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bin watin hapen na. Oya continue d tori OR...

During My school
Days I Observed
That:
(1)Since José
Mourinho got
sacked by Chelsea
in 2007.
Chelsea have won
7 trophies and
Arsenal have won
0."
(2)When you
scream God's name
during sex,
Iwonder if
you're trying to
remind Him to
punish u later."
(3)The day a Ghost
got involved in an
accidentwas the
day i stopped
watching
Nollywood."
(4)What's the
relationship
between Rain &
PHCN in
Nigeria? It seems
almost like an
automatic switch
thing..
(5)Someone walks
up to u drinking
Ice-Creamand tells
u to help him with
T-fare cos he's
Stranded..pls
shoot
Him!"
(6)He did the Exam
so well that He
Took the Answer
Scripts Home to
show His Room-
mates"
(7) That awkward
moment when you
type"Trophyless "
on Google and the
result
shows"Arsenal""
(Just put
currency sign in
front of your pin
and igbo
girls would add
you. $2737A4A7"
(9) sweat from
some girls' armpits
will turn blue litmus
paper red."
(10)If your
Girlfriend refuses
to accept the Bible
&
anointing oil or
Qu'ran as Vals gift,
free her, na
WITCH"
(11)They say love
is more important
than money. Pls
try paying a lagos
conductorur with a
hug?"
(12)In a Nigerian
Home...If your
friend forgetsto
greet
your parents,
that's the end of
that friendship.if
you
agree"
(13)Women are like
police, they might
have allthe
evidence in the
world but they still
want a
confession!"
(14)People That
Smoke Weed
Before Going
ToChurch.
You Wanna
Compete With The
Most High?"
(15)In a Naija
Home, ur parents
will call u frm ur
room
to pick up
something that is
sitting literally
2inches
away from them.
(16)If God's Plan
For You is BROWN
TEETH, Even IRON
SPONGE Cannot
Change It!"
(17)If 80k brazilian
hair couldn't get
you a good
husband, why not
use it to pay a
counselor to talk
good
sense into your
life"
(18) Ushers sef..
Dey won't allow
one sleep
comfortably
during service..
Thought the house
of God is also my
father's house?"
(19)The hot girl
next to me in class
just fell asleep.
Maybe I should fall
asleep too..so I can
tell my friends I
slept wit her?"
(20)WHITE KID:
"Shut Up Dad"!!; *
Dad shuts up*
DAD-
*Shut too* 9JA
KID: "Pale, Shut up
abeg" *wakes
up*....where am
i?....DOCTOR:
Oloshi..Igbobi
Hospital"
(21)A slap is a
manual override
mechanism used to
rectify a person
acting like a
fool.....no one is
above a
manual reset."
(22)Some Igbo
people with their
names tho, how
can
you be naming
identical
twins"Praise and
Worship"?"
(23)U opend Ur
legs & he bought U
BOLD 5, U opend 4
anoda guy & he
paid for Ur BIS. Pls
open 4 me too,
lemme buy U d
Charger."
(24)And So, I was
watching a yoruba
movie...and this
Guy shot himself in
the head
THRICE...Awon
Oloriburuku!!"
(25)Someone
Blocked His Dad on
facebook, the Dad
also Blocked Him
from entering the
House
(26)One rapper
just said "My blood
is so full, call me
'bloody
fool'".......Wh y lord?
(27) U can't recite a
Bible Passage! but
u can mention
68 Hotels & Clubs in
Lagos without
thinking? My Sista,
ur life is blinkin on
a low ba3!"
(28)Marrying a lady
whose cooking
skills can only be
compared to Victor
IKPEBA's English
issuicide."
(29)All women
MUST get married!
No man should go
unpunished!"
(30)Its only a
Yoruba Father that
Prices SchoolFees!"
(31) You try to call
your GF from a
public call centre on
her street, and Her
number appearsas
'Sweet Heart'

Keeping your Job

One of our co-worker
went missing for a few
hours and we tore up
the place looking for
him. The boss finally
found him fast asleep.
Rather than waking him,
he quietly placed a note
on the man's chest:

"As long as you're
asleep, you have a job
but as soon as you
wake up, you're fired!"

Should this man wake
up or continue sleeping?

I searched so hardly 4 d joke, I even have to use a torch, but still found nothing.

Infact u b non-nomenclatic baskardised baskaaard.

What your mother
likes

Three sons left home to
make their fortunes and
did very well. one day,
the three competitive
brothers got back
together to discuss the
gift that they were giving
their elderly mother.

The 1st said,"I built a big
house for Mom."

The 2nd said, "I got her
a Mercedes with a
driver."

"I've got you both beaten,"
said the 3rd."You know
Mom enjoys the Bible,
and you know she can't
see very well. I sent her
a brown parrot that can
recite the entire Bible. It
took twenty monks in a
monastery twelve years
to teach him. I had to
pledge to contribute
$100,000 a year for ten
years for them to train
him, but it is worth it."

Soon thereafter, their
mom sent out her letters
of thanks.

To the. 1st son, she
wrote, "Milton, the
house you built is so
huge. I live in only 1
room, but I have 2 clean
the whole house."

To the 2nd son, she
wrote, "Marty, I am too
old to travel. I stay
home all the time, so I
never use the Mercedes.
And the driver was
rude!"

To the 3rd son, her
message was softer:
"Dearest Melvin, you
were the only son to
have the good sense to
know what your mother
likes. The chicken was
delicious!"

4 wat naw

Akpors was fond
of puttn his
wife photo inhis
wallet
so one day d wife
asked Him
Wife:Y z my foto
always in ur
wallet
Akpors: wen am in
trouble...i
just look at it and d
problem disappears
Wife:hmm...do u c
how
miraculous i am in
ur life?
Akpors:...I just look at
ur
picture and say to
my self
"wat problem could
be bigger
dan this"?..

Daddy Charges

A young blonde farm
girl answers the door
and sees an older
neighbor there. "Daddy
isn't home, but I know
what you want and I
can help you," she says.

"You want our bull to
service your cow. Well,
Daddy charges $100 for
his best bull."

"That's not what I want,"
the neighbor says.

"Well, we do have a
young bull who's just
starting out. Daddy
charges $50 for him,"
the girl says.

"That's not what I want,"
the neighbor sternly
says.

"We have an old bull out
in the pasture. He can
still do the job. Daddy
only charges $20 for
him," says the girl.

"That's not what I want.
I came here to see your
father about your
brother," the neighbor
explains. "Your brother,
Henry, made my
daughter pregnant."

"Oh! Well, you'd better
talk to Daddy about
that," the girl says,
"cause I don't know
what he charges for
Henry."

you can now check
your weight
with your blacberry
phone. Just
dial *2352# then
keep it on the
floor and stand on
it accurately
and wait for the
result. Before
standing on it
make sure you
chop akpu and
egwisi soup.
Message from
Akpos.

wait o, na joke b dis? OMG where d hell is d Mod?

Akpos saying 2 his
mother : Hey
mom mom !
I saw dad taking
off the
secretary's shirt
in the office &
he .......
She said : what !
Hold it there son!
I want u 2 say all
that when ur
father
comes home .
That son of a
bitch!
As The father gets
in the house.....
Akpos : Hey mom
mom !
I saw dad taking
off the secretary's
dress
in the office & he...
did 2 her the
same stuff our
neighbour did 2 u
yesterday.
The mom fainted!!

No.
I no b farmer 2 de dig
do u use greenberry?

Jamb Result!
Eng=35
Maths=21
physics=20
chemistry=31
total= 107
BUT your;
Facebook frndz=
4,999
Twitter followers=
10,572
BBM frndz= 1,520
2go frndz= 980
Whatsapp frndz=
632
2go star level=
Ultimate
U BE AKPOS
I Pity you,THE
DEVIL must have
been
singing
LIMPOPO on your
BRAIN

bright007: No....âm a virgin!
Do you like rice?

yes...
U dey carry 9months 4 belle, yet u de claim virgin... R u a learner?

1st 2 comment. U try. Bt y u de vex. U no knw say GOD loves a cheerful giver.

[quote author=bin gbagbo][/quote]who dash u joke president, wen d joke LORD de here.

We are here again to help student to achieve their goal of becoming a university student. You can now upgrade your JAMB score to 230-270.
Due to poor performance of students this year in JAMB, admission will be easy for students with high score.
So if you want to UPGRADE YOUR JAMB SCORE, just call this no. 07033248372.
You have your chance now!

Akpors & his wife
were in a public
transport. He gave
money to a beggar
inside d bus & by d
tym they got
to d nxt bus stop,
his pen*s
disappeared.....
Akpors shouted
"my pen*s is lost oo!" and d ppl in d
bus ordered d
driver to stop.
Akpors told d
passengers wat
happened & dey
started beating d
begger up.
After receiving hot
beatings, d begger
agreed to fix his
pen*s back, he
brought out his
bag containing
all d dicks he had
collected dat day,
& poured dem on d
ground.
Akpors shouted "dat is my pen*s", and as he
was about to pick
it up, his wife
shouted "my friend
put dat tin down &
pick a bigger one,
nonsense".

Why I hate My
Boyfriend

GIRL: I hate my
boyfriend!
BOY: Why?
GIRL: He is so cheap he
cant even buy me a
simple dinner, are all
boys like that?
BOY: Of course not, I'm
not like that.
GIRL: I'm going to break
up with him.
BOY: Ok but know I'm
available.
[Girl stands to leave]
BOY: Wait, where are
you going?
GIRL: To break up with
my boyfriend of course.
BOY: You can't leave.
GIRL: Why?
BOY: Who is going to
pay for the lunch we
just had?

AKPOS AND AKPAN

Akpos and Akpan were
friends and great
hunters. They hunted
and killed animals which
they skinned and sold in
the market. This time
they decided to skin a
lion. They went to the
deep forest and built a
house because they
figured it was going to
be a long hunt.

Early the next morning
Akpos woke up and
said
to Akpan, "bro it's
morning and we need
to
get two lions to skin,
so
we should get going".
But Akpan told him he
wasn't feeling well. So
Akpos set off to look
for
the lion alone. Akpos
had
not gone very far from
the house when he met
a huge lion in the forest.
He turned and ran for
his life heading back
straight to the house
with the lion in hot
pursuit.

Akpos ran and ran and
then he saw the house
at a distance with the
door wide open. He was
determined to get to
the
house and lock up the
door behind him. But
just a few yards to the
house, he tripped and
fell, the lion was so
close
behind that it couldn't
stop. The lion ran head
on into the house and
Akpan was still in bed.
Akpos quickly got up
and
locked the door from
outside and said to
Akpan
through the window
"hey bro, here's the
first
lion, you skin it while I
go look for the second
one."

Akpos JAMB
EXAMINATION....

Fill in the gap
Akpos JAMB
examination
questions:

1.Inside Jackie
Chan & jet Li who
go beat?.........

2.Inside indomie &
macaroni,which 1
sweet pass?.........

3.Inside girls &
boys,who do
amebo pass?.......

4.Inside Mama &
Papa style & 4rm
back,which 1
sweet pass?.......

5.Inside fowl &
goat,who get voice
pass?.......

6.Inside Ogboni &
Illuminati,which 1
sweet to join
pass?......

7.No difference
btw agbero &
police because d both
of them they
collect money 4
bus stop & they
wear uniform.......
True or false?

8.Everybody don
thief b4......True or
false?

9.Inside Politician &
yahoo boyz,who
girls follow pass?.......

10.Finally,Inside
me wey write dis
thing & U wey dey
read am,who no
get work?......

Weight Reduction
Therapy

A very fat woman went
to see her doctor for
weight reduction
therapy.

DOCTOR : Take a half
teacup of tea every
morning, one ball of
kenkey (small size) every afternoon and three slices of yam every evening.

WOMAN: errm doc,
should I take it before or after meals?

Akpos, rukewe and
John decided to go
to China for
vacation.
Since they were
new to the place
they had to stay
in a hotel. And their
room was on the
60th floor. The
policy of the hotel
was that at
midnight the
elevators were
shut down. The
next
day, this guys
rented a car and
explored the city.
They enjoyed
themselves and
arrived at the
hotel
past midnight. The
elevators were
shut down.
There was no
other way to get
to their room but
to take the stairs
all the way to the
60th floor.
John said'''for the
first 20 floors, I will
tell jokes to keep
us going. Then Tito
could say
wise stories for
the next 20 floors
and lastly, we will
cover the final 20
floors with sad
stories from
akpos.''
So,John
started with jokes.
With laughs and
joy, they
reached the 20th
floor. Tito started
saying stories full
of wisdom. They
learned a lot while
reaching the 40th
floor.
Now it was time for
sad stories. So,
Akpos
started: ‘My first
sad story is that I
left the key for
the room in the car

WIFE: How many
girlfriends did you have
before we got married?

Husband remains
silent...Five mintues
later.

WIFE: Why are you
silent?

HUSBAND: Don't disturb
while I'm counting!

Akpos farts
in the classroom
and his teacher
gets really upset
and throws
him out. He goes
and sits outside
the class
and can't stop
laughing. The
principal walks
by and sees him
sitting outside
laughing. He
asks, "Akpos what
are you doing
outside
sitting here
laughing?" Akpos
replies, "I farted in
class and the
teacher threw me
out." The
principal says, "Well
then, why are you
laughing?" Akpos
replies, "Cause the
dumb
idiots are sitting in
the class room
smelling and
enjoying
my
fart while they put
me outside in this
beautiful, clean air.

Akpos dies
and goes to Hell.
The devil greets
him, "You may
choose which room
you wish to enter.
Whichever you
choose, the person
in that room will
switch with you.
They’ll go to
heaven and you’ll
take over until somebody
switches with you.
So go on, pick a
room." The devil
leads him to the
first room
where someone is
tied to a wall and is
being whipped.
The second room
has someone being
burned by a torch.
The third has a man
getting blown
by a naked woman.
"I choose this
room!" Akpos says.
"Very well," the
devil says.
He walks up to the
woman and taps
her on the shoulder. "You can go now. I've
found your replacement."

At a Sunday
worship service,
Pastor said; Turn
to your left and
say to your
neighbour,
"neighbour, it shall
be permanent in
your life".
Akpos turned to
his left and saw a
cripple.
Apparently
confused and full
of pity, he stared
at him and said;
Please don't mind
Pastor. The cripple
replied; Is God dat
saved you today, i
wish you had said
it, i would have use
slap to scatter
your face.

yes

Are you a dancing maniac?

Akpos has tickets
for the World Cup
final. As he
sits in the stadium,
a man comes over
and
asks if anyone is
sitting in the
seatnext to
him. ‘No,’ says
Akpos. ‘That seat
is empty.’
‘That’s incredible!’
says the man. ‘Who
in their
right mind would
have a seat like
this for the
World Cup final and
not use it?’ Akpos
replies,
‘Well, actually, I’ve
got the tickets for
both
these seats. My
wife was supposed
to be here
with me, but she
passed away.’ ‘I’m
sorry to
hear that,’ says
the man. ‘But
couldn’t you find
a friend or relative
to take the seat?’
Akpos
shakes his head,
‘No, they’re all at
the funeral.

Akpors visit an
hotel
After knoking
Discussn goes
thus:
Akpor: hello pls am
looking 4
juilet.
Lady: sorry dirty
guy rough and
stinky like u dont
look 4 expensive
Juilet..!
Akpors: am
expensive I have
money..,(hearing
the discussion
going on Juilet
came to them)
Juilet: am Juilet
what did u want?
Akpors: I need to
see u..!
Juilet: b4 any guy
can see me
talkless of
sleeping with me.,
he
must hand me
#50,000,
suprising akpors
brought out the
money and they
went in 4 about
5hrs..!
The next day
Akpors come back
again.!
Akpors: I want to
see Juilet.
Juilet came and
Demand 4
another #50,000
saying d same
words,
akpors dips his
hand into his
pocket
and bring out the
money...,
This also
happened on the
3rd
day..,
as they finished
with what they
had Done Akpors
said I really
enjoy You..,
then Juilet asked
what happen Mr.
Man no guy has
ever had sex with
me, 3 times in a
row
and give me such
money..,
are U rich Like
that?
Akpors replied did
u know Mr.
Eazy at the end of
the street.,
she replied yes he
his my former
Boss where I
worked b4..,
ok..Mr Eazy said u
forgot ur bag in
his shop with
#150,000 so
he sent me to give
u..!
Gbam||| the girl
fainted