₦airaland Forum

My dear sister. Let the truth be told, you have not done well.

There are three parties in this matter and I will analyse the roles or if you like the mistakes of each parties:

1. Yourself:

Thank God you are doing well and can take care off yourself. However, you allow your financial autonomy to enter your head that you forget to respect and love your husband. The Bible say "love covereth multitude of sons".

He brought up a proposal to buy a family land and right in his face you turned it down and converted it to a personal one and you didn't see arrogance and disrespect here. It would have been wise to totally reject the offer and disuade him from buying it. However, you cowed him to submitting to your request. What you simply told him is that his opinion doesn't matter as long as you have your money. Where love reigns, you won't do that. That moment you turned his request to a transaction and he treated it purely as a transaction. Why are you pained? He consumated a transaction and got paid just like he would have done for any other person.

Let me point out your mistakes:

a. You have an ego problem and you think financial independence can solve all problems. Far from it. Even after he and his family have begged you and you feel unhappy, you are still forming hard and justifying your action. Don't let depression kill you o. Emotional problems kill fast if you don't know. I hope you won't regret it. If you don't make up your mind quickly, you may find another lady in that house or in his life and it may be too late. I am not sure some ladies are not making overtures to him yet and if you don't take quick actions to reconcile, it may soon be over. You will be shocked to know some of your trusted friends may even be getting across to him. I mean those advising you not to go back.

b. You allow external parties to take decision for you. I am surprised your father is asking you not to go back. Where is your mother? Is she still alive? She is the best person to advise you and not your father. If she is late, seek the counsel on an unbiased aunt. She may even invite the two of you for a meeting. The role of your father is simply unfair and will never help you to resolve this issue. I am beginning to believe that if your mother is alive, she is separated from your dad or they are divorced.

c. Your friends, many of them are immatured like you are also part of the problem. Some of them are of the opinion that you can stand on your own, why don't you call the bluff of your husband. They are not helping you.

d. You are simply not mentally prepared for marriage. If you were, you wouldn't park out without being driven out and you expect a man to call you. Men have more egos than women if you don't know.

e. You don't genuinely love your husband. You love your money and your dad more than him. Whether you like it or not, your dad will die before you and will live you and your problems to solve all by yourself. We pray you outlive your dad. Don't kill yourself quickly with emotional torture before him.

f. Let me tell you the truth, marriage is a forgiving ministry. If your are not a Minister in Forgiveness, please don't enter marriage. If you go back, he will offend you again, perhaps, in another way and you have to forgive. Don't be surprised if you discover he has a child out of wedlock later on in life. You created a gap for this and you allowed the devil to play with his mind.

2. Your husband:

He didn't do well at all to collect commission on a transaction he consumated for you and by extension the family. There is no problem negotiating the transaction and receiving it. At least, it is a way of recovering back the money for the family. However, as soon as he received the alert, he should have informed you.

Another mistake he made is not getting across to you when you moved out of your matrimonial home without any genuine reason. Perhaps, he got across to your dad and the response from him was not okay for him and he said you will soon come back to your senses and come back. Your dad might have even told him not to call you again. We are not told if he took this step or not.

He is also emotionally defeated and might not be able to think well during the period. The devil might also brought up some of your failings to him and hardened his heart. Mind you, you caused this by parking out. I am not sure he was thinking straight.

3. Your Dad

His role is purely not elderly and we don't need to talk about this since we are to respect elders.

My honest advise:

1. Retrace your steps, go back and beg your husband and go back. Remember, he didn't push you out and wasn't violent. I said go and beg him. I mean it.

2. Do away with advice from some immatured people not to go back.

3. Through away unnecessary ego. You need to humble yourself and respect your husband.

4. Forgive yourself first, forgive your husband and love him and your family again.

5. After going back, seek counsel. I didn't ask you to seek counsel before going back because you need to realise you made mistake first, correct the mistake before seeking counsel.

6. Make yourself happy. Do the right thing.

7. Have it at the back of your mind that he will still offend you again. He is not a Saint, your are not one too. All of us are prone making mistakes. Life is too short to be lived in regrets. Help yourself to get happy. There is no error that is difficult to correct.

8. Finally, go to God in prayer even before going back and draw closer to him. If you do, he will reveal the next wrong step you husband want to take and give you the wisdom to correct it.

GOD BLESS YOU.

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