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Acekidc4:
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Love your signature...It takes hardwork to understand.

On entering the room, we met like four hungry-looking boys out of a supposed-census of twelve. My dad greeted them all while my mum did the normal famzing as expected. I just kept looking around the room perplexed and with much discomfort written all over my black face ..” Which kain room b this, e too small na”. Imagine 12 students with potential squatters in a room that’s more or less the size of my room back in my hood.
I took a look at the backyard and what I saw could make a man forfeit his admission. I looked up and luckily there were two healthy-looking ceiling fans, then I smiled as I remembered Lil Kesh’s line that says; “too many fans even cold don dey catch me“, though I later found out that the fans were never working.

I sat on a bed adjacent to my bunk as I watched my mum arranging my stuffs and decorating my bed while she kept talking, advising my roomates to be of good behaviour and never join bad guys …”She no even sabi whether na dem be the bad guys sef”… I thought.

My dad noticed the dissatisfaction on my face and told me not to worry as it was just a matter of one year. “One year? 365days? Very long! We’ve been spending just one day since and it seems like it’s never ending, not to talk of 365 days“. I thought.

Skipping all actions to some minutes later, my mum was done with the decoration and they were set to depart. Then my mum said that sentence that always made my then unGodly but now Godly self inconvenient…”Shall we pray“…I noticed my room mates were looking so much interested in the prayer, only if they knew the last prayer session we had before leaving home was 2 straight hours with extra minutes to its credit. “In Jesus Name….” She started…

15 minutes later : Still thanking God, first step in prayers…
30minutes later : She was still on forgiveness of sins…
45minutes later : Prayer for parents…
After an hour : She moved on to the main prayer point..Prayer for the students…

Obviously the prayer for the students would last nothing less than an hour. I started feeling this usual feeling of dizziness, sleep drives in and was looking for a parking spot in the garage of my spirit, I was getting carried out to the land of the num. Then I discovered I was not alone, everyone started feeling like I was, as the sound of “amen” was fading off.
She sharply sensed the atmosphere and decided to round off. If we tried that in the house then a hot slap on someone’s cheek would have brought everyone else back to life and back to reality.

She finally ended the marathon prayer session and gave my room mates some chocs she brought out of nowhere I could fathom….”Chai! If to say I sabi say she buy this thing nii, I for don chop one when hunger dey fire me inside car o“. I said to myself.

They finally set to take their leave as I decided to accompany them to a point where they would fear no more, then I remembered the hall warden at the entrance, as a sharp guy, I sharply changed the situation…”Ehmmm…Thank you sir and ma, I think I’ll need to go back now in order to secure my properties“…”But your room mates are indoors“…”Huh, those guys don’t look trustworthy to me, they look dangerous o“..I replied my mum by spoiling the dignity of those innocent ones.
“Well, we shall send you some cash first thing on Monday morning, hope you have some that can last you till then. Be a good boy and make us proud“, that was from my dad, short and targeted. My mum held me tightly and emotionally, I knew all what she wanted to say but it didn’t stop her from repeating them.”We’ll miss you though“, she concluded.
“My mum is actually the only one I will miss though, if I miss anything else then na class I miss“. I thought emotionally as I bid them farewell.

Smiling back to my room, no more that daddy’s boy and happy that I was now freely all to myself to take any step I preferred. “So this is what they call campus,hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,nice one, I must not lag behind on here but before then, lemme enjoy the euphoria of being a fresh dude”

OAU here I Come……………………………………………………………………………………..

https://i1.wp.com/www.eduregard.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/happy.jpg?resize=300%2C193

virtuedagirl:
Wow! so nice,beautiful and funny story u've got. tanks 4 making me laugh so hard. keep it coming

Happy u liked it...coming...

Hall Warden : Haba! I was not expecting someone like you to complain of such penny now.
My Dad : But that amount is quite scary now, imagine me paying...........

Just one more word from my Dad and the die is cast. I felt my heart almost bursting out of my chest, I saw my spirit outside my body, drinking yoghurt and laughing hysterically, saying “I no warn u wen u dey do am? No be me go dey inside u wen dey go catch you, i no fit allow u disgrace me“. I felt my left leg shaking like it will withdraw its support anytime soon…

Then out of luck on my part and restlessness on the warden’s part, he cut in before my dad could land…

Hall Warden : Oskondo! Forget that matter jhawe. Did you hear about Ashimolowo’s death?

My Dad : I heard ooo. Like 2years ago. It was very painful.

Hall Warden : So painful really, they said the same sickness that worried him in during school days killed him…

Happy and feeling a sense of relief, though I was still troubled as I knew I was not out of the woods yet, it was uncertain whether they would probably resurrect my case. I kept a considerable but not so suspicious distance from them so I wouldn’t get noticed easily. “If I ever scape through this God, I will pay my first tithe with this money“, I prayed as I made a shaky on-motion covenant with God.

The story is getting boring, get me a remote control, I need to forward it to a better scene….

Somehow luckily I escaped the outcome that could have been life-threatening, I couldn’t have been gotten so cheaply though. “Where is your hostel?“, my dad threw the question at me as we walked the the sloppy land zone of Angola hall. I caught the question and threw back at him an excerpt that took me 4hours to cram…”Room 104, Block J, Angola Hall, Opposite Mozambique Hall, OAU, Ile-Ie, Osun State, Nigeria“…That’s the verse Aro told me to pour down for whosoever cares to know of my room number. All we needed to do was just count the blocks down to block J as the letters were boldly inscribed on the blocks as if they were meant for short-sighted optician friends. We got to block J and the room numbering we could see counts from 1 to 10. Why they put room 104 on the hostel registration page was the question on everyone’s lips.

“Well 104 means ground floor room 4, the last I checked“, my dad concluded..”Nooooo! I remember!It’s not room 4,the 104 means room 10, bed number 4, Aro told me!!!“. My dad was sure of his conclusion but somehow convinced with the way I said mine confidently. “It’s probably no more like it used to be during your days, everything now is packaged and the numbering system is now complex that only the smart ones like me can decode, gone are the good old school days when everything was simple“. I cracked some dry jokes as we entered room 10……………………….

SOURCE : http://www.eduregard.com

princejenks:
Rotfl...mehn its been a while i laughed so hard while reading. Pls come and continue jawe

I dey come...

Toyade888:
bros abeg we dey wait 4 update o......i respect ur content and organisation

Coming ...

Hawlahscho:
No, in d name of space booking

Nice job bro

Yo welcome!

[quote author=Hawlahscho post=34118701][/quote]Speechless?

Heading back to the car, this time around with full concentration, “Una don even pack sef“…I said silently as my big head kept swinging left and right in annoyance. I moved towards my dad, I knew he wouldn’t challenge me as he understands such adventures are necessary. He was still in the car playing that his so-called old school hit single by Ebenezer Obey, he just didn’t know how much those kind of songs turned me off. I decided to rest my nerves a bit as I sat at the entrance of the car with my two prada sandals still outside firmly seated on the gravel-like surface of Anglomoz car pack.

For clarification sake, Anglomoz is the land space between Angola and Mozambique, mind you, I'm not referring to the Angola situated in the Western Atlantic Coast of Southern Africa between Namibia and the Republic of the Congo, Angola here was or rather is the name of a popular and the most childish hostel on OAU campus, where male freshers are deposited, likewise Mozambique, which is meant for those just-clocked-puberty girls who form as if they just won a competition with Nicki Minaj as the runner up. The two hostels are just opposite each other and some space like boundary between them is what was named ANGLOMOZ by God-knows-who and for God-knows-what reason, they will probably change it to my name one day, I believe, NO! I prefer changing the name of the school instead...What am I saying?? Gibberish...

“Let’s help you get your stuffs inside” my mum said. “Seems there’s a screening going on there that I must complete before I can enter“, I told her as I pointed in the direction of the entrance where the screening was taking place, “Oya go and get it done now, if you like you can engage in a journey of a forceful return again“, she cut in..

I adjusted my swag as I headed for the screening, got there and I didn’t even know where to go and what to say. “You must be a fresher!”, a somewhat not-so-goodlooking huge man challenged me with his dragon-like intimidating voice, I swiftly nodded in approval… “Then you will need your online bedspace application form, admission letter, payment slip photocopy, clearance form, birth certificate, local government certificate, WAEC result, Post UTME result, Guarantor’s filled form, course form,#200 SUG fee and #200 ID Card fee for your hostel clearance”…He listed as I looked at him surprisingly …” hunhun, why una no ask for international passport? Or green card?”, I almost said it loudly as I wondered why they decided to pose a stress by requesting such much documents all because of hostel clearance. Well “Aro don tell me say dey go frustrate my life with registrations, seems that’s the only truth that weird guy told me though”.

I proceeded to the car to get the documents, “what’s the news?”, my dad asked, “This people can trouble someone ehn, I was told to bring like 10 of my documents with #3,000 for the clearance” I lied to my dad with confidence as I inflated the fee aggressively…” Things are going off point in this nation, when I was still a student of this great citadel, things were not this hard”, My dad bragged as he reached for his purse to hand me the liquid cash..”hope this woman no go fall my hand sha, she fit just say she wan follow me go where dem dey do the clearance o“, I thought, as I stylishly checked if my mum was concentrating but luckily, she was busy with a call.

“Hmmm at least , like #2,500 don add to my purchasing ability, I go spend die for dis school!” I spoke to my ignorant self as I joined the somehow long but fast moving queue for the clearance. “But come o, people dey enter without any clearance na, and Aro tell me say I fit come back come do am sef”
For clarification sake, Aro was a neighbour of mine who finished secondary school like 3years before I did and was not even in a tertiary institution yet, but he claimed to know almost everything about the school even more than an alumnus, so his job was to go from house to house gisting people about university life which he had never experienced, though 90% of whatever he told me were deposited in the LIE folder of my belief".

“I’m through with the clearance” I lied as I concluded to get it done sometimes later. “Let’s help you move your stuffs in“,as expected, we unleashed the loads from where they were stashed, I was instructed to carry an obviously heavy baggage and tightly packed Ghana-Must-Go sack packaged by my mum, “y dis one kon heavy like dis, sey na rock dey inside nii“, I murmured… “ I can’t allow you go hungry in school, so I had to pack anything that will last you a while without worries “, I blushed at my Mum’s reply which stimulated more strength for me to lift the loads.

Strugging continously with my luggage as I strive forward towards the entrance with my dad bouncing in front of me with free hands…”chai, dis man no even fit help me carry small of dis load, well, na big man, e no go make sense if e dey follow me struggle with load for public“… I was still busy in thoughts when I heard someone hailing my dad from afar…”Oskondo d skondo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” That was my dad’s nickname in school, guess who hailed him?? It was that man that told me the requirements, unfortunately he was my Dad’s old school mate who couldn’t strive through the challenges of life and ended up being a hall warden…”I don die! Iffa hear say ma papa no catch me today,see how people dey stretch #200 to the man wey dey hail am wen me don collect #3,000 from am, e go wan go meet the man ooo”… I shouted in thoughts as my dad and the man’s conversation goes thus..
Hall Warden: Oskondo d Skondo!!!!!! Tell me you brought your son !!!

My Dad: Yes ofcourse, what other reason would I have to be here.

Hall Warden: Oh! Where’s your son?

My Dad: Here he is, Come closer boy…
“My dad pointed at me as I was trying to hide at a guy’s back, unfortunately, the guy was too short, the only part of me he could cover was my feet to my belly, my face was just so glaring”

Hall Warden: Oh he really looks like you though, I think I’ve seen you today

“I stay fixed to a point with all eyes on me, I nodded”

Hall Warden: But you’ve not done the clearan….
“He couldn’t complete the deadly statement before my dad cut in with the deadliest question directed to the him…”

My Dad: You guys are not trying o… How come the fee is so high just for hostel clearance
…I fainted in spirit while my physical self started singing silently “Yawa dey ooo!!!”…

Bouncing out of my Dad’s transport machine with my Prada sandal and my supposed-fake versace round-neck vest, I had a sigh of relief after a very boring journey filled with the hiphopLESS jams of Ebenezer Obey and the warning notes of my Mum all which went a million miles East and North but still ended up pointing to the statement “Remember the son of whom you are”… She had been echoing it into my hearing ever since I struggled to scape through UTME almost a year before, only God knows why she kept repeating something I already knew more than the National anthem.

Back to the matter, it was the first day on campus and the environment seemed like a reduced size and maintained population of Onitsha market. We were halted in a traffic jam some few metres away from the hostel gate, all hands folded on chest except my Dad’s which was firmly fixed to the steering as if someone was heading in his direction to hijack the car. I was just seated at the owner’s seat feeling like the best in the world, perhaps due to the fact that I was the first dude from my ghetto surroundings spending his first day on the campus of a reputable university…“Hey boy, go and check what’s causing this hold-up, if it’s something severe let me drop you here and head back to my hood”, my Dad’s thick voice interrupted my proud thoughts. I stepped out of the container and started zig-zagging as I hustled my way forward on the busy path of ANGLOMOZ.

Neglecting and partially forgetting the main reason why I was out in the crowd, I was caught up in an unknown wonderland and carried away with the sight-seeing of fancy cars and pretty young girls. I murmured silently as different questions which were against my notions flashed through my confused head, I was like “No be Aro tell me say na children of middle class citizens dey come this school?? If na this kain cars middle class citizens dey use den which class my papa kon dey?? Lowest class??…No be Aro tell me say all this fresh girls go small and they go dey gullible?? Say I fit dey woo them anyhow as a fine boy wey I be and I never even see my level since??”…I stayed glued to a spot as I looked around… “See how this one carry shoulder up like say the whole world dey under her heels, she no even look my side”, I murmured as I looked in the direction of an obviously proud daughter of something like a drug baron, judging from the big bags and the number of neatly dressed elders following her.

“O’boi this campus go hot o”, I grumbled as I continued my survey…“Mehn, see this chick, that’s my exact search match! Let me famz her by helping her with her bags jhawe, there’s no qualm about that”, I foolishly concluded in my mind and was about to make the move…Paaaaaaaaaaa!!! Sounded like the burst of a tire, that was a hot slap on my back from my mum. I was still trying to regain the blood that flew away from the slapped zone when I noticed the whole world, or to be factual, almost everyone within 100metres of range were looking in my direction. I couldn’t talk, couldn’t smile and couldn’t cry as I followed her lead like a prefix, grudgingly…She faced me and spoke “We’ve been waiting for you since, you were just there looking like a lost goat, you have started your rubbish again sey?”… I kept mute, looking desperately frustrated as I thought “Nd so? This woman no even sabi say na public we dey, I just pray say my new target babe no see me that time, make my first impression no soil”… I grumbled as I paused to adjust my sagging belt.

TO BE CONTINUED……………

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I will be using this thread to summarise my days as a fresh student on OAU campus... Keep up

Hello boss of life, can i still apply??

TITLE : SECRETS OF UTME/POST UTME CHEMISTRY

AUTHOR : EDUREGARD

EMAIL: eduregard[at]gmail.com

Thanks.