₦airaland Forum

thronekid:
Will the writer get paid, Sir?

Sharp guy

adeh39:
Dee, wat about you? Did u permitted them to post your own story too? All in A Circle?

Unfulfilled Promise is also being posted there.

No, I didn't. I am working on my own story(report), I just felt letting Jezuzboi know is not a bad idea.

professorbea:
D9ty7.... i saw this story on funloaded.com
.try and see wat u can do to stop those plagiarising your story

Thank you very much boss. Working on it

Jezuzboi, I don't know if you permitted a certain funloaded.com to post your story on their website.
But this particular story is being posted and I think its right if I let you know.
You can report the website to d webhost, I think it is wapka and be sure that your story would be deleted or d website suspended.
http://funloaded.com/forum2_theme_111710174.xhtml?tema=282

labaski:
I may not really know D9ty7 but to an extent, I know him to be a man of his words. he's made his decision let's respect his choice and leave it at dat. and he's gonna finish d story but he has his conditions.. if u'r eligible, fine and if u are not, sorry case.
Peace.

Thanks

adeh39:
Seconded.

Am sure you are not voting with this.... Your Vote doesn't count this way.

kitnah:
Hey,am still waitin for notice,btw,my phone is damaged,was chargin the damn thing with generator,and the rest was history...

Joke of the century. How your phone go spoil at this stage?
Oga seun, reward kitnah with a brand new Iphone 6 for her excellence on this forum
And btw, what notice?

laykorn:
@emboldened. Little sister kwa?

You are already using style to brotherzone guys before they even vote you abi?

No vote for you

Hahahahahahaha... I love your hustle.
Don't mind those girls, they no dey friendzone guys again, na brotherzone remain.
Dem be like; Laykorn is my brother. And that's the end.

kitnah:
D9ty7!

Straight up, I love your bluntness, trust me, and it doesn't threatens my morale at all, because it takes more crystals to make something shine.

As usual, you know I don't take offence at criticisms, it's done to make me better, I'm guilty as charged.
I'll pay full attention to the details and description..........Thank you so much, I really apreciate

Though it was a brutal analysis, looolz

Am glad you took it well. The brutality of it makes you want to improve to avoid more brutal criticisms in future.
If I made this in private, I know I will mince words a lot but putting it here, even if you take offense, I know where to calm you down. Lol
I will bring somethings to your notice tomorrow-- yeah! Its not yet 12.

Aipete2:
what?

I yaff hear you. That's what I mean by quoting you.
And concerning the campaign manager tingy, I hate to disappoint and disappointing you is bad for my health.
I can't spearhead your campaign cos of my recent tight schedule, but I will campaign for you in my own ways.
Goodluck to you as you move to succeed Jenny as the new Nairaland Queen.

***
continuation--
II. Episode 2: Jane's meeting with 'man of God' (5/10)
Lets break it down:
- You started with a church auditorium setting. Jane seated inside the church, choristers-choirs singing and the congregation dancing.
- You told us about Jane's 3-day fasting and prayer and being around to see the pastor for the final lap of her deliverance.
- But you failed to tell us if Jane was meeting the pastor after the service you potrayed at the start. You didn't pay attention to the details there(service and meeting the pastor)
III. Episode 3: Anita's outburst with her mum and the flashback. (2/10)
I give you '2' because the episode kind of negates set standard for moral values every story must possess.
Here;
[color=990000]"Who is barking?"[/color] -- Even if you are high on mosquito coil or kerosene, you can't direct such a question to your mother, your step mother, your mother's friend, your friend's mother.
Why? The MOTHER factor.
I don't know, maybe it is down to how I see things. No matter how cruel one's parent could have been in the past, no matter how non challant they might have been about the thing affecting one's life. If after many years, such a parent needs one's help, even if you won't be helping her, you can't send her out anyhow.
Moral standard: By all indications and judging from the 'flashback' it seemed like Anita was right while her mother was wrong. Even though on paper, Anita has the right to react, while her mother deserved to accept whatever reaction she faced. But the sole aim of putting pen to paper is to change people's views about certain things, one of which is the Anita-and her mother's encounter which is a everyday thing.
I doubt if you will address the issue later on in the story, by making Anita suffer for talking to her mother anyhow. But I felt the need to let you know that, not even in Mars and pluto where I have lived is this possible or right.
I have seen a situation where a family where the mother was the bread winner for many years and now that the children are well to do, they are spending on their father who did nothing than their mother who glaringly did everything for the children back then.
The Yorubas will say; a kin fi oro ya oro (We don't use oro yo oro)-- sorry, I can't interprete that. What's oro in English? Now I get it-- (We don't repay evil with evil)
Even our lord Jesus despite the suffering he went through, he still said; "Father forgive them, for they know not what they are doing." And I don't think anybody on earth will ever go through the equal of what Jesus went through before his death, even half of it. Hence, why should we then be mad cos of little things.
Forgive my jargons, but morally, I think the Anita and her mother episode is very wrong.
To make it right: Later on in the story, Anita should either suffer for that singular act or be reprimanded by her husband, probably threatened with a divorce or ignoring her for long(women hate to be ignored)
Just to let your readers know that, you are in no way in support of Anita's outburst, because writers and television broadcasters have one thing in common; their words/stories tends to be used against them.
And that will be all on the number one criticism from d9ty7's desk. We'll probably discuss the next point tomorrow.

Kitnah: I am just doing this the way you asked for it. If this in anyway threatens your morale, I didn't write this to do that.
I'll be happy if you take one or two things from there to better your writing.
@Thronekid: I can see your corrections in the aspect of grammar.
@Jezuzboi: I saw your effort at correcting her punctuation.
Let me just stick to the plot and the body of the story.

PEACE

To start with, you have a wonderful story going on here and I think I love it. Its not everyday we see stories like this on Nairaland, therefore, be rest assured that the number of comments, view will increase as more people get to know about this story.
Advice: Put the link to this thread on your signature, so that everywhere you drop your comment, your story gets advertised. Oga seun no go collect money for that. Hahahahaha
Now to the main reason why I am here tonight.
1. Disjointed order of events and not paying attention to details: As a critic loving writer, when people tell me to pay attention to details, I don't really know what they mean, but by my own understanding, I give it just any meaning. Therefore, me asking you to pay attention to details is down to how I see the story.
Lets break it down;
I. Prologue: Jane driving back home from work I presume and her encounter with her mother-in-law. -(7/10)
II. Chapter 1: Godwin returning from work and his phone conversation with his friend Matthew. (4/10) This particular episode could have been rated above average if you probably didn't make this mistake.
After Godwin dropped his friend's call, he was talking to his wife about Matthew's supposed suprise visit. Godwin was still talking to his wife when the doorbell rang and guess who we have, Matthew and his wife.
I believe in a normal setting, Godwin and Matthew worked in the same company, meaning, there is every probability that they left work at the same time. The drive from work back home for Godwin, lets say is twenty minutes. And the drive back home for Matthew is fifteen minutes. Meaning: As at when Godwin got home, Matthew would have gotten home five minutes earlier, and the only thing he could have done was freshen up. Which leaves me with the resolve that, it is impossible for Matthew to be at Godwin's residence when Godwin was just coming in from work.
Factors to be considered;
- Matthew first of all needs to freshen up and get a nice cloth for the outing.
- The women factor: It is impossible for Jane to have dressed up before Matthew's arrival. The outing was no emergency, hence, no need to rush and women loved to be complimented.
The "how do I look?" factor, the "is this gown okay for the outing?" factor. Even though its not everytime that a woman ask these questions.
III. Episode 2: Jane's encounter with Anita and Anita wanting to talk. (6/10)
I give you '6' because the scene is normal, even though I think it is too sudden. But I am tempted to reduce that '6' to like '3' you know why? You refused to pay attention to details.
Breakdown:
- Jane lived in Lagos, her husband Matthew lived in Kogi state. Meaning, Godwin and Anita are Kogi-ites too. Lol. You didn't tell us if Anita travelled to Lagos from Kogi state or visited Matthew's apartment where Jane lived presently.
- At the begining you said something like Jane could see someone through the 'windscreen.' I may be wrong with this though, but the few times I have heard the word, it always had to do with cars. Meaning, Jane was probably inside her car. Then at the end of the episode, Jane slammed the door. Which door?
If she was in a car, it is either she slammed the door short and walked into the house(slamming the front door in the process too. Lol) or slamming the door while she was in the car(locking herself in)
IV. Episode 3: I think, that's where Anita wanted to work. (7/10)

[color=#007700]Chapter 2[/color]: Jane's visit to the hospital. (6/10)
I give you '6' because of one thing. Jane's conversation with Ayobami's mum.
I think the question the woman asked Jane is out of this world. 90% of women on earth will take offense with that question. Which leaves me with the fact that, you should watch your dialogues. Put yourself in the shoes of your characters, communicate with them and let your writing be based on your reaction if some of these things are happening to you.
If someone I have met just once walked up to me and said; "My son told me God hasn't given you a child?" and the next thing was to invite me to a religious gathering, I will take offense with the question but will in the end appreciate the invite.
All am saying is, make your story look real. The woman could have asked for a minute of Jane's time, take her to a secluded corner and discuss with her and not after the exchange of pleasantries throwing such a question.
***
More after the cut

*strolls into the cinema... Now is the time to make a few corrections and hopefully you get to take my criticism and corrections in good faith.

sweetjenny305:
This is two weeks now@D9ty7 and nothing yet, hope all is well sir?

All is well my sister. Its just down to my very tight schedule. I am sure the concluding part will be ready very soon.

afamjb:
long time no read.......

My oga abeg no vex. The kind of schedule wey dey my front tight pass anything. The four updates I dropped not too long ago, I have been typing them since wednesday.

And this woman never update this beautiful Friday morning? Issorai

--continuation--
Inside the N.A.T.U labelled SUV, Tina was behind
the wheel, while
Mark was seated on passenger seat up front, two
agents were seated at
the backseat while a half conscious Major General Tukur sat between
them. A black Range Rover sport followed the
N.A.T.U SUV inside which
the Chief security officer to Rtd Major General
Tukur's residence was
behind the wheel, a N.A.T.U agent sat beside him on the passenger seat
upfront and taking the rear was another SUV,
only that this time,
there was nothing written on the side or the
plate. Melvin was seated
all on his own behind the wheel as they sped back into the city of
Lagos.
"That was too easy." Mark said.
"From the inside, it was. But if you were with
us outside, you
probably won't be saying this." One of the two men on the backseat
replied.
"But, I wasn't talking to you." Mark cautioned
calmly.
Turning red in embarrassment. "Am sorry." The
man replied. "That was harsh." Tina whispered.
"You are driving. Keep your eyes on the
road." Mark replied.
And without another word, Tina focused all her
attention on the
road, stealing occasional glances at the two cars behind and the men
seated on either sides of Tukur.
"Your phone." Mark said pointing towards
Tina's vibrating phone
on the dashboard.
"Oh! Thanks." She smiled as she picked the call. "Agent Christina here." She said on answering
the call.
Listening for about twenty seconds before she
replied; "Okay." And
with this, she swerved the car off the road and
parked by the roadside.
The other two cars seeing what had happened
followed suit and parked
just behind her car.
"What's going on? Who called?" Mark asked.
"I just recieved an order to stop wherever I am." Tina replied.
Melvin walked towards Tina's side of the car
and knocked on the
window. Tina allowed the window down to
allow her hear whatever he had
to say. "What's going on?" He asked.
"I just recieved an order from the ministry of
defence asking me
to stop." Tina replied.
"Why?" Melvin asked.
"An extraction team is on the way." She
replied.
"To do what?" Melvin asked.
"I think to release Tukur." She replied. "what the fvck!" Mark exclaimed angrily.
Seeing the look on
everyone's face. "Am sorry." He added. How
Nigerians hate American
words.
"Why would they want to do that? Who called you?" Melvin asked calmly.
From the few hours Tina had spent with Melvin
and Mark, she
realised that just a little difference was what they
have. While Mark
was the arrogant type, Melvin was the direct opposite. While Mark
treats the two genders(Male & female) equally,
Melvin has a soft spot
for the female folks. And while Mark in the midst
of five senior
agents can single handedly impose his decision on them, Melvin would
rather allow everyone reason together and come
to a conclusion.
"I wouldn't know." Tina replied as she eased
her seat belt.
Two minutes later, a Nissan murano came to a halt in front of Tina's
SUV and a polic pickup went on to park in front
of it(Murano)
The handsome FBI agent, Tony alighted from
the Murano and in his
elegance and aura of importance, he strode towards Tina and her team.
"Hello Tina." He said just in time when Tina
alighted too and they hugged.
"Its been a while." Tina smiled.
"Yeah... Came into the country two hours
ago." He replied. He scanned around looking for any familiar face.
"Melvin right?" He
asked extending his hand for a handshake.
"Yeah." Melvin replied.
"Hi guys." Tony said waving at the other men
present. "There is no time for pleasantries, go straight
to the point."
Mark barked from where he stood.
"Calm down. I have no business with you."
An egostic Tony
replied and suprisingly it did the trick. "Its okay guys." Tina stepped in. "Tony,
what's going on?"
"The ministry wants General Tukur freed."
Tony replied.
"But why?" Tina asked.
"Order from above. The SFG called the state commissioner." Tony explained.
"On what basis?" Tina asked.
"Executive orders to be effected immediately."
Tony said.
Tina looked from Melvin to Mark and the other
agents. The look on
Mark's face differs from the look on the faces of other N.A.T.U
agents. Mark was suprised and shocked, because
where he came from, the
executive can't stop the judiciary under which
the security agencies
falls from doing their job, except in exceptional cases. The other
men, even though they were shocked, it wasn't
like they were just
experiencing it for the first time.
"You can't take him with you. Tina, lets get
out of here." Mark said. "You have no say in this man, Tina is in
charge." Tony replied
and just then, his phone started ringing.
Tony took two steps backward before
answering the call.
"Agent Tony here." He said.
"The Secretary to the Federation's government
would like to speak
with you." A female voice answered. It was then it dawned on Tina and the others
that hundred of Mark
can't stop Tony from taking General Tukur back
to his house.
"Good afternoon Tony." The familiar SFG's
voice came on. "Good afternoon sir." Tony's voice was
ecstacy. Even though he had
never had any form of contact with the SFG,
getting the number five
citizen of the country address him by his first
name is enough reason for him to be happy.
"She is here too." Tony said as he beckoned
on Tina to come over.
After a minute of speaking with Tina, the phone
was given to Mark
who spoke with the SFG for almost five minutes, demanding explanation
as to why Tukur would be prevented from being
questioned. In the end,
Mark succumbed and allowed Tony leave with
Tukur.
----------------- Twenty minutes later, Tina was pulling out of
the road unto the
road that connects with the N.A.T.U headquarters
and the State
security service.
"You couldn't have allowed him go with Tukur." Mark said for the
upteenth time.
Tina whose mind was somewhere else has
been ignoring his attempts
to pick up a quarrel with her, but this time
around she could take it no more.
"What could I have done to prevent Tony
taking Tukur away?" She
asked as she eased the car to a halt to allow
pedestrians cross the
road. "Thank you ma." The pedestrians said.
"Its nothing." She waved back at them.
"Its your call. You are in charge of this case
and you have the
final say. In America....." Mark was saying.
"Oooohhhhh!" She drawled. "America again?" She thought.
"What?" He asked.
"Nothing." She replied with a smile. "Tell me,
what happens in America?"
"The agent in charge of a case is the boss on
the case. Even the Agency's director can't talk him into letting it
slide. The SFG should
have asked if you will be releasing him or not, and not him ordering
us around." Mark explained.
"This is Nigeria, things are done in the
opposite. And moreso,
we both spoke to the SFG, you should have told
him that in America, the agent is in charge." Tina mocked, even
though Mike failed to spot
the mockery.
For the rest of the journey, Mark was quiet as
he fumed in anger.
One thing he hated was arguing with Tina, because he knew his points
would never stand.
"Welcome Agent Tina." The security man at
the gate said as Tina
drove into the N.A.T.U premises.
Two minutes later, they were going through the clearance process
when a young man walked up to them.
"Good afternoon ma." The young man said.
"Afternoon." Tina replied.
"Are you Christina James?" He asked.
"Yeah, how may I help you?" "A certain Miss Chichi Martin asked me to
give this to you."
The man handed the envelope containing the
photographs to Tina before
walking away immediately.
As Tina tried to open it, Mark screamed. "Don't! It could be a
bomb." He snatched the envelope from her, tore it
open to reveal a
short letter which reads;
HE IS HAPPILY MARRIED AND TAKEN. YOU
STAND NO CHANCE And below the letter were pictures of Daniel
Martin cuddling and
kissing his wife.
"Are you seeing him?" Mark asked with
bloodshot eyes as Tina
checked the content of the envelope. "No." Tina replied.
"Liar." With this, Mark stormed past the
security post into the building.
"Mark wait!"

END OF CHAPTER TWELVE

--continuation--
The moment a man began thinking and acting
like an extremist or a
bigot. The moment when his believe and
conviction must stand, the
moment when other people's views and opinions are reduced to nothing,
the moment when he begins to do everything
humanly possible to achieve
a set goal, probably to grease his ego or satisfy
his selfish
interest. That moment, such a person could be called desperate. No
other word could be used for such a person,
because, the act of
desperation could make the greatest man on
earth lick the feet of a
slave. The act of desperation in men could be seen in
our everyday life. A
politician seeking elective office will go extra
miles to ensure his
victory. A politician who in the last four years
didn't step into a church to thank God for the gift of life would be
forced to attend
series of church service to seek the
congregation's mandate. The same
way a politician who in the last four years has
been a regular church goer and has remained steadfast in God would
adviced by some group of
special advicers who in the real sense are 'special
confusers' to
visit a particular shrine to seek the support of the
gods. It was said that, in the life of man, when something is being
pursued, you will
either move closer to your God or stay at a
distance, because whatever
you believe in is what you 'dine' with. Once the
first stage of visiting worship and sacred houses are over,
some politicians take
their desperation to a whole new level by
visiting schools and for a
whole day, they dress like students in uniform, all
in the name of winning people's love. Some politicians visits
brothel to seek the
support of their brothers and sisters in the act
and probably spend a
night acting just the way they do in a brothel,
afterall, you behave like Romans when in Rome. The yet to be seen
desperate politicians are
the ones who will visit a rehabilitation centre or
a prison to do the
following; act like they need rehabillitation
where in the real sense, they do. And pretend like they are inmates. Afterall, the final place
of abode for desperate politicians remains the
prison.
Such was the case when Collins called
Christopher into his office
in the absence of his(Christopher) mother. "Uncle Coll, you sent for me?" The little boy
asked as he sat
down on one of the two chairs in front of Collin's
desk.
Christopher looked around the office like it was
his first time visiting. Obviously, there were not much
differences between the
offices inside the N.A.T.U Lagos headquarters. The
only difference
between the offices, particularly, his mother's
and Collins' was in size. Collins office was twice the size of Christina's
office and
while Tina's office was painted in creamy-white,
Collins' office was
painted in pure white and just behind his chair
was the coat of Arm representing the country Nigeria and another
representing N.A.T.U in
which an eagle was made to stand on a aircraft
while two guns were
adorning both sides of the aircraft just like the
horses did in the Nigeria coat of arm. Just above the coat of arm
was a very large
plaque where the names of past N.A.T.U directors
were boldly
inscribed. While the wall opposite Tina's desk has
several art works in frame hung on it, the opposite wall in Collins'
office was adorned
with a shelf on which various books were neatly
arranged. Aside these,
and a large flower vase which stood on his
table, there was nothing worth looking at twice in the office.
"I called you because of your mum." Collins
replied.
Chris adjusted his sitting position such that, he
was staring
directly into Collins eyes. The only difference between the duo of
Collins an Mark was, while Collins smiled more
often, the serious look
worn by Mark everytime could make the greatest
comedian alive change
his ways because it was obvious that, no joke could make Mark laugh.
"Did you notice anything between your mum
and I?" Collins asked.
"I don't understand sir." Chris replied.
Collins thought for a while. "See, I'll be clear
with my words and I will try as much as possible not to mince words. Okay?" He said,
his
voice raised.
"That was uncalled for." Chris thought was he
dared not open his
mouth to speak. "I love your mum, I want to make her my
wife. I love you too and
I want you to be my son. Everyone knew the
relationship between you
and I is similar to a father-son relationship and it
will be best if we make it happen. I am ready to take your
mum to the alter and make
her my own." Collins explained.
Chris wanted to talk but no words came out.
"You are in the best position to talk to your
mum. You have been pestering her to take you to your father, but she
has refused. In that
case, let me be the father you never had or knew,
let me be the one to
take care of your needs." Collins continued.
Chris could feel his blood boil at the latest he just heard from
his best friend. He wanted to say something, but the fear of what his anger could make him
say controlled his tongue.
"You want to marry my mum?" He asked after
almost a minute of silence.
"Yes of course." Collins replied.
"And become my father?" "Of course. A father who will treat you equally
like the other
children you mum will have for me." Collins
replied.
Christopher stiffled a laugh that was threatening
to burst. "Can't you just get it? My mum is not getting married to
any other man except
my father." He thought. "And moreso, she is yet
to say yes to your
marriage proposal, you are talking about having
kids. I am yet to accept you as my forster father, you are talking
about being treated
equally. You must be drunk." Chris could help it
no more as he bursted
into laughter.
"You are laughing. Is it funny?" Collins asked foolishly like it
wasn't obvious. Even though a desperate man
won't realise how stupid
his actions were until he failed to achieve his
aim.
"No its not." Chris replied. "So, what do you say?" He asked.
"Aren't you married with kids? Is Matilda not
your daughter?" Chris asked.
"Matilda is my daughter, but her mother and I
are no more." He replied.
"Why?" "We divorced." Collins replied.
"Won't my mum experience the same after a
few years?" Chris asked.
"Not at all."
Chris smiled. "So, what exctly do you want me
to do? Its not as if I am the woman in question."
"Thank you. I know how much you mum
value your words. I want you
to talk to her into accepting me to be her
husband." Collins replied.
"Is that all?" Chris asked. "Yes." Collins replied.
"Talk to her yourself." With this, Chris stood
up and walked out
of the office.

--tbc--

--continuation--
Kim walked into her hotel room with Tony closely beside her and one of the hotel staffs walked in with her bag.
"Thank you." She gave the young man a smile as he made to walk out.
"wait." Tony said as he dipped his hand into his breat pocket and handed a sum of one thousand naira to him.
"Than you very much sir." He said happily. "Madam, enjoy your stay." With this, he walked out of the room.
"Why did you do that?" Kim asked.
"Do what?"
"You just gave that man money, why?" She asked.
"Oh! That? I just gave it to him and moreso, it a norm here." Tony replied.
"Like a bribe?" Kim asked. She was obviously interested in the topic. Why wouldn't she be? Afterall, the countries from the west(Britain, America) are of the opinion that Nigeria is a backward nation where illegal dealings, corruption and extortion is on the high.
"Its not a bribe. I gave him because I wanted to. Afterall, he doesn't earn much at the end of the month which could not be enough to take care of his family. Bu with what I just gave him, if he meet generous people like me and they all gave him tips like that, imagine how much he'll take home today and what he could do with it. It will definitely cover some end of the month expenses and by the time he recieved his salary, he'll have some amount in excess." Tony explained.
"Hmmmmmm! That very thoughtful of you." Kim said. She was obviously impressed. "Call him for me." She said.
"What for?" Tony asked, even though he guessed she wanted to give him something too.
"I want to take him shopping."
"What?" Tony asked with brows raised.
"For his kids. Pick a few clothes and other basic needs." Kim replied.
Tony stared at her in disbelief. That's a problem with women, especially non-Africans. They are usually compassionate about other people and they will always want to help, either they knew the person or he is a total stranger.
"You'll probably see him around later, maybe you could let him know of your decision and he'll definitely appreciate it." Tony said.
"Are you sure?" She asked.
He nodded his head in affirmation.
"Cos, I don't want a situation where he'll start to read meanings to my generousity. You know Africans." She said.
"That's exactly why your decision to shop for him is absurd." Tony thought.
His ringing phone drew their attention away from their initial discussion.
"Excuse me." He said before walking out of the room to answer the call.
-----------
"Yes sir. I am back in the country." He replied, even though he hated himself for that, because the caller knew he called his(Tony) Nigeria number and there was no way he could answer if he wasn't back in the country.
"There is a situation."
"What's that?" Tony asked.
"Mark Ashimolowo, the CIA guy and Christina James are driving General Tukur to N.A.T.U as we speak. I want you to intercept them and get Tukur away from them." The voice at the other end explained.
"How am I supposed to do that? What we heard was that Mark is a crazy guy who has no respect for the authority. He could easily take me out fist for fist." Tony explained.
"just do as I say."
"Okay sir."
Tony returned to the room five minutes later.
"I have to go." He announced.
"So soon?" Kim asked.
"Official assignment from work." He replied.
"Oh! I will try and reach you later in the day cos I don't think I'll be spending the night here." Kim explained.
"Your husband?"
"Yeah! He'll pick me up later in the evening, but don't worry, I'll let you know where I am anyways." She replied.
"And hopefully, I will know him very soon."
"Definitely."
---------------
It was a few minutes before lunch and Jimmy has just finished a transaction with a leading Chineese plastic company. Godson group just succeeded in acquiring sixty percent share of the company, all thanks to Daniel Martin's brilliance at spotting perfect money making businesses and contracts and Jimmy negotiative skills.
"Maybe I should just give you a massage." Magaret said as she dropped a file on her boss' table.
"I really would appreciate that, but we will get a room if we are to do anything of such." Jimmy replied tiredly.
"We could do it here too." Magaret said.
"Bad girl."
Just then the door into the office burst open and Daniel Martin walked in.
"Hey Dan." Jimmy called.
"Dan." Magaret flashed him seductive smile.
"Excuse us." Daniel said fiercely and without another word, Magaret straightened up and walked out of the office.
"You accepted Dad's invite to the golf club?" Daniel asked.
"Yeah. You know, its almost a year since we last played golf and it will be nice if we have you and Adeola as well as myself and my date at the club playing against Adeola's dad." Jimmy explained.
"Sunday night right?"
"That's it."

--tbc--

--continuation--
"Someone is coming." Tina whispered from where she stood beside the window.
"Take him." Mark replied.
"I can't." She said.
Mark gave her a cold stare. One last glance at the unconscious General Tukur on the couch, he released two quick shots at the door which burst open.
"Drop your weapons everybody." He shouted.
Tina carefully crawled from the window where she previously stood back to the couch beside Mark.
"What the hell are you doing?" She asked.
"Talk to Melvin." He said thrusting his phone into her palm.
"What should I tell him?" Tina asked horror struck as she realised the effect which the chemical they injected Tukur was having on the unconscious old man. She could see the outline of his veins as the grew and threatened to burst out of his skin.
"Melvin, make sure no one is lurking around. Create a free passage way and get the weapons off those men." Mark instructed as Tina held out the phone.
"Copy." Melvin replied.
Sporadic shots were fired towards the living room such that, Mark and Tina had to take cover behind one of the two seater couch to avoid being hit.
"General Tukur is down. Hold out your fires or you risk having him dead." Mark barked once again, even though he doubted if anyone was hearing him.
A minute later, a deep baritone voice came through the speakers;
"Hold it guys." And just that moment, the gunshots died. "Come out now." The voice said once again.
"Melvin." Mark said through gritted teeth.
Tina quickly typed Melvin's number and dialled him number.
"Melvin, where are you? What's the situation?" Mark asked.
"We are on a retreat. One man down." Melvin replied.
"Jeez! We need backup." Mark said and hung up.
He looked at Tina for probably and advice or a way out, but the only meaning he could read to Tina's facial expression was a "I told you look."
"What do we do?" She asked. It was obvious that she was angry. Who wouldn't be? When a group of people are supposed to work as a team, but one person decides to take the mantle of leadership and begins to dictate to the team. If things go wrong, the self imposed leader takes the blame.
"We negotiate." Mark said as he stood up from behind the couch. "We need to stabilize him." He added and at once Tina produced another syringe which she handed to Mark who subsequently injected Tukur in the neck and five seconds later, he stirred back to life.
"Are you set?" Mark asked as he jacked a half conscious Tukur to his feet.
"Yeah." Tina replied.
Slowly, but steadily, Mark held Tukur's neck from behind and together they walked towards the front door.
"Drop your weapons everybody. A shot from you is the end of the road for Tukur." Mark warned as he stepped out through the door and immediately the security saw the approaching figures, they all dropped their weapons.
"Stay focused Tina. No distraction. I am counting on you." Mark whispered as the approached the commander of the security who held a handheld speaker.
"Clear the road." Mark barked at him and the commander stepped aside.
"Get the cars running." Tina said through the phone to Melvin.
"I am agent Mark, CIA America. Mr Tukur will be taken into custody for questioning." Mark said to the commander.
"No way." The commander replied defiantly. "You can't take him in for questioning. What exactly do you want to know? On whose orders are you doing this?"
"We have the government order. Here." Tina said as she handeda warrant to the commander.
"I'll go with you guys." He said.
"Cool."
Two minutes later, the commander drove out of the compound.

--to be continued--

Aipete2:
Will you be my campaign manager?

Campaign manager, you dey contest for presidency?....... Oh! Miss Nairaland right?