₦airaland Forum

@OP
You should get married when you finally decide to stick to one woman for the rest of your life and you feel mature enough to raise a family. Everything else is secondary.

Laughing in Swahili

@OP

Just look at the number of Naija guys that have fallen mugu for girls. There you have your answer. Smartness is not limited to book knowledge. It includes sharpness and a sense of cunning too.

mcdokwe:
Last week, I took my "friend" to see my girlfriend. My girl really hurt me by saying that my friend was cool and that I was not. Later on when my friend was behind us, she said that I should rather go back while my friend should come by her side, she was so happy & comfortable that she actually held my friend by the waist. I later went home sad.
Later the next day the guy called to ask where I was and when I flashed her much later, she called to ask me what I had planned, then when I confronted her, she relunctantly told me that my friend had come to woo her, bt that I should not ask him because he made her promise not to tell me and I told her that she actually encouraged him by her actions the previous day which she said wasn't deliberate.
Now I think she told me because she thought I planned it, otherwise she might have accepted or kept it from me, I dont know what to do. Please help me

First off, how old are you? Maybe your babe is trying to tell you something. You better man up or you'll be catching feelings while your friend is drilling your babe. ^{*shakes head, Naija babes too sharp*}

So you fall for the bad guy when you have good guys on the side. Typical girl story anyway tell us the full story first, Are you double dating like many other Naija babes?

otukpo:
Laughs

But how do u guys get involved with this kind of girls?  
Birds of a feather,

Nah! The bad girls always catch the good (mugu) guys and maybe vice versa.

calyx:
Sad story really but its just easy to see where this relationship is headed - South! Its just so crazy sometimes that you find it very difficult to believe women.
I just had it with a babe who was sleeping with me and with about three other guys. we all knew ourselves and she was discussing marriage with all of us. Its all so crazy.

I dont even know where to start with another relationship. . .I dont simply know who to trust. God help us. . .we need it.

Talk about sharing the love! 25% for each guy.

michelin89:
The fact that you are less loving doesn't mean you love less. You can love and decide not to show it. . .but na love you still dey.

Correctomundo. You're my type of girl.
A man should be able to keep his feelings/emotions hidden, but that should not be an excuse to be unloving.

sugah:
***All you wham bam thank you ma'am kind of guys, take note***

Times have changed Sugah, lol. Good advice nonetheless.

michelin89:
My post was just comparing two situations (in necessarily in marriage):

1. My partner loves me more
2. My partner doesn't love me at all.

In the first scenario you just end up with a lunatic: today he loves you, tomorrow he doesn't.

In the second, although disheartening, you have a partner who doesn't give you mix feelings all the time. His coherence in fact will just easy things for you. And whenever you decide to leave, you won't look back.

The lesser evil, eh? But like they say, In a relationship one partner is always more loving. What happens if you find yourself loving him more than he does to you. Trust me, It'll be hard not to look back.

Truthfully, this whole concept of love irks me. But I feel it's impossible to line out scenarios we haven't experienced. Personally I try to be less loving than my partner in my relationships. But I end up leaving behind girls who still have feelings for me (not all). No scenario looks good really.

Besides, an 'over-loving' husband is not a lunatic, just foolish.

chaircover:
The poster clearly feels a degree of guilt somewhere; or why would he still be striving to be his wife’s best friend after such a hard hit in the nuts where it hurts the most ego wise?

I think the poster needs to come out with what exactly happened/happening. This woman’s behaviour is not typical. Infact the whole tale doesn’t taste palatable.

I still don’t believe that the woman is sleeping around.

Lets face it, I don’t think that bad s.ex gets worse; it can only get better with time. She coped with the bad s.ex 10 years ago, why is it suddenly an issue now? Which makes me believe that that she was just looking for the hubby to sit up and listen and it worked. She is “wicked”   for doing this but it was probably the only thing she hadn’t already tried to get him to listen to her.

Looking at it from a Nigerian perspective, I'd say it's possible for Nigerians to remain in a relationship no matter what. Maybes are just maybes.
The OP's drive to make peace at all costs may not necessarily a sign of guilt, but a reflection of his immediate society

michelin89:
My bad!!

michelin89:
True. . .very destructive.

It's better not to be loved at all, IMO.

So are you implying a loveless marriage is the best?

michelin89:
I don't think it's peculiar to women alone. Generally human beings take advantage of any situation whereby someone is ready to give more than they give themselves.

Greed is in everyone of us. We shouldn't act holier than thou.

I aint tryin to act holy or anything. I was just responding to your statement in comparison to one made earlier

chaircover:
@poster I may be wrong but my gut instinct tells me that this is a cry for help from your wife. If she was playing around or wanted to leave you, she would have found better excuses. She will find an excuse that she can say in public. How can she tell her mother, friends and pastor etc that she is leaving you because you cant do it as well as her ex-boyfriends?

She probably said all those things to get a reaction from you and it worked. She has probably been hinting for months or years that things are not quite right with the relationship but you didn't quite grab it, so she decided to give you some attention grabbing headlines.

No doubt the things she said were despicable but maybe that was the only way she knew how to get to you.

Sometimes, men are on different wavelength's to women and men can be totally engrossed in their quest to put food on the table, forgetting that its not all about money. Women have totally different needs. We need love and affection. We need to be appreciated, we need to talk, we need to be listend to, we need to be affectionately touched and spoken to. Men are sometimes too busy to do all this and the woman begins to feel unloved and un appreciated.

Your wife made the mistake of letting things get so bad before saying anything but I honestly don't believe that she meant what she said. I think that she still loves you or wouldn't be crying when having the discussion with you.

No doubt something is wrong in your relationship and has been for a long time whether you admit it or not. You are married and have been for 10 years, so really you have one of one choice only, which is to try and work things out with your wife. Try & try until you have exhausted all avenues possible.

Go home and make peace with your wife. All the best.

Chaircover says the love might have waned and that's bad. You say he loves too much.
So what do you expect men to do about Women? Nothing ever seems right.

michelin89:
I hope I won't marry a man whose love for me will be three times my love for him or na serious wahala e go be ooo.

True words. But it just goes to show Women can never be satisfied. Whether you love them little or very much, there's always a problem.
@OP
Like I said earlier, if your story is true, then your wife has been a cheating b.i.t.ch. Otherwise, you'll just need to learn how to fulfill your wife's desires. Start by being a listening husband.

This is what I call divine favor. Cheers Bro, don't let anything dampen your celebration and joy.

I'm also waiting for the rest of the post. I smell a b.i.t.c.h though

Hmm, Is he really your ex? You sure don't sound like your relationship is over. It's simple really, If you want the relationship to continue, apologize. If not, stop communicating with him .