₦airaland Forum

Lamanii22:
Hello everyone, how are you all? Um, I said something that seem rather harmless but now I’m feeling guilty… I live in a family home with my husband, kids and MIL, I don’t have any trouble living with my MIL but it seem as if she’s spoiling my kids too much especially my second baby, she feels my second baby is her husband’s (my FIL) reincarnation, this my baby really has my FIL’s face no doubt, she’s going to be two years old.

Recently my second baby has been troublesome, she’d beat her older sister, throw things, bite and stuff, the only way I know how to correct a child is by beating on the back or bum, whenever I do this my MIL would always scream at me, she’d say things like “don’t you know she’s older than you”, I always let it slide until my baby used an object ( a bell) to hit my MIL’s head, I didn’t even care I beat her, my MIL was screaming at me saying “agbalagba ni” Omoor I responded and said “ma, your husband is dead and gone, this is my own child don’t ruin her life for me” both of us haven’t been talking much since then…

I believe in loving your children, I believe in discipline, discipline shapes them, i believe discipline is an act of love too. I can’t even leave my kids with her when I get a job, she’d over spoil them….

The issue here is not your mother in law. It's your method of discipline. Beating, hitting, yelling,etc or any violent means of correction does more harm to your children than you know. There're factual evidence and research to prove this.

Honestly, I'd advice you do more of intentional parenting than what you're doing now. Beating or hitting your child will actually do the opposite of what you're trying to correct. As per your mother in law,two wrongs do not make a right.

Jerkbaba:
Every morning, you see everybody running up and down like mad monkeys just to get one paper with a design on it. After all that work, you buy this and that and pamm, all the money is gone! It's crazy!

You repeat the same cycle till you're old and die. You carry nothing with you! All the things you worked soo hard to acquire, you carry nothing!

Hmmmmm What a stupid useless life!

Life is what YOU make of it. It becomes meaningful when you give meaning to it and can be 'stupid and meaningless' when you let life make 'nonsense and nonentity' of you. So in the real sense of the word; TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE. I cannot come and live your life for you, only you can live it. Why not take charge and live YOUR LIFE to the full. Live it as though you own it. Control it and make sure you're always in charge, control your presence anywhere and everywhere, else life will make nonsense and nonentity of you.

If it's about finance, you can get yourself educated or re-educated about money management. You can learn how to spend, save and invest for your money to grow. You can also learn contentment and management with little or meagre. You can also learn self-denial when there's nothing. Take note of the word 'Learn'.

Regardless, always be in charge of your life and not the other way round.

Good to know, as long as that wouldn't be the reason for leaving her.

AngelSlay:
From DM
My husband earns about 800k monthly. He gives me 200k for the home, and we have three kids. Then he gives me 60k to give to the kids to take to school till it's finished and then he gives 100k for me to use for petty expenses (electricity and other unforeseen needs that may rise, like buying a pill or socks or anything petty).

That makes a total of 360k. So he keeps 440k for himself.

So recently, I asked him to show me his account balance since he has always kept that much to himself, but he ignored me.

So I later went to check the account myself and saw he had just about 14M there. Meanwhile it's been over three years and I was expecting to see more.

He eats at home except lunch. He doesn't do anything except send money to his parents and mine once a while and pay the kids school fees thrice in a year and it's nothing more than 300k for a term.

He may help his siblings, but that's also once a while.

So I demanded he explain how he had only 14M in his account. This man started to gaslight me. Asking if he ever asked me how much I had in my account and talking about my 130k salary.


We haven't spoke for days because of this issue and he won't even apologise and explain himself.

Can you believe he told me this morning to leave the marriage if I want to because he's never going to talk about the money with me?

Is this a serious man who wants a future for his family?

Should I leave? I've decided to leave. This is serious.

Question:
Should she leave or stay?

Are you for real? Your husband gives you that much money for upkeep, money you don't have to work/slave for and you want to start a fight because you saw 14m savings he has. Are you serious or na poverty dey blind my eyes? If it has been 3 years like you say and your husband has 14M, that means he saves roughly 400k every month from his 440k upkeep. Are you expecting him to save more? Maybe you should introduce investment platforms for him to invest his money instead of throwing tantrums before you use your hand to end your marriage. You'd be surprise how many ladies will gladly accept his proposal once you leave. Of course, your husband might have other stuffs he's putting money in but that shouldn't bother you. You're getting enough for your needs and wants. Some women have more kids, earn less than a 100k and don't have husbands who sponsor them and they're surviving.

Go and apologise to your husband. No let village people end your marriage.

Nancee4love:
I AM INLOVE WITH A GUY I AM FAR RICHER THAN.
I need a candid, serious and matured advice. I am a lady of 28yrs I stay in Abuja and work here. I am from south south in Nigeria. I recently moved to an area in Abuja and was thinking of a church to go so I went to a church closer to my house and I enjoy the service and I met this cute dark handsome guy in the church. Althrough the service my attention was on him, his personality and dress sense attracted me to him. I like slim guyz and tall guys because I am tall. So after service I went home, thinking about him and looking forward to Sunday morning to go to church to see my crush. I love the fact that this guy true loves God. One thing led to another we had to start talking and I fell even deeper inlove with him, he is a graduate and works in an IT Media firm. It's been 18 months now we have been talking and we are so fond of ourselves and absolutely we are catching feelings for each other but he has not said anything about relationship yet. I am super convinced that he has no relationship, I asked our pastor stylishly and he told me the guy is not in any relationship. This guy is a keeper, has character, treats me with uttermost respect and value. The way he looks into my eyes makes me know he has a thing in his heart for me. Note I have been to his house severally, he stays in a single studio apartment while I stay in a flat and still he is not intemidated at all. He has never asked me for money at all and never pushed for sex, and we have not had sex. We buy things for each other occasionally, like he reciprocates and appreciates my efforts.
Recently we were discussing and he Opened up to me that his salary is 80,000 and he is seriously thinking of how he can settle down with that and that's his major source of Income apart from other stuff he does. He has a registered company that he is working on already. I can see him pushing and making all efforts to improve himself. Me on the other side I make 250,000 monthly though I have not told him. I truly love this guy and I want to settle with him but on 80,000 naira income monthly. I was thinking could it be the reason why he has not asked me out yet after 18 months.
I told my girlfriends about it not relating or referring to him, my girlfriends, they said I should not settle for less I should look for a man who earns higher.
Please people here are my concerns.
1. I love this guy but he has not said anything about relationship yet, how do I make him ask me out
2. Am I settling for less with 80,000 as his salary, will he abandon family responsibility to me in the future.
3. Should I tell him how much I earn , will he not take advantage of me
4. Should I move on its been 18months but truly my heart is peaceful with him, we laugh we smile we encourage each other and we build each other.
5. Should I follow my girlfriends advice to look for someone who earns higher.
6. There is a guy who has been on my neck for 9 months now he works in NNPC, DPR has a car and comfort but I see a toxic red flag in him that's making me scared of him, yet he won't give up he is from south south as well
7. I spoke with my aunt and she said to me if she has her way she will make sure I never have contact with my girlfriends who don't understand life and who are not ready for marriage. My aunt told me that she feels the guy in my church is my God ordained husband. My mom also said the same thing that the guy is ok but she would have preferred someone from south south. My church guy is from middle belt
8. Many things are running through my mind I know I love him.
THIS ARE THE QUALITIES I LIKE IN HIM
1. He loves God and genuinely Born again Christian
2. He is sincerely and honest person
3. He is sacrificial and gives me listening ears.
4. He is very mature he seniors me with 6-7 yrs
5. He just a calm person and very organized and visionary
Please help me make the right decision by airing out your opinion.
Right now he is the only not too rich guy in my life who I expect him to ask me out and he has not. Other toaster's are super rich and they are on my neck trust me I am pretty beautiful light skin girl.

My answer to your questions.

1. Ask him yourself. In a matured way, tell him what you see in him and ask if he would like to start a future with you i.e marry you. His response will lead you further.

2. No, you're not settling for less. You both can build together; business, workplan, role responsibilities etc

3. No, don't tell him how much you earn. You want someone who would love you for you, not how much you earn.

4. Ask him out yourself. That is the only way you'd know how he sees/takes to you.

5. No, take this chance first, seek the other if this fails. He seems a good catch.

6. Can we know the toxic red flag?

7. Tribe shouldn't be a barrier in marriage

8. Act first. Action will influence your decision.

I mean he's a good catch. With boldness and confidence, ask him out( that you'd like to be his wife oh) and hear his response. That would influence further decisions.

Your post got me laughing and thinking why someone would ask another to guess his age when you know your age. I hope you do not have esteem issues. If you're looking for validation here, I hope you won't be disappointed.

In your mind now, you are relaxing and enjoying life. The 'fear' of std is the beginning of wisdom. I hope you won't carry wetin pass you or wetin go make you hate woman or wetin go send you on a revenge mission. Ashee...

Copy this question and paste/post on chatgpt. You will get your answers. There may not be people with such experience here.

Onkoolos:
There is this guy in my compound have been monitoring him, I'm suspecting he is a gay.. he doesn't talk to anyone in our compound he only greets and have never seen him with any girl or friends... He stay indoors and he is always busy.. But why are some people weird like this, how is he even enjoying life chaiiiii. How can you live a life without girls, smoking, partying, watching football , no friends..??

I would have said mind your business but now that you have decided to do vigilante and monitoring spirit and whistle blower on another person who may be so busy as not to have time to socialise, I hope one day BUSH MEAT won't catch the HUNTER.

Apogee14:
Ok it's a cleaner lady in my building who is commissioned to come every two days. She lives three streets away so I know she doesn't have to pay for transport but am sure the cleaner money is very low according to her back then it was like 31k before they did that minimum wage thing. Anyway I make it a point to toss like 1000 into her account like maybe once a week or even more. It just depends because some times I chop chin for like 2 weeks before giving her. Anyway so I decided instead of free money let me get her to do something small for me once in a while. I pile up my trash just at the side of my apartment before I get the chance to take it outside to the dumpster , it's not a lot of trash, like 3 small nylon bags of trash. So I would pay her 1000 just to walk like 40 steps to help me drop it in the dumpster outside. Anyway so the trash has been on the side of my house the past one week and the woman has come twice and she has seen the trash but just ignored it. At the end of the day I would go look and the trash is still there. Is it wrong to expect her to try to help me after all the help I have given her ? I give her food too apart from the money. Is it wrong to expect her to help me without asking ? Because if someone is always generous to me and I know they have paid me twice to help them move the trash outside, I would move it even if they have not asked me . Basically it seems she no send me, she is only interested in money. What do you think ? I dey look her side eyes now. Should I stop giving her or continue ?

Communication is key. Tell her what you want to be done with those trash. She might not know you want her to do that long term. She probably felt you just wanted her to empty your trash but now let her know it has become a responsibility and watch her take it out. Assumption is sometimes wrong.

Lastly, don't relent on doing good cos it always comes back as a blessing.

N.B she might also be thinking that amount is not commensurate with the job. That's why I said you need proper communication.

Goodman024:
Hello everyone, good day. I trust you’re all doing well. Please, I really need some matured advice from you people regarding something that has been troubling my mind and could affect my future. I’ll try to be as brief as possible, but I also want to explain well so you can understand me.

So here’s the matter: I’ve been in a relationship with a lady for almost a year now. From the beginning, we had our fair share of challenges, things like poor communication, not being very supportive (all from her end), and some other small issues here and there. But along the line, we both worked through those challenges, grew to understand each other better, and since then things have been going well between us.

In fact, I’ve already introduced her to my family members, and by next month I plan to go and see her people. I’ve been thinking seriously about settling down with her and hopefully making her my wife next year. That’s how far I’ve gone in my mind and plans with this relationship.

But something happened yesterday that broke me badly, and it’s the reason I’m here asking for advice. I recently found out that she lied to me about her health condition. To give context, some months ago, she was diagnosed with fibroid. I have been supportive since then, reassured her, and made her know that whatever happens, we’re in this together. But what really pained me is that I later discovered she has actually known about this fibroid since over a year ago, long before she even told me, but she kept it from me until recently.

As if that wasn’t enough, I also got to know that she has had two abortions in the past. And please, I’m not just assuming or accusing her wrongly, I have proof of everything I’m saying. Honestly, this revelation has really hit me hard, and I’m just confused about what step to take from here.

The truth is, I genuinely love this lady. But at the same time, my heart is heavy with a lot of thoughts. Should I let go of this relationship because of the lies and past secrets? Should I forgive her and move on, considering the fact that everyone has a past? Or should I take another approach?

I don’t want to make the wrong decision that I will regret later in life, that’s why I’ve come here for guidance. Please, advise me like a brother, or even as a son. I really need matured opinions on this.

This is the reason I keep advocating for ladies to use their head and eyes. Laslas, they will be the ones to bear the brunt. It was not wise for her to let you in on her past. Her past should have been long buried and gone and she should have been focusing on moving ahead, improving her lifestyle and living a brand new happy life but many of them are not wise and would rather keep repeating their mistakes.

My advice for you is this;

You are right to be concerned about her reality because she has made it known. What you should be concerned about is the fibroid and the extent to which it would affect her childbearing/fertility. I have seen women who have had 2,3 or more kids with multiple fibroids and I have seen those who could only have 1 or NO child due to fibroids. Do not be deceived.

You and her should head straight to a reputable scan/ultrasound center. Go in with her when the scan is being performed and see the extent to which the Fibroid has grown or affected her womb. Like I said, some fibroids won't affect fertility, while some will.... even if both her fallopian tubes are open. The sonography will explain more to you both(if he doesn't cover up(protect) your girlfriend's right. Also know that even affect taking out fibroid(through operation), some women still find it difficult/impossible to conceive, while some go on to conceive.

To what extent do you love this lady?;If you're ready to go all the way in faith and hope. Then you can ply the route, if not then this is the time to back out but know this; you could marry someone without fibroid and still have issues with conception and you could marry this lady with fibroid and still have your kids with it. Although pregnancy with fibroids comes with risks and complications. The ball is in your court and all the best in your decision.

Tboyfrosh123:
Good Morning Folks,

I really need your candid advice on how to navigate things at this point. I signed out recently this year from school in July, I studied Microbiology, my last results came out I made a second class upper, even though many are saying the course is useless.

I didn't want to be idle at home, I took up teaching the Primary six class of a school trekable from my house with a 42k Salary pending when my school starts the next NYSC mobilization, I tried applying to some jobs and most of them are requesting for my certificate which it would be up to next year before i could get it.

Not to exaggerate, i noticed am the most educated in the place, I feel like the job is below me in a way, though everyone there are very friendly to me Also, if It would enable me to be able to save up the amount I need till I get clearance for my NYSC mobilization or I should drop the job?

I'm planning on completing my Data Analytics pro efficiency during NYSC also to give me more edge in labor market.

What advice would you give me if I were your brother or sister about the next coming years, and what career path to follow?

I'm 22 by the way.

Story of the average Nigerian youth. So good for you that you are within the favorable age brackets of the Nigerian youth. Many opportunities and dreams realistically lies ahead of you and thank God you're a graduate.

If you don't want to suffer in this country, you need to INTENTIONALLY take advantage of EVERY opportunity NOW before time flies and age becomes a barrier. You graduated two months ago with an 'upper' and you're currently teaching pending your NYSC mobilisation. Forget all those hype you're getting in that school or hero complex your educational status brings. Focus on usage. That 42k is an investment and that school could give you the recommendations you'll need for scholarships.

First, use this short period before NYSC to rampage scholarships mostly international, apply to as many as you can. Pick an area of specialization in microbiology that sells, let chatgpt be your guide. Apply and apply until you get one. I say this, because one foreign fully sponsored scholarship can change your status financially, career wise, geographically, and turn your life 360° around.

Second, make sure you get your certificate. Complete your clearance, get your certificate and if not likely, get a statement of result from your department or school. Also, get your transcripts from your department or school.

Thirdly, make good use of the NYSC opportunity. It's one of the shortest route to secure a good job but many are led astray. When seeking for NYSC place of assignment, pick a well known organization(governmental/non governmental/private) e.g oil and gas-(shell, chevron), health(hospitals, research institutes), paramilitary/military( DSS, NDLEA, FIRS, etc), Banks, etc. Use chatgpt to compose excellent CV, statement of purpose, etc. Submit to them and let them know you want to NYSC Intern with them. You're likely to be picked by any of them with your good result and based on your performance likely to be retained on good salary with benefits.

Lastly, from now on, you should focus on utilizing every opportunities available now. Do your research, apply to as many and with your good result. You'll be picked. This is the time to 'build' your future and reap it later. This is not the time to laze around or date girls around else you'll just live like the average Nigerian youth and before you know it the system will be working against you and you'll just be looking for any means to survive, which is not our portion. All the best.

N.B your tech certification is just an addition to your education/skill. It is not an end to a means.

Too much sense will not kill you there. I must commend that you're a reasonable guy. I am not in support of flicky amorous relationships because most end up with sex, abortion, heartbreaks, toxicity, etc., and you've been able to keep free from such. It's either you're friends with the opposite sex (where you relate as bro-sis) or you're courting. Anything outside this is a trap.

In your case, you need to define the relationship. If you're just friends, let her know that's what it is. It is through true friendship that you get to know who a person is, and you shouldn't cross the friendship boundary. If you think you can marry her, then inform the 'bodies' involved, and start your courtship.

Courtship is a formal way of proposing/telling someone you want to marry them. It's a period where you are both committed to studying each other and committing to each other in preparation for marriage. You both can't have any other partner except yourselves. Personally, for me, one year is enough to court and then have the marriage ceremony. But in friendship, you don't have the power to tell the other person not to have other friends.

In your case, I would say your girlfriend may have a wrong concept of your relationship. You should both decide what you want for yourselves and go for it. But know that as friends, you can only go on dates, not go to each other’s houses and have sex. That would complicate your relationship with her.

Austinbiggy:
Last year I met a girl who she claimed to be a nice girl, I was having a good intention of settling down with her not when she told me she has two son elsewhere. I was like two son but she told me the father of the two children are not dating but the children are with their father people.

We started in a good tone but not when she took in for me, she gave me condition that I am going to see her parents and also be responsible for her two children and I said over my dead body. I told her I can go and see your parents but I will not be responsible for your two children and she said we need to remove the pregnancy and I said no problem. She claimed to remove the pregnancy but all the drugs didn't work but when I took the responsibility of keeping the child she was so excited.

Since the day she gave birth everything about her change towards me, when she was staying with her former Guy, she took the two children and ran away from the man but when she discovered she can no longer handle the bill of the children she returns it to the man and the man took the children and returned them to her sister. The former Guy sister has been the one taking care of the two children.

Now, the two children came to visit their father for holiday now my wife left my house and go and see the children and hide my own child saying she doesn't want the children to know she has given birth. I have been having issues with her concerning the children, now the father of the children said she don't have business with her.

Guess what happened today, my wife knows very well that I am too attached with my four months baby, she took my baby and park her things and ran away from my house and my baby is just four months. I don't know her where about. People are saying I should calm down but I can't sleep. I met her former Guy and the guy told me she's a big fool, that she supposed to be happy that she see a man who accepts her even after giving birth for two. I don't really know what to do.

Funny man. So you went all the way by going to see her former guy. What did you gain from the outcome?That was immature. Since you can't take care of her two kids. The least you could have done is stay away from her entanglement wahala and focus on caring for her and her baby.

From your post, I can deduce that you've been verbally and emotionally abusive towards this lady, hence her reason for running away. If you could still find her attractive after 2 kids, the least you could have done is respect her and respect yourself.

I wish she would learn to be alone after all this drama. Sue you both for child support and focus on focus on getting her life back. So were you expecting this lady not to visit her kids because she now has a child for you or are you saying she can't go see her kids without carrying your child. Guy, it is your responsibility to see to your child whenever she visits her other kids. It is called 'common sense'. She can choose whether to go with your child or not. It is a choice that shouldn't be forced down her throat. Her kids are not a threat to your life or your child. Let this lady be.

Guy, sorry to say, you need some growing up to do. This is not an insult please.

Comfortableme:
Alright so, am a 45 years old man, the thing is I have a ministerial calling in music, [/b]but the thing is I have not been able to fulfill that purpose yet, the songs I have are [b]divine songs meaning I don't really compose them, i might just be walking and I will find myself singing and already compose songs and I will like wow, but I have been trying to do a song or two but have not been finding it easy all this while.. and I think time has already gone on me because of my age.

What has age got to do with it? You sing and compose divine songs. The best place for you is the church choir. There, your skills will be horned and trained for ministry. There, you will meet likeminded, talented and divine song composers as yourself who will be instrumental to your success. Find a spirit led church with spirit led choir and join. There, you will receive the motivation and empowerment to produce your music/songs.

You know why you want such a life for yourself. I hope you have thought this through carefully and that it’s not just a whimsical decision made after the emotional and psychological heartbreaks or damage you may have experienced. If it isn’t, and you are confident that you can single-handedly raise a well-balanced child, then you can go ahead. Do your research and visit hospitals that offer surrogacy services. If you are eligible and it is feasible for you as a bachelor, you will be granted the opportunity.

✨

If you have to question strongly whether to marry him or not. You probably shouldn't.

These are people who have taken a vow of celibacy to live for a good purpose. As they're not interfering in our affairs. We should let them be. Some people have taken these vow of celibacy even though they're not reverend father or mother.

The body can be trained to accomplish any purpose/task. For some, the spirit rules the body.

Fenrir:
What society thinks is only a suggestion to me
As long as my wife and child are safe and happy I really dont care what anyone else thinks

Im straight and madly in love with my wife
Im also atheist and ex military and have been in combat zones to fight against this attitude

Good






Sir

Fenrir:
Or.....

Be secure in your masculinity and sexuality blowing them a kiss to confuse and freak them out while you walk away chuckling to your heterosexual marriage to the wife you love are attracted to not caring what other grown consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes behind closed doors with own bodies and rectums

The attitude to it in this country its like you are jealous and insecure craving a pounding sensation in your butt holes

God help you.













Amen

We are in such times that one has to be very wise, smart and discerning to stay away from troubles. I remember someone said every person should try their best to have a personal lawyer and doctor. A lawyer you can be free to seek any legal counsel and a doctor who is a call away.

In my opinion, I don't see the need of inviting someone you're not married to spend days with you(especially the opposite sex) in your house/room. There are many ways to spend a date but if your lover comes visiting, please get atleast one person's contact from them to let know they're in your house. Speak with them if you could and if something like this happens, inform your lawyer, police, doctor. Allow investigations to go on. I believe with the right evidences, you'll come out clean.

These days one has to be consciously careful in throwing compliments around as you may be termed a homosexual. I used to love giving compliments when I see things that impress me but now I seldom do. Some people are walking dirty minds and any innocent word, touch or act can give you the wrong labelling.

According to you, the society frowns at having sex before marriage; that the society frowns at having sex before marriage does not mean people are not having sex. There are more people having premarital sex than those who are not.

If you want my realistic view, I 'll say sex is a very big thing and a very big deal. People often underplay the act of sex. Before entering into it, be rest assured that it doesn't guarantee marriage and be medically well informed. Sex can be a risk and with the stds(sexually transmitted diseases) that could come with it, you want to be sure you're doing it with the right person. So, the ball eventually lies in your hand. It has less to do with religion but more to do with your health, psychology, mind and morality.

In your case, I'll advise you reassess your relationship to find the 'missing link' as it may not be sex.

There are so many mysteries in this life and things only God understands. Let who wears the shoe decide what she dims fit.

Sirchiboy:
Earlier this year I open a pos and charging business.
I spent close to 1m plus,
I put the business under the management of this girl because I went for a program.
We made agreement she will be sending me so so money weekly from the business.
She only sent me money 3 times for the period of 6 months before this business crash.
Before this business crash , she never one day told me how the business is going ,
If I ask she told me the business is just new and it will stand soon.
Before I knew what was going on, she started telling me one excuse to another if I ask her for not sending me money weekly.
Just last week , she open up and told me the business had crash.
That she was lying to me not to feel bad.
She employ sales girl paying her and also employ bike man , paying the bike man too.
Choi, business when never stand, you don get personal bike man.
I said since the business is like that and you never made one kobo.
Sell everything in the shop and send back my money .
She said the reason the business never make headway was because of the use of gen.
That we should not sell the shop rather install solar.
That solar will cost 1m.
Fact about this shop , the shop has charging ,pos and selling of small phone parts.
She did not make profit from pos , she did not make profit from phone parts , she didnt make profit from charging.
So putting solar will make the business boom then I discover that if i ever get marry to this girl , I might regret the rest of my life.
This girl is just 22 years and from igbo.
She is from a very poor famili then my mind flash back may she has been sending my business money to his family

So you didn't know she was 22 years old before handing a business of over 1m to her. Foolish things people do for love. See, unless you're engaged and just about to marry, things like these aren't allowed. Even engagement gets broken. You should have put an older and more experienced family member in charge while she works alongside him/her. She's bad business. I would advice you send someone there to take stock/audit of the leftover and decide what to do next. If you like, keep pouring funds into a business your girlfriend can't account for. That business you set up is sustainable in Nigeria. She has probably been lavishing the money and can't be trusted with further funds.Next time, learn to separate business from romance. It's a different thing if it's her business or you gave her money to run her business, in which case she might be ' using' you. Get wise

I believe you feel this way because many people have been guilt-tripped into believing the myths surrounding what is often labeled as "African Mothers." But listen—I'm a mother, and I refuse to be defined by any harmful stereotype. I want to be called a mother because I love, care, and nurture. Here's what I'm saying:

In life, boundaries and rights are essential. They help establish healthy, safe, and loving relationships among people and also protect our mental well-being. First, clear your mind of all the false beliefs you’ve internalized about "African Mothers." According to the Holy Bible, you owe no one anything except love. So, forgive your mother for her wrongs—but also set clear boundaries for yourself.

Your boundaries should protect your rights and privileges as a person. They should safeguard your respect, privacy, and mental health. These boundaries must make you feel safe, whole, and fulfilled as an individual. Toward others, show empathy, and let the Golden Rule guide your interactions. Only you can create that kind of peace for yourself.

If you don’t—or can’t—do this, you’ll continue carrying fire in your bosom, trapped in the endless cycle of the “African mother and child” narrative.

Drfernandez:
OK. I will ask him whether he is ready to accept a strong born again Christian.

You do not need to tell him she's a strong born again christian. Just tell him she's a good fellow. Anybody can be in her shoes. There's someone passing through what she's passing through who is not a christian, nigerian or woman. Problems don't select race, gender, age, nationality or colour.

Worried54:
Good day people,

I'm an old nairalander but I just had to create this to stay annonymous.

I met a lady in 2019 in Ibadan after my youth service , we started dating ..she was actually living with her Aunty (mom sister ) in the same estate I was living ,but her mother and her biological siblings all live in delta state . She also speak fluent urhobo dialect. Fast forward to some few months later she got pregnant , please note this whole time I didn't know but she informed me when the pregnancy was obvious and her Aunty said she should go live with me since I'm responsible ..I told her to abort but she left for school . This time she is at final year in the collect of education . I was actually doing very well this time ..got a car and have a all it takes as a man . So out of pity I had to go move her loads from school into my house and took care of her and the baby . She delivered and ee have been staying together since then ..Now around 2023 my farm got flooded and I lost everything , so I had to move to ile-ife where I had built a 4 bedroom flat in order to settle down and avoid landlord issues in Ibadan ..she and my daughter later moved in with me in Ile -ife ..but I wouldn't deny I got drunk sometimes because my present situation and frustrated I had to hit her on few occasions ... So she moved out back to Ibadan to her Aunty ..Now I have been sending money to them everytime in Ibadan since 2023 December ..but I'm getting fed coz I'm lonely and it cost me alot sending money and I feel that I'm no gaining anything in return .. I cook , wash , hustle for money all by myself .she is there in Ibadan and not helping ... She is now insisting that we have to do a traditional wedding before she can come back to me and dropped drinking ..To God be the glory I have stopped the drinking attitude since last year 2024 .but I don't have the fund for traditional wedding...I told her if that is what she want then she need to take care of themselves over there in Ibadan while I hustle to save money here for the wedding ... Please am I thinking right ?

I can't afford to be sending money everytime and still expect me to save money for wedding ..without her coming here to help me .

Marriage in this case should be the payment of her brideprice in the presence of two or three witnesses. I don't know why people like creating problems for themselves. This woman already has a child for you. You want her back with you and it would be a good thing you pay her dowry, so you can cherish her now and treat her better than you did.
1. You already have the list. Go through it and mark out all the things you will not be able to afford. Select the ones you can afford and write the quantity you can afford.
2. How much is the bride price? If it is something you cannot afford, rule it out and write what you can afford.
3. Call your 'wife' and discuss the list with her, telling her the changes you have made. That you both will not go hungry after the marriage, let her be the one to tell her family if she so wishes or she can help by contributing to what is on the list.
4. Call the family and fix a date. Tell them you want to do something private. You don't want to shout because your religious leader has seriously warned you not to shout. That there will be consequences .
5. You can hold a parlour marriage or rent canopy and chair in her family compound. These won't cost you up to 30k.
6. Ask her how you will go about food. If she says she wants people to eat that day. Put the bill on them. Let her family cook and bring while your family cook and bring. You can budget 50k from your own side(family) invite only 3_5 people from your family. Let her family take the bill for food for themselves depending on who is coming.
7. You both should select material for your clothes and buy/ sew. You can tell people the color/s so they can buy or anybody gives you money to buy same for them, you buy.
8. Send them money for the canopy and chairs days before the event if you won't be using parlour.
9. Go there with the items and 3_5 members of your family and your food and pay their brideprice and list. Your family can help negotiate the brideprice if it is beyond you.
10. Go home with your wife and daughter.

If this won't work. Take your wife to court and marry her. It won't cost you more than 50k.

If both your wife and her famìly are insisting on big wedding which you do not have funds for. Get a lawyer and seek custody of your child.

HellVictorinho9:
Divaan

What do you mean by pussy is my primary whatever

Does it mean i tried to force your sister


Did i not give up on all the girls/women i ever got attracted to

Neva been in a relationship with any


But i didnt dwell on that

So stop taking it that far

Am also downcast about other things and dont accuse me of not seeking sexless relationships too

Dont suggest it and dont ask stupid questions on it


Am avin a terrible day again

It is well with you.

HellVictorinho9:
Women/girls and all av to check their finance,character,confidence,etc


Am not jus looking 4 pussy
Am after no stress b4 or afterwards

U grab!


Must i struggle so hard 4 everything


So hard so hard
Na swear?

If na spell dem cast 4 my head,then
I utterly condemn such rubbish.

My grandfather's shrine be damned!

The cult,the idolatry, traditional bulcrap be damned!

Spits!




Wetin sef

Even nicki minaj get things to check

Everybody get things to check everyday


Must i again

Must i find it SO HARD SO HARD

To feed, sleep, get my size of clothes, footwear, avoid fevers, get a dam degree,get a dam skill, get a GF,get gifts, in fact get anything useful,



What av i done

4 every 1 person that treats me well, like 10 or more people are already pouring sand inside my garri,

I need more people that can listen and understand and help me out of this and i will never deny their efforts


Damn damn damm


Spits

It is well with you. Maybe you should go over what I wrote, this time more slowly. You need emancipation, a mental overhaul.