₦airaland Forum

An American author named Shawn James this week wrote a controversial essay titled ‘Why Real Men Avoid Single Mothers’ – detailing 15 reasons why men should not date single mothers. It’s got people talking. Read below and tell us what you think…(If you’re a single mother, you won’t like this..:-))

1. Never Available. A single Mother’s schedule is never open. Single mothers are the kind of women to always cancel dates at the last minute. Something always gets in the way of a man spending time with her. It’s hard to have a relationship with her because she’s never there.

2. YOU are NOT a priority. Usually in a relationship the man winds up DEAD LAST. Behind, her kids, her job, the car, the kitchen sink, the stopped up toilet. Even the dog gets more attention and affection than a man involved with a single mother. Any man who gets involved with a single mother winds up a fifth stringer in a relationship. And he rarely ever gets called up to play.

3. Thinks the world revolves around HER and ONLY HER.A single mother is one of the biggest narcissists on the dating scene. She often thinks that a man has to drop everything in his life to be part of hers and her kids. They’re so selfish they don’t think a man has needs, wants or a life of his own. He’s just supposed to be there to give her everything she wants in life.

4. Emotionally Unavailable-Most Single mothers cannot form an intimate connection with a man because her feelings are invested in other people. Usually her primary focus is on her children. In addition to dedicating herself to her children, most single mothers have given their hearts to someone else- their children’s father. And those feelings she still has for him will always prevent her from getting closer to you. There will always be some distance between a single mother and the new man in her life.

5. The ex/ Baby Daddy is ALWAYS THERE. A man just doesn’t deal with a single mother. He deals with her ex or her baby daddy as well. And this guy is always hovering around like a helicopter looking to c*ckblock you. Some of these guys still think they have a shot at getting back with her. Others just don’t want to see her happy. A lot of these dudes want to f!ght over her. Seriously, it’s a game they’re playing with each other. And they’ll be playing that game with each other until their children turn 18 or 21. Head for the exit. It’s just not worth dealing with this fool and his insecure bullshyt.

6. The kids are working AGAINST YOU When dealing with a single mother you also deal with Kids. Kids who still in their little heart of hearts think that Dad will come back and love them. Seriously, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.

7. Those kids will HATE YOU. They will act out to keep you from getting closer to mommy. They will make accusations against you to get you in trouble. Again, it’s just not worth dealing with the bullsh*t to get with a female. There are four billion women in the world. You can find a quality female who doesn’t carry all this baggage or give you this much grief.

8. Entitled attitude Single mothers think because she had a baby out of wedlock the world owes her EVERYTHING. And she thinks she’s the one who deserves the best. Even though she’s usually collecting welfare, food stamps, or child support, in eyes she’s still supposed to be treated like she’s a queen because she popped a kid out of her v*gina. In their deluded distorted vision of the world Men are still supposed to take her out to the finest restaurants and buy them lots of expensive stuff. And he’s supposed to take care of her kids too, buying them whatever they want while taking a blind eye to their bad behavior.

9. Distorted self-image Single mothers still thinks she’s as sexy like she was before she had a baby. Only she doesn’t understand how her body has changed. In some cases for the worse. Single mothers are the type to try to squeeze themselves into sexy outfits like low-rise jeans and cropped T-shirts to show off their belly button, not seeing the muffin top and stretch marks squeezing out over the top of their pants. They’re the type to stuff themselves into slinky spandex dresses, (not aware of that gut, and the cellulite on their asses) and head out to the club. She thinks men are supposed to run up on her offering to buy her drinks. And because a few thirsty simps step to her, she thinks she’s still got it. But the only people who wants what she has to offer are scavengers at the bottom of the social scene.

10. Always the victim. Single Mothers never take responsibility for their actions. The situation they’re in is always the fault of that “no good man”, “these damn kids” their mother or someone else. They never take any time to do any self-examination or make any efforts to change their lives. They’re still looking for some Rich Incredibly Handsome Man™ to put on a cape and play Captain Save-A-Hoe™, sweep her off her feet and take her out of the troubling situation she helped make.

11. Jekyll & Hyde Personality. A single mother will be the sweetest thing when a man first dates her, but a few months into a relationship she turns into a NUTJOB. A man will usually see glimpses of this when she chastises her kids when he first meets them. During that meeting she’ll yell at them and bully them to get them to act right while praising a man like he’s an angel. It’s all an act. Heaven will turn into Hell around the six month mark. Once a single mother gets a man settled into her life it’s not common for her to start verbally abusing him and mocking him as she projects all that pent-up rage from those previous failed relationships onto him. And it’s usually around this point that most men realize why this woman is single and why it’s time for him to hit the exit door.

12. Drama Queen. Because a single mother always sees herself as a victim of society, she’s always talking about her problems. And she always has a new trouble to bring everyone. There’s never a good day in the life of a single mother because there’s always some new crisis about to emerge in her life. The reason single mothers need the drama is because it makes them feel important. It makes people pay attention to them. And when Captain-Save-A-Hoe™ is doting on them trying to solve their problems it makes them feel an artificial sense of value. They need that value to deflects people’s attention from how pathetic their lives actually are. Manipulative In most cases, a single mother has no interest in a man she’s dating. In a lot of cases she’s just using a guy as a pawn.

13. In most cases she’s dating to make her Baby Baddy jealous. Deep down in her heart of hearts she believes that if she’s seen with someone else who sees her as valuable that he’ll see her as valuable and take her back. In other cases when she’s not trying to get a rise out of Baby Daddy she’s playing the sympathy card™ using a guy to get gifts, free dinners and free drinks out of him. To a single mother, The men in her lives are just human ATM machines where she whispers a sweet nothing in his ear like a PIN number and money comes out of his wallet. And because she’s a drama queen who loves to play the victim, the Single mother plays to men’s emotions to get them to react in the way she wants. It’s not common for a single mother to tell her man about her baby daddy so he can go f!ght him. Or pit two baby daddies against each other. Many a man has wound up either dead or in prison because a single Mother played the victim card™.

14. Dishonest. A single mother is a LIAR. It’s how she gets what she wants. It’s how she manipulates people. It’s how she takes care of her kids. It’s how she survives in this world. Single mothers lie. And they LIE ALL THE TIME. They lie to men about their age, their height, their weight, how many kids they have, the job they do. On top of the lies they tell to others They lie to themselves. They lie about how beautiful they are. They lie telling themselves they’re still a catch. They lie telling themselves they still have a chance with a good man. They lie telling themselves that their lives will be happily ever after one day. The horrible truth is without those lies most of those single mothers would realize how pathetic their lives are. How they have no options in the dating scene. That they’re at the bottom of the barrel in the dating scene and the only men who want them are pathetic Manginas and thirsty Simps.

15. Carries Baggage, baggage and more baggage A single mother has more issues than Time and Newsweek combined. And when she’s looking for a man, she’s not looking for an equal caring partner. She’s looking for a Pullman Porter™ to take care of her kids, and clean up her messes with her children’s’ father. Brothers, don’t let yourself get sized up for the white jacket and the bow tie! Anyway, dealing with a single mother is like walking through a minefield. After several months of being involved with her, it leaves a man anxious and tense because he doesn’t know where to step that won’t lead to an explosion that k!lls him. That’s why Real Men avoid single mothers like disease. Real men understand life is too short to put up with someone’s drama and their emotional baggage. We only have a limited time on God’s Earth and who wants to spend it being a Pullman Porter cleaning up someone else’s messes. As I stated before in a previous blog, let that woman take her run over Jimmy Choos and clean up her own mess. She made her bed, now let her lie in the wet spot. Don’t date single mothers and don’t waste your time with them. There are four billion women in this world. If you’re patient, you’ll find a good one.
Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/12/06/15-reasons-why-real-men-shouldnt-date-single-mothers/

Stretch marks are very common. Anyone can get them, but they tend to affect women more than men.They appear as linear streaks on the skin. The tummy, buttocks, breasts and thighs are the areas of the body most often affected.
Stretch marks are the result of the skin suddenly stretching. The middle layer of skin breaks in places, allowing the deeper layers to show through.

They begin as flat red lines, and over time they appear as slightly depressed white streaks.

This annoying condition has made many women to look for treatments on how to get rid of stretch marks fast.

Fortunately, there are some very effective home treatments to reduce stretch marks or even make them disappear completely.

MAGICAL CARROT PASTE TO GET RID OF UNWANTED STRETCH MARKS FOREVER

METHOD 1:

Ingredients:

the peel of 1 whole tangerine
½ a carrot
4 tablespoons of olive oil
Jethro Kloss, the author of “Back To Eden: The Classic Guide to Herbal Medicine, Natural Foods, and Home Remedies since 1939,” you can use a mixture of these ingredients to prepare a scrub that can help you remove stretch marks from the skin.

Combine ½ a carrot, the peel of 1 whole tangerine and 4 tablespoons of olive oil in a blender or food processor and puree on high speed for 20 seconds. Massage this mixture onto wet skin in the bathtub or shower. Rinse with lukewarm water and pat dry before applying your regular moisturizer.

Use this treatment once a day and keep the unused portions in the refrigerator for 5 days.
Steam some carrots to make them soft. Prepare a thick paste by masking the steamed carrot.

Apply this mask on the stretch mark region. Leave it on for half an hour and rinse with cold water, because hot water is very bad for stretch marks and skin stretching.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/12/05/remove-all-ugly-stretch-marks-with-this-amazing-magical-carrot-paste/

Do you bleed after s*x but it’s not that time of the month?Here are 4 health concerns that might be the culprit

#1. A sεxually transmitted disease (STD)

Gonorrhea and chlamydia are two common STDs that may cause bleeding after s*x. The treatment is usually antiobiotics followed by practicing safe s*x for prevention.

#2. Vaginitis

This inflammation of the v**ina can be an infection caused by bacteria, fungi or parasites. Your doctor may recommend oral medications, v*ginal cream or suppositories as treatment.

When there is inflammation in your cervix, you may experience bleeding after int*rcourse. If your doctor determines it’s not a viral or bacterial infection, having your partner switch to non-latex c*ndoms may help.

#3.Cervical cancer

If your regular pap smear was negative, it’s unlikely but call your gyno!

When bacteria moves into the uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries or pelvis, pid can occur. If not treated with antibiotics on time, it can affect your reproductive organs and cause infertility.

#4. Endometriosis

A painful condition in which tissue that lines the uterus grows outside it. It’s very important to treat endometriosis, as it can cause infertility.

Source:[url]http://www.don9ja.com/2016/12/02/4-reasons-why-you-bleed-after-sxual-int%ce%b5rcours%ce%b5/[/url]

Give her breasts more attention

Lots of guys pamper a woman’s breasts during pre-intimacy but forget about them during the main event, which is a shame because the extra stimulation can lead to a bigger orgasm for her. Plus, it’s important to pay attention to more than just her nipples, since her entire breast is packed with nerves, especially the underside. When she’s on top, use your fingertips to draw wide, slow circles, starting around the perimeter of one breast and spiraling in until you’re just about at her nipple. Then use your hand to cup and lift the underside of her breast, and lick around her nipple before covering it entirely with your mouth and sucking gently.

Give her a center of gravity orgasm

This much-talked-about area is located about 2 inches inside her vaginal canal on the front wall. Some docs say it’s spongy and the size of a dime, but it can be hard to feel, so just stimulate that general area during sex and you may give her a more intense orgasm. To hit it with your penis, try modified doggie-style. Instead of having her keep her arms straight with her palms on the bed, ask her to lower herself onto her elbows. Holding her hips for balance, thrust slowly at first and then up the intensity. With each stroke, your penis will rub against the front wall of her vagina, stimulating that special spot.

Surprise her with a quickie

When you jump her out of the blue, it makes her feel like she’s so irresistible that you simply can’t wait to have her. Right when she gets home, pull her in for a deep kiss to get her going. Relieve her of any bags she’s carrying and lead her to the couch, bed, or kitchen table, where you will have already stashed a bottle of lube nearby. Don’t totally UnCloth her; just lift up her skirt or pull down her pants. Then use your lubed fingers to massage her clitoris while whispering how hot she is in her ear. The more aroused you are, the faster she’ll get into it. (Of course, there will be times when she’s not game. If that happens, let it go and try another night.)

Gently pull her hair

There are thousands of nerves in the scalp, and when she’s aroused, they’re more sensitive, so pulling on her tresses feels extra stimulating. But there’s a catch: If you do it while you’re having sex with her from behind, it’ll make her feel like you’re treating her like a hooker. Instead, while she’s on top, run your hand through her hair, grab a handful of strands close to her scalp, and give it a little pull. This works especially well when you’re having intense, passionate sex, because grabbing her anywhere, especially somewhere sensitive, adds to the feeling that she’s being ravished.

Talk dirty to her

Women are verbal creaturesand our love of words extends to the bedroom. Unfortunately, most of what you may have heard guys say in porn is all wrong (Ask “Who’s your daddy” and you just might get a slap across the face). What your partner does want to hear are phrases that let her know how turned on you are, how much you love her body, and how good you want to make her feel (see this month’s CFG Sex Map for more tips). And even more important than what you say is the way you say it—when she can hear the burning lust in your voice, her thighs pretty much catch on fire.

Nibble on her neck

The skin that stretches from underneath her ear to her collarbone is very thin, making it supersensitive to touch. Start out by using your tongue to lick from her ear down to where her neck and shoulders meet. Then blow along the trail you just left. The warmth of your tongue coupled with the coolness of your breath will shoot tingles all over her body. After that, get a little more aggressive, and lightly nip the bottom of her neck (the skin is slightly thicker here and can take more pressure). You should suck on her neck too, but for just a second and not hard enough to leave a markhickeys are so high school.

Bring her to climax with oral

A luxurious oral-sex session allows her to kick back and enjoy being spoiled. (Sound familiar?) But different techniques may feel more or less pleasurable to her on different days. To figure out what’s going to work best for her each time, be sure to use a variety of moves. Try licking softly, sucking, and using a firm, pointed tongue and then a wide, soft one, and take note of which she responds to the most enthusiastically. When you sense that she’s about to orgasm—her body will tense up and she’ll start breathing more quickly—go back to the move that elicited the biggest moans, and continue doing it until she climaxes.

Touch her hot spot midaction

Most women can’t orgasm during intercourse without clitoral stimulation, which is probably why so many want more of it! Whenever your hand can reach her clitoris (girl-on-top and spooning from behind are two great positions for access), you should rub her hot spot. Your touches should be slow and soft in the beginning, progressing to harder and quicker. When it comes to technique, every woman is different, so you have to experiment: Try one finger pressed directly on her clitoris, three fingers over the entire area, or the heel of your hand on her pubic mound—her moans will tell you when you have it right.

Kiss her during sex

If you’re like most guys, once intercourse starts, you probably stop kissing her. That’s a bad move, since kissing makes sex feel more intimate for her, which is crucial to female pleasure. Pick a position that allows you to be face-to-face, like missionary, or have her sit on your lap, then mix up your smooches so they mirror the mood of the sex you’re having. If you’re going at it like gangbusters, pull her in for a deep, tongue-filled kiss—try sucking on her bottom lip and pressing your lips firmly against hers. When things are slow and romantic, go with a more sensual kiss.

Be more aggressive

The number one thing women want is for you to be more aggressive in bed. That means handling her body with strength and confidence, which can be insanely erotic for her. And it doesn’t require a lot of work or advanced skills on your part. In fact, doing just one take-charge thing can spike her arousal level. A few to try: In missionary, take her wrists and hold them above her head, pinned to the mattress. When she’s on top, hold her hips and push/pull them back and forth, so her clitoris grinds against your pubic bone. And when you want to change positions, don’t do it slowly or politely—grab her and put her where you want her.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/12/02/how-to-satisfy-women-sexually/

Here is something I have wanted to share for a while but have not quite got the guts to say it out loud without turning a shade darker on the cheeks, so I would rather write it out; panties and panty lines.
Every girl has that one killer skirt or dress that hugs her figure so tight any man would want to be in its place. It perfectly outlines your asset and when you wear it, you feel on top of the world because wherever you pass heads turn and jaws drop.
That guy you have a crush on glaringly notices you and just can’t stop hovering around you at work, sometimes this is the main reason you wore it anyway (*wink). You love it to bits and anything that dares to come between you is met with resistance. Mine in this case is an ivory high waist pencil skirt I bought while I was in Mombasa.
The colour, material and design was nothing short of perfection. I like to say the day I saw it we had a connection, it was like it had been sitting in that stall waiting for me. One glance at it and it just felt right so without hesitating I bought it, only to realize later on my way back to the hotel that I was short of bus fare but what the heck I had the skirt of my life.

I kept it for special occasions like when I wake up feeling on top of the world and I want to kick ass at work or school, or when I want to look pretty for bae. Most of the time, it was for the first reason. On this specific date I woke up feeling on fire, and ladies in the house can relate, I wanted to look extra pretty for me, I mean who doesn’t like to look at fabulous self in car mirrors as she walks?
Every girl has some narcissistic minx in her, I know I do. So I picked it out and to draw more attention to it I wore a plain black buttonless shirt and black ballet shoes. voila there I was looking my best make up and all. I wanted to keep the feeling alive with loads of pictures, so I struck poses everywhere and anyhow; with a statue, in front of the library, at the studio, you get the drift. My strict instructions to the photographer was to make sure my skirt stood out and he did a pretty good job, they were some of the best pictures I ever took. I was however not so happy when I perused through my phone later on in the evening, as I took a closer look at a picture where I had accentuated my dear bum, there I saw it, a panty line.
It was quite annoying when it made a distinct unsightly ridge therefore disturbing the natural scenery of my contour. I felt betrayed because it was supposed to be seamless, but there it was rearing its ugly frame and destroying my look altogether. Alvin my trusted photographer for the day laughed when I pointed it out and even suggested I go panty-less if it was such a big issue. He even mentioned close friends of mine who did not wear panties in such instances.
My first reaction was a big laugh, then the thought honestly lingered a bit in my mind and I played around with the idea, but there was no way that was going to happen. It seemed naughty and funny at the same time to walk around the whole day without knickers but who am I to judge, everyone can swing to the beat of their own drum right? It is a free world. When I couldn’t stop whining about it he suggested thongs and G-strings but I swear I’d rather go panty-less, those are not my thing, call me a prude, but they look creepy and super uncomfortable.
Anyway long depressing story short, I found a lasting solution to solve my problem so that I never have that feeling again. Super seamless knickers, they are so thin and comfortable and they will have you swinging your behind with delight without having to make routine checks to see if that line is too distinct. Some people have no problem at all with panty-lines one lady once confessed, she can’t leave the house without one, some men even think it is super sexy but once again, who am I to judge?
My only issue is with the ladies who don’t put on panties at all but wear super short dresses and skirts, then go gyrating about in broad daylight. I will have to swing my gavel on this one and have you locked up for indecent public exposure, because truth be told some ladies grow a whole forest in their fertile Netherlands. Please cover your flower and spare us all the shame and torment.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/12/01/shockingreasons-women-are-comfortable-walking-without-pant/

Just because you shy in bed does not mean you cannot rock your guy’s world in bed. To be a sex vixen is not rocket science. All you need to remember is that you should always play an active part in your man’s pleasure too. These tips below should get your started.

1. He is more than his penis. Women assume men are not really into pre-intimacy. They also wrongfully assume that all a man need is to have his dick stimulated. Well, that is untrue. A man also likes to be teased and enjoys it when a woman takes the time to explore his body. Find his erogenous zones . Males have a sensitive spot between their Adam’s apple, and chest. And even another between the Adam’s apple, and chin. Their neck. Their ears. Even their hands! Put on something sexy, set the mood lighting, and explore these areas slowly and tenderly with your hands, your lips, and your tongue.

2. Find what he likes:Is he a fan of lingerie? Does he find you hotter if you wear heel? Does the smell of vanilla give him an erection? You need to pinpoint what turns him on and go with her. If you do not know, then it is time you asked.

3. Connection: Men love to connect with the partner they are in love with. They want to know they are pleasing you as their partner, not just as a woman. So, you need to build on that. Try for eye contact from time to time and let him see the lust and desire in your eyes. Whisper sweet words in his ears that lets him know you are loving his moves.

4. Dirty talk: This is not just for casual sex and one night stands. You can dirty talk with the man you love. No need to go overboard if you are uncomfortable. Just some encouraging words like how he turns you on, how you love it when he touches you somewhere, etc, will suffice until you are more comfortable.

5. Let go.Some women are usually very shy in bed. But you cannot enjoy the experience if you keep overthinking everything. Let go and focus on him. Please him and he will return the favour.

6. Add some passion: Grind, lick, kiss, and hold with passion. Embrace him and grab his butt as he slides into you. Put his face in places he is needed. Grip him as you let go. Show that his body turns you on extremely.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/26/shy-shy-girlshow-to-handle-your-man-in-bed/

1. Focus your energy. Learning how to direct your energy towards your most rewarding tasks is crucial for achieving high levels of success. One of the biggest mistakes that many people make is directing their energy towards low-valued tasks. Take a look at everything you have going on right now in your life. Pay close attention and ask yourself what the high-valued tasks are — the ones that have the potential to bring the most reward to you and your business.

2. Ability to prioritize. Think of what is your most important goal right this moment. If you had to pick one goal that would make everything else in your life tick, this is it. High achievers never lose sight of what their major goal is. Every day, do something that will inch you closer to the achievement of your main goal.

3. Can project and complete tasks. Being able to start something and follow through until it’s completed is a key to long-term success.

Picture yourself completely finishing your projects and tasks. Take note of how you feel visualizing yourself getting the job done. The more you can picture yourself following through and completing important tasks, the more determined you will be to actually do so.

4. Having a PMA. To be successful, you need to have a positive mental attitude, or PMA. If you do nothing about negative thoughts, chances are you will be settling for average. Instead, you need to continually feed your mind with positive thoughts.

A great percentage of successful people have all experienced some sort of setback or failure. They could have just stopped their journey right there and called it quits. Instead, they had a positive mental attitude about themselves and their abilities, which gave them the power needed to continue along and reach their goals. Creating this sort of attitude could be one of your most important habits that you end up incorporating on a daily basis.

No matter where you are in life, there is always more to reach for. When you constantly strive to become a better person, refine your skill set and invest in your future daily, you become more as an individual. When you become more as an individual, your value increases. The more your value increases, the more successful you will become — and it all starts with your habits.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/14/4-habits-you-need-to-be-successful/

You like them, and you want to talk to them. But every time you try, something holds you back. You are stuck with thoughts like “What will he/she think about me?”, “What should I ask?” or “Will they enjoy talking to me?” The thoughts are endless. But, here we have some cool tips that’ll help you throw away all your fears and pick up some courage to start a conversation with the person you like!

Be yourself.
The perception you have of the person you like may obstruct you from being your true self. You want to sound appealing to the other person. However, it’s your self-confidence that will help you build rapport with someone.

Question.
Don’t wait for people to question you and show that they are interested in you! Asking and answering work both ways. Asking questions to begin conversations will help people to understand you and you to understand them. Questioning also helps when it comes to cutting down awkwardness.

Hobbies and Popular Culture.
In a world full of technology and art, it’s quite likely that there are things that both of you enjoy. Hobbies and popular culture is a fun and enthusiastic way to give life to your conversation.
Work.
Talking about work and career may not be as dull as you think it is. It often acts as a good conversation-starter. It helps look deeper into each others’ lives And way of living

Surroundings.
If you are in a cafe together, talk about how you know about the cafe and why you chose it. Surroundings could mean the city, travel and everything that you thought about while you look around.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/10/27/ways-to-start-a-conversation-with-someone-you-like/

If you’re madly in love and are serious about your relationship, here are some Facebook rules for you to follow for a healthy relationship…

1. Unfriend your Ex
If your partner knows about your ex, we don’t think s/he would be comfortable with you chatting or liking your ex’s updates on Facebook. It will only annoy your partner and create misunderstandings between the two of you.

2. Change Your Relationship Status
If you’re in love with someone, there’s nothing to hide in it. We’re not saying tell the world who the person is but no harm in changing your status to ‘In a Relationship’.


3. Avoid Lovey-Dovey Status Updates
It’s okay to be truly madly deeply in love and to be crazy together but putting up lovey-dovey status updates tagging your partner is a bad idea. It’s not just behaving immature but its also a little annoying for your Facebook friends. If you want to express love, express it when your partner is around. Why do it on Facebook? Unless you want your friends to unfollow or unfriend you.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/10/26/3-things-to-do-on-facebook-if-youre-in-love/

“Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.” ~Unknown

We can grow comfortable in our romantic relationships.

In the first six months to a year, it’s all excitement and an adrenaline rush at the mere fantasy of skin touching, but after two years you really do have to work to keep the romance.

Life can get a little routine and formulaic. You do certain things on certain nights of the week, together or apart. The love is still there, but the accelerated heart rate, weak-at-knees sensation, and feeling that your heart might explode with passion have noticeably decreased.

I recently detected this happening in my own relationship, but I’ve decided to treat it as a milestone—a positive marker for the point at which we genuinely started to work to make our relationship work.

The moment our relationship developed from a clueless hormone-loaded teenager to a fully grown, responsible adult.

Scientifically speaking, it is supposed to be physically impossible to maintain that first intensity of feeling that is experienced at the beginning of the relationship, and I do agree that it’s not sustainable permanently.

If we spent our whole lives in that state we would probably find we got very little else done, and almost certainly couldn’t survive for the period of a lifetime before we died from an adrenaline overdose.

However, there is a difference between a relationship maturing with two individuals growing comfortable with each other, and no longer making the effort to do things that make your partner’s fingers tingle and heart swell.

Here are a few simple ways to keep that flash of young love in your relationship:

1. Don’t stop listening.

There is a point at the start of a relationship where you hang on to every word they say. You just can’t get enough. You’re desperate to understand their thoughts, feelings, and opinions on even the most mundane things.

Each bit of extra information unravels more of this new person that you are treating like a gift to yourself, giddy with the prospect of more to love and lust after.

I’m not suggesting that you artificially re-enact this experience if you don’t feel like it all the time, but create time for listening.

Make your partner aware of the times that you need to be by yourself or in your own head so that they know when it’s a good time to have that long discussion and get your opinion. Create time to listen to them properly so that you can be attentive and present.

If you need thirty minutes after work to yourself, that’s fine. Maybe your listening time is over dinner, or while you’re doing the dishes, or before you go to bed.

Whatever it is, don’t stop listening. Listening is one of the ways that we show others that we value them and that they are attractive and interesting to us. If we don’t do this, it might send conflicting messages.

2. A little surprise goes a long way.

One of the first things to go in long-term relationships is the element of surprise. You get into a routine, and you no longer arbitrarily decide to take her away for a weekend or buy him a gift just because you felt like it.

Perhaps you do still buy ‘gifts,’ but it’s an extra pair of socks when you were at the supermarket because you noticed all his socks have holes rather than the cute or hilarious trinkets you used to buy at the start of your relationship.

The bouquets of flowers and turning up at lunch breaks with a picnic basket are gone, and you are less willing to make a fool of yourself to make the other person laugh or smile.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes for a few minutes once a month and ask yourself what would be a lovely surprise for them. It doesn’t have to be anything huge—just something considerate that would be appreciated.

Although it sounds like an oxymoron, planning more surprises can initiate those weak-at-the-knees passionate feelings that you felt in the earlier stage of your relationship.

Plan the surprises that were more spontaneous before and you may re-experience that love rush. You might even develop your ability to be spontaneously romantic again.

3. Do the things that don’t matter to you but matter to them.

At the beginning of a relationship it can seem easy enough to do the dishes straight away after a meal if it buys you brownie points and more affection. But it’s harder when you’re comfortable in the relationship, don’t really feel like it, and can’t understand what all the fuss is about.

Maybe the phobia or habit that was cute and quirky a year ago now seems annoying and irritating when you always have to get rid of the spider/take the trash out. Perhaps you don’t understand why your partner needs some downtime by themselves and wish they were more like you in wanting to share thoughts and feelings as soon as they get home.

If it’s something that doesn’t make sense to you but is important to them and would only take a little bit of time, do it. In a mature relationship, passion can be shown by genuinely understanding and responding to your partner’s needs.

Not responding to these can send the message that you aren’t interested in what’s important to them, and it indirectly suggests you aren’t interested in them.

I have found these points really helpful in my relationship, so I hope they are to you. Having brought up the subject and talked about it with my partner, we are both now trying to surprise each other, listen more, and find ways to be romantic and affection toward each other.

There are many more ways you can re-light the spark in your relationship. I’m still finding more. Look at it as a lifelong adventure!

The most important thing is to give it time in your own head and to prioritize your relationship so that you keep working on it regularly, like you would with any priority in your work life. Then hopefully you can be grow old together but still maintain that flicker of passion in your hearts.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/25/ways-to-keep-your-relationship-alive/

You’ve been waiting days, weeks, months, maybe even years to hear those magical words. You’ve hinted at it, obsessed over it and all but screamed it to him, your friends, your mother and pretty much anyone who will listen. Why hasn’t he proposed yet? You ponder to yourself over a tub of Baskin Robbins in hopes that the answer is lying somewhere in the bottom of the thirty one flavors. You don’t understand why everyone around you seems to be engaged, married and having babies, while your relationship seems to be at a standstill. If you’ve been wondering why on earth he hasn’t yet popped the question, this list should give you a little bit of clarification.

He’s Not Mentally Ready
Just because you are ready does not mean he is. He may still have things he wants to accomplish. Maybe he wants to travel before he gets married, maybe he still has some maturing and growing to do. If you notice that your man shies away from the marriage conversation, even though you know he absolutely adores you and wants to marry you, it could be because he simply isn’t ready for the responsibility of having a wife and a family. Talk to him and see if this is the case. Don’t go to pieces if he agrees, and don’t start an argument. Simply ask him whether he feels like he is not yet ready for marriage and go from there.

He’s Addicted To Partying
If weekends at the Playboy Mansion, nights out with the boys and clubbing is on his agenda more than spending time with you, he’s probably not ready for commitment. Usually when men are ready to settle down they are also ready to leave behind their wild and crazy drunken party nights as well. Sure, he might still hit up a club or two when his buddies are in town, but he shouldn’t be scrolling through his phone trying to find the best party every night. If your guy is constantly looking to party and can’t seem to find the time of day to spend with you, he certainly is not ready for marriage.

He’s Not Financially Stable
Most men want to be able to provide and to live comfortably. Sure he knows you are willing to roll up your sleeves and contribute just as much as he is, but he may already have an idea of how much money he wants to be making, how much he wants to spend on the ring and how he would like to propose. If you know your man is struggling to pay rent and to take you out to on occasion, that probably also has a lot to do with why he has yet to propose to you as well. Cut him a little slack. Unless you are willing to settle for a ring out of a Cracker Jack box, allow him to save up his money and become more financially stable before you bring up the marriage talk. If you are willing to settle for a less expensive ring or no ring at all, let him know that as well. That may be the only thing that is holding him back in his decision.

Tension In The Family
Do you and his mom not see eye to eye? Do you and his sister have beef that stems back to high school math class? Does his family simply not approve of your relationship? Families can hold significant sway over relationships. After all, once you marry, your families will become one. He might be having to deal with the stress of his relationship with you, and his relationship with his family, not being in harmony. Some men will put their relationship before their family and some will choose their family over their relationship. Hopefully he won’t have to choose either and you all can find a way to make amends. If you and his family aren’t getting along, this could have a lot to do with the hold up of you not getting your ring.

He’s Climbing The Corporate Ladder
Has he been looking to make partner, or is he hoping his boss finally gives him that big raise or corner office he’s been dangling in his face for months? Maybe he has been working long hours in hopes of his boss seeing just how much of an asset he is to the company. He probably wants to not only be financially stable, but also be settled into his career before he pops the question. Allow him to pursue his dreams while you are pursuing yours. If you already have your dream job, then help him grow by being supportive and encouraging. Let him know that you are there for him and you appreciate that he is working hard, not only for himself, but for the two of you. Sometimes a man needs to know that he will be able to reach his goals before he is able to commit to marriage.

He’s Still In School
Psychology 101 is kicking his butt as he tries to find time for date night, his job, volunteering and studying. If he is still in college, his mind is most likely occupied with graduating on time and not having to move back home with his parents. College is a time of self discovery and growth. Despite his love for you, he also knows that in order to have a successful future, a solid education is key. Help him study. If you are in school as well, make sure you aren’t spending all your time daydreaming about the perfect dress! Focus on school and enjoy your youth.

He’s Gotten Too Comfortable
Maybe he has gotten a little too comfortable with your dating situation. Do you live together perhaps? Do you cook and clean for him? Are you doing all of the wifely duties without the title of “wife”? Unfortunately, sometimes living with a man before marriage can put a bit of a delay on the proposal. Maybe he’s taken on the responsibility of paying the majority of the rent or bills and the expenses are preventing him from purchasing a ring. Maybe he has gotten so comfortable with your living arrangement that he feels no need to “buy the cow” per se – he’s getting the milk served to him every morning, afternoon and evening! Have a talk with him and let him know your desire to be married. If this is also in his plans, find out a time frame and go from there.

He Wants To Test The Waters
Unfortunately, sometimes men just don’t realize when they’ve got a good thing and choose to play the field. If you suspect that he is not proposing to you due to another woman (or multiple women), that very well may be the case. If, for whatever reason, he doesn’t see your worth, it’s not up to you to force him. It won’t work. You have to decide whether it is worth staying with a man who may not want you, or whether you should let him go. If he truly loves you he will realize you are the one he wants to be with and get rid of any woman who may be waiting on the sideline.

He Doesn’t Believe In Marriage
Finding out the man you’ve been dating, who you had been planning to marry, doesn’t want to get married is a hard pill to swallow. Maybe you never even had the talk and just assumed that he wanted to get married someday. Marriage isn’t something that everyone desires. Some people simply just don’t want to get married. If you’ve never had the marriage talk or if you suspect that his not wanting to get married is what’s stopping him from proposing, simply ask. If he lets you know he has no intention of ever getting married, you can’t force that upon him anymore than he can force you to stay without the commitment of a marriage.

He’s Been Married Before
Divorce is not easy. It’s hard to have what you thought would last forever come to an earth shattering halt. It’s even harder to make the decision to remarry after going through a tough divorce. As much as you want to be married you have to realize that he has been down that road already, and it crumbled at his feet. Realize that he could still be healing from his first marriage. Make sure that marriage is something he wants to try again before getting too involved. It may take a little longer for a divorced man to decide to remarry and for good reason. Be patient.

It’s Too Soon
Let’s face it. Many girls dream about their perfect wedding before they even learn to spell their names! Sometimes we can put pressure on ourselves to do something we aren’t quite ready for due to the pressures of society and family! We want the perfect man and the perfect wedding and we want it now! Maybe your boyfriend realizes that despite how much you love each other, you two just aren’t ready for marriage. Maybe you are still in your early twenties, or maybe haven’t even been dating for more than a year or two. Give yourself time to grow. Get to know each other before jumping the broom – it’s not going anywhere.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/25/reasons-your-boyfriend-hasnt-proposed-yet/

Men — we love them. Like really, really love them. We can’t live without them and we certainly don’t want to. We enjoy all of the little things they do that make them so much hotter. Here are 12 things men do that women really adore.

1. Planning is amazing.

When a man plans, it’s almost as exciting as him proposing. Whether he organizes a date, a weekend trip, an afternoon walk — really, anything — we’re happy. It shows us that you’re capable of putting effort into us and you like it. Actually, you really, really like it.

2. Being a great listener.

Showing a woman that you’re a great listener is oh, so incredible. Remembering things that we mentioned we like is so cool. Whether it’s flowers, a book, chocolates or jewelry, if you surprise us with it, we feel really special!

3. Show us some vulnerability.

It’s extraordinary when a man can openly and honestly talk about his feelings with you. When he’s comfortable doing so, it’s great. It’s so great it’s like winning the emotional lottery.

4. Please us in the bedroom.

When a man can make it happen for you, how elated are you? It’s so exciting it’s almost like winning a tournament. A man who wants to pleasure you, so you really enjoy yourself, well, now that’s how I define a good man. He gets an extra applause if it’s from something he doesn’t ordinarily like doing.

5. Cook for us.

When a man knows his way around the kitchen and is capable and confident, it’s so cute. I’m a sucker for the look on his face when he means business with those vegetables. Cooking takes patience and shows us that you’re cherish-worthy.

6. Let’s go shopping.

Let’s face it, sports are a popular hobby for most men. Well, shopping is a favorite pastime of many women. Shopping is to women what sports is to men. Shopping may not be good for women’s wallets (or their man’s!), and it certainly isn’t cardio, but it absolutely is fun. When a man can shop with you and give his opinion, he’s golden.

7. It’s okay to be nerdy.

Am I the only woman who not so secretly thinks it’s really endearing when a man is curled up on his couch with his book? When he gets all geeked out and excited about something he’s reading and he’s not ashamed of it, it’s pretty adorable.

8. Compromise is key.

How many times has your man done something he doesn’t want to because you asked him to? When a man does something for us that he wouldn’t ordinarily want to do, it makes our hearts melt. Being sweet and thoughtful always goes a long way. We so appreciate you doing something you’re not eager to do.

9. Get all sporty.

It’s nice to see men fired up and passionate about sports. In fact, it’s oddly exciting. When you’re roaring at the TV and getting all riled up — it’s almost erotic. When your eyes light up, you become quite desirable.

10. Kiss and caress us.

Being affectionate and sweet to us goes a long way. When you’re sweet to us — whether you put your arm around us when we’re not expecting it, hold our hand just because, or give us an excited kiss for no reason — our hearts skip a beat.

11. Love our family.

Some people (me included!) have an unusual family. But, your family is your family and so you love them a lot. When your man gets in close with your family and makes all family members love him, he’s extra fabulous.
Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/19/11-things-men-do-that-keep-women-falling-in-love/

When asked to describe the purpose of romance, a woman will use words such as friendship, relationship, endearment, and tenderness. Given the same question, a man will answer with one of the shortest words in the English language—sex. For him, physical oneness and affirmation of his manhood equal romance.

Can two people with such different perspectives have their expectations met? Absolutely! But creating adventurous romance requires planning and enthusiastic effort. The relationship has to be a top priority. One reason so many marriage beds are frozen over or boring is that couples just don’t have time for romance and sex. Too many husbands and wives try to work sex in between the evening news and late night talk shows.

Let’s face it. Many of our activities and other important things get the best of our resources and energy. Jobs get our best. Children get our best. Church work gets our best. But are we saving any of our best for romance in marriage?

When we had children at home, Barbara and I worked hard to save some of our best for each other. Our children learned over the years that Mom and Dad often like to have quiet evenings alone. When the children were younger, we occasionally turned the kitchen into a famous big-time restaurant called the Rainey Rainbow Room and let each child order a special meal from a special menu. Barbara and I served as chef and waiter, and the kids had a great time learning a little bit about how to eat out.

Later in the evening, they knew they were to go to their rooms and stay there, not coming out for anything except bathroom runs. At 8 p.m., Barbara and I turned our bedroom into our own romantic cafe, complete with a small table, candles, and flowers (when I remembered to pick them up). There we would eat, talk, and relax. As we communicated, we were reminded of what attracted us to each other, and romance had an opportunity to ignite. We didn’t have to worry about a babysitter and didn’t have to leave the house to get away alone.

To make anything like this work, you must schedule it and then take the time to follow through. If I have learned anything in marriage, it is that romance, our relationship, and sex take time. And they deserve our best.

I have spent the better part of my marriage learning and adjusting the following summary of a woman’s romantic needs. The list was developed through much observation and conversation with Barbara and other women. I also have learned a great amount from the best book ever written on romance, passion, and sex—the Song of Songs in the Old Testament. Obviously, a woman has more than five romantic needs, but I consider these to be the top five:

Romantic Need #1: To be spiritually ministered to by her man

Are you surprised that something to do with candy and flowers isn’t number one? A woman wants a man eager to be her protector, someone who cares not just about her security and physical needs but also (and even more importantly) about her spirituality, the well-being of her very soul.

A husband can be a spiritual protector and advocate for his wife by praying with and for her daily, putting his arms around her, and saying, “I want to ask God to bless you. I want to take any needs you have in your life right now to the Lord. And I’m going to pray for you throughout this day.” A wise husband takes the lead in sharing Scripture and eagerly initiating conversation on spiritual issues.

A husband can contribute to his wife’s spiritual well-being by giving her some time to pursue her spiritual growth. For example, he might take care of the kids by himself for the evening while she attends a Bible study.

Romantic Need #2: To feel safe and secure with her husband

A woman needs to feel her husband’s covenantal commitment to stay married and to love her and accept her. Then she feels safe to give him the gift of who she is in the marriage relationship. The Shulammite woman, who was the object of Solomon’s passion, said, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” (Song 6:3). She obviously had a strong sense of contentment and security.

A wife needs to know that romantic intimacy is just between her and her husband, that he will not share any personal details with his friends. She should not feel pressured or fearful, experiencing the love that casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).

Romantic Need #3: To share intimate conversation

According to something I read recently, the typical couple spends only four minutes a day in meaningful conversation with each other. A lot of us husbands don’t realize that for our wives to consider us romantic, we first of all have to be a great friend and a conversationalist.

Grunts and one-word answers to questions just don’t cut it! Too many women don’t feel that their husbands really need them, and bare-bones conversation confirms their sense of low personal value. Many men who were accomplished at romantic, deep conversation during courtship seem to lose this talent later. You can rediscover the groove! Make a commitment to learn to make intimate conversation a priority with your wife. You need to talk and fill her in on the details of your life—not just facts, but feelings.

When a husband sincerely shows his desire for conversation and a deepening relationship—emotional intimacy—he will find that his wife is much more interested in sexual intimacy. Her dreams, hopes, desires, and disappointments then are not divorced from the marriage bed but are a part of it.

Romantic Need #4: To receive a tender touch and hear gentle words

Before marriage, two people in love can hardly keep their hands off each other because they find the touch of their beloved thrilling. What happens after the wedding? Some couples married for a while would find a firm handshake a wildly intimate encounter. This should not be the case in a marriage. There is great power in tender touch, even if it’s just a long, full-body hug or a lingering kiss. Or the touch may be a gentle caress of her face that has no motive to make sexual demands but communicates, “I love you, Sweetheart, and I care for you tenderly.”

Gentle words have similar power. I have made a partial list of some things that I think any husband could use in complimenting and praising his wife: charm; femininity; faithfulness to God, you, your children; hard work; beauty; personality; her love, including her receptivity and responsiveness to you as a man; her advice and counsel; character; desirability; friendship—and that’s just a start. What wife won’t respond to a husband who praises her regularly with gentle words for all these qualities?

Romantic Need #5: To be pursued and set apart by her man

A wife wants a husband who will sweep her off her feet, carry her away to the castle, and say, “Let’s spend time together.” Focused attention is like precious gold in a relationship.

One time Barbara and I had a little unresolved argument over a weekend. A couple of days later we went on our customary weekly date. We finally had the time and environment to fully discuss and resolve our differences. What it took was several hours away from phones, papers and bills, and the needs of our children. Your wife craves this focused attention from you.

Source:[url]http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/19/5-romantic-needs-of-a-woman/[/[url]

Some women feel a “Real Man” doesn’t exist—that he is impossible to find. Other women do not want someone like him. On the other hand, some men think they are the very definition of a “Real Man.” Other men feel there is no such thing. One thing is true, though: Those men who think they are the very definition of a “Real Man” and those who think they are not are both very often wrong.

If you want to know if you are a real man or are in a relationship with a real man, watch the actions. A real man behaves so different from the selfish frat boy types you see everywhere that you can’t fail to notice the difference. He is a gentleman—good for more than just the first few months. Importantly, a real man does things so well when he is in a relationship that you just have to love him and his style.

1. A real man loves and respects his woman for who she is.
He might not love her all the time, but he loves her. Not just her body, her possessions and her status, but all of her! He’s aware that as beautiful as her body is now, physical beauty fades. He therefore focuses his love and attention on her true beauty, which is found within her sensibilities and personality. He treats her like a lady, with dignity and respect. He doesn’t mind cooking her favorite meal, taking her out to wine and dine and paying the bills. He also expects love and respect from her.

2. A real man commits to the relationship fully.
He doesn’t cheat. He is loyal to his partner and knows that relationships take hard work to keep strong and healthy. His affection to his woman is a full-time commitment. He nourishes and strengthens the relationship through ongoing, honest communication and team work. When you are with a real man, you know you can trust him. He will stay faithful no matter what and expects you to do the same.

3. A real man protects his partner physically and emotionally.
Not that a woman can’t protect and defend herself, but he is there for her anyway. He protects her in different ways, including providing financial security and comforting her and making her feel everything will be okay. He is ready to throw a good punch if necessary to defend her from physical aggressors. However, he thinks before he acts. He never makes a move until he is sure all details and specifics are in order. His moves are calculated, deliberate and assured. Abuse of any kind is never an issue when you are with him. He is considerate and treats everyone kindly.

4. A real man fulfills his partner mentally and sexually.
He knows the majority of time in any relationship is spent doing nonphysical, nonsexual things. Besides whispering to her how beautiful she is or how he is going to make hot, passionate love to her when he gets back home in the evening, he also engages her in meaningful discussions about life, plans with her for the future, and cracks jokes to lighten and liven moments together. He displays an awareness, intelligence and sensitivity that makes his actions not only timely, but also genuinely charming.

5. A real man takes the first initiative—he leads.
That’s because he wears the pants in the relationship. Of course, the pants are picked out by his woman, but he is still the leader. He steps forward and addresses issues in the relationship boldly. He does not wait for the woman to solve problems. If he is not sure how to address an issue, he seeks help or advice. Some men play it safe and avoid taking the lead because they don’t want to be criticized, but not a real man. A real man says, “I’ll handle it,” and takes the initiative to solve the issue in his way.

6. A real man steps up and makes the tough decisions.
He knows real men are decisive and he makes decisions in the relationship. He does not leave every other decision to his partner. When making decisions, he seeks to understand her views (and that of other concerned parties) and is flexible enough to factor in those other views in his decisions. He does not seek to control people, but rather to improve their situation. If you are reluctant to make decisions, you are likely self-conscious and afraid of making mistakes. Women dislike indecisive, cowardly men.

7. A real man takes responsibility for his actions and decisions.
He does not shift blame (especially to his partner) or try to defend his mistakes. He simply acknowledges when he has made a mistake, apologizes for it, learns from it and works to make it right. Saying, “I am sorry,” is not a big deal to him. He knows it doesn’t make him any less of a man to say it. In fact, saying he’s sorry makes him more of a man because it demonstrates he has the confidence, courage and integrity to admit his faults and seek to correct them.

8. A real man speaks his mind—always.
He is not afraid or timid to say what’s on his mind. He will say no without fear whenever he doesn’t agree with something. He will debate you on topics he is not comfortable with without losing his cool. He will be straightforward and talk to you as an equal, then allow you to make your own conclusions or take whatever action you wish. This does not mean he is indifferent or treats women badly. He just doesn’t agree with her on everything. He knows a “Yes-man” is no man at all.

9. A real man stands up for the relationship.
Sometimes friends, family and even total strangers ask inappropriate questions or make inappropriate remarks about your relationship, such as saying you are not a “good couple.” In such cases, a real man stands up for himself and defends the legitimacy and integrity of his relationship. Even when he is among his peers, he speaks up and stands his ground in defense of his relationship. This proves he can express himself in the presence others, protect his woman and act like a grown man.

10. A real man pursues other passion(s) that don’t involve his partner.
He has enough going on in his life to keep him busy. That means he is, at least, passionate about one other thing besides his relationship. The relationship does not define him. He will give you your space and you must give him his. He is a confident, ambitious go-getter. He’s a real man!

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/18/10-things-real-men-do-in-a-relationship/

A woman has seven basic needs that a man must learn to meet if he desires to love her as fully as God intended.

God did not intend for marriage to be painfully endured. He intended it to be wonderfully enjoyed. It was not His plan that it would be a burden. He wants it to be a blessing. In order for us to experience maximum marriage satisfaction, it is essential that we grow to know each other.

Men and women are different in many ways. One area in particular is in the area of needs. Women have needs that are significantly different than those of men. How has God put a woman together? What does she need from a man?

In marriage, a man shows love to his wife by learning to meet seven basic needs that are the essence of who his wife is.

1) She needs a spiritual leader. A woman longs to follow a man of courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. She wants a man who can be both steel and velvet. He can be a man’s man, and at the same time he can be gentle, tender, and approachable. Such a man will be a spiritual leader in the home. He will take the initiative in cultivating a spiritual environment for the family. He will be a capable and competent student of the Word of God, and he will live out a life founded on the Word of God. He’ll encourage and enable his wife to become a woman of God, to become more like Jesus, and he will take the lead in training their children in the things of the Lord.

2) She needs personal affirmation and appreciation. A man who loves a woman will praise her for personal attributes and qualities. He will extol her virtues as a wife, mother, and homemaker. He will also openly commend her in the presence of others as a marvelous mate, friend, lover, and companion. She will feel that to him, no one is more important in this world.

I remember telling men in a conference that one of the ways they show their wife appreciation is by picking up the phone and calling her during the day to see how she is doing. He is not to call to ask what came in the mail or what’s for supper! The following night a sweet young lady came up to me to tell me that her husband had obviously listened to what I had said the night before. She informed me that they had been married for a number of years and that her husband had never called her during the workday until that day. On this day he called her five times!

At first I was proud of the impression I had made on the man, but then a frightening thought entered my mind. I asked the lady, “Well, what did he say in each of those conversations?” She informed me that he said not much at all and that each conversation lasted no more than a minute. I began to apologize to her for the fact that things had not worked out so well. She quickly interrupted me, “Oh no, Dr. Akin, it was wonderful. Just the fact that he thought to call means everything. We can work on the words later! However, if he doesn’t call, we have nothing to work on.”

3) She needs personal affection and romance. Romance for a man means sex. He cannot imagine romance without having sex. Romance for a woman can mean lots of things, and sex may or may not be a part of it.

Romance is basically a game. It is a specific game. It is a game of “hide-and-go-seek.” She hides it and you seek it. If you find it, you will indeed agree that it’s good! On the other hand, if you don’t find it, you have one of two options. First, you can get nasty, mean, and bent out of shape and just be a miserable old grouch for the rest of your life. I have met a number of men just like that. Or second, you can remind yourself, it’s a game. Sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose. But that’s the fun of playing the game.

But there’s a second part to this game, and this is not fair. However, we dealt long ago with the fact that some things aren’t fair; it’s just the way they are. Guys, you must understand. What is romantic to your wife, say, on Monday, may not necessarily be romantic on Tuesday. Indeed, women are adept at moving the romance on a regular basis, sometimes even hiding it in places where they can’t even find it. When you go searching for romance in the place where it used to be, but now you discover that it is no longer there, don’t be surprised if looking over your shoulder is the woman that God gave you, and with her eyes she says something like this, “Yes, my darling. I moved the romance. It’s somewhere else now. And I’m going to wait to see if you love me enough to look for it all over again.”

Now again, guys, you can get angry, mean, and bent out of shape, or you can remember, it’s a game. And games can be fun. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. But it’s all a great game. Men, if you will approach romance in this way, not only will you find it fun, but you will also get better at it along the way.

4) She needs intimate conversation. A woman needs a husband who will talk with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). She needs a man who will listen to her thoughts about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Daily conversation with her conveys her husband’s desire to understand her. Wise men learn soon after marriage that women are masters of code language. They say what they mean and expect you to know what they mean, and the particular words really don’t matter. Unfortunately some men are simply ill prepared and a little dense at this point, and it often gets them into serious trouble.

5) She needs honesty and openness. A woman needs a man who will look into her eyes and, in love, tell her what he is really thinking. He will explain his plans and actions clearly and completely to her because he regards himself as responsible for her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure. He wants her to know how precious she is to him. Growing openness and honesty will always mark a marriage when a man loves a woman.

6) She needs stability and security. A man who loves a woman will firmly shoulder the responsibilities to house, feed, and clothe the family. He will provide and he will protect. He will never forget that he is the security hub of the family for both his wife and his children. She will be aware of his dependability, and as our text indicates, so will others. There will be no doubt as to where his devotion and commitments lie. They are with his wife and his children.

7) She needs family commitment. A woman longs to know that her man puts the family first. Such a man will commit his time and energy to the spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of the entire family, especially the children. For example, he will play with them, he will read the Bible to them, he will engage in sports with them, and he will take them on exciting and fun-filled outings. Such a man will not play the fool’s game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while his spouse and children languish in neglect. No, a woman needs a man who is committed to the family. She needs a man who puts his wife and children right behind his commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ.

When a man loves a woman, he makes it a life goal to meet seven basic needs of his wife. When a husband is committed in this way, and when a wife has the same commitment, it is not surprising that both husband and wife have a smile on their faces and joy in their hearts. This is the way God intended it from the beginning. As persons committed to God’s plan for marriage, we should settle for and expect nothing less.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/18/7-basic-needs-a-woman-want-from-a-man/

1. YOU’RE VERY GOOD AT READING PEOPLE: Just by spending a short time with someone you can easily get an idea of what they’re about. You can always tell when someone’s lying or being deceptive. Your perceptions of people are typically always on point.

2. YOU HAVE A LOT OF EMPATHY: When a friend or loved one is going through something it’s basically like you’re going through it too. Forget sad movies, sad songs – you WILL cry. You don’t mind it though. You love having a good cry.

3. WHEN PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMS IT’S YOU THEY WANT TO TALK TO: You’re one of those people that seems to draw others no matter where you’re at. You can sit down on a bench in a park alone and someone will usually come up and sit next to you. 20 minutes later you know their entire life history. You’re a good listener and because of that you’re always the first person someone calls when they have a problem.

4. YOU’RE A MASTER DAYDREAMER: Sometimes the world becomes too much, it’s too overwhelming, and you must escape. Your head is the best place for this because of your highly imaginative brain you’re able to create vibrant inner lives that flourish when you’re going through a rough time. Other times when you’re neither here nor there, perhaps on a bus or in a waiting room, this is another time you tap into your daydreams. It’s one of the best ways for you to recharge and get away from it all for a bit.

5. YOU USE YOUR EMOTIONS TO DO CREATIVE THINGS: You can’t have all of these feelings and not release them somewhere! You might be into writing or drawing, painting or sculpting. You love taking the things you’ve gone through and releasing them into a work of art.

6. YOU TAKE NOTE OF DETAILS: You have a way of noticing the things others seem to miss sometimes. You take notice immediately if someone did their hair differently or of the different complexities in a room.

7. YOU FALL HARD AND FAST WHEN IT COMES TO DATING: You’re an all or nothing kind of person – either you fall in love passionately or not at all. When you like someone you REALLY like them and it can be hard if they aren’t on the same page. It might lead to a lot of failed romances but you’ve never been very good at the casual, chill kind of relationships so many other people are good at.

Source:http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/16/7-signs-youre-a-very-sensitive/[/url]

. WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOU THINK OF HIM: He becomes the first person you want to talk to and see at every start of your day. You are always eager to check in on him, and see how his morning is going.

2. YOU START TO SACRIFICE THINGS FOR HIM:Whether it’s something big like moving across the country for him, or a small thing like changing your eating habits for him, this is a definite sign you’re in love.

3. YOU DON’T MIND HIS FLAWS: No matter how annoying he tends to be, or how many pet peeves of yours that he does, you frankly don’t give a damn. You find his flaws and imperfections adorable and unique. And you wouldn’t want him to be anyone but himself.

4. YOU FEEL FULL COMFORT WHEN YOU TOUCH:When you are hurting or are upset, just the small touch of his hand or the small smile he gives you, makes you immediately feel better. It doesn’t matter what he does, but just his presence gives you great comfort and makes you feel like you’re at home.

5. YOU DON’T LET MINOR ARGUMENTS BECOME AN ISSUE: No matter how bad your arguments get with him, you know that there will always be a silver lining. You also don’t get too hung up on these fights with him, because you know that your love is more powerful than silly disagreements.

6. HE BECOMES THE BEST THING ABOUT YOUR DAY: No matter what you are doing or what you are talking abut, being in their presence makes your day brighter and better even if it is a shorter part of your day.

7. YOU FIND HAPPINESS IN DOING LITTLE THINGS WITH HIM: Spending a lazy Sunday afternoon means the world to you. Seeing him smile makes you beam with energy. Having him give you hug after a hard day, makes your week. You find beauty and happiness in every little thing that he does.

Source:[urlhttp://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/16/7-things-to-show-that-you-are-falling-for-him/#[/url]

We are both active on a ton of social media networks including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn to name a few. You name it, we’ve tried them. In fact, we actually first met and grew our relationship on Twitter and Facebook. We are grateful for social media because if it was not for Twitter, we never would have met. Imagine one of us living in the Philippines and the other living thousands of miles away in Connecticut. It all started for us as a simple tweet that grew into phone calls and video chats and on to meeting in person and being together. It all culminated in us getting married this past summer.

While our story had a happy outcome, not everyone is so lucky. We have heard many personal horror stories of built-up expectations that were never realized. Love is something all people crave. Why do you think a lot of hit songs, books and movies are about love? People long to be loved and long for the day of finding that one special person they can’t live without.

Here are seven truths we’ve learned about social media and relationships as well as from people who have found themselves in bad situations. We hope these “truths” will help you avoid heartaches and create meaningful and positive relationships:

Truth 1: Social media sites are not dating sites.

We are elated when we see people find love on social media but if that is the only purpose of joining a social network, you may be disappointed. If you are looking for love online, it may be a better idea to consider using a dating website designed specifically to help people meet compatible partners and hopefully form meaningful and lasting relationships. We were both active on Facebook and Twitter long before we first met so it was never our initial intention to find love through social media.

Truth 2: Not everyone is truthful about who they say they are on social media.

Don’t fall into the trap of believing everything you see on social media. Don’t fall in love with people’s avatars and bios. People will often stretch the truth to hide their perceived flaws and build up their positives to get people to follow or friend them. The biggest letdown is if you get into an intimate relationship right away based only on what the other person says in their profile or an attractive profile photo. Before falling head over heels for someone, make sure you get to know the real person first. There is nothing wrong with asking questions and really getting to know who the person is in real life before committing to a more serious relationship.

Truth 3: People will and can hurt you.

Relationships on social media may be great in the beginning, but once you take the next step and meet in person you may be in for a surprise. People may take more liberties engaging on social media than in real life. The fact is some think they can stretch the truth online and hide behind the shield of anonymity. Be careful!

Truth 4: The same process must be followed for both online and offline relationships.

Social media is a great tool to meet interesting people and create relationships, but you must be smart about it. Spend plenty of quality time with each other offline to find out if you really click. No matter how you met, your soul mate is someone who should bring out the best in you. It is through experiencing the ups and downs of a relationship beyond the world of social media that you will find out if you’re meant to be together.

Truth 5: Follow your heart but take your brain with you too.

There will be people who will question your choices especially for those who meet online. No matter what people say, it is still your choice. Just make sure you use common sense and always be on the lookout for your safety. Sometimes we don’t see everything objectively when we are in love. Be on the lookout for red flags when you are beginning your online relationship:

They should be willing to talk with you on the phone and meet with you in person and in public.
They should be willing to talk with you on stream, not just through private messages (PMs) or direct messages (DMs.)
They should not ask you for money as a perquisite to meeting you. This is a big red flag!
They should be willing to back-up claims and statements they make publicly online and to you privately. Remember, anyone can say anything online. It doesn’t make it true!
Truth 6: Following your instincts is a must.

There are many awesome people in social media but there are still those who may take advantage of you and your vulnerability. Just because they are active and share a lot doesn’t mean they are particularly trustworthy. If your instincts tell you to stop, investigate further before continuing to interact. Matters of the heart are emotional experiences that should not be taken lightly especially if it turns ugly. Break-ups can take a nasty turn and become amplified on social media.

Truth 7: Honesty is the best policy.

Be yourself! Whatever your reason for joining any social media network, it is always a good practice to be honest. It’s never been an issue for us meeting our online friends in person because we are no different offline than how we represent ourselves online. Some people find it hard to connect offline because they’re afraid of being exposed as not who they say they are.

http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/16/7-things-you-need-to-know-about-social-media-and-online-relationships/

Just because you don’t kiss on the first date (or you don’t approve first date kiss) doesn’t mean other people don’t do it. A lot of Nigerian girls feel kissing on the first date would make them seem cheap coupled with other self loathing excuses they tell themselves just to console themselves. For the millennial urban ones who have had a first date kiss, chop knuckle.

For the fellas, if you’ve been lucky enough to have a first date kiss before and maybe you had another first date with someone else and she didn’t agree for the first kiss, here’s a few reasons why…

1. MOUTH ODOR: Oh, it happens. It could be a deal breaker or it could just be something that you can laugh about in the future. Either way, it’s not a good way to end an amazing date.

2. OR MAYBE SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT:Bad breath or not, a girl will not opt to kiss you if she doesn’t like you at all. If she did, you would end up assuming that there’s still a chance for the both of you. By refusing to kiss you, she may very well be saving you from a fruitless pursuit of her affection.

3. SINCE YOU DIDN’T MAKE A MOVE SHE ALSO DIDN’T MAKE A MOVE: Yes, sometimes girls like to pull the “I may be an independent woman, but I’m not going to kiss you first because that is against the rules of ancient time” card. I don’t play by those rules, but that’s just me. If you did not make the attempt to kiss her first, she is going to assume you were not into the date. So, she will just forget that a kiss was supposed to happen. Don’t make her think you are not into her when you really are.

4. THE DATE PROBABLY DIDN’T GO WELL:Somebody has to say it. If nobody will, the lack of a goodbye kiss will do that for you. No matter how much you like a person, a kiss is less likely to happen if the date ended badly. Any number of circumstances could make this happen. If the first date’s a failure, pray and hope it’ll go better next time – if there is still a next time.

5. THEY DON’T FEEL A CONNECTION YET: Some people feel this immediately, while some people are too guarded to notice that you both work well together. Kissing may seem trivial to some, but others think it’s as special as making love. If you really like the person, you should be willing to wait for them to be open about being physical with you.

6. JUST BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT THE DATE WENT WELL DOESN’T MEAN SHE DID: Yeah, she thought the date sucked. You talked about your days as a Uni bookworm for hours. You may feel like you impressed her, but in reality, she was probably acting like she was intrigued just to be polite. I mean, you did just buy her dinner, so it was the least she felt she could do for you.

7. MAYBE SHE’S SHY: There is nothing wrong with going for the awkward girl. She probably has some amazing qualities to offer, like loyalty. She just might not have been ready for a kiss. Having to spend a few hours with you without having a panic attack was a big step for one night.

8. OR SHE’S JUST PLAYING HARD TO GET: It’s nothing against you or about you that made her not kiss you on the first date. With the way our dating culture is sometimes, the only defense mechanism a girl has from preventing herself from either a) getting attached too quickly, or b) getting hurt too soon is by playing hard to get. She wants to see how much work you are willing to put in to actually have her. How much of a fight will you put up? If the girl is worth it, then you will fight for that kiss. You may not get it tonight, but who knows? It could be in store for you tomorrow.

http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/13/how-to-get-a-guy-to-propose-without-pressuring-him/

https://www.don9ja.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/stock-photo-stylish-and-romantic-caucasian-couple-lie-on-the-grass-and-leaves-in-the-beautiful-autumn-park-473380810.jpg

You’re not quite sure how — or when — it happened. You used to have so much fun in bed, but suddenly your sex life just isn’t what it used to be. By 11 p.m. you’re more interested in The Daily Show than in a steamy session with your guy. Even when you do work up the energy, sex feels so…predictable. The excitement, even the passion, are MIA.

The thing is, you like sex — a lot. And you love your partner. So what gives? “There are all kinds of emotional barriers to having good sex, from poor body image to boredom,” says sex therapist Laura Berman, PhD, director of the Berman Center in Chicago and author of The Passion Prescription. “The good news is that you can get beyond them and reconnect with your sensuality.”

Ready to light your fire? These moves will make sex hotter, happier, and just plain sexier.

1. Like yourself naked.
Women who have the best sex lives feel good about their bodies, says Joy Davidson, PhD, a sex therapist in New York City and the author of Fearless Sex. “They see themselves as strong and sexy.” Unfortunately, according to Berman, up to 80 percent of women in the United States suffer from a negative body image. “Typically, when a woman looks at herself, her eyes go straight to her problem areas,” says Berman. “She carries that feeling into the bedroom, and when her partner’s kissing her thighs, she’s busy thinking, ‘God, I’m so fat!'” To boost your body confidence, give yourself a reality check. The next time you’re at the store or in the gym, take a look around you at all the attractive women who are a variety of shapes and sizes. Remind yourself: There is no one ideal. Then ask your partner what he loves about your body, and write it down. Read the list every morning. Finally, compliment yourself. At least once a week, stand in front of the mirror naked and focus on your favorite features — your toned arms, your firm butt, your gorgeous breasts. Touch each part and say aloud what you like about it — this will help to reinforce your feelings, says Berman.

2. Make the mind-body connection.
Think about those moments in your life when you feel completely in tune with your body. Maybe it’s after you finish a long run — your blood is pumping and you’re relaxed and exhilarated. Or perhaps it’s when you do yoga and achieve a mind-body meld. Chances are, this doesn’t happen often enough. “When a woman has a negative self-image, she tends to disconnect from how her body feels,” says Berman. To reestablish the bond, do something that makes you feel good in your skin at least once a day — treat yourself to a massage, go apple picking with your kids, wear the jeans that give you an ego boost the minute you slide them on. “Whenever you’re tuned in to your body and what it’s capable of, you’re naturally more sensual,” says Davidson.

3. Swear off sex.
It’s extreme, yes, but highly effective. That’s because when you tell yourself you can’t have something, you want it even more. The same is true in the bedroom — especially if you and your partner have been together for a while and sex has become automatic. Instead of focusing on the end game, learn to enjoy the sensuality of sex. Tease yourself — and him. Get undressed, dim the lights and take turns exploring each other’s bodies. “When you’re the one doing the touching, concentrate on communicating love and sensuality to your partner,” says Berman. “When you’re on the receiving end, let yourself feel the sensations of each and every stroke. This will help you reconnect with each other on a whole new level.” Not only that but by the time you’re done, you’ll be so excited you’ll barely be able to stand it. Hold off (if you can!) for a night or two, to let the anticipation build.

4. Add a few thrills.
After a few years together, it’s easy to get lazy in bed. But you both deserve better. “If you don’t put energy into your relationship, you won’t get energy out of it,” says Davidson.

Research shows that new and adventurous activities may stimulate the brain to produce dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in sexual desire. Do something daring outside the bedroom and dopamine levels may skyrocket — along with your sex drive. Challenge your guy to a heart-pounding activity like rock climbing or white-water rafting. “Experiencing something new and exhilarating together helps replicate that feeling you had in the beginning of your relationship when you couldn’t get enough of each other,” says Berman.

5. Tell him how to turn you on.
“Men want to be your knight in shining armor when it comes to sex — they’re eager for you to tell them what feels good,” says Berman. “The problem is, so many women are out of touch with their bodies they have no idea what to say.” Help him, and yourself, by showing him what turns you on. Put your hand on top of his and guide him in how you want to be touched — including how much pressure to use. When you’re ready to move on to MouthAction, or to bring in a few intimacy gadgets, speak up. “This is the only way he’s going to know what works for you,” says Berman.

6. Change your routine.
When you’re stressed out, it’s impossible to feel sexy. That’s because when a woman experiences chronic tension, her body produces higher levels of oxytocin, a chemical that cancels out the effects of the sex hormone testosterone. As a result, your libido takes a nosedive. Recharge your sexual batteries by doing things that let you break free from your hectic everyday life, says Berman. Play a CD that reminds you of your college days and sing along. Splurge on something you’d normally never buy — like platform pumps — and wear them for a girls’ night out. When you’re relaxed and feeling good about yourself, sex will start to seem within the realm of possibility again.

7. Make the first move.
A recent study at the University of Virginia found that the leading predictor of a woman’s marital happiness was the level of her husband’s emotional engagement. If you two are spending quality time together, you’re happy. But when you’re feeling disconnected, your relationship and your sex life suffer. Here’s why: You need to feel close to him to be inspired to make love, and he often needs sex to feel close to you, explains Berman. How to break the stalemate? Make the first move, says Berman. “Do something simple like thanking him for taking out the trash. When you give him a little gratitude, it’s a huge bonding moment for him.” In response, he’ll start tuning back in to what you need, and you’ll be much more likely to want him in return.

8. Turn chores into pre-intimacy.
Even in this enlightened age, women still spend about an hour more each day than men on household chores and childcare. No wonder we’re not in the mood — we’re tired! Research at the University of Washington shows that when men pitch in around the house, their wives are much more likely to be satisfied with the relationship and to want more sex. “All he needs to hear is that helping out is a form of pre-intimacy,” says Berman. The next thing you know, he’ll be pushing past you to wipe the counter, change the kitty litter, and unload the dishwasher.

9. Leave your house.
You know it’s good to escape — from work, the kids, the dust bunnies — and concentrate on each other. If you can’t head off for the weekend, go out to dinner instead. But mix it up a little: Pick a place you’ve never been and order a dish you’ve never had. Better yet, visit him at work. Seeing him in a place that doesn’t have anything to do with you will reveal a different side of him and reconnect you with the person you fell in love with. “You might see or learn something surprising that makes you view him in a sexier way,” says Berman.

10. The secret to the best sex ever...
If you need another reason to exercise, consider this: Working out is a great way to boost your sex life. “It stimulates not only the body but the nervous system and the brain,” says Davidson. “So you’re more physiologically excited and more receptive to sex.” Exercise strengthens your cardiovascular system, improves circulation, and gets blood flowing to all the right places. It also gets you in the mood by reducing stress and boosting your self-esteem. Working out gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment, says Berman. “When you do it consistently, it makes you feel good about yourself.”

Source:- http://www.don9ja.com/2016/11/15/10-ways-to-make-sex-fun