₦airaland Forum

pryme:
Sorry about how things are unfolding, I was once in your shoes, we were fine until one day we had a small quarrel she went ghost mode on me, I didn't hang around to find out why, cos I thought it was the most immature thing to do.
I guess men and women are not so different afterall, well what can I say bullet dodged? If you guys have only been dating for 2 months then it won't be too hard getting over him and moving onto better things.

Am sorry how things panned out.

It's ok, I am more disappointed than anything. He is 35 years old and playing these games. I am a good person and been genuine from the get go. If someone did this to his sisters, he would have been mad. Yes, it's better I know now than find out months or years later, if this ever was gonna continue that long.

Yeah, I am not sad because I wasn't emotionally invested. I liked him but I wasn't in love. It's ok, not my loss.

Dumb?? I reactivated my dating profile and sent him a message, kept it classy and told him to lose my number and delete my pics. The pics were just selfies. And I told him I will do the same. I also told him he called himself religious but has no problem lying while God watches. And told him he should have been man enough about his intentions. I don't intend on him replying but I still wanted hiim to know I caught onto his BS.

It's like wow, all that for what?

Regardless life goes on.

ETA: That sucks she did that to you. I wish people could be honest and genuine instead of all these games and immature tactics. No wonder the dating world is so messed up in America. Can't speak for other countries. But that's why women are becoming jaded or they submit to the hook up culture, and fuckbois are loving the date culture and the good men probably have a hard time finding a decent woman.

pryme:
yeah, from someone that dont trust you @the bolded

i guess you should take your mind off him for now and focus on work. i believe you have done all you can.

you can also try to find a better moniker unless you are fond of dead bodies

Anyway, I updated the thread. It's officially over. Done. Both of my friends think this doesn't make sense, and one told me to wait 2 weeks for him to respond and try to confront him. But i doubt he is gonna reach out to me. He had no problem communicating regularly beforehand but now he is overseas, which is probably a lie, he can't communicated.

chaarly:
I didn't read the full story buh. . see below

Looks like my instincts were right! I actually met him on a online dating website.

Well, since Friday, he didn't hit me up. Even when I sent him a Merry Christmas text.

So, I actually went on the site we met and put in the zip code of the area he moved to on the day I left. His profile popped up and it was Active. He even said Kevin Heart was coming into town by the end of the week in his profile. Meanwhile, he is allegedly in Nigeria.

I tried calling him and his phone went straight to voicemail. I used someone's phone and it went straight to voicemail too.

His profile said he's new in the area. So, clearly this was all a game to him. Meanwhile he was talking about being exclusive by the 3rd date, and I wanted to hold off until I got to know him. Mentioning how his dad was strict on him. Paying for the rental when I came to see him, paying for dinner. Talking about school and his family. In terms of his family and school, everything checked out according to his Facebook and Linkedin.

I don't know why was he talking in a future sense if he apparently was gonna ghost on me.

I just don't get it because on my last day when I visited him, he mentioned coming to Nigeria with him. He even said if we lived together, it would be so fun. I even used his car down there, brought his to his job.

It's like what is the point of all this? And he's 35 years old, like wtf. But his facebook said he is still living here, but regardless that is clearly a new dating profile.

If he didn't think it was gonna work, then he should have been man enough to end it.

sunbilor:
Everyone has what works for them.

true but speaking from my perspective, 6 months to a year would be ideal for me.

sunbilor:
Some people have strong intuition. They can easily tell what is good for them and what is not on first contact. What's your boyfriend's state of origin in Nigeria?

i actually don’t know and right now he is overseas. We never talked about it or if we did I don’t recall at the moment. But he is igbo.

That’s neat your dad knew so fast and it worked out! I feel the same way about first dates, that’s wnough to let me know if I want a second date.

Never been married but I think 6 months to a year is enough. By that time, you have enough arguments, ups and downs and know person enough. I think dating for years to know if the person is the “one” is excessive, unless both people are still young, like early to mid 20s.

pryme:
yeah, from someone that dont trust you @the bolded

i guess you should take your mind off him for now and focus on work. i believe you have done all you can.

you can also try to find a better moniker unless you are fond of dead bodies

I guess in every culture it’s different. But that’s considered courtesy where I’m from. It’s not about a lack of trust. A lack of trust would be if you keep blowing up someone’s phone asking where they are and what they are doing.

Anyway, I’m just gonna focus on my work and other stuff for now. If I don’t hear from him when he comes back, then I’ll assume it’s over.

sunbilor:
Have you heard of ' Yoruba demon' before? The guy you quoted is one. Very dangerous.

Your husband is more American than Igbo. Igbos believe that one of the major reasons for getting married is having children. So get ready to make babies as soon as you tie the knots with my brother. They are straightforward, no need skirting around. My dad married my mom within 2 weeks of setting his eyes on her and they lived happily till death separated them. We like good food, especially our cultural food. So get ready to cook well for us. By the way which state in Nigeria is your man from so I get you specific cultural information from there.

He isn't my husband, we have been dating. Oh wow, that's quick. How did he know she was the one so quickly?

It;s funny because he said he wants 4 kids and I said I want less. And he joked,"How as a man he decides." lol Hmm, I never asked him which part.

zolapower:
someone s giving u an advice to hack him and read is text . I will advice u for your own interest never u try it ,u want to encroach is private life when u ain't married to him ? See the road to any successful relationship is rough and full of torns ,so don't expect a relationship made from heaven . People will tear ur heart apart just so u dont marry him or her but with patient and Endurance what will be ur will be urs.
Besides , u started what u are experience now ,the impression u gave him from the word go . Again ,put away ego and pride . Be humble and stop seeking advice like someone going to a native doctor or psychic to know what the future holds for her .

I wouldn't hack any guy's phone, that's kinda extreme.

You're right. I guess I just felt maybe since this is a Nigerian board, they could see things differently. Which some of the suggestions have been helpful. Hopefully, we re-connect because I do like him. If not, life goes on.

zolapower:
Really and under one day u have written an epistle just to find out about a man and u think u can get the truth here? Keep fucking ur self . I think its high time mod starts to censor thread like this .
If u want a better relationship ,stop being emotional and sensitive. This how it works here , with patient and endurance u will get the man of your dream . I'm sure if u were this man ' wife who 's relative told him not to marry him simply because he can't afford to buy her a bottle of coke on her visit to man's house I'm sure u would taken to ur heels .
I will advice u ,stop this,it makes no sense . U csnt continue to stalk a man and hope to get to know him ,this is not good for u. So quit trailing or stalking him.
Now read this ,for your own good and stop crying about this .

https://www.nairaland.com/4251948/man-buys-wife-ship-2017

At this point, stop replying to me. You're rude and making assumptions. I am not stalking him nor am I crying over this. I simply wanted a different perspective on this. I won't be responding to you anymore. BYE.

zolapower:
We have got whites ladies coming to Nigeria to marry ,so why making mole hill out of mountain ? I beg gerrahere men!

I am not white and what does that have to do with me. Nothing.

tealaw:
Igbos r aggressive liars.
They use d marriage n kids story to tie u down.
They wealth dont last

Why are they aggressive liars? lol. Do you have personal experience? Why not just try to tie you down without using marriage and kids?

kurupt1:
@OP....Who did this to you?Besides, are you a male or female or Corper?

lmao. I'm a woman.

It's me again

Since I made a thread on my current situation, which I am trying to deal with. And since this is my 1st time dating a Nigerian, and some people have insinuated I am clueless about Nigerian culture, why don't some of you educate me?

Of course, I asked my dude but a Nigerian male friend painted the culture totally different...

FYI, the dude I am dating is born in America but has lived in Nigeria for a bit. And I myself am born here too but Caribbean.

What is Nigerian culture like, or parts of it like? Specifically Igbo? How is dating culture overall? Marriage expectations? Beauty standards?

One thing I have noticed is Nigerian men, or the ones that pursued me, have been aggressive. They all pretty much mentioned marriage/kids within a short time. Is this cultural?

pryme:
In my first post that i quoted you, I said something about "some" red flags on your own part. The first one i mentioned is that - you are too emotionaly.

Now the next one? your Ego, yeah you said "if he does not contact you, you wont contact him" well this ego dancing a ballet here. sorry if am picking bones on your own end but like they say

"the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off"

You said something about being afraid that you dont want to get hurt, let me ask you who wants that? is it the men that are suppose to be guinea pigs for Dr Heartbreak to cut to pieces for his experiments? they say a feeble heart does not win a fair lady, i believe this goes both ways.

this explains why fvckboys are very successful, cos they will say what you want to hear, make that call you are now waiting for, infact they will go as far as they can go to get what they want. you will mistake their unrelenting effort for commitment. well i have news for you not every man has time for girls that make them feel they are not important.

Look my dear friend, they say its not easy to find a good woman and even if you did, they dont come easy, the same goes with men.
but if you feel you are too important for him to ignore you when he is with his family, then pls leave the guy alone and find a man that will give up his family for you.

The ball is actually in your court, cos you told him you will be too busy this period, so he has let you be i see nothing wrong in that.


Am just curios why use "Corps" of all the names for your moniker?

I actually wished him Merry Christmas a few hours ago and no response (yet). Considering we are in different time zones, I will give him a fair time to respond, if he does respond.

You insinuate i am making assumptions yet you are making assumptions. You don't know anything about me or anything about the guy I am dating apart from what I said, which is just tidbits of information. Who said anything about giving up his family?

It's called courtesy. If I was leaving overseas to see my family, I would send my dude a text or call saying I miss them or will talk to them later. I guess that's asking for too much .

Fabuloski:
lol, It Is Kinda Crazy. I Guess The Lady Do Not Know How Things Operate Here In Nigeria.
Christmas Wey Be Say Returnee Sef No Dey Get Time For Themselve Not To Talk Of Your Supposed Girlfriend Who Does Not Want To Go See Mama. Lol

Translation? lol

As I said, we only been dating for 2 months. To do a big trip overseas with a man I started dating is a big deal to me. If I knew him longer, like at least 6 months, that would be different. I would be in his Territory with his family. Is that not a big deal to some of you?

Also, it's short notice. I guess I should have told share that concern with him but I didn't want him wrongly assuming I am not trying to take him or us dating seriously. Also, if he was that bummed out I didn't wanna go, he should have communicated.

So, seems like there is a lack of communication on both of our parts?

I actually caved and texted him Merry Christmas and no response. But i will give him a day or 2 to respond as we are in different time zones.

Besides that, not much more I can do.

Dramadiddy:
Yes please.. lets see his reaction when he comes back

So, just wait it out then? So, if he doesn't contact me for the duration of his trip, which is 2 weeks, shouldn't I assume it's over? Just because he is with his family doesn't mean he can't contact me. Of course, that hasn't happened and I shouldn't assume..

But today is Christmas and so far, didn't get a Merry Christmas call or text and I know in Nigeria right now, it's almost 930 PM

Belafonte:
I think not buying your excuse has made him clam up, he's probably thinking you've got other plans with some other dude. Not believing your excuse is a really big deal. I think you should have come clean from the get-go with your real reasons for not wanting to make the trip. Also, understand I'm just making assumptions as I don't know him and can't speak for him. I just want you to see other very probable scenarios.

I think you should do as you intend as outlined in your last paragraph. Just come clean and try your best to make him do so as well. It would be the best line of action in my opinion.

Also, listen to Pryme above, he's got some real good advice for you. Calling him would go a long way in smoothing things out.

Perhaps? But I have told him before I am only dating him. And he did ask what my plans were and I said I was gonna stay at home with my family.

When I said I can't go for work. He said, "Really?, that's your excuse" And I didn't really respond after.

I figure since I been the one initiating contact, I would wait for him to contact me. And if he does, then I would clarify things. And if he doesn't, then that's that.

pryme:
I see some red flags in your own part, you are too emotional and that's not good, you may ask why I said that - you said you deleted his number never to contact him again. And why on earth will you do that?

He may have the same doubt about you just like you have the same doubts him. If He is he like me, little things can set me off, it maybe something you may have missed but it's a big issue to him.

Don't jump into conclusions just yet, and you have to stop being too emotional, it's not healthy, it can make some men freeze in their tracks.

I admit I can get make emotionally rash decisions. I guess because I like him, I don't want to get hurt so I figure end it before it happens?

Well, he never responded to my last message and didn't even say good-bye. If you were in my shoes, how would you feel?

If he had doubt about me, why invite me with him to see his family? Hmm, I didn't do anything. Also, he is pretty laid back.

Belafonte:
He could be bummed you refused to follow him home since he wanted you to meet his family and is probably wondering if you're as into him as he is you. Tbh, taking a woman to meet the family is a huge step and from the way you speak of your man he doesn't seem to be fooling around.

I think you should wait till he gets back, tell him your fears and ask him to be honest with you if your refusal to follow him home was a cause. Nigerian men generally don't like to beg their women to do anything. If he feels he has to do too much work to get you to do something he might be reconsidering the relationship itself.

Also. it's possible he's busy with merriment and other activities, Christmas is a really busy period here in Nigeria.

Don't just assume. Be very sure.

He didn't seem that bummed that I declined. He just didn't buy my excuse that work was the reason for me declining. Well, I flew out to see him so clearly I am into him. I declined because the relationship is still very new so I don't feel comfortable meeting his family just yet.

I also was dating other guys at the same time (no sex) and in part,dropped them, to give this a real shot. As I actually liked him and we vibed well from the 1st date.

I was actually thinking there could be a future there because our goals, upbringing, and perspectives are very similar.

I admit I am kinda closed off to an extent because it's hard to trust men, but he seemed legit but him being kinda distant, I am having doubts.

I will wait for him and see if he reaches to me and share how I feel. And affirm that I like him.

Dramadiddy:
My advice... keep calling... he didn't stop calling because he lost interest in you. he is probably occupied. you know how Nigerians love to spend time with someone they havent seen in a while. his behaviour right now has nothing to do with leaving you. to clear your doubts, you can talk to him about it.

Yes, I know going to visit his family is a big deal. He said he only sees them a few times a year. I have no issue with that. My issue is he didn't attempt to see me before he left. And considering we are busy, that would have been acceptable if he communicated and said, "Hey, I want to see you too but I won't have time since I am flying out." Or when I said I had work all day, he could have said, "What time do you get out of work, maybe we can meet each other for a few minutes." Or "I will miss you but when I come back, we will re-connect."

Just something to show interest. I even told him I want to see him and he didn't even respond but he clicked like on the comment. So, he could have just as easily replied.

Also, for the past week since the trip, while he does respond to my texts, I been the main initiator when before it was him. So, with all that said, am I not valid for thinking he lost interest or something is up? Even if he is busy planning for his trip, a quick phone call good bye would suffice.

The ball is in his court as he never replied to my last comment. I don't think it's my job to chase a man or to "keep calling" I did more than enough flying in to see him.

This is a new relationship, this is when both people should be most engaged and happy since it's new. I asked a Nigerian male friend and he told me to wait it out and see if he contacts me after he comes back, that will be a good indicator whether he was for real about settling down or just running game...

jesusdiedLOL:
There could be a reason.Jumping into hasty conclusions always puts a dent in relationships(always). You wanting to end a relationship because he isnt communicating with you without trying to know why is cukoo but whatever

You're right I shouldn't jump to conclusions, but my feelings are valid. He seemed like a good dude up until that point. Well, I told him, "I want to see him" and he didn't respond. I assumed he would follow up with me, so now the ball is in his court. It's up to him to follow up with communicating with me.

jesusdiedLOL:
Women are crazy

im I’m crazy because I wanted him to make more effort? If we couldn’t see each other before he left, that would be fine. But he could have called or texted to say goodbye. Especially since he basically implied he would want me to move in with him, and invited me to go to Nigeria with him. So, he went from being very enthusiastic to more distant.
That doesn’t jive well to me...

Beosten:
If you know his date of birth, Google his astrological sign and use it to know his character. If he's Aquarius, you have found a man... Aquarius is still into you even when they seem no longer interested. They love with their heads, not with their hearts - that means once you are reasonable in your approaches, you have found a loyal man for ever. I'm Aquarius.

He’s a Sagittarius.

mespusinglez:
I Don't understand my girlfriend o,we ve dated for over a month now,and our first sex was head ache to me...6 minutes to it and she pull me off...i ask her why and she said nothing and she wore her dress,this happened four times....the fifth time was when we were about 8 minutes to it and she said she was tired i angrily went off and wore my dress...and she was "baby am sorry that her mind dont give her...and she said i dnt cum quick...and the truth is since the 6 times we had sex i have never cum because she always cut me off...and she was lucky i wasnt rude or else i wont have stop...
so am thinking of breaking up with her because i cant continue with those frustration...

pls help

As a woman, sounds like she isn't enjoying the sex? I think it's messed up to just break up with her over sex, but I guess since love isn't involved it's easy to do so. Why don't you communicate how you feel? Tell her, you enjoy the sex but don't understand why she doesn't let you continue. See what she says and go from there. Ask her what does she want and what you can to to improve the sex. If she is receptive to what you're saying, then work with her.

GraGra247:
If you want to marry a Nigerian shine your eyes well well. Really look before you leap.

Well I could say that for any type of marriage at all.

Subject him to every possibly known test to confirm faithfulness and preparedness.
If possible hack him and read his chats and messages,e-mails.

Once confirmed go ahead & leave the rest to luck.

Huh? I did Google and checked out his social media and everything checked out fine.

But I made this thread to see general thoughts on this situation..basically to get advice. Should I consider it a loss or wait for him to reply?

Hello all! Hope everyone has a good Christmas.

I am new to this forum and would like some advice...

I will try to keep it short:
I have been dating this Nigerian American man for 2 months. Then, he went out of state for work but in the mean time we talked/texted regularly while he was away. I actually visited him as he invited me, and stayed with him for a few days and it went well. We vibe well, wasn't awkward at all. According to him, he's ready to settle down and have kids in the near future. He is 35, a little bit older than me. I am not Nigerian but I am Caribbean Black so we have a similar upbringing, where we came from a religious background, fathers placed heavy emphasis on education. Also, on the 3rd date he asked us to be exclusive...

I, too, said I am dating for marriage providing it's the right person.

He told me he was offered a higher salary to relocate. The area where he is staying at for work is a very quiet neighborhood. He said he could imagine staying there if he had a wife and kids. I said what wouldn't he be bored there living on his own and he said, "I wouldn't be bored if you were here." He even said earlier if we lived together, we would have so much fun. Again, in the few days we spent together, we laughed a lot as both of us are goofy but we had serious conversations about our upbringing, goals, past experiences, future plans,etc

He even asked me what I want for Christmas but I didn't answer.

Anyway, he told me he was going to Nigeria to visit his family for the holidays. He actually invited me to come and I would stay with them. I declined and he said "Why not?" I said because of work which is partly true. But it's more so the fact I haven't known him long enough and that's a big step.

Anyway, on my last day and when he dropped me off at airport he said how he missed me already. But I noticed since the trip, a week ago, I been the one mainly initiating communication, when it use to be mainly him. So, then he said he is flying in Saturday and I replied I can't see him because I am at work all day. He replied with a sad face. So, I suggest Sunday and he said he doesn't think it's possible since he will fly out to Nigeria that day. I then said I wanna see him and he thumbs up the comment but never replied.

I feel since I made an effort to see him in Florida, he could have made the effort to see me or at the least call me and say he wants to see me but too but can't and that we will re-connect when he comes back. To me, it's an indication he isn't that into me. I told my friends and most of them think I am blowing it out of proportion, but one friend sees it as a lack of interest and effort on his part.

I am kinda bummed because I liked him but seems this is the end. I deleted his number and don't plan on contacting him again...