DoingBetter:
No woman/man should withhold sex from her husband/wife like this except for medical reasons or if they both agree. This is not fair. On the other hand, no spouse should cheat on the other.
1 Corinthians 7️⃣ vs 8 says “So don't refuse sex to each other, unless you agree not to have sex for a little while, in order to spend time in prayer. Then Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (CEV translation ) that's how important sex is.
I don't need to tell you how strongly adultery is frowned upon in the Bible. Consistently the Bible speaks against it. That your wife has to agree to go for counselling and sort out her issues or kindly agree to a divorce. She can't hold you hostage. You have been faithful and that's commendable. Her actions are directly fueling your path to destruction. She is making it so that you can be tempted and then go against your principles and worse, become an adulterer. Marriage is for companionship too and sex is a huge part of that kind of intimacy.
I do not play with principled men and faithful men. They are rare especially when they are genuine in their efforts to do right. If more men were like that, the foundation of society today would be much more different.

Tell her to get help and NOW.

PS: IF she's menopausal and it has affected her sex drive, or she's struggling with v-j dryness which can be painful and causes tear down there, she can get help for it from the hospital. There are special hormonal supplements designed for the issues women go through during menopause. Whatever it is, she must agree to make efforts to get help. You deserve a sexually rich life in your marriage too. Sending you both love ❤️ and light �

Thanks for your advice.

NewSoul:

Please I am a single guy. Can you enlighten me how you all end up with this kind of women? Was there sex at the beginning of the marriage and along the line it stopped maybe because you lost shape or became fat or something. Can I get an explanation?

If you read through my write up, you will notice I had refrained from sex till I was over 30 years old. And my wife is the first woman I had sex with.

We had sex once after our traditional marriage, even though she accepted to do it reluctant and gave the excuse of not wanting to get pregnant before the white wedding. Which was mainly due to the church rules I presumed.

Fasssssssssssst forward... for the Christian brothers and principled men who don't want to engage in premarital sex, be wary of such decision. It is synonymous to going to market and buying a non-tested hi tech equipment.

The pains of not getting it right is enormous, it's not worth the risk. This past six years have been full of regrets, and I am forced to seek solace ' outside the box'.

Blunttruth:


Op go ahead and follow the m.o.r.o.n above, and end up ruining everything. Try what I said,that is if she is consumed by domestic and work without any help. If it continues go and report her to her parents. So any consequence will be justified. God bless you for your patience.

Thanks for your advice. I do house chores, even wash the dishes sometimes. Helping her out is not the problem, she just doesn't like sex. She avoids it like a plague.

She sleeps on one side of the bed and place the child (3yrs old) at the centre of the bed. If I move to her side of the bed, she quickly switches to the other side.

I think she should have remained single...

NewSoul:

...Please don't follow the confused being above telling you to wash plate and cook for her. Yes she'll let you have sex but it will still be with the "come and do and go" attitude.

Thanks for your advice.

NewSoul:
Did you marry the wife a virgin?

She was not a virgin, but she was not sexually active, mainly because of her religious beliefs.

EkoErrands:
Hnmn I'm going through exactly the same thing word for word...the only difference is that when I swallow my ego and pride and go and open the pant and enter she doesn't stop me but the frown on her face is dangerous.

You are lucky that you can enter, mine will go to the guest room and lock herself if she feels the disturbance is too much.

I write this letter with a heavy heart and a deeply sad spirit. This is as a result of the cumulative torture I have endured from your actions and inactions SEXUALLY. Yes, sexually in emphasis.
Love they say is beautiful and marriage to the one you truly love, wonderful. Alas! Mine marriage to you is complicated like a stream that produces both sweet and bitter water at the same time.
EXPERIENCE
I had kept myself from other women, waiting patiently for the chosen one, the one I love, whom I would spend, the rest of my life. Like the saying goes “a patient dog, eats the fattest bone”. But my experience in the last six years of marriage has abundantly proven the sayings to be wrong.
You are the first woman whom my ‘member’ felt the warmth of her vagina. I remember vividly you re-directing my penis to the right path, because I was a novice, naïve and excited to taste the honey pot for the first time in over 30 years of my existence on planet earth.
Another thing I also remembered which have sadly turned to be “re-occurring decimal”, was you telling me you are tired on our wedding night and that we should leave the sex part of the night to a latter day. You only caved in after much entireties and plea from me. I must tell you, that night was least memorable to put it mildly. What do I know self?
SEXUAL TORTURE
A month after our wedding/ “honeymoon” you got pregnant and the gate to the honey well was permanently shut, I was inexperienced to think that a pregnant woman doesn’t engage in sexual intimacy, until six or seventh month into your pregnancy when you were told at the antenatal that you should engage in sex to enable the vagina “ready for delivery”. I breathed a sigh of relief which was abruptly cut short immediately after child birth.
The waiting games continued till about 5 – 6 months, before you began to sparingly allow me have sex with you once in a week, even sometimes its reduces to once in two weeks. You often asked if sex was food? I had to mark the calendar to show you when last we had sex before I can be given a shot at another one, mainly on compassionate ground.
SIDE EFFECTS OF BEEN STARVED
1. Loss of confidence: amongst my peers, especially when issues relating to sexual escaped was been discussed
2. Deep Sorrow and Sadness: throughout the day, mostly when I had begged for sex a night before or in the morning of a particular day, and my plea turned down.
3. Constant thought of other women: especially the ones who indirectly had given me “green light” but I have deliberately turned them down, as it is against my personal principles.
4. Self Servicing: sometimes I resort to this as the way to relieve myself of the burden, and the most painful aspect of this inglorious act is when you suggest that I should indulge in it so as to let you alone.
5. Thought of Divorce: even though is not in my options, but I strongly view it as evil and wicked for an asexual individual to enter into marriage and still expect her partner to be faithful. I know you have once suggested getting me a side chick of your chosen, which you have reneged.
SOLUTION
Because of the deep love I have for you, and the need to understand the reason my beloved wife hurts me sexually, I carried out a little research on your conditions and found out that you are ASEXUAL in nature. Below are some of the attributes of an asexual woman you portray.
1. During sex, you don’t like to touch my penis, caress my body and off cause BJ is out of it for you. You don’t like me kissing you, sucking your breast, sucking your ears handling your breast nor fingering you. Whenever I insist, you ridiculously say, “just touch the body of my breast, but don’t touch the nipple”.
2. Your sex positions are most times monotonous, is either missionary style or you are lying by your side. Even when I try to initiate another position your kick against it and sometimes say you are not a prostitute, hence you cannot.
3. Even though your participation during sex is just to lie down and receive, every now and then you tell me you are tired and that I should cum fast or else… You have also several times removed yourself from my penis and rush into the bathroom to wash yourself leaving me “hanging” and return to blame me for lasting longer than necessary.
4. You also frown your face and make it feel like a rape, no moaning nor encouraging sexual expressions, which most times dampens my spirit.
5. You also have refused to see neither a doctor nor a therapist, falsely claiming that there is nothing wrong with you.
6. You also refuse to see a pastor or any councilor.
7. I had also tried to initiate the discussion with one of your close sisters, which you also rejected.
8. You also rejected the use of a lubricant I once bought at the pharmacy
9. Whenever I initiate the sex discussion, your heart skips like I have said something outrageous and you pickup a fight to avoid having sex.
All the points above listed are some of the attribute of an asexual person, and this condition can be corrected through medically, counseling and personal efforts which you have refuse over this past six years.
CONCLUSIONS / RESOLUTIONS
1. I have resolved to stop having sex with you (expect you agree to change), as its an exercise in futility, because the experiences are usually unpleasant, unsatisfactory, mentally sapping and a waste of time.
2. I shall continue to love you, take care of your needs and support you within the best of my ability.
3. Hence, my itinerary of movement shall be for information purpose and shall be made available only when absolutely necessary.
4. I shall not tolerate any form of embarrassment if or when I chose to satisfy myself with whomever, whenever and wherever I please. The consequence of such violation shall be dire.
5. The only reason for divorce still stand and I shall not hesitate to initiate it if the evidence is compelling enough.
From Your Lovely Husband