₦airaland Forum

SHARP IGBO MAN

An Edo Man invited his friends for his mother's burial.

After lowering the coffin, the family put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave in line with tradition. An Hausa man asked why. The Edo man smiled & said, "According to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey and need all the food items they can get."

The Hausa man dropped N100,000 inside and said, "When the food finish, buy more."

The Yoruba man dropped N50,000 and said, "Add this incase it's not enough."

The Igbo man smiled and brought out his cheque book and wrote a cheque of N200,000, dropped it in the coffin and took the N150,000 notes as a change, then said, "Nwanne, withdraw when you reach dia o... It is going to be a dangerous journey, we don't know how many robbers are out there and afterall we are in a cashless economy na! Travel well o!"

Very funny.

THE TROUBLE WITH ELEPHANT D**K
Where is an elephant's sex organ?
In his feet - if he steps on you you're bleeped.

WORK GENESIS

In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. And they spoke among themselves, saying, ''It is a crock of sh*t, and it stinketh.''
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, ''It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odor thereof.''
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, ''It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide it.''
And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, ''It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.''
And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying to one another, ''It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong.''
And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, ''It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.''
And the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying unto him, ''This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company, with powerful effects.''
And the President looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.
And the Plan became Policy.
This is how Sh*t Happens.

What have u guys aganist sum1 else post dat u have to go all jack&jones on me.

Try to remove the battery and plug d laptop, then on and see if it responds

Does it only display cd drive or it only plays cd rom, pls check properly.

Well, am a solution finder.other charges is of no concern to me

How to use 2 to 3 sims on 1 fone.

Using 2 to 3 sims on a fone is only possible wit incoming calls. such dat if one of ur sims dat u av coded is called @ home, it will ring on d active fone and different sim u hav wit u.
Step: bring those simcards you want to code 2gether their incoming calls to the very 1 u ar known wit, then press **21*[the number then # and send] do this on all d different simcards. Note:all dis simcards can be kept anyway as long as dey are owk but make sure dat you have a balance not less dan #150 in both sims. To cancel dis connection press ##21# and send , do this in both sims.
Note: it works like a call divert and d balance on ur phone will be taken gradually.
Users discretion is advised.

Tell him, am 99.9% sure he's gonna listen to you.

First of all , I need to know d name of the laptop, d model and the type of window you are using.
[2] Check again, the system might be on with a black screen but attyms u can see ur mouse.

Premier league starts on august 18[color=#990000][/color]

A LYING LIAR.
One day, two friends were arguing about their dogs.
1st man:my dog is xo smart dat when the paper man cums every morning, she takes the paper wit ha mouth and brings it to me.
2nd man: I know.
1st man: how?
2nd man: my dog told me.

My name is micheal eniayeye, am a professional laptop engineer.

What more introduction do you need

Post your laptop problems here and get a possible solution from me and co-nairalanders.

[quote author=Chimex388]Fellow Nairalanders:
6/3(1+2)=6

Dat akward moment in an exam hall when everyone else is using a ruler and you have no idea why.

U can be a small time. Cloth seller, reasons are in campus, the fashion trend is the highest, its profitable and its not gonna affect ur studies.

To ask questions or get advice: contact me @ codedearner@gmail.com or call 08105528241.

The self-wise but foolish man.
On a fateful day, a man was strolling down a road with an empty stomach.
Suddenly, he saw a restaurant with a board that says "come on in, ur grand-father settled ur bills 4 years ago", even though he knew his grand-father died 10 years ago,he entered and sat down, ordered for food and drinks, after he was done and was getting set to leave, the waitress gave him a bill, suprisingly he told the waitress that he thought his grand-father has paid.
The waitress replied and said 'yes', now you have to pay down for your grand-children.

Have u been pondering on how to persuade ur customers or clients to buy ur products?.
When writing a sales lettter,there are certain points you must know.
[1] Headline: to write a sales letter, you must have a perfect headline e.g"Financial independence".
[2] Sub-headline: u must have a befitting sub-headline that correspond to the headline e.g"how to be free from debt".
[3] Introduction: now to the introduction of ur product/s or service/s.
[4] Benefits: you must make known the benefits of ur products or services, as this has proven to lure more customers or clients.
[5] Testimonial: it is important to have someone who can testify to the goodwill of your products or services, as this seems to relieve the minds of your customers.
[6] The price: this is also an important part when writing a sales letter, it is mandatory to let your customers or clients how how much you are willing to take for your products or services.
[7] Irresistible offer:as a sales writer, you are bound to make your offer irresistible, this can be done by adding an extra package to your products or services, as this will be your selling point to beating your fellow sales writers.
[8] Money back guarantee: many sales writer may think this particular part is crazy, but it has proven to work magic,as it gives your clients peace of mind and a good feeling about your products or services.
[9] A call to action: as a sales writer, your main piority is to make money, therefore it is important to persuade ur clients or customers to take the bold step and demand for your products or services.
[10] Signature: your signature will be much appreciated e.g ur name, e-mail, phone number.
GOODLUCK AS YOU WRITE TO SUCCESS.

Well,it s really intresting. 10X 4 d tip