₦airaland Forum

bettyboop:
@cantago

i don't think any one is blaming white man for this topic, people are just drawing relations to the thread i think

Bunkbobo, my in laws do not laugh at the idea of the bride price at all, infact they said it was refreshing to see my culture at our wedding and its a shame they in the west seem to have lost some of theirs. They were extremely involved in the ceremony and wanted to be taught a few words to speak on the day , which they did, it was a beautiful day and i was extremely proud to be a Nigerian that day.

Bunkobo darling it is not so bad, embrace it , yes there are some undesirable elements in all cultures across this globe, but should that mean we do away with what binds us as people? the sense of community and unity? come on its not that bad

There was definitely no haggling involved lol,

I like kajad's idea oh! shall we start the collection? (just kidding)

I would like to hear what more ladies think about this though

Darling bettyboop,
Pls look critically at this practice again and the disadvantages.
Lets join hands and kick it out of Africa.
I wish i could send to you a case study and comprehensive report on it, if only you could let me know how to do that. We need people like you to fight on and not throw blame tomorrow on the White or Brown or Green or Yellow'' man for our wows

wish Nigeria go better

Is that the best way to deal with issues, run away?

What's an Armed Robber looking for me for a husband for?
Her place for life should be in prison

Two K a n t a n g o de Aussie Queen

Say it the way it is and be damned.
We have to stand against injustice where ever we find it rearing its ugly head.

Never read entries in this diary,
Oh my gawd, plz don't open this site,
If you must open it, just  peep and walk past it  :
Sweety 2cantango you drew my attention to them

http://au.geocities.com/lindaanddaddy

Now that you're welcome, lets hear from the boy!
Whats your special offer

Interesting
Its a free world and the doctrine of free expression

I'll like strongly to see the practice of paying bride price abolished like the slave trade in Africa

Zahymaka:
The odds are against that happening. Everyone can pass him/herself off as charming, honest etc online. Nothing beats getting to know the person in person.

Even those you feel you know today as Doves, could be scorpions or wolves attacking  your heart tomorrow
W a t c h   o u t!

nawah:
Brideprice is very important in customary law because it also signifies "rights and possession" over the other partner.

I am veryproud of our tradition and I hope we can keep it alive

What an abuse,
Contempt, 
Discourtesy,
Disrespect, 
Mockery,
Offense, 
Outrage,
Put-down,
Scorn, 
Slap,
Taunt,
Insult
to the Noble African Women out there!
In this year and age, when many African women  [be it in Europe/USA or Africa]
are the ones that put bread on the  tables for their so called ''Lord and Masters''
now claiming ''rights and possession over them
I don't blame you.

funloving:
Bunkbobo, I see you just want to keep this argument up so as not to be seen as losing face.

I'm not joining issues with anyone on this matter, but one thing is clear,
and that is my conviction  that this practice is long over due for the dust bin of history.
I'm not trying to impress anyone ,
believing in the saying that  ''good music makes no sense to the deaf and dumb''
neither do i engage in arguments  on mere sentiments or emotional reasons.
None of the ladies are more Africans than me,
to add to that, i have females in my family and community.
I will advice you to carefully go through my points on this issue once again,
then you may be able to see clearly that I have made sense to ''reasonable people'' 

My cousin after his divorce to his wife of more than 10years,
met a nigerian girl on line and ''imported'' her from her village to the Uk.
Today they're husband and wife living together and happily so.
The puzzle about love is that who you fall in true love with is never a matter of your choice or control.
The heart wants what it wants and like the midnight thief,
catches you during your unguarded moments.
In the things of love, every stranger out there is your  potential heart throb.
Men have married women they picked for a one night stand,
-whores,
strangers they gave a lift,
fellow commuters they met for the first time,
a voice on the other end answering to their wrong calls,
women they saw in pages of newspaper/mags,
a saleslady at his door step,
Someone in a chat room or dating site,
a stranger who smiled at them on their way to work/school/meeting,
the girl sitting by them in a crowded film hall or theater or sports field.
Yesterday they were complete strangers,
today they say ''forever i do'',
tomorrow could make them strangers again.
That is the beauty of love.
That is the game of destiny.
Show me a man/women who qualifies and picks who to fall in love with ,
I will show you a man/women who has never known what true love is!

@bettyboop:
Sweet write up and logical
but if i may ask, What is the significance of the bride price paid on your head in your culture?
Why must the man bid and haggle to pay money on someone like a chattel?
The fact that you went through it despite your exposure has not made it right and proper.
We could still have all our beautiful and colourful tradional marriage rites without paying money or goods for a human being.
And that is where i disagree with you.
The fact still remains that a lot of men living in africa or western world have exploited this practices to disrespect women
and abuse their rights.
Imagine your inlaws having a big laff at ''buying'' you. The import of this is that such culture is comparable to the slave trade of the 17th and 18th century, since abolished.

Fabu

Bride price to me is the modern day slave trade in all societies that practice it.
In a typical African setting,
the groom pays bride price in the form of either money or/and  items as demanded by the girls family
in exchange for the bride,
If the woman wants to divorce the man,
the material items or money paid to the
bride or wife’s father must be
returned to the husband, not withstanding the duration of their marriage, children gotten or the services she rendered to him.
If the wife’s family is unable to pay back the bride price to the husband,
the wife  remains for all time the legal wife of the man and cannot get a
divorce nor remarry.

funloving:
Bunkbobo has got a real bashing in this post.I guess he would have wished he did not bring it up 
Almost everybody seem to be defending the custom of paying bride price and I fully support it.

It is a shame!
To defend this degrading and dehumanising practice in this century on the basis of ''culture'' or ''tradition''
is like supporting Female Genital mutilation
or Child marriages
or Human sacrifices
or Slavery
on grounds of preserving your culture/tradition.

The institution of bride price has  lost its value in this modern world, be it in Africa or any part of the world.
It has far reaching negative effect on  the woman and her family,
in giving proprietary rights to the man over his wife
Any sensible person must throw overboard this senseless and repugnant practices.

Hunter:
Here's some of my favourite pictures I took while in the UK :-)

http://www.syncerror.com/photos/henge.jpg Stone Henge
http://www.syncerror.com/photos/DSC_0063.jpg Some Flowers near Buckingham palace
http://www.syncerror.com/photos/DSC_0109.jpg A garden at Hampton court (my favourite picture I've taken in a long time)

This a glorious work of arts, just Splendid!
That is London for you!

Night time in London
Looking at River Thames but I call it ''Stream Thames'' compared to our Rivers in Nigeria

Trafalgar Square

Big Ben,

London london london - My adopted home, second/next to my beloved village in far away Nigeria .
The Rainbow City
Be you white, black, red, green, yellow , pink, brown or green no one stirs at you because of your colour.
There is every city and its people in London.
There is no City in the world as London.
Crowded/congested yes
Costly/expensive  yes
Narrow roads yes
Swinging parties-yes
Zero tolerance Policy- yes
Gothic architecture-yes
Old traditions preserved-yes
Fish and chips - yes
Fashion trends -yes 
Bills bills bills- yes
The postman and letters everyday- yes
The talk about weather in every conversation- yes
Plastic Smiling faces of Londoneers-yes
Stone faced commuters in trains and buses-yes
Fain Politeness of strangers addressing you as : Darlin, sweety, Loving etcetera- Yes
Binge drinking on weekends- ''one pint of lager and a pack of crisps''- Yes
Shopping shopping everywhere- yes
Dream land of every one- yes
Trains and ''minding the gaps between the train and the platform''
The double decker red london buses- yes
The passion for football/soccer -Chelsea , Arsenal, etcetera -yes
The london beautiful accent- yes
The beauty of london is the diversity, Stress and  Peace and Warmth london gives every one .
London reminds me of the story of Eko[lagos/nigeria] of the 60'S
When you come here, you can't ever forget the london in you
Still want to visit London

Very much like sleeping under the bridge  in Ojuelegba, Yaba or CMS in Lagos

I wonder when women will stop this old tradition in Africa of their parents ''selling'' them in the name of Bride Price in marriages[money or property given (in some societies) by the bridegroom to the family of his bride], and willingly enter a marriage relationship as equals.

Some parents because of economic pressure use their daughters as a means of easing financial crisis and are only willing to give them out to the highest bidder. How can you equate yourself with someone who paid money/token as a pre-condition for having you live with him as a wife?

Who can speak out for our sisters?

Typewriter or writertype,
Please tell mummy to change your pampers
You are so soaked with wee wee and snazzy hates the stench of it

disney:
He's acting distant. If he's calling less frequently or has cancelled on plans repeatedly, he may be trying to pull away from you--because he's getting close to someone else.


You can't get in touch with him. If you try to call your boyfriend and no one--not even his family or best friends--can get a hold of him, you've got to ask yourself where's he hiding out and why?


He's suddenly insensitive, like he totally forgets plans and then shrugs it off. He may not be considering your feelings because he's thinking about another girl's.


His interests--or looks--have changed. If he's developed a new taste in music or clothes, it may be to impress another girl--or because of her influence.


He's stopped inviting you to join him in his favorite activities or at his usual hangouts. If you're not going with him, who is?

Excellent girl. You 've said it all for the man
Please tell me the tale signs that She is cheating on you

The '80s have returned in full force in the fashion world,
Clothes and hair styles of the 70's to 80's have made a huge comeback.
Are you part of the trend?
What fashion idea/item of the past are you embracing?
Which one will you not touch with a long spoon?