₦airaland Forum

It mostly takes long for us to find Mr Right because women have a lot of fairy tales and myths which can get in the way of finding your partner.  We as human beings are very complex creatures

FAIRYTALES
They sounded great at the time when we were five or six. They make us make less than stellar choices in dating.  When we watched Cinderella or sleeping beauty, they talked about ‘The One” and “Mr tall dark and handsome,’ “Love at first sight” and how it was meant to be with “Happily ever after”, “Having it all”, and that “Love is all that you need”. They all sounded wonderful right? Let us break them down one at a time so that you can see how they are all getting in the way.

 THE ONE

Do you believe that there is one person put on this earth just for you? Do you think that the one is out there?

There are seven billion people on this planet, how are you going to find the one? What if u already had “the one” but you broke up? What if “the one” lives in India? How will you find that needle in a hay stack with 3.5 billion men? Some of you have a list that you have in place of finding the one.
What I can say is, there are a lot of “Ones”. If you go on 200 dates, you can have 200 different futures.
“The one” makes us put up with a lot of things we won’t normally put up with. Just because we don’t want to scare off the one, we hide problems or we lie about what we need. It also makes it seem like men are scarce since it is just one that is meant for you. If you think men are scarce, you are falling into that habit; you will have a hard time finding men. There are 3.5 billion of them on the planet. It’s a sorting problem not a finding problem.

Do you know what men say about the one?

They say that as they get to know her they begin to think that she’s the one. They decide that she’s the one. They don’t have that gut response of hoping she is the one. Some women even hope before they meet the man that he is the one. Men on the other hand, look to see if they will fit together.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

Have you ever experienced love at first sight?  Has someone ever believed they were experiencing love at first sight with you?

Some of you think he is the one if its love at first sight. But, what if you don’t know on the first date? Will you throw him out? Even if he’s really charming and cute and funny and that you respect who he is and what he is up to in life? You say If the sky rockets didn’t go off on the first datethen it can’t be love at first sight.

Do you know what men say about love at first sight?
Read More Here: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/07/myth-busting-get-real-about-man-of-your.html?m=1:

1) Location! Location! Location! ; You have to present yourself in places that he will find you. Who are the people you surround yourself with? Put yourself in locations where wealthy men are. Work for people who are wealthy, become friends with wealthy people.                

2) Play hard to get; because women are drawn to wealthy men, the men usually go from one woman to the other. If you make yourself easy you’ll end up being one of those easy women in line. You should be flirtaceous and get closer to him, but not too close. Do not give him the cookie easily. Before you go all the way, ask yourself this question: “Do I want to have sex because I am trying to get more from him or do I want to have sex because I am getting soo much already?’’ are you trying to get him or are you already getting soo much attention and care from him? So, is it a fantasy or reality? You want to be grounded and centered so that he earns your response. 

3) Recognizing trade- offs. Every relationship has trade -offs. Generally speaking, the more financially successful a man is, the less he is going to be available for all your emotional needs. Because it takes a lot of time, energy, drive and focus to make money.  If he inherited the money, you’ll get a lot of neediness and psychological problems because he is used to everyone taking care of him and providing for him. Hence, he didn’t have to earn anything. You’ll find yourself running for him and these types of relationships are disastrous. So you need to be clear about what your values are. 

4) You need to let go of desperation and neediness. Read More Here: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/07/seven-ways-woman-can-attract-top-ten-man_6.html?m=1

Play into his insecurity; when a man gets older, he tends to loose his masculinity to a certain degree. When he gets older he loses some of his confidence, his youthful vitality.  You need to make him feel the masculinity that he lost.


1) Have an air of innocence and vulnerability; act like you don’t know about somethings. Let him feel like he’s in control, this will make him let his guard down. Just as it is in the wild, during hunting, whenever we see a prey that’s easy, we forget a lot of essentials, we don’t protect ourselves, thereby leaving our guards down. He will emotionally invest in you because he feels like he is controlling you, but in reality you are the one controlling him.
2) Enter his Spirit; act like you are falling in love with him; Act like you depend on him. Act like you are interested in him and his hobbies. What happens here is the because people idolize themselves and feel like they are perfection. When he see someone else displaying his qualities or things that he loves about himself; the ways he talks, the words he uses, etc. it will have a great effect on him. It will make him feel good, like he owns you and is emotionally invested in you. He now feels like he has you but in reality, you have him.
3) Keep your distance by maintaining an air of mystery; don’t let him know everything about you. Creating and keeping distance with a man creates fear of loss, respect and creates the illusion of you being hotter than you are.  By creating space, it makes him feel like he owns you when you are in person but doesn’t have control over you when you are away. And then he feels like he knows you when you are caring, interested in him, his interests but at the same time feels like he doesn’t know you when you are being cold, distant, unavailable when you are way. Your absence will create fear in his heart. Fear will enhance the enemy and reduces him, makes him a lot weaker, reduces his faculties resulting in emotional instability, inability to control his feelings, confusion on if you like him or if you don’t.
4) Be edgy by having two (2) sides but playing the innocent. Read More Here: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/07/how-to-flirt-with-older-men.html?m=1

Play into his insecurity; when a man gets older, he tends to loose his masculinity to a certain degree. When he gets older he loses some of his confidence, his youthful vitality.  You need to make him feel the masculinity that he lost.


1) Have an air of innocence and vulnerability; act like you don’t know about somethings. Let him feel like he’s in control, this will make him let his guard down. Just as it is in the wild, during hunting, whenever we see a prey that’s easy, we forget a lot of essentials, we don’t protect ourselves, thereby leaving our guards down. He will emotionally invest in you because he feels like he is controlling you, but in reality you are the one controlling him.
2) Enter his Spirit; act like you are falling in love with him; Act like you depend on him. Act like you are interested in him and his hobbies. What happens here is the because people idolize themselves and feel like they are perfection. When he see someone else displaying his qualities or things that he loves about himself; the ways he talks, the words he uses, etc. it will have a great effect on him. It will make him feel good, like he owns you and is emotionally invested in you. He now feels like he has you but in reality, you have him.
3) Keep your distance by maintaining an air of mystery; don’t let him know everything about you. Creating and keeping distance with a man creates fear of loss, respect and creates the illusion of you being hotter than you are.  By creating space, it makes him feel like he owns you when you are in person but doesn’t have control over you when you are away. And then he feels like he knows you when you are caring, interested in him, his interests but at the same time feels like he doesn’t know you when you are being cold, distant, unavailable when you are way. Your absence will create fear in his heart. Fear will enhance the enemy and reduces him, makes him a lot weaker, reduces his faculties resulting in emotional instability, inability to control his feelings, confusion on if you like him or if you don’t.
4) Be edgy by having two (2) sides but playing the innocent. Read More Here: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/07/how-to-flirt-with-older-men.html?m=1

Whilst I aim to appear more materialistic in this post just for giggles,  I endeavour to convince women to see how dating a financially unstable man can be detrimental.

when it comes to choosing a long-term partner, it seems like a taboo for a woman to want to practice hypergamy let alone write about it.  Social media is full of various memes discouraging women from dating up, and shaming them into settling for guys who are always out of pocket. The logic pushed is that broke guys are  “nice”, and that should take priority in a woman’s decision for a partner.  What is even more problematic are the pornverty stories of women dedicating their time and resources to support broke guys and reaping the rewards in later years. The reasons for these stories are simply to romanticise the idea of poverty whilst ignoring the practical reasons why dating a broke man can be toxic for a woman. Age and Relationship Goals  

Unless you are dating for the sake of dating and your goals are not to be in a long-term commitment that will lead to building a family, you can go ahead and enjoy your Netflix and chill relationship dynamic. For the rest of us, refusing to date a man who isn’t financial stable doesn’t necessarily make us materialistic, it makes us practical. Past the age of 21, the aim should be to choose a partner who can be a competent husband and father in the near future (I won’t wish a broke guy on any woman at any age). Fulfilling both of these roles require financial responsibilities and having swag or being “nice” isn’t  going to put a roof over your head or that of your progeny. Even for a financial “independent” woman, aiming to marry “up” is a necessity because marriage and parenthood can present barriers that will lower your personal income. Research has shown that married women earn less and those with children earn even lower. They are assumed to be less career focused, and therefore unlikely to be hired for top earning jobs or put up for promotions. If marriage is financially detrimental to a woman’s personal income, it only makes sense that she aims to balance this out by dating and marrying someone of better financial means. After all, men do not get pregnant and research has shown that, unlike women, married men earn relatively higher than their single counterparts. Additionally, marrying a financially stable man will give you the privilege of enjoying motherhood without being forced back to work 2 days after giving birth. Avoid dating broke guys and you won’t fall in love or end up marrying one. Remember that, “love is a choice” and we must choose better.
Constant need to massage his ego: A man who is in a position to contribute to his partner’s life has his ego boost simply for being able to do so.  Whether it is taking you out for dinner or treating you on your birthday, it makes him feel manly. Unable to do such basic manly sh*t will put a strain on your relationship because he will constantly need you to massage his ego in order not to feel emasculated.His lack of funds means that you will be footing the bills. Tip toeing in order not to bruise his ego, this will become the norm and he will feel entitled to your help. You will be manipulated to believe that,  you are the source of his change, the one who makes him a better man and the reason he is working “hard” to make something not for himself but for you. He will most likely believe in traditional gender roles if only it applies to you cooking, serving, and treating him like a “king”  although without a castle. It will never be about him providing for you because his definition of being a “man” is acting unnecessarily hyper-masculine in order to compensate for not doing actual manly sh*t.
Netflix and Chill

Your relationship will be confined to the four corners of his room or worst yet his friends’ or mamma’s house.  He will seem stingy because he is always broke and his constant moaning will be the most unromantic thing ever. Your  Netflix and chill dates will end with you being upset because you feel used and unappreciated, but the cycle will continue.

You ain’t worth sh*t because you come cheap

The problem with dating a broke guy is, you set the tone for how you will be treated in the relationship. This will be the standard you set for him to treat you, and even if his financial status were to change, you will remain his low maintenance, low standards partner. For every little effort he makes, you will be required to jump through hoops to show your appreciation; that is if he ever bothers to make the effort. He will not be inspired to do better by you because you have shown him he doesn’t have to. You have proved to him with your basic standards that his presence is all that is required in the relationship and you ain’t worth sh*t because you come cheap. Expect nothing to change.

He will upgrade you 

Social media pornverty stories will have as believe that,  if we struggle enough with a “nice” guy, we too will be rewarded. It remains, however, that, past the age of 30,  a man still struggling to “make it” in his mum’s basement has little chance of actually making it. If he happens to be among the 0.01% to turn their circumstances around, the chances are he will replace you with a woman with better standards. Your presence will represent struggle because you have seen him at his lowest. You will be a constant reminder of where he was at rather than where he is in his life. He will most likely want a woman who represents his new-found financial freedom without the historical baggage of struggling together.  If you are lucky enough to enjoy the rewards of being the hold me down chick, it will probably be because he feels sorry for your a*s and is only keeping you so that he doesn’t have to live with the guilt of abandoning you. In which case, you become a charity case for all your hard work.

Read More Here: www.goddessesneversettle..com.ng

HOW TO FLIRT LIKE A PRO
1. Invade His Personal Space - The closer you are to a man the more you arouse him. That’s
sexuality 101, and you should have noticed this back in
elementary school when boys wanted to sit next to certain girls in
class. The body heat, the smell of perfume, the scent of hair care
products, those are the easiest sex triggers because they transport a
man back to the various women he’s experienced in life. To be
inches away from a man disarms him in a way words can’t, calming his nerves and igniting his libido at the same time. A man should be close enough to want to touch you, yet feel as if he can’t touch you.
2. Unrelenting Eye Contact
Where do you look when you talk? You’ll probably say, straight,
but that’s not true for most people. The eyes have a tendency to
wander when lost in thought. You’re trying to think of the next
thing to say, and depending on what type of thinker you are, that
can take your eyes upwards, downwards, or left to right. This is
the hardest part of flirting to master because eye contact is
habitual. You have to break your bad habit, shake off the nerves
you get when looking in someone’s eyes, and master the art of
staring through a man. Good eye contact isn’t about
how wide you open your eyes or squinting as if you can make
your eyes sexy and almond shaped. Your eyes are your eyes; you
can’t change that, so stop working against what you were given
by trying gimmicky tactics to look sexy. Instead, focus on the
feeling behind that stare. The same way actresses think of past tragedy to bring
themselves to real tears, think of your strongest sexual desire, and
bring it out during that initial conversation.
The way you look while lost in lust is a unique glare, get a mirror and practice this look, don’t giggle and laugh, have confidence that you can epitomize sex, and you will every time a man makes the mistake of looking in your eyes.

3. The Sexy Highlighter
The unheralded superstar, when it comes to flirting, is voice inflection. No matter if you were born with a cute baby doll voice, have a deeper tone than most women, or accent that people laugh at, you can still make it work for you. Marilyn Monroe trained herself to talk like a flighty bimbo because men
are powerless against low, slightly whispering, yet pointed tones.
Girls regularly use this trick, but mostly when they’re trying to be sarcastic, such as, “Oh did I hurt your feelings,” you speak like a baby towards a man to be condescending, but if you take the bitchiness out of it, and use it in a normal conversation on certain words, it’s highly effective. Read More Here: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng.

1. “He’s thinking for two, not one. He’ll create things to do, and he’ll be thinking for two—rather
than thinking for one. He’ll start making important life choices with you in mind. Where he lives,
what house he buys, the trips he takes. The bachelor outings will become a once-in-a-while
thing to see his friends for an occasional pool game. You’ll become his favorite best friend to
spend time with. If he has one week of vacation, he’s planning it with you, not his long-lost
buddy from college.”
2. “His interest will be consistent. If he’s thinking long-term, there won’t be severed contact. He
won’t give his time sporadically and he won’t contact you every now and then. On the other
hand, when everything else in the world comes before you and you start hearing “My second
cousin’s brother’s father-in-law’s sister needs me to watch the kids, so I can’t see you all
weekend,” it’s not about love. When he truly cares, you won’t get the on-again, off-again
intermittent contact. You’ll have continuous access and you’ll know all aspects of his life.”
3. “He’ll be on his toes a little with her. When a guy cares about you, he’s much more alert and
wants to please you. He has a certain sweat and a nervousness about him. You can call him
any time of the day and ask him for something. If you walk up on a puddle of water, you get the
feeling that he would throw his jacket over it. You aren’t just taking up physical space like a
piece of furniture. You occupy his mind and his thoughts also, and he feels a little tingle when
he’s with you.”
4. “He won’t give excuses. There will be no degrees and levels to love. No ‘I love you but I’m not
in love with you.’ When a man is in love, he may have a bad day every now and then, but he
doesn’t waffle about wanting to be with you. If someone is separating love into different
categories, making distinctions between love with a cherry on top and love with only whipped
cream, then that’s not love.”
Read More Here: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/05/question-how-can-woman-tell-if-mans.html

A lot of women have these issues whereby they tell themselves reasons why they can’t find a man for a good relationship. It could be that they think they are in a city where there aren’t any quality men or that they work a lot so men wouldn’t want to be with them or they have kids or they have been married twice already and it didn’t work, or that they have a physical disability.
Whatever it is that they think that is in their minds and the story that they tell themselves as to why they can’t get the man or relationship that you want, whether we know this or not, whatever we tell ourselves, we believe. What then happens is that you go through your lives and put yourselves in situations that results in self-sabotage because your mindset is already preset to think that this isn’t going to work out because of whatever reason you tell yourself.
Whatever you tell yourself, you"ll find that to be true and the person who is dating you will sense that and it will look like a self-confidence issue or insecurity issue which will affect the relationship negatively. You have basically defeated yourself before you even got started
In order for a relationship to happen for you, you need to: Read More Here: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/05/how-we-self-sabotage-our-relationships.html

99 percent of us women are not qualified to make an unhealthy man healthy. We don’t have the expertise, we don’t have the ability, and we don’t have the capacity. Unfortunately, we women have a deep sited belief that if a man really loves and cares about us, he will change and that our love has this magical ability to rehabilitate him.

Many women are attracted to unhealthy men. They have this bad boy attracted which is a perception of strength. We can mistake meanness or cruelty as strength and that’s just a misconception. Many women with low self -worth are attracted to and stay with unhealthy men. The woman will engage with him as if that is what she deserves. 
An unhealthy man will not challenge your ability to receive. It will fit right in with how little you think you ought to get. But if you want to be in a relationship where you are very needed and where you want to give and give and give even if it isn’t valued, you will be comfortable being in a relationship with an unhealthy man.
A healthy man on the under hand will challenge your ability to receive because of his generosity.  You will be challenged to keep expanding your ability to receive and be a more gracious receiver
Characteristics of Unhealthy Men:
1) He won’t care what you need. He doesn’t care whether you are warm, cold, fed, sleepy, sick or tired. He won’t pay any attention to what you need. He won’t look for what you need. He won’t care about what you need. He may even invalidate them

A healthy man on the other hand responds to what you need. He wants to provide for you what you need.

2) An unhealthy man will attack you when you are happy, he will criticize you when you are happy, he will try to squash your happiness. An unhealthy man wants to be the sole source of your happiness. He will try to control the amount of time you spend on things that make you happy. He will try to eliminate them from your life. He doesn’t just want to be the center of your life but the whole of your life and will eliminate your other sources of happiness. 

A healthy man wants you to be happy. A healthy man is uplifted by your happiness. He is better off by you being happy.  A healthy man supports you in doing the things that make you happy. He wants you to have people in your life that make you happy. He wants you to have passions in your life that make you happy; he wants you to engage in activities that make you happy
Read More Here:http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/04/unhealthy-men-secrets-of-early.html?m=1

Having high standards may mean you’re alone longer. That will give you time to pamper and love yourself, as you would want your man to treat you. ‘Quality’ men will start to pick up on this. Quality men want their lady to be treated well. Don’t waste your time with any man who doesn’t treat you as well as you treat yourself.

If he treats you in anyway that makes you feel neglected, unworthy or unhappy, then,he is not for you. If you feel this way in the beginning, think of what you will feel like as it progresses…

If he has bad manners,is addicted to anything, has bad grooming habits, or just doesn’t fit into your life, etc. Then hey… how about walking away?!…Unless, of course, you like that kind of a thing…


And if a man treats a woman as if he is the ‘prize’, instead of her.. he is not worth being around….    
               
Why do you want a man in your life? Figure it out. After you do and know what you need and desire,‘pick’ the man who meets these needs and desires and, if he doesn’t, go your own way. Men may ‘choose’, but it's the woman who ‘picks’. So, women, it’s ‘you’ who makes the decision.You set the pace of the relationship and set the boundaries… and men need boundaries…

It’s the man who gets down on one knee and asks the big question with the offer of a ring as a promise and commitment… And there is a reason for this. He is offering himself‘as a man who will be ‘worthy’ to create and make a life with you…if you decide that you want him and think that he is worthy of your affection and commitment, then go for it He may choose, but you make the final decision.

And ladies, don’t settle on the major things. If he can’t, doesn’t, or won’t rise to the occasion, how about  BOY BYE!… And you certainly,don’t want to have a baby with him. Why would you even be having sex with an undesirable anyway?No one, but a desperate woman …. Read More: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/03/set-your-standards-and-dont-settle-for.html?m=1

LASIES, GET CLEAR ON YOUR NEEDS.  The first thing to recognize when it cos to dating “Mr Right” is that “Mr Right” is not a person. Mr Right is an experience of having your needs met. It is the feeling you have when you have your needs met. When you think you feel amazing around this person. It doesn’t matter if he has large toes, bald or not. It doesn’t matter if he is a lawyer or a musician. It is about how he makes u feel. Your needs aren’t things, they are feelings. It could be that he makes u feel happy, secure, safe or respected. You don’t care what format that shows up in, you just want to have those feelings. For example a man providing me with financial security makes me feel loved and protected. What are the things you complain about in your relationship? What would you prefer to have instead of what you receive right now? For instance, if you complain that he is always late, you would prefer him to be punctual. Now what feeling do you have when he is punctual? How does it make you feel? Do you feel respected or trust worthy? The feeling that it provides for you is your need. The most important thing you need to know is that “There is not one need in the world that you are not worthy of”. So please stop with the illusion that you are too high maintenance. So, when you notice that your needs aren’t being met over and over again, man after man, relationship after relationship, maybe what you are looking for isn’t what you really need. Maybe the things on the long list of what your man should be and shouldn’t be isn’t quite what you need. Read More: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/04/get-clear-on-your-needs-first-thing-to.html?m=1

YOU ARE THE PRIZE.           I wish I knew this earlier than I did but thank God I
finally know it. These are the words my sister always said to me . “A woman should NEVER pursue a man. She is the prize”. It all makes sense now. I would like to point out one thing about this advice -the prize doesn't do the chasing.
So where did you ever get the idea that after guys do all the work to win you over..... they are still the prize to be won?                                                  

In fact, setting yourself up as the prize is a great goal to get men chasing YOU.

It is something to work towards, rather than something to snap your fingers and get.

Having a goal of, "I am going to perfect myself and set high standards with men until I am the prize," is a much more effective way of going about it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 About 5 years ago, I reached a really strong/independent place. I was excited about my future, my career, and simply living my life. I wasn't looking for a guy. However, it wasn’t until my next boyfriend came along that I was truly able to see a woman never ever has to pursue a man, if the man really wants her. I never had to question if he was going to call me. I never wondered when would be the next time I’d see him, because he’d plan our next encounter before we separated. He wanted me and he made that extremely clear. There were never any blurred lines. I didn’t have to pursue him. He was chasing after me, making it clear I was the prize.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my teenage years and start over. I'd have done a lot of things differently. Instead I allowed my emotions to rule me, Where did they get me? Nowhere, because in the end our emotions don't usually allow us to think straight, to make good choices.  My dear sisters, stop chasing a man, let him chase you. Are you currently pursuing a guy? STOP it. Here’s how you know if you’re pursuing him and not vice versa: Read More Here: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/03/are-prize.html?m=1

ZarZar:
OK, so where da real men at? Do we need to travel back in time, date old men or what? Because the BS is really tiring.

. No, we ladies need to refuse to be treated less than we deserve. These 'Bros' get away with a lot of things just because we let them. If women refuse to accept their bad behavior, they will step up. They have no choice

NEVER LOWER YOUR STANDARDS FOR ANYONE



I look around at the typical man today and I can’t help but feel disappointment.
What the hell happened? What happened to honour? To integrity? To common courtesy and manners? When did “Oooo! Damn! That ass!” become an accepted way to show a woman you’re interested in her?

I’ll tell you when. It happened the moment swiping right on Tinder replaced courtship. It happened when women started falsely believing that they need to accept mediocrity and second-best love or they will end up alone.

It happened when Gentlemen died and “the Bros” were left in charge.

Before you send me your hate mail, I’m not referring to all men. There are many great men out there, but the obviously lackings of these self-proclaimed Bros make great men look bad. The Bro has replaced the Gentleman, and it’s pathetically sad.

These Bros are all about themselves. For them, it’s about providing the bare minimum, usually across the board.

They put in just enough effort and charm to gain a woman’s interest; just enough emotional connection to make her think he cares; just enough phone time to keep her guessing, like a cat on a string; and just enough pre-intimacy to provide lubrication to achieve his own orgasm.

These behaviours not only cause confusion on the part of many women, but they also brand more and more men as Bros that don’t give a sh*t about anything but themselves.

Maybe I’ve got it wrong. After all, I am the son of a man from a completely different era. My father was not only born in 1914, he was also 56 when I was born. He instilled in me (and most of my schoolmates) a sense of what’s “right” when it comes to men, women, courtship, and behaviour.

There were things that men did, and things men didn’t do. Period. No grey area. No wiggle room. It was the unspoken, unwritten rule book of proper behaviour for men, with full understanding and recognition that how you act was a direct reflection of who you are and what you stand for as a man. You were not only responsible for how you carried yourself, you were also accountable

And that’s part of what’s missing today—accountability.

These Bros, steeped in douche baggery, run amuck like middle schoolers, acting without the slightest thought about the ramifications of their actions or behaviours. They run in packs—because there is security in numbers—and leave disappointment, halfway love, broken self-esteems, and confusion in their wake. Read the rest here: http://goddessesneversettle..com.ng/2017/03/never-lower-your-standards-for-anyone-i_23.html?m=1