₦airaland Forum

Idowuogbo:
Jesus!

Babe,easy now....

I think he's right ya know? Have you tried confronting your dad? Don't give up on him just yet.

I personally tried confronting my own father and i was almost killed by him. Just for asking why he abandons his responsibility and prefers to shine in public.

blublahd:
Please I am going to ask this question and want you to be as logical as you can be
Why don't such women unburden themselves from such men?
Isnt it stupid for you to complain about something and still remain in it?

You say stupid because you're not in that situation. Please haven't you heard of women being told that once they leave their husbands house, they are failures (My mum was told that) abi ones that have abusive husbands that threaten to kill and sometimes kill these women for attempring to leave

freeage7:
It will do u good if u open ursef up for constructive criticism. I read what u wrote ok. 1. I fault the caption. Cos u are generalising.
2. U fail to give point out salient points for the reasons u think men are losing their position as the bread winner.
3. Ur argument lack logic.
4. Are there any significant differences between "bread winner" &"head of household"
5. U made it look like, any woman dat pickup an odd job is the "head."

Sorry if I condemn ur write up ok. But I think u can do better by laying down ur points, having an outline, using the "5W&H" . Better still, u can apply "the cause and effect" pattern of writing. Remain bless.

Like i said earlier, we see the world through our eyes. Did you notice how easily it was for those that have passed or are passing through same situations got the whole point? Well thats it. If you can for just a little while drop all ego and everything gender and just with an unbiased mind read through the initial post then maybe You'll see the logic and all you couldn't see initially. Moreover, in no way did i say all women that pick up odd jobs are now the heads of their families. Please just reread with an unbiased mind.

Truckpusher:
Thank you and I truly feel humbled .
We've all had our fair share of disappointment from the opposite sex and using a particular incident or some past encounter to judge every person we come across shows a great lack of self consciousness of our immediate environment.
Aren't people different anymore?

But that's the thing. When we have plenty women with similar past encounters including plenty children born in to such marriages, what do we have... A Chain reaction. Please ask around, hear true stories, ask colleagues about their family lives and you'll understand these are more about whats happening in our immediate environment. Also remember that our African upbringings make most women never ever to complain no matter what they go through in marriages. Just take a little time and really explore your environment if you haven't, then maybe if your environment is an exception, try widening the search a little.

blublahd:
What of the men that have had bad encounters with women kwanu? How about you see the world through their eyes too.

I don't dispute that fact. But that doesn't explain the excessive burden i see being put on women/mothers by most men.

Truckpusher:
No man in his right senses will encourage his male children to look down on women.
He's simply creating a chaotic future for that boy when you have people like standd and her lots of misandrist claiming to be practicing feminism.
I have always said that any society that refused to include their women in the scheme of things are bound to failure because at the end of the day the men you birth would be naturally raised by these same women and you can't raise better men with bitter women but we need to identify that some women have some deep rooted problem with men ,and of course feminism has provided an umbrella for them to practice their ungodly behavior.

We are in a society where this culture is part of our daily lives. I have always said that women should channel their fight through the appropriate places and not insulting men at the slightest provocation as if men aren't human too.
With these facts I can say that your generalization about men, especially by some female with very bad attitude problem is a flawed argument.
Let women demand for some basic right that would be enacted as a law to check the excesses of some these men but who says that some of these bad women won't use it as an advantage? And of course our leaders are the ones marrying ten wives - and this should be the first point of call to enable our younger generations of women to stop seeing themselves as pawns or commodities.
How about those women that are selling themselves for money?

Truly you have very insightful contributions i must confess. But dont you think one of the reasons your so called bad women are bitter are because of their past encounters / experiences with some men. You know we see the world through our eyes.

Truckpusher:
Well, you've said it all and I do not have much to add to your submission but again every woman out there should know that by default men see women as the weaker vessel and takes no glory in making women feel bad about themselves (with exception to some bad men that would naturally treat women bad having it at the back of their mind that they can't really retaliate physically , economically and otherwise and the very society where they exist don't see it as big deal ) but the moment the woman begins to clearly violate some laid down life rules and principles in the natural order ,the form of resistance that such women would witness is nothing compared to what some iidiots from broken homes and had a lot of bad parenting are preaching here on NL .

I grew up in a home where my Dad loved my Mom even with his imperfect nature but the way some people from very bad home are painting all men here is a stark reminder of a failing society and it's not peculiar to Nigeria alone and every man must stand up in his home and be counted as being worthy to live with a woman in peace and harmony .

This same problem that most of these kids here from bad homes are generalizing here is a global problem - During the last three decades the number of men that murdered their wives and partners in the advanced civilizations has tripled and this is will even get worse and due to the socio-economic problems bedeviling developing nations like Nigeria people are losing their mind and abandoning their responsibilities and this has also forced women to look for an alternative by working, not only to help their husband make ends meet but for continuity if anything goes wrong and this is necessary because we are fast losing our closeness as families did ages ago looking out for their own and this is one disadvantage of capitalism .
So far it hasn't gotten out of hand though we've seen cases where people are abusing their spouses on daily basis.
That said, I think what the women are pushing for can be achieved where the Government can make policies people oriented policies to protect vulnerable people like women,kids and the elderly but again we have animals for leaders and the society continues to sink.

Finally you get the whole picture. The truth is that these bad man as you called them are not just a few, dem plenty! Some even go as far as encouraging their male children to look down on women. Just imagine the number of men of this mind set that may be in next generation. May God help us and make us understand the true essence and role of everyone in a family.

freeage7:
Trash! Not constructive at all. One of those write-ups.

Its either you're seriously underaged and really don't know what life's about or you're one of those that need to experience it first by Possibly your beloved one to understand.

JUSTbuchi:
ooh....judging from the way u sound,it seems u are experiencing such

Very correct. Even worse. So I'm not assuming or making up stories.

JUSTbuchi:
seconded!!....nd the thing is,I dunno how to hate my dad

Hmm, at least he's not trying his best to tarnish your mums image or worse still, trying to kill you.

blublahd:
I am staring at the topic of this thread right now and I don't see your glaring "MOST".......

See am not whatever you typed there and rather than jump to conclusions gather your facts through questions than assumptions. Little wonder why women your type tell such sorry tales.

Fine, truly the topic doesn't say "most" but that's what i meant. I have facts my dear not just assumptions. I grew up in such a home and I have the authority to talk on this topic. If you've read through the posts and you see some sensible comments of what some mothers being bread winners and the number of likes (also supporting same) they've attracted, you know its more than a mere assumption. Please don't use that word assumption to a topic as sensitive and real as this.

TooNoisy:
Not sure I get this. So gender equality is now about lazy men? So the fight for equality is no longer about relegating women to the kitchen or property rights or education; but rather you claim it is about men who let their wives become breadwinners?

Of course not. That post is a sequel to this particular topic .

blublahd:
I asked you a simple and direct question, I did not ask for your opinions on other matters but answers.
The bolded is all that mattered
And if I may ask is it all husbands that have failed to live up to their responsibilities? And if some women have become breadwinners, na me choose their husband for them? Didn't they look well at his character before saying I do?

If only you understand what the word "MOST" in the topic of this post means, Smh. Also its either you're one of such husbands or are a party to this menace or amongst those that always want women issues to be kept in the dark just to portray the "Men are Superior, women are meant to bow, shut up and take whatever comes their way" kinda person. As regards your question, I'm also convinced you were amongst those students who lost marks by not giving examples to buttress their points during exams.

blublahd:
What if they live up to their expectations and women still earn more than them, do that make them lose their positions?

Every right thinking woman wants to be a queen in her home. If earning more than her husband makes him abandon his duties, then yeah, he's lost it, making her the king and queen instead. But if despite his financial status, he still provides for his Family the one he can, no one can take the head of the family position from him. If u have taken time out to read the earlier posts, you'll understand that some of our women nowadays act both as the bread winners and as wives while the husbands just sit back and watch.

Moreover, if most men ever lived up to their expectations, gender equality would never have been a Topic.

The Essence of this thread in no way is to propagate gender equality. If u read the initial post you'll understand its about the growing vast number of men who are leaving (have left ) the running of the home to the wives. Making them have so much a burden to carry. These men are either so lazy or so self centered that they don't even care of the wellbeing of the family. But sometimes can spend money to outsiders to appear as good people so that when the women complain, these outsiders see her as a liar or hypocrite. Meanwhile all these while, the woman is pushed to go the extra mile, irrespective of her strength and the Children in anguish watch all these happen.

Well, all those that see nothing wrong in being house husbands and being catered for brace up oooo! You no fit plant beans reap coconut, impossible!

Online, yes. In real life, NO!
Pls how does this relate to my post abeg!

Growing up, culture and our holy books have made us understand that men are the heads of family. No doubt about that. But what do we say about the rising trends of women taking the bulls by the horns and catering for the needs of the family. Just read an article of a lady conductor and people were saying the job doesn't fit her. Well I've seen more jobs that aren't suitable for women, but they still do them. I've seen women okada riders, women baranda (Osoahia), Women keke napep riders, etc. lets be sincere, if we ask our selves or friends around, we'll find out that more than 50% of men nowadays prefer dodging their responsibilities like school fees, feeding, rent and so on. Whats even more alarming is the fact that the society we live in see it more like "he's a man, a superior being, so hushh, don't say anything". Pushing the wives to do any and everything for the well being of her family and to get societal approval of being a virtuous wife. So honestly do we all think that the ladies in question want to do these odd jobs, of course no. Well the women are suffering now, when its time to enjoy Being the actual HEAD OF THE FAMILY, we'll hear many of the HOUSE husbands and those who dodged their responsibilities saying the women brainwashed the children to hate him , forgetting the children are living entities with memory cells.

Changing dps so frequently is actually a symptom of a mental illness called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). It actually is not only a ladies thing alone as guys also exhibit such traits. Please instead of always supporting your genders and insulting urselves, try read in between the lines. We learn everyday.

Since she confessed on her own free will, i feel you should forgive her.

Its not only first time mothers. The family friend i talked about had this issue for her third child.

So far as the ultrasound confirmed that all is well, then you have no problems. Try increase your intake of water though. This same thing has happened to a family friend and she later gave birth to her baby safely.

You say u want her to know its not about only her body but you have given us only detailed explanations bout her body and the stares u and other men make at her and nothing bout her personality . You are attracted to her body ooo.

Exactly!!! Hence the Choice of my Topic. But my fears as highlighted in my first post are for values of the next generation if money is taking the place of virtues.

There's something called a scale of preference. If after explaining about a sister who got dumped by a guy who had a good job jst cos of not being gainfully employed and receiving a fat salary herself, all I can say is that its a pity. The lady herself is a graduate with prospects so y limit d requirements to having a job.

Blackett:
[color=#150000]You and I both know it's a prerequisite.

When you say "cut your coat according to available material", what's the available material here?

Money![/color]

Like I said earlier, money is very necessary in marriage but using it as a prerequisite is what baffles me. However, its not possible for both parties not to have a source of income. Pls read my initial post about a sister of mine. The guy in question was actually well employed in a multinational company o.

"Blackett post Why not? What's wrong with it? What _idiot gets married and starts a family without having money? How many days ago was it that a man abandoned his family? For what reason?

Money! "

Well said, but we both know that the family you just mentioned isn't capable of managing a family with 3 children, how much more 6. i I know it wouldn't have been easy for them, but they, especially the husband should have cut his coat according to his available material. I'm not disputing that money isn't necessary, O Yes it is. but shouldn't be a pre-requisite as such.

[quote author=eyeon post=35710197]I'M LOOKING FOR A GOOD WIFE AND HERE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR MONEY... Continue though.[/quote
Please read the write-up.

Exactly, times are changing but unfortunately for the worse. The height of moral decay is getting worse by the day.

It definitely is worse now.

Gone are the days when criterias for marriage were being well groomed, of marriageable age, with good moral background or even state of health. Nowadays criterias like where he/she works, what the figure of their take home salary, who and who in the society are parents and so on are what matters. An example is sister of mine who was told that the reason a guy who initially had interest in her declined was because she didn't have a steady income. Notwithstanding that the lady in question has enviable qualities. Whats even more annoying is that some people go to the extent of researching to find out where and how much a lady/man is paid before they start blabbing how and where God told them that they have found their life partners. Well, understand that the price of baby formulas and diapers are constantly sky rocketing but I am also worried as to the quality of children these marriages based on all these highlighted will breed. In a world that is constantly increasing and changing, just imagine the level that our children will take it to.