₦airaland Forum

toujurs:
Foolish man, can a woman take care of two men.

Why not? What stops her from taking care of 2 men? If a man can take care of 2 women then why can't a woman take care of 2 men?

Ebubu:
You wey be African woman, you wey mature oya develop the society to white man standard na

Ana akogheri

White man wey dey get baby mama upandan with different women ?

Did the second wife of Yul not accept to be a second wife? Is it ur second wife? Why complaining

Abeggi come be my 3rd wife.

Don't you see yourself? Foolish man. You are asking women to come and develop the society. And yet you call yourself men and are shouting that women are not equal�. Where have you seen in this world that women are the ones developing the society? Only in black Africa. Because you guys are an embarrassment and you continue to be so by displaying your profound ignorance online all over the place. That is why I am calling you Ewu - na im you be. And to top it off, it's not like you will even let women try and bail you out by developing the society. No- you want to oppress women, disenfranchise them, provide nothing for them, leave them to fend for themselves, and yet you are still saying they should develop your society. Which one will you now do? What is your own contribution besides carrying women up and down? Please go and sit down somewhere - you have nothing useful to contribute to any woman's life.

NaBanga:
Africa will always be Africa. Backwards, dark and full of useless people. May God bless his first wife who was there through all the trials and tribulations. May she find love and peace with another man.

In fact, just seeing the comments from many of the so called men on this thread shows why Nigeria is not going to develop in the next donkey years. We never ready to join the modern world.

Boniwhite:
She better come to terms with her new reality or yul should speak to her in the language she understands. Yul owes her nothing. Women thinks they are equal with men? Nah! The joke is getting too much! This is africa, we wont throw away our culture for some white man trash in the name of monogamy, so women deal with it. Yul just paved way for others to take in more wives and it can only get better from here. When i said women and fire-exinguisher serve the same purpose, people didnt fully understand. Now everything is getting clearer now! Life and time have proved me right.

He goat - what is your culture? Abuse and oppression abi? Is that something to brag about? Shameless Ewu. You people should not be calling white men's name when you are talking. You are not their mate. For polygamy, yes you win them. But on all measures that matter, you are zero. Who polygamy help? Has polygamy developed your societies? Or do you not know that when real men are talking you cannot even open your mouth? Rather than developing your societies, making life better for your women and children, you are crying about polygamy in 2022. African men, when will you people mature? When will you people stop embarrassing us? When will you start acting like human beings with brain cells?? You should be hiding in a cave in darkness with this rubbish you are writing because it is obvious you head is still in the bush. Foolish man.

Maconstruct:
B4 entering marriage I will let my wife understand possibility of me getting anoda is high if wealth grows.
I am not a white man.
And we are not EQUALS

Yes, we know you are not a white man. White men are developing the world, inventing things that make the world a better place, and building developed societies. You and your African brothers are here shouting polygamy backwardness. That is all you know. Common electricity you and your fellow Nigerian men cannot do. And yet you are shouting that you are not equal to women. Are you equal to other men?

Ater reading all of these comments-- I think the thing to do is to set boundaries and make clear the type of behavior that is acceptable to me and what is not and give him the option to work together towards a healthy marriage.  The commit the rest into God's hands

He is a good human being and I believe he does love me.  I think he might be under stress and feels insecure about being financially dependent-- but it is not an excuse for his behavior.  When he was in Nigeria and I came to visit, he took care of me financially, even helping to sponsor my plane ticket at times.  So I am sure it is really difficult for him to not "be in charge" financially.  And, yes, I think it is a good idea that he gets at least a part time job, I think it will ease his own feelings and would be of help to me.

Thankfully, he has his papers so he does not need to stay with me because of that.

Thanks very much for the various inputs-- i am taking it all in,

Hello everyone,

I need some input on whether the way I am feeling about my husband now is normal, or if I am simply overreacting.  This might be a little long, so please bear with me.

A bit of background - I live int he United States and have lived here for a long time.  I am a professional, earn a good income, own a home, work pretty hard, etc.  I met my husband on one of my trips to Nigeria-- he is a medical doctor and was doing okay at home when I met him.  We dated, largely long distance, as I was here and he was in Nigeria.  We eventually got married, and he has now joined me in the U.S.  We have been married for a little bit over a year and half now.  Since he has come, he has not been able to work as he is preparing for different medical examinations.  So i have been the one working and taking care of us, while he takes his exams.  I pay the mortgage (i owned the house before he came, so no wahala there), I pay for two cars (mine and his), our health insurance, car insurance, feeding, everything.

The problem is that I sometimes feel completely unappreciated by my husband.  I hold a pretty time consuming and stressful job, but I feel like he expects me to work, pay the bills, take care of us, and still do everything domestic that a "typical housewife" would do.  He helps out less and less around the house.  Because he is "so busy studying" he spends very little time with me.  Sometimes I even go to work and come back and he does not even have 20 minutes to sit with me and ask "how was your day?"  "how was work?"  When I try to talk about it, it is like all i do is complain and he is not responsive. 

I think he is disrespectful to me sometimes in the things he says-- sometimes he tries to compare me to the wives of other men who are more domestic, but forgetting that those other women also do not work the kind of job i do and are not the ones supporting thier homes.  I feel like my emotional tank is getting drier everyday with him, and recently, all we seem to do is argue.  Like today, we went to church and came back, and he locked himself up studying. He has not even said one word to me all day.  It's like he is always upset with me, for what I do not know.  Also, he never is able to see where he has done anything wrong.  Whenever we have arguments and we try to resolve them, I always begin by apologizing even if I do not really believe I have done something wrong.  i apologize to him for the fact that I offended him.  Getting him to say sorry to me or any form of apology is like pulling teeth.  I can count on one hand the number of times he had apologized for anything.  As far as he is concerned, I am the one who is always wrong.  Moreover, he gets offended too easily.  he is many years older than me, but, honestly, I don't see him acting any more matured than me.  When he tells me that I caused an argument,  I apoloigize, but then I tell him, even if I was doing something wrong, as the man and the elder one, you should not have responded in kind. 

Recently, I asked him to help me do something with my car and he said he had no time.  I told him that his time is more flexible than mine since I have to actually be in an office every morning,s o it might be easier for him to do it.  He does not.  He got offended and said i was saying he had nothing doing.  I never said he had nothing doing, I know he is working hard for his exams.  What I meant was that he  has a better ability to flexible  with his time - I don't.   It's like he thinks because he is studying, my work is not as important as his.

I understand that this is a time of sacrifice for me and I do not mind supporting us until he gets on his feet.  I have absolutely no problems with that-- i knew that coming into the marriage.  I also know that i am not perfect and, yes, I admit, I am not the most domestic woman out there.  But I try, I make the effort.  What i want in return is to be appreciated, for me to feel like he really cares about me, that he is there for me emotionally, that he does not take me for granted.

He is a private person and would be offended if i went talking to others about my issues with him.  But when I try to talk to him, all i get is more blame back, the conversation may end up in an argument which makes matters worse.  And, another thing, when we have an argument, he won't speak to me for days, I am not used to that.  SOmetimes when we argue, he tells me if i am tired of carrying the load i should just let him know now so that he can go back because he had a good job in Nigeria. 

Most importantly, I am beginning to feel like my love for him is going away.  I used to be madly in love with him, when we met and married.  Not so much anymore.  And, the scary thing is, I am beginning to miss being single!  I know the grass is always greener on the other side, but I would be lying if I said I don't feel down and alone.  What should I do?  Any input is appreciated.