasy world where Lanre Adegoke and I were the ones behind that closed door. Lanre is that SSS1 senior who had become the star of my fantasy movies, yet one of the guys whose bag of gesture has been cast into the sea. The more I stayed in that world the more I became thirsty, thirsty for a touch and I could get any drink to satisfy the thirst at the time.

I opened my eyes as my bed creaked at the weight of a second party. Eddy was beside me, I gave a weak smile when he put his hand on my stomach and shut my eyes again revisiting my world with Lanre. Then it felt like Lanre was present with me, he had squeezed my stomach making my heart burn with desire for something beyond this world. Like I was sick and needed a cure. I felt Lanre perform all manner of surgeries on my bare body. It was like taking drugs for my sickness but the more I got a drug the sicker I was. The sickness worsened with every dose of what I call passion. Lanre had become a confused person in my mind as I wondered why he was drawing more thirst from my inside instead of quenching the thirst. The heart was going to burst with excitement and my loins leaped for joy as my fantasies encompassed me. He explored my body. I felt. Pleasure. Pain. Desire. Frustration. More desire. My virginity put a stop to fantasy. I felt Eddy’s weight crumble on the bed beside me. I knew it was no fantasy. I knew my brother was being physical with me. I just refused to let light into my eyes. I played dumb. I acted like a child. After all I was just 12. But I was fully aware of my actions. Eddy stood up, wore his boxers and left my room. My eyes were still shut. Days passed, weeks went by, we said nothing about it, but I wished for another experience. I had lain on my bed at different times, faced up with eyes closed; wishing he would take the opportunity but no it didn’t come.

I had my share of satisfaction. I guess. Life has got twisted turns for me, in ways I couldn’t imagine. My heart has melted at the feeling of pleasure and hardened for the sake of desire. Sweetness I believed wasn’t a hard commodity, even though the price was my freedom. Parental care wasn’t lacked, well, to an extent. I was blessed with everything necessary, I don’t look back and feel my parents should have known better, though a part of me wants to stone blames at them for being blind, but I think that’s just the side of humans trying to play the victim card.
It was the year 1999 that got me into a different phase in life. I was in JSS2 and had begun to feel like I understood life to a great extent. The teenage feeling was so strong that I was going to burst with excitement at anything that proposed love or its look alike. I was a smart girl, but as much as I would collect a bag of romantic gestures from teenage boys and throw them in the sea, I still loved the bag. I wanted it. I desired it. I looked forward to collecting the bag. Maybe it made me feel relevant, probably beautiful, or I was just being the child who craves attention. Oh how I wanted Lanre to break through my resistance and kiss me. Yes, novels had a complete grip on me. Meanwhile at home, I had gained the reputation of a fast growing lady. My mum flashed my lady features with her tongue. She had started to talk puberty for real this time and ideas had started to leap in my heart. My older brother who would leap off a wall for his pretty fine sister wanted to make sure I wasn’t doing anything shady, he did that by ringing his presence loud and clear and I had no choice but to hear it.

Decided to drop this here. I write flash fictions, "RE-LIVED" is one of my works which sat in my archive for years until it had to come out. My blog trisfiction..com holds my works. Let's go on a short ride with "RE-LIVED" Resist the urge to ask if it happened to me..Thanks

Her eyes strolled to Joy Bassey. The girl wasn't as troubled as the others. She saw her resting on the wall with her mouth moving steadily. Something wasn't right about her actions. She probably was mumbling something. Suddenly she saw Joy jerk. Rukky's heart reacted. Within seconds Joy was running towards Rukky. Rukky froze. She didn't know how to react, her tiny legs refused to run, she saw her whole life flash before her eyes like it was the end. Every attention turned to Joy, the loud prayers had dropped as the distraction was presented at their faces. Joy stopped halfway across the corridor's dry gutter, bent forward and spat. It was blood. Joy put her head up and looked straight at Rukky. Rukky shook and withdrew backwards, she could hear persons saying "Joy vomited blood." As she withdrew, the hostel gate opened aggressively giving a loud bang on the wall, little girls screamed as they fled from the hostel's gate to the other extreme of the corridor, Rukky wished she could disappear, she wished she wasn't included in this movie. She made sure she stayed deep in the midst of the other children, also making sure she was far from Joy, something told her that wasn't really Joy, same way madam fruits didn't seem to be herself. Was something possessing these persons? The prayers had turned to loud screams from frightened children.
"I can see her" Rukky heard loudly in their midst. She searched for the speaker.
Room J's door creaked.
"She just entered room J" the same voice said.
Rukky was beginning to guess who could be speaking, Busayo Okunola. She didn't like how she felt, but it was better than being dead, well she wouldn't really know as she's never been dead. Everyone pushed at everyone, no one wanted to be seen but hidden. The fear in every heart was beginning to pray again. Rukky looked at her wristwatch, it was 12:24a.m, nobody seem to be sleepy. She felt all these were too much trauma for her age. Everyone looked towards the hostel's gate and room J, the room was just beside the gate. They didn't know what to expect. They all watched while muttering prayers to save their lives. Some had painted images at the gate area, Busayo still said she could see her. The fear was so thick they all shivered. Faint footsteps dropped on their ear drums from outside the gate. Rukky felt like she was fainting.
"There she is" Rukky muttered. A shadowy figure walked through the hostel gate. Tiny screams shot at the "whoever." The figure shuddered, halted, looked behind, saw nothing, then fired down towards the children like angry bird. It was Aunty Casey, Rukky's house mistress, She had been woken up by the continuous screams from the hostel.
"What is the meaning of all these" she shouted. Anybody could hear the anger speaking.
"I cannot sleep because I have children in the hostel?"
Senior Bukola approached her and explained all that was happening. It added fuel to her anger.
"Get out of this corridor and into your rooms"
It echoed. Children wanted to obey, the knew they needed to obey, but as they dispersed, everyone facing their rooms, Aunty Casey could see that the population was not reducing from the corridor, it had only scattered. They stood at their doors, painted an image of madam fruit in their rooms waiting for them, nobody desired to be taken by being the first to get inside.
"Will you all get inside" Aunty Casey screamed facing Rukky's roommates. They all pushed at each other until someone was forced in while others followed behind.

Rukky stood at the centre of the room. She was tired, her body couldn't take the stress anymore, she felt sick. She watched her roommates push their bunks together with the aim of sleeping in groups. Her fears had not given way, she asked if she could join in and the little girls rejected the offer. They didn't want to be mistaken for Rukky in their sleep. She understood, she had to face her friend alone, after all no one sent her to make friends with witches, she was obviously paying for all the free mangoes. She had to pick up courage that all was just an imagination. "I can see her" echoed in her head, could Busayo really see her? She got on her bed, with the house check still on, she had to be ready for the worst. She missed the comfort of her bed, It felt good to be on it, but she didn't want to feel too relaxed. She heard her roommates whispering to one another, she longed for a new day. If she survives this one, a million things will change. She tried closing her eyes, but she painted images of madam fruit standing beside her and her eyes would open widely, hoping to catch someone. It couldn't continue for long, no one cheats nature.

Rukky woke up, the memories of the night was like a dream, she felt life had given her another chance, it wasn't her last night after all. The school's Matron sent for her, she found herself in the hospital outside school. It was announced she had high fever. She wasn't sure what they meant by that. So all wasn't real? Was she really seeing things the previous day? Joy Bassey told authorities she bit her tongue hard while chewing gum, spitting blood was the result. Rukky said nothing, who was she to counter anybody, especially what a grown up doctor has said. Monday came along and her mates still had the stories in their heads and tongues. A small group of JSS1 girls had a plan to confront madam fruit. They walked with their tiny legs towards her shop with bibles in hand but she wasn't there. The next day she wasn't either, the whole week went by and madam fruit didn't show up. Never again did they set eyes on the tiny woman. Never again.

Her eyes strolled to Joy Bassey. The girl wasn't as troubled as the others. She saw her resting on the wall with her mouth moving steadily. Something wasn't right about her actions. She probably was mumbling something. Suddenly she saw Joy jerk. Rukky's heart reacted. Within seconds Joy was running towards Rukky. Rukky froze. She didn't know how to react, her tiny legs refused to run, she saw her whole life flash before her eyes like it was the end. Every attention turned to Joy, the loud prayers had dropped as the distraction was presented at their faces. Joy stopped halfway across the corridor's dry gutter, bent forward and spat. It was blood. Joy put her head up and looked straight at Rukky. Rukky shook and withdrew backwards, she could hear persons saying "Joy vomited blood." As she withdrew, the hostel gate opened aggressively giving a loud bang on the wall, little girls screamed as they fled from the hostel's gate to the other extreme of the corridor, Rukky wished she could disappear, she wished she wasn't included in this movie. She made sure she stayed deep in the midst of the other children, also making sure she was far from Joy, something told her that wasn't really Joy, same way madam fruits didn't seem to be herself. Was something possessing these persons? The prayers had turned to loud screams from frightened children.
"I can see her" Rukky heard loudly in their midst. She searched for the speaker.
Room J's door creaked.
"She just entered room J" the same voice said.
Rukky was beginning to guess who could be speaking, Busayo Okunola. She didn't like how she felt, but it was better than being dead, well she wouldn't really know as she's never been dead. Everyone pushed at everyone, no one wanted to be seen but hidden. The fear in every heart was beginning to pray again. Rukky looked at her wristwatch, it was 12:24a.m, nobody seem to be sleepy. She felt all these were too much trauma for her age. Everyone looked towards the hostel's gate and room J, the room was just beside the gate. They didn't know what to expect. They all watched while muttering prayers to save their lives. Some had painted images at the gate area, Busayo still said she could see her. The fear was so thick they all shivered. Faint footsteps dropped on their ear drums from outside the gate. Rukky felt like she was fainting.
"There she is" Rukky muttered. A shadowy figure walked through the hostel gate. Tiny screams shot at the "whoever." The figure shuddered, halted, looked behind, saw nothing, then fired down towards the children like angry bird. It was Aunty Casey, Rukky's house mistress, She had been woken up by the continuous screams from the hostel.
"What is the meaning of all these" she shouted. Anybody could hear the anger speaking.
"I cannot sleep because I have children in the hostel?"
Senior Bukola approached her and explained all that was happening. It added fuel to her anger.
"Get out of this corridor and into your rooms"
It echoed. Children wanted to obey, the knew they needed to obey, but as they dispersed, everyone facing their rooms, Aunty Casey could see that the population was not reducing from the corridor, it had only scattered. They stood at their doors, painted an image of madam fruit in their rooms waiting for them, nobody desired to be taken by being the first to get inside.
"Will you all get inside" Aunty Casey screamed facing Rukky's roommates. They all pushed at each other until someone was forced in while others followed behind.

Rukky stood at the centre of the room. She was tired, her body couldn't take the stress anymore, she felt sick. She watched her roommates push their bunks together with the aim of sleeping in groups. Her fears had not given way, she asked if she could join in and the little girls rejected the offer. They didn't want to be mistaken for Rukky in their sleep. She understood, she had to face her friend alone, after all no one sent her to make friends with witches, she was obviously paying for all the free mangoes. She had to pick up courage that all was just an imagination. "I can see her" echoed in her head, could Busayo really see her? She got on her bed, with the house check still on, she had to be ready for the worst. She missed the comfort of her bed, It felt good to be on it, but she didn't want to feel too relaxed. She heard her roommates whispering to one another, she longed for a new day. If she survives this one, a million things will change. She tried closing her eyes, but she painted images of madam fruit standing beside her and her eyes would open widely, hoping to catch someone. It couldn't continue for long, no one cheats nature.

Rukky woke up, the memories of the night was like a dream, she felt life had given her another chance, it wasn't her last night after all. The school's Matron sent for her, she found herself in the hospital outside school. It was announced she had high fever. She wasn't sure what they meant by that. So all wasn't real? Was she really seeing things the previous day? Joy Bassey told authorities she bit her tongue hard while chewing gum, spitting blood was the result. Rukky said nothing, who was she to counter anybody, especially what a grown up doctor has said. Monday came along and her mates still had the stories in their heads and tongues. A small group of JSS1 girls had a plan to confront madam fruit. They walked with their tiny legs towards her shop with bibles in hand but she wasn't there. The next day she wasn't either, the whole week went by and madam fruit didn't show up. Never again did they set eyes on the tiny woman. Never again.

Here's "Her Last Night 1"[/color][color=#990000]
You can get more on trisfiction..com


She walked down the long and quiet corridor that evening. She could hear her footsteps loudly, it made her uncomfortable, maybe because it felt like the footsteps weren't hers, even with the knowledge that the area has been deserted. She had to look for someone to be with, being alone was a fool's act. It was one of those times that missing dinner was an offence which attracts punishment from the authorities, it made the place empty of students but she couldn't risk washing piles of plates when she didn't eat from any. Rukky's tiny feet tapped towards madam fruit's shop, a smallish woman who looked like she was in her early 40s. She could see from afar that her fruits were on display, it was usual as students bought stuffs while awaiting dinner. Rukky couldn't wait to get there, the silence around her was deafening as it loudly ministered fear, her knowledge that there's a grown up at the end of the corridor didn't act as eraser on the fears. She turned at every sound heard, she's been told many stories of boarding house, bush babies, snakes, cats, the girl who puts her head on her thighs and plaited it, she didn't think she'd like to have such experiences. She contemplated running, but she told herself her imaginations were playing a huge trick on her, the wicked runs when no one pursues, "but the innocent runs when an invisible witch pursues" an inner voice countered. Picking her pace was the most she could do. She heard the tap tap of her little slippers, and the "tap" of another, she stretched her ear drums to hear again but it didn't come. She was too scared to turn around. "Its all in my head" she reassured herself. She was getting closer to madam fruit's shop but the place held no life. She scanned the shop area, there was nobody. She couldn't be the only one outside dining hall in the whole school, the thought killed her last confidence. She kept walking hoping to see madam fruit somewhere around, she thought she heard a sound behind her, looking behind she saw two ruggedly tiny hands coming towards her head, with heart frozen she bent down or maybe someone pulled her down, dodging the hands was a mystery to her. Laughter bursted into her ears. She looked up and saw madam fruit laughing hysterically. It took her a few seconds to get her heart unfrozen, though it still pounded from the event. She watched madam fruit as the petite woman walked to the table filled with fruits.
"You get luck" she heard madam fruit say.
Eyes stayed fixed on madam fruit as she wondered who she could be referring to? What did she mean? Was that act a joke or was she really lucky to have bent down. Confusion broke out on her forehead, Madam fruit saw it. For the first time she wasn't comfortable around her grown up friend, same woman she enjoyed selling for, same woman who gave her mangoes without cost, the woman who she could call "mummy" because their default language was Urhobo. She paid rapt attention to the woman, watching her every move, she made attempt to look at her eyes, had no idea what she hoped to see in them, but when their eyes met, her heart pounded once so hard that she felt madam fruit heard it. That wasnt her friend. "That isn't madam fruit" she thought. Staying calm was the best option. It's not advisable to let a predator know you are suspicious, but what if she was just joking, by now the woman should have known the joke is too expensive for an 11years old girl. It was getting dark, she thought of leaving the sight, but every other place in the school is as scary as this place, classrooms were like graveyard, though she wasn't sure which was wiser, staying with a friend turned stranger or going to a "grave-like" classroom.
"If only I had gone for dinner." she muttered to herself. We all pay the price for disobeying even the simplest of instructions. She longed for less scary people around, they should eat faster and fill the area before she disappears from the earth.

Classrooms started getting filled. It was time to walk. She needed to find a way to go without seemingly running away. The woman has been busy clearing her shop and that made her come close to Rukky several times, an act that made Rukky's heart stop several times. She sighted Peace, that was her escape.
"Peace" she called out.
Peace looked at her direction and started walking towards her. That's not the plan. She needed to leave this place. She could feel madam fruits burning eyes on her head.
"Have you gone to see senior Fegor" she said loud enough for Peace to hear, Peace obviously didn't understand why she should be meeting senior Fegor. While she talked, she walked towards Peace.
"Rukky"
Her name was ice on her flesh. She halted and turned her head backwards, telling her friend she has no plans of coming back to the shop she's grown fond of over some weeks.
"I'm coming to your hostel tonight, one person from each room is mine, you are one"
Fear slapped her, in fact it was punching her to the ground, she felt the pain. She thought she was turning red, maybe pink, or rather purple since she was dark in complexion, she hated the feeling. Even though she couldn't really make out what those words really meant, she knew it didn't sound good. She caught up with Peace, she couldn't say a word. She just needed to be out of the woman's sight. She was sure that wasn't madam fruit, at least not the one she knew, this one poured out a flawless English, the one she knew could barely complete a sentence and had a thick urhobo accent. How did she become close to a witch? Peace was talking to her, but she felt the witch had placed hot yam in her mouth. She wanted to tell someone, she wanted to tell Peace, but she wasn't sure if Madam fruit won't hear her from wherever she stood and come after her earlier than planned. During the evening prayers, she stood not sure what to say. She felt she needed to pray and bind this witch but her thoughts kept interfering. She didn't know if there is really a God who can hear her. The stories about God were just what they were, stories.
"Mummy" Rukky called out to a more reliable caretaker, her mum exists, people say mothers always get the instinct that their children need them no matter the distance.
"I'm in trouble, please help me" She looked around, hoping no one heard her spooky request. Her heart was failing her, she wondered if it still pumped blood, she needed to sit down but these prefects will punish her for sitting during prayers. She was tired of thinking, she wished everything away.

Prep came and passed, it was useless to her. She had a book lying before her which seemed to be mocking her by reading itself throughout. Every thought threatened her existence, she was probably gonna die tonight. Why didn't madam fruit just kill her back then, why wait until tonight, the suspense was more deadly, it magnified the problem. Was it really her last night? She wished it was foul play. She dreaded the night, she dreaded her hostel, especially her room, the thought of sleeping in another room flashed but she was still going to take a life from every room, by the way "a witch seem to have eyes everywhere" she thought. Sleep wasn't in her night's agenda, it didn't seem like it existed. The first bunk from the door was hers, "easy access." Entering her room, she knew the hour was nigh if it hasn't come already. She sat down still on her house check, tears were being pumped, she tried keeping it in, the trial made the tears rush faster.
"Rukky"
She was startled, kafayat was standing beside her bunk.
"Why are you crying?"
The question called the names of her roommates unintentionally. Little girls are curious, or probably caring. They gathered around, some sat on her bed, some on the bed beside hers. She wasn't sure how to tell it or if she should even tell it. She narrated the whole story, dishing out fear and serving her roommates to just taste of it. Some wished they weren't in the know, they wished they had minded their business, but they realised it would have gotten to them anyways, JSS1 girls from other rooms came visiting their friends, heard the stories and like ravens they travelled with it. Since Rukky was automatically one of the victims, her roommates were silently gratefully. Did it make them feel awful, yes, maybe, but there's a but.

The hostel was in an uproar, some were crying already, they all wished they could go home. It threatened the peace of their prefects. Senior Bukola as they all called her assembled everyone on the corridor and declared a prayer session. The Muslims prayed alongside the Christians, the catholics weren't segregated from the Protestants, fear knows no religion. The hostel was in a noisy state, everyone spoke, everyone shouted, everyone opened their eyes, shutting them will be foolishness.

Rukky was too scared to really open her mouth. Maybe the situation was more real to her than it was to any other person standing right there on that corridor. Every movement drew her attention. She believed the witch can walk into their midst in any form. She watched, she needed to be sensitive, could she really outrun the witch, if she saw her? she wondered. Her eyes strolled to Joy Bassey. The girl wasn't as troubled as the others. She saw her resting on the wall with her mouth moving steadily. Something wasn't right about her actions. She probably was mumbling something. Suddenly she saw Joy jerk. Rukky's heart reacted. Within seconds Joy was running towards Rukky. Rukky froze.

https://trisfiction..com/2018/07/her-last-night-1.html?m=1