Blackie01's Posts
Nairaland Forum › Blackie01's Profile › Blackie01's Posts
1 2 (of 2 pages)
Now this is me , myself and I. Welcome to my world . Don't think it's Me alone ooooo. Cos na we all maek dis banga siopu togatger we must use and chiop anywhich way. ![]() |
IkpuMmadu:I will like our women to educate me on this. |
IkpuMmadu:So women don't deserve sexual satisfaction? A woman who doesn't have orgasm from her man will always give you attitude. |
Hmmmm! Still breathing . I am better now and no longer in that dark tunnel like my online psychologist said. Sage said for my kind of person, it's normal to be there. Sage also said I have loads of energy and I am not chaneelig them property hence makes weights me down. She asked a question that made me realise I wasn't living, I was just existing. I told her of my numerous attempts to cheat on my wife of late , my money problems, sex issues, lack of satisfaction with everything happening around me and my childhood. Hmmmm ! My case is quiet unique. But truth she helped me get better. I am still a work in progress, but I will soon get there. I nor longer care about my problems, I now take life one day at a time. I no longer call friends for money, we manage what ever we get and push ahead. I discovered I was the number waster of resources in the house. If it wasn't sport betting, I was busy whoring my self away cos sex is boring at home she does not listen when it comes to sex. Simple instructions she won't take. Killing moral all the time. What an as.s hole! We have not have some mind blowing sex of late and I miss them. But she must not always have her way when it comes to sex. She is inexperienced and should learn and also give me instructions on how to please her. I love giving head cos sometimes I have a lot bordering me and might not even get an errection, and when I manage to, it does not last long cos I believe sex shouldn't be a quickie. There are build up to sex especially when it with your wife, it should be slow, steamy, crazy build up that will lead to a body wrenching , voice cracking and earth shaking orgasm. Simple instructions "go wash up" and I am going to months without sex cos she refused. I hate our sex life. No wonder we still can't make babies. I swear , never marry a conservative churchy virgin, when you have being a play boy. She is a judgment sent from above to torment your sex life. Sometimes I wonder why I still feel like cheating on her with no regrets. I have this 1,000,000 sexual fantasies I wanna fulfil but she is a kill joy. I hate to vent it on her, because I am damn blunt in my phraseology that I will end up looking for bundles of tissue to start cleaning her teary eyes. I love her, God in heaven knows ! But you can't have it all perfect. I understand. Back to where we stopped jare. Yes! Lack of material adavncemnt no longer dictat how I live my life. I have finally come to terms that things have fallen and I ready to build again. Working out how to start and also, I have come to realise I am built to be an employee , I am always smarter than my boss, hence we always have issues. " never show you are smarter than your boss, he will hate you". The CEO is a good man , but ain't gonna stay long in this company, or I will consult for them while moving on to other stuffs. I am trying to stop being a fucki.ng as.shole introvert. I have started meeting folking who love my vastness and intelligence. I don't need a job, consult me or we could work together on a project. Many prefer we work together on a project cos they don't wanna pay for consulting. The promises will automatically skyrocket me straight to the top in few months time, if they keep to their words. I intend to get an agreement signed with them , but enforcement is another thing. I hate taking someone to court. I used to prefer taking them out, destroying, the project,or frustrating them with africa voodoo. My favourite uncle is a voodoo priest same with my father in-law which made voodoo a play thing. But giving the consequence, I try so much to avoid it. My wife being a born again makes it difficult to keep some in the house. That was then anyway. Having also decided to move away from those stuffs, I just wanna lead a clean life devoid of those stuffs. I will rather work away and pray better stuffs happens. A predator suddenly becomes a prey. Well! It is well. Except a grain of wheat falls to the ground, it abideth alone. But if it fallest and submits to the ground , it yeildeth much fruits. Guess I am that grain of wheat. Something keeps telling me allow your mockers mock you, so your makers can make you. I first saw the quotation on the grain of wheat in Ngugi Wa' Tiogo's " grain of wheat" , what a fine read. I know as I write this , I only have 45naira in my bank acct, but I can control my emotions to allow it not control me, because I know the good Lord will provide. I am expecting some good cash next week, it push comes to shove, we Wil manage and improvise till then. Last week Sunday was though and I found my self in the kitchen making some home crafted good for my lovely wife. She loved the sauce and wished I will keep cooking for her everyday. Lol. I am not pansy, I only did it cos I needed to ensure she was fed no matter what that not to say I don't cook for her when she ain't at home and I am or on some special occasion. But she shouldn't take advantage of it. I have one principle, there must be something to eat no matter what. I must fulfil my number duty, which is feeding her. She is my first baby. My first child. My first daughter. If I don't feed her, who will? Somebody promised to pay what he owes yesterday but till now no alert. I pray God causes him to remember and be restless till he fulfils his promise. Heaven knows I need that fund. I have so many stuffs to work on today. Some I don't have the will power to start . I will try and start it regardless cos I if i start, I will finish and start expecting pay. They only wanna partner and pay me when they are paid cos they are the ones bringing the Job. If I ask to be paid upfront, they will pay peanuts. This is better but will they pay? I am quite hopeful and will take them by their words. I need to call stainless I need some software . |
Hmmmm! Still breathing . I am better now and no longer in that dark tunnel like my online psychologist said. Sage said for my kind of person, it's normal to be there. Sage also said I have loads of energy and I am not chaneelig them property hence makes weights me down. She asked a question that made me realise I wasn't living, I was just existing. I told her of my numerous attempts to cheat on my wife of late , my money problems, sex issues, lack of satisfaction with everything happening around me and my childhood. Hmmmm ! My case is quiet unique. But truth she helped me get better. I am still a work in progress, but I will soon get there. I nor longer care about my problems, I now take life one day at a time. I no longer call friends for money, we manage what ever we get and push ahead. I discovered I was the number waster of resources in the house. If it wasn't sport betting, I was busy whoring my self away cos sex is boring at home she does not listen when it comes to sex. Simple instructions she won't take. Killing moral all the time. What an as.s hole! We have not have some mind blowing sex of late and I miss them. But she must not always have her way when it comes to sex. She is inexperienced and should learn and also give me instructions on how to please her. I love giving head cos sometimes I have a lot bordering me and might not even get an errection, and when I manage to, it does not last long cos I believe sex shouldn't be a quickie. There are build up to sex especially when it with your wife, it should be slow, steamy, crazy build up that will lead to a body wrenching , voice cracking and earth shaking orgasm. Simple instructions "go wash up" and I am going to months without sex cos she refused. I hate our sex life. No wonder we still can't make babies. I swear , never marry a conservative churchy virgin, when you have being a play boy. She is a judgment sent from above to torment your sex life. Sometimes I wonder why I still feel like cheating on her with no regrets. I have this 1,000,000 sexual fantasies I wanna fulfil but she is a kill joy. I hate to vent it on her, because I am damn blunt in my phraseology that I will end up looking for bundles of tissue to start cleaning her teary eyes. I love her, God in heaven knows ! But you can't have it all perfect. I understand. Back to where we stopped jare. Yes! Lack of material adavncemnt no longer dictat how I live my life. I have finally come to terms that things have fallen and I ready to build again. Working out how to start and also, I have come to realise I am built to be an employee , I am always smarter than my boss, hence we always have issues. " never show you are smarter than your boss, he will hate you". The CEO is a good man , but ain't gonna stay long in this company, or I will consult for them while moving on to other stuffs. I am trying to stop being a fucki.ng as.shole introvert. I have started meeting folking who love my vastness and intelligence. I don't need a job, consult me or we could work together on a project. Many prefer we work together on a project cos they don't wanna pay for consulting. The promises will automatically skyrocket me straight to the top in few months time, if they keep to their words. I intend to get an agreement signed with them , but enforcement is another thing. I hate taking someone to court. I used to prefer taking them out, destroying, the project,or frustrating them with africa voodoo. My favourite uncle is a voodoo priest same with my father in-law which made voodoo a play thing. But giving the consequence, I try so much to avoid it. My wife being a born again makes it difficult to keep some in the house. That was then anyway. Having also decided to move away from those stuffs, I just wanna lead a clean life devoid of those stuffs. I will rather work away and pray better stuffs happens. A predator suddenly becomes a prey. Well! It is well. Except a grain of wheat falls to the ground, it abideth alone. But if it fallest and submits to the ground , it yeildeth much fruits. Guess I am that grain of wheat. Something keeps telling me allow your mockers mock you, so your makers can make you. I first saw the quotation on the grain of wheat in Ngugi Wa' Tiogo's " grain of wheat" , what a fine read. I know as I write this , I only have 45naira in my bank acct, but I can control my emotions to allow it not control me, because I know the good Lord will provide. I am expecting some good cash next week, it push comes to shove, we Wil manage and improvise till then. Last week Sunday was though and I found my self in the kitchen making some home crafted good for my lovely wife. She loved the sauce and wished I will keep cooking for her everyday. Lol. I am not pansy, I only did it cos I needed to ensure she was fed no matter what that not to say I don't cook for her when she ain't at home and I am or on some special occasion. But she shouldn't take advantage of it. I have one principle, there must be something to eat no matter what. I must fulfil my number duty, which is feeding her. She is my first baby. My first child. My first daughter. If I don't feed her, who will? Somebody promised to pay what he owes yesterday but till now no alert. I pray God causes him to remember and be restless till he fulfils his promise. Heaven knows I need that fund. I have so many stuffs to work on today. Some I don't have the will power to start . I will try and start it regardless cos I if i start, I will finish and start expecting pay. They only wanna partner and pay me when they are paid cos they are the ones bringing the Job. If I ask to be paid upfront, they will pay peanuts. This is better but will they pay? I am quite hopeful and will take them by their words. I need to call stainless I need some software |
If I die today, what becomes of everything. Does death really end everything? I have been thinking about it. But there is one truth, at the end of the day, we are all alone. We are built to survive alone. Nobody cares. Not your parents , not your wife, kids, siblings, pastor, no even your shadow gives a fuc.k a about you cos he is usually the first to leave you when you are dead. I am going to keep this diary, cos it's the only thing that will truely tell or if you like , give a detailed account of my sojourn through this hell hole called life. I am tired, I wanna end it all at times but I still see my mama's face and her smile. I haven't spoken to her in a while. All women are good pretenders. They all live to play the victim. Making us look like a fool. Well ! does it really matter? I don't think so. The only that keeps me going is the fact that I smoke weed every evening to keep my sanity and maybe send me to dream land and for those few hours I don't feel lonely. I am tired of talking, shouting and correcting. So I won't say a word no more. We are strangers now I suppose. No more intimacy, it's canceled in the interim. I have always thought marriage will cure this loneliness but right now, I am even more lonlier than when I was still single. For reasons I don't know, the feeling of loneliness has been there since I was 10 or so. I have always had this feelings no body cared about me or concerned themselves about my feelings and existence. I have been successful at masking the fact that I need love but all I have felt is hate. Hate for my parents, friends, school teachers and now my wife who use to be my closest friend. Dear diary, I will rather die than go back to my old self. I won't do that and I can't go back to me. Sometimes God forgets about us, and I think he has forsaken me. So what am I living for? They often say a life without Christ is a life of crises and I suppose that's where I am at the moment. Perhaps death changes things as winter changes trees. Will death make me happier than burying my head in work? I haven't been there, so I don't know but I hope to find out soon. Did you notice that when you are gone, people just tend to share a few crocodile tears and move on with their lives? I know I will get buried at the Bush when I am done but I don't want this. I want to be burnt ( cremated) and my ashes scattered with the wind. Death seems to be far when you need her warm embrace. I wish my heart will just stop pumping blood and that will be it. I have stopped taking pills , it no works for me. All I think of is slitting my wrist in a hotel bathroom and be gone before I am found. But that seems cowardly. I can't go out like a coward. I can't put a bullet to my head or drink poison. It's too cheap. I wanna go out gallantly. I wish I was in the north east, I would have been useful at the war front. They say those guys are hard to defeat because they are always prepared to die, well for those who are ready to go out in fashion, going after them won't be a bad ideal. It would be a honour pulling that trigger once more for a good cause. I was lied to when I was told my sins are forgiving and I was gonna make heaven. Truth is , there is no heaven for the likes of us. The best we can get is thug mansion sipping heavenly hennessey and smoking some weed over there with the likes of fela, tu Pac and co. Last night some persons went out in fashion in the hands of terrorist in Spain. I was silently wishing I was there. I feel so empty and worthless. My parents don't even know if I exist. Well, the only time they do is to ask for money. I will be strong. I can't pour my heart out here any more, it only entertains you to read about my sorry state and move on to something else. Till death comes, I gotta make some money to cover my funeral. I don't want Nobody spending them money at my funeral. All expenses will be taking care while I still breath, I think I should leave some money for my wife and mum. Especially my wife so she can relocate and set up some business and make money for herself since that is the only thing she is good at. In the interim, if you see death, tell her I looked for her last night but didn't see her. I hope she comes while I still need her. Good bye for now. |
v |
Martins4christ:Drop any means of reaching you. Mention it in any of my post except this. |
Starts soon. |
Hmmmmm! Nairalandes and their holier than though atitude. @ op I don't know it all, but I think you will get the advice you seek ons quora. It's way matured and accommodating than nairaland. The mistake has been made, thank Godness you choose to keep it. That child will wipe your tears much later in life. You can still reach out to your dad, but stick close to mummy. You will need her assistance a lot especially during exams, she might have to come stay with you. Focus on your studies cos the beautiful baby is enough distraction, though a good one. Pay less attention to friends except those close ones that are ready to help. I don't know you financial state or if you school in the same town as your parents. But what I am 100% sure is the fact that you and the baby will pull through this and you will still make good grades on school. Should the embrassment of having a child outside wedlock become too much, get a ring and wear it . At least you are married to your baby and studies. Still descreetly try to reach out to him and aplogise for bring your parents to him. Perhaps he chickened out due to fear and what yours parents and his might do. I have been in his shoes before. But that does not mean he loves you less or wouldn't want to be part of the child's life. Send him pictures or tag him to the pics on his Facebook page but don't make comments that might anger him. He will come around soon seeing what he has made with you. Perhaps it was just a one time thing and he was your first. Shit happens and when they do, we dust our ass and move on. Don't organise sympathy party for your self oooo. You will get food to eat and your baby won't starve be sure of that. In as much as you have made up your mind to survive and continue school, just continue . By the way what level of study and what discipline are you. Pm details , I might have materials to help and also see how we can help. Humanity should be our first religion and nothing more.
|
This morning I woke up to make love to my wife, I love to spice up things you know and since it was quiet cold and the heater was off, I went to the ice maker to get some ice , so I could tease her more during pre-intimacy. She just jumped off the bed and went to the other room to sleep. I didn't border going with her, I allowed her. We have not had sex for weeks. I don't want sex, I want to make love. I want to tease her with ice, eat her up with ice and syrup , give her a bathe, I hate the regular climb and come down when done. Also, I am tired of having sex in the bed alone. We 've got a big apartment and we are not using it. No craziness in our sex life just too routine. She will never ask for sex and she makes me feel I am the problem. I have sat her down to talk about it but bro! I am tired until she comes after me, I will close that chapter and focus my energy on something better and if I can't take it no more, I look for a sex mate or a side chick to do my thing. I am tired of this stuff. I can not come and kill myself because I am married or trying to please my wife. I have resolved to enjoy self when and how I can, if I have the extra cash and when I don't, I keep my self. I am not going to jump from one woman to another, but I just going to seek a relationship either a side chick or fwb, that won't stress me. While she enjoys her life too. I will always be available when she needs me and if my job permits. But never again will I starve my self of a good,hot, sweaty love making cos she is not ready to see things my way. She has recently developed a habit of tying her mantle round her waist to bed every night, cos she believes that will assist in getting her pregnant or in fact make her pregnant. But what I don't seem to understand is can that happen without a good sex life? I can't argue this with her. When it comes to spiritual matter, I don't decide for nobody. Do what ever works for you within the ambit of Christianity. Well! Let her keep doing her thing while I do mine. I am not even bordered because my rent is due, I have not raised the funds and should channel my energy into sourcing the funds and having a great sex life within or outside my marriage. After all, if my enemy drops dead today, she will only mourn for a short while and as it is with humans, she will move on with her life. So my decision is to raise funds, make her comfortable and perhaps when my family comes after her, she will learn to spice things up. To all young married couples, am I making sense? Kindly drop a comment on areas you think I need to work on. Thanks. |
Being married and remaining married is one simple stuff but yet difficult. Sometimes I see people celebrating 25years , 50years in marriage and I wonder how they do it. Don't get me wrong, my wife is an amazing woman, God sent to me but I think it's either I am losing it, she is losing it or we are losing it. How do married people survive this thing called marriage? Well only time will tell for me. Things are better now oooo. I am still lazy but I am gradually making good decisions that are good for me and my family and the first thing I believe I have do is to change job. I have not even started applying, but since I have made up my mind, getting a job won't be difficult. She was part of the reason I remained here, so that I can spend time with her, plan my personal business and also have time for my self. But I think I am becoming unpardonably lazy for my liking.. Again, we are still young in marriage, less than 24months, she is not pregnant and our sex life is already in shambles. I thought staying at home to keep her company when I am less busy in the office or staying back at home to do some jobs in other to spend time with her was a great ideal. That's why I remained here even though the pay wasn't good enough and was putting an extra stress in my pocket since she is not working at the moment.. Getting her a job with her SSCE certificate has been difficult, so I have decided she should start her own business while I help her with ideals on how to market them on the internet. She started last week, made two dress and they looked good on her. Well!.if she decides to take her working out.serious, she could be a very great model. Albeit her own model since she is in the fashion industry and she is doing well for herself . I have now discovered she is not catching up as I had planned despite spending time with her and engaging her in discussions to broaden her thinking capacity. I wish she will see what I am seeing, she will wake up and push me to succeed. Perhaps what I really need is a push to get more serious and stop wasting away. Let me tell you about my job. I work for a start up I.T firm, we are 4 in the firm and we have the flexibility to work from anywhere and since we are result oriented we don't really care much about the 8-5 rules except there is an urgent work to be done and we are under serious pressure to meet deadline. I have been kinda confused lately. I have an ideal I have been working on since I let.go of my past life and tried changing my ways. The funds stopped coming from those sources cos I no longer attend to them. All I have is my present job and I have been on half salary of 50k monthly since February. Well! this salary does not take me home, so I try to cater for my family by doing some private jobs and any legal stuff I can find.. Writting business proposals, remoting fixing clients system and those old clients who still don't mind sending their laptops to.me despite the distance to fix. My job has no sercurity whatsoever, it's like a freelance job though my boss is now trying to set ground rules likes coming to the office everyday and staying till at least 3pm before leaving. The major reason I stayed back was because I needed to spend time with my wife let's make babies which is not happening at the moment cos the sex life just went back to Being boring after a sharp rise from boring to enjoyment and now back to boring. Well!.I don't wanna keep asking for sex at the time. She is human , she should also ask and do the chasing , make I make small yanga too. Also, I don't think I am a patient person, and I easily get bored with routine. I love varieties and if you can't change it as in the case with marriage, spice it up continuously. At least , until this moment, I use to stay back at home so that I can cook for you or assist you, clean, see a movie with you, discuss , etc. Since staying at home can be quiet boring. Guess this point is not working so I have to cancel it and I just did. Another reason was to enable me plan and start my own firm which has been registered . But the major challenge is that I don't have funds to finance projects and business ideals at the moment , as the funds I presently have cannot even take care of my bills, much more running a firm. So I am thinking, if it's better I take a regular employment for a while,get more comfort for my family and invest in my dream, especially that of my wife which is sending her to one of the best fashion school in Lagos , getting her a car and establishing her while also taking care of our parents. Sibling and my grand mum most especially. Finally, some private jobs do come in though not regularly , that requires me to travel outside my current location and taking a full time job will mean I either have to schedulethose jobs for weekend and travel Friday night to return Sunday night or Monday morning to.resume work. Zero family time and also rejecting jobs that won't fit into my plans. I think I should take the regular job. And so I have started sending out applications and I know I will be leaving this job soon even though my boss will have my head on a spike cos he has built the office around me as I presently handle more than 60% of all the jobs in the office. He has sacrificed alot for me in the past. He gave me a lot of cash when things were good, until things went bad and now things seems to be getting better but I don't think he can pay what will adequately cater for my family. He still believes I have my side income earning and I am not depending on the peanut he is paying to ick a living. This position was currect at the time we could still club around Lagos and smoke weed together. He knows this has not being happening of late cos I have lost those side earnings which he does not want to understand. Do you honestly think I should stay?.Please advice . |
anasbeaut:Hi, my mail box is having issues atm. Add me on bbm:7BD5FEBC |
Femlexx:Follow your passion. Which can you do for free without getting paid? Best advice, blend both. Some schools offer computer science without more . Some offer both. But I will advice you take some courses on computer engineering from the street. Praticals . You will need it. |
LordOfNaira:I get your point. You will get what you seek soon.Keep seeking and you will find him. Kindly pm me. Thanks |
LordOfNaira:You are speaking like one of the robbers that was crucified with Jesus Christ, who wanted Jesus Christ to save himself and save him if truely He is the Messiah. God won't do that bro. If you want to know whether God is existing or not, seek Him through his word and put the word to work. Seek God sincerely via His word for 30days. Studying the content and believing every word as if you have malaria and you believe your malaria drugs will do wonders. Cos no one takes malaria drugs and starts doubting if it will work. Once you take you drugs, you go to rest believing it is working already without a shadow of doubt. After 30 days come back with your report. I guarantee you 10 souls to your religion. At least I and my household for a start. Take the challenge and proof God via the bible. |
singlessubway:Boss any tailoring job around ikeja, agege. Egbeda. It's urgent. Thanks |
johnime:@Op is there any opening around ogba, agege, ikeja, egbeda and environs? That distance is too far for a lady living akownjo. |
An opening in the fashion industry will be greatly appreciated. |
Bros! Please I will like to get info if available on premature ejaculation. Also, we are having an arguement that the male organ can be enlarged with these foreign drugs, pills and pumps. Please I will like you to comment to enable us lay this to rest. Thanks. Pls if you have a what's app number , kindly avail us the number, many guys wen need talk to you nor dey this forum. Thanks. |
marceeesty:She is a prayer queen, she is my role model in my spiritual life.What could she be ignorant of. Pls pm me. Any course to worry. I hate going to pastors for prayers. Kinda hate someone laying hands on my head. So in order not to appear rude, I run away from them. I believe if I know the problem, I can then channel my request specifically to God. And not praying vague prayers. Thanks. |
1 2 (of 2 pages)
