₦airaland Forum

dapsonlou:
Don't be anybody's mugu, allow her to give birth, then take the baby to micure and do a test, if you can't Afford DNAThen do a Blood test. If the baby is not yours, take the result to her parents and thank them and make your leave without the baby.

Thanks

Thanks a lot for ur concern and advice

Her family wants me to break up with my fiancée cos they know I have one.

I have started working on it. But to my surprise yesterday the girl sent me an epistle of regrets bundled with curses for questioning her on the possibility of her other bf being responsible.

Since the message, she won't respond to my msgs nor answer my calls. I called over 40times (for real. Cos I didn't want her to feel I was trying to boycotting my possible responsibilty), all to no avail. I, later decided to reach her mom, same stuff. After about 20trys I gave up the asked a friend who was in the loop to place a call across to her. She later picked my call only to tell me to call some other family members of hers because that's where the girl is.

I placed the call just to show concern. They started giving excuses like she's sleeping, not near by etc. I finally gave up cos I was done worrying because I felt relieved that I had done everything I could have done.
After some hours, her mom called me herself, told me to visit a place if I wanted to c d gal.

To be sincere with you. I think I do not feel like playing along i just want to reset the whole inequality. I felt ridiculed the last time I went to her place and I sincerely have no further intentions of going there

GodnGold:
Deafie,on a serious note,your parents needs to be aware of this issue.
This is beyond you now.
Your solution lies in this.
Her parents will dehumanise you until an elderly person from your side shows up.
They know you are scared and probably a good guy,so they are using it against you.
Whatever won't take your life is a phase that is meant to gear you forward.
Call you folks into this...This situation is one why we have parents.
Do not defend your self,let the blames fall like pebbles,take them all in.
If that child is yours,take it in good faith but do not be cajoled into marrying the girl except you have such intentions.
Am with you in prayers.
May the odds forever be in your favour.

Thanks a lot. Its like u know exactly what her family is doing to me right now. They know I'm scared and r using it against me.
I guess my mistake is me trying to defend myself. I won't say anything again as from today. I'll just play deaf n dumb and show up once a while

The girl in question has been moved to another location. When her family invites me, if I show up trouble, if I don't they'll threaten to unleash hell. I'm really fed up of this situation.

GodnGold:
Play daddy on the side lines.Feign busy for 3 days,drop in on the fourth day looking very concerned,apologise and do busy for four days,show on the fifth and wail busy terribly,do busy bee again for five days and go sapped of all blood and water on the 6th.
You feel me brada?
Yo! That way,they will be analysing you,pitying you and confused cos you showing up atleast but busy.
But bro,truth be told,why you doing sheathes off in this era of zika and lassa and them relatives?
Lessons learnt huh?
You will get through this...
Trust me!
Don't forget to buy fruits and beverages when you show up acting busy bee!
Those are the ingridents for "daddy on the side lines delicacy".
(I play alot,pardon me,but I mean everyword)

Goodluck brother...
Act 1;Scene 3...
Again...I play too much...

Thanks for ur concern. I'm really in a messed up situation.

My fiancée is suspicious

baby124:
Keep looking for attention. Yimu . ADHD is worrying you. You and your "friends". Na today?

If u have nothing to offer me don't.......

Thanks a lot I'll inform then layer

Thanks a lot I'll inform then later

@debetrx

Thanks. This stuff has been have it toil on my health. I can't seem to forgive myself for my actions.

Handling this issue is trickish as it has begun to affect my lifestyle.

Her family want me to support her with my physical care.

I have expended close to 7k on calls in 2wks. She keeps killing me with worrisome texts.

@tritri

Thanks a lot for the advice. I'll inform my parents so they don't get too involved

@tritri

Thanks for the advice. Even asking gently she's scared. I'm 50% sure she's not sure who is responsible

I tot trading care for my freedom would be easy. My thoughts are killing me faster than I could have imagined.

When I take her for antenatal or when we are alone probably visiting her as part of the care agreement and the thoughts of me possibly not being the father crosses my mind, how do I handle it? (note the possibility that I'll still have this conversation with her is very high. I can't seem to get my mind off it)

Trust me I am not good at masking my feelings and I do not want to do anything I'll regret in the future.

Trust me the only thing making me keep things this way is the media circus and my freedom

x240:
Ante natal at how many months?

Enjoy the ride.

Her family found out late because they didn't consider the possibility of she being pregnant when she was showing early symptoms. (please note:- I tried every possible ways to hint her mum)

They only carried out the test when the signs were more visible.

That's y an abortion is not an option.

EfemenaXY:
My reaction was: "Mtcheeeeeeeeeeewwwww"

Because a real man won't go all jelly on us. Na from this point I dey suspect the @op na minor himself...

You don't understand. I'm trying to reduce the possibility of me ridiculing my self in the future since there's a possibility I sired the child, that's y I couldn't discuss this issue with friends. I told just one. And please pardon me for saying everything here.

I'm trying to seek candid opinion out here on this forum.

Right now all I feel is regret for keeping my family in the dark on the possibility that I might not responsible for the child.

You need to know how deeply bothered I am

Tritri:
@OP In as much as i dont want to give my advice publicly , i will want a private conversation , I've been in ur position and let me guess d girl is from Ogun state ?

Now that's another issue. I can't give details of either parties involved. But I can give an hint. I am yoruba the girl in question is from another tribe.

Sorry for asking this foolish question despite claiming to have been on nairaland since 2007.

How do we chat privately on nairaland

baby124:
Hahahahha. Op doesn't know that we have been through hell with more creative fakers on this section.

You sincerely have no idea. I have been on nairaland since 2007, though a passive user, created a couple threads. I had to get this moniker to reduce the possibility of anyone finding out who the true characters are. I understand a lot of fake stories are out there.

If my story is not properly organized I am truly sorry for that, it's due to my current psychological pressure, plus y would I be on nairaland at this time of the day if not because I am having a sleepless night regretting that I let my parents go there begging for my freedom and consenting to conditions they could have negotiated

EfemenaXY:
Are these the words of a "man" in his mid-twenties? Or a JSS1 student trying it on here?
.

You read it in English. Read in yoruba you would get a better understanding of what I'm trying to say

baby124:
Lol, ok. This must be a superstory. How did your parents go from not knowing anything, to going behind your back to sign peace treaty. Please don't spoil this section for genuine people.

You probably didn't read the whole story. I didn't say my parents aren't aware of the issue. They are just not aware of the fact that there are other potential fathers

EfemenaXY:
And why didn't you tell them the full story? Why give them half truths?

Because they will never agree to it and the other family needs a scapegoat

debetmx:
Why would you get involved with a minor in the first place? You should have screen munch her conversation with the other boys and sent it to your phone.

You had better informed your folks and try and play along with the parents of the girl. You might need to get a job if you don't have one or get a weekend job to supplement your day job.

Brace yourself for tough times ahead. When you see the next minor you will do a "Ben Johnson"

I'm sure if I inform my parents they will break the peace treaty

dacool1:
You are on a long thing. When u were digging the girl u don't know. Plus what do u mean sealed ur fate

I meant my family went there to appease her family without the knowledge I have. So my family agreed to most terms and conditions.
The conditions are so so strict and scary like I will be held responsible for her health and life. Something I have no form of control over.

Fortissimo:
Nigerian law says the legal age for sex is 11years. Please correct me if I'm wrong. So OP are you saying the girl was like 10? I doubt. So there are no criminal implications.

I think it's 18 and liable to the tune of life imprisonment

How much does it cost to have a DNA test

An0nimus:
deafndumb

I endorse x240's advice. As much as possible tactly decline making any commitments to marriage or anything her parents may try to bring up. This period will be difficult but man up and swallow the consequences of your actions in good faith.

I don't know how financially buoyant you are but you might need to get legal advise on this issue.

Finance is an issue. I don't know if any lawyer her can help me out.
The bill has started to pile up. This week they want me to get her registered for antenatal. Her clothes don't fit anymore I think they want to shift that responsibility to me.
Unfortunately I just expended most of my savings last year on a failed business and festivity

GodnGold:
Brother stop panicking.
There is a lesson to learn,that is the most important aspect of this situation.
The less you talk to her parents the better for you because so much of what you say will be used against you in anywhere.
Agree to whatever they say and save towards getting a DNA after baby is born.
That is when you can stand up for yourself,for now...melo..melo!
Again,do not tell them of your DNA intentions...do not.
Do not also buy every buy buy they tell you,buy the necessary,otherwise you will become their First bank,especially if you have a car and a job.
Looking on the brighter side,you may fall in love with this new cutie on the way (I love them babies)

The mum is already pushing that I play the role of the hubby if u grab.
Outrightly Refusing it would arouse suspicions which may result to confrontation. How do I go about that?

GodnGold:
Brother stop panicking.
There is a lesson to learn,that is the most important aspect of this situation.
The less you talk to her parents the better for you because so much of what you say will be used against you in anywhere.
Agree to whatever they say and save towards getting a DNA after baby is born.
That is when you can stand up for yourself,for now...melo..melo!
Again,do not tell them of your DNA intentions...do not.
Do not also buy every buy buy they tell you,buy the necessary,otherwise you will become their First bank,especially if you have a car and a job.
Looking on the brighter side,you may fall in love with this new cutie on the way (I love them babies)

Thanks.
The family wants me to start taking responsibility immediately.

My family is in not aware of the possibility of me not being the father of the baby.

I just sealed my fate this evening

Thanks for your advice

Thanks for the advice. I sincerely don't know what to do after reading different opinions.

Should I tell my parents about the discoveries I made?

I'm pretty sure they won't go there with me and that's going to heat things up.

x240:
Good luck buying pampers and baby food.

This made me smile. I have missed smiling for weeks now

bellong:
How old was the girl at the time of the act?

I'm sorry I can't disclose any info further than this. Some members of the family might be nairalanders. I need to keep it as brief as this.
It's easier to deny this than giving more detail. It may just add salt to the injury

EfemenaXY:
But you don't know that for certain. There's a chance that you might be. What if you are?

And this is why you're being advised to play along until the DNA results are out. Besides, being the father or not is just one of the many issues you're facing at the moment. You've still got to persuade the family not to take legal action against you. You are aware of the risks to you if they go down that route, aren't you?

What's caring for a mother and unborn baby for a couple of months till the birth, compared to being thrown in jail?

You need to keep calm and address this issue objectively. Stop panicking bro.

Thanks alot