I can't thank you all enough for your words of advice, support and encouragment. Except maybe for Sweet T - obviously I posted on here because I am extremly distressed - do you think sending authorities to my door will make it any easier?!

I must say that sometimes one needs afirmation of what they already know!! I have decided to get a flat here (thank god in england you can count on support from the goverment- if you need it!!) I am currently in school so I will finish my degree here and suggest it to him as a trial seperation. Maybe that will give him the wake up call he needs? Not just for his daughter and I but for himself!! This is no life for anyone to live. To be honest I don't think I would be interestd in him even if he does change - sometimes one crosses that line!

BTW in regards to moving away quietly - I have 4 brothers that I am calling on to fly over and help me move - and stay for awhile to assure my safety!!

May I just add from personal first-hand experience - it is the arrogance that keeps them going. That they are somehow superior to everyone else - work is laughable. They  cannot understand why a "mug" would work from 9-5 for someone else. And though obviously you can't generalize these things - they are severly living in lala land. No different to the drug dealers who sell crack in their own neighborhoods to their friends Moms. In fact, I often get accused of being blasphomus (I am the worlds worst speller) when chatting about religion - from a seasoned fraudster holding a joint.

And as for innocent ma and pa - ma knows her son has no job and calls up weekly trying to scheme money for new "businesses" which turn into handbags

but agian you can't genralize!sp!

Oh how right you are!! Its funny cause I expected to hear the old , "AhAh you must make your marraige work"  or something like that - of course my Mom is begging me to leave and come home and I appreciate your honesty and comments more than you can imagine - cultural differences are hard.

I am sooo happy I found this site. God dbless the internet.!LOL

Busta - Thats just it I don't know if I love him - I love who I thought he was - who he first presented hisself to be to me - who he is at times. But this is all far from the reality of who he really is. I pity him now - I think I feel sorry for him if I left which is of course ridiculous cause he does'nt care about how I feel now!!

I think I know I have to leave and that I deserve to be happy - but I suppose this is why they say divorce is hard.

Um, he was more afffectionate in the beginning of us dating - as you do I suppose when your in LOVE - but slowly it got worse and worse - until it was how it is now - but I have to say it was bad before marraige - but I thought I could cope

He was always a fraudster - but I was young when I met him 19

I'm 25 now - I don't think I understood the reality of it - I was blinded by the cash if I'm honest

His family are in Nigeria

Thanks!!x

Thanks
I suppose I may be overreacting about the family rejecting the baby but its just that they are so agianst divorice and he is the oldest son so its as if the sun shines out of you know where!

His mothers greatest achievment in life is that she stayed in the fathers house till the end. Even though they lived seperate lives, I've never heard of such a thing!!!!!
We support ourselves through creditcards and I am the one that ends up paying the minimum balance and putting food in the house. Its ridiculous. Somehow at the last minute just when everything is falling apart he manages to pay the bills but by then you have been stressin for months.

What you said in the things I should consider are indeed what I have been.
I do feel selfish and above all I feel brainwashed - like he is under my skin - and it makes it scary to go

I hope this will help me to clear my head

I am an American married to a Nigerian man; we live in London. He is a fraudster, a poor one at that. Money came in at first - it seemed up until we married and then , zilch. Yet he refuses to get a job - its as if he is addicted to the chase of the big payday. he sleeps till12 smokes all the trime - it is becoming too much. Bills are left unpaid - I can barely open my door in all the time we've been married in case its baliffs coming - yet we have bottles of Moet in the kitchen.

But coupled with this is the completer lack of affection - zilch nothing nada, in factr he has often pushed my advances away - physically actually pushed me. I have often expressed my unhappiness but he responds with silence.

To top it all of he is extremly disrespectful to me - he feels no way to talk about my "American ways" And disgrace my family - yet, I happen to know that the granduer he places with his own is full of dissallusionment. He make think they are akin to royalty but I assure you they are not.

This is the difficult thing - I know that he loves me, its hard to explain cause everything I have written would show the oppisite but I don't believe that is true - though I don't know what to think REALLY.

We have a large age difference and I am still, 6 years later under the age of 27. I feel that I can not live the rest of my life like this - I feel unloved and unaknowledged as a person. Not to mention just wanting a man who actually has a job! A real job!

I want a divorice in short but we have a young daughter and I have so many fears - that his family will reject her because of me leaving, the fact that he might get violent if I try to go, or even the fact that I pity him now, which is a shame.


I'm sorry to go on and on but just wanted to say alot so maybe I can get alot of advice!!

Thanks