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Saw this online and decided to share with my fellow nairalanders . Visit www.Islamcan.com for more
Please note at the ending rulings on jokes in islam are explained. ENJOY



1. A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.



2. Here is the story of an Imam who got up after Friday prayers and announced to the people:"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."





3. An Imam shocked his community when he announced that he was resigning from that particular Masjid and moving to a drier climate. After the session, a very distraught lady came to the Imam with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kind hearted Imam said "Now, now, sister, don't carry on. The Imam who takes my place might be even better than me".

"Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too . . . "





4.True Incident: During a Jumah Khutbah in a small town, an Imam talked about the significance of saying "Insha Allah" (which means if Allah wills) when planning to do something in the future. After a few days, a man who had also attended the Khutbah was going to buy a cow from the market. On the way, he met a friend who asked him where he was going. He told him about buying the cow but did not say Insha Allah in the end. His friend reminded him about the Khutbah and told him to say Insha Allah. However, this individual said that he had the money he needs and the energy to go to the market, thus, there is no point of saying Insha Allah as he will certainly buy the cow. He thought that saying Insha Allah will not make any difference.
When he reached the market, he found a cow that met his expectations. He bargained with the seller and came to a reasonable price. Finally, he decided to pay for the cow but was dumbfounded when he discovered that his money was missing. A thief had stolen the money while he was walking through the busy market. The cow seller asked him whether he was going to buy the cow or not. "Insha Allah, I will buy it next week," he said. When he reached home, his wife inquired about the cow. He told her about how he forgot to say Insha Allah, and also added, "Insha Allah, I wanted to buy the cow. But Insha Allah, my money was stolen. Insha Allah, I will buy it next week." His wife clarified to him that we should say Insha Allah for things that are yet to happen, not for those things that had already happened. He never forgot his "Insha Allah" again.



5. Once, the people of the city invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a speech. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "NO", so he announced "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left. The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES" So Mullah Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left. Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO". So Mullah Nasruddin said "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and he left!


6. True Incident: A young man in a village refused to believe that Allah has total control of everything. He claimed that Allah cannot make him eat food if he didn't want to eat. To prove his point, he decided to stay hungry for a day and see if Allah can make him eat. His mother tried her best to stop this foolishness but he paid no attention. Annoyed of his mother in the evening, he decided to climb a tree and isolate himself there. Being compassionate, his mother decided to leave the food under the tree incase her son finally gives up and wants to eat. When the night fell, a group of robbers were passing by that tree. They noticed a plate of delicious food placed under the tree. They looked at each other in amazement and thought that someone must be playing a trick on them. May be someone is trying to poison them with good food. They looked around to see if there was anyone nearby and noticed the young man on top of the tree. The robbers got him down and told him to eat the food to see if it is poisoned. But the young man refused to eat as he is still carrying on his challenge against Allah. The robbers became suspicious and started beating the young man to eat. He gave up and started eating. Seeing that the food was not poisoned, the robbers left him and went away. Finally, the young man admitted that yes, Allah has total control of everything!


7.An old woman came to the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) that I will enter Paradise." He said jokingly, "O Mother of So-and-so, no old women will enter Paradise." The old woman went away crying, so the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, "Tell her that she will not enter Paradise as an old woman, for Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) says: (We have created [their Companions] of special creation, and made them virgin-pure [and undefiled]) (Qur'an 56:35-36)." Reported by al-Tirmidhi, it is hasan because of the existence of corroborating reports.


8.An elderly lady was well-known for her Iman and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say Alhamdulilah "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by. Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer" Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "Alhamdulilah, Allah be praised!." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "ALHAMDULILAH WA SHUKRILLAH”. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!"



9."When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run."
"However did you do it?" asked a person.
"Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me."


10.An Imam was selling his horse in the market. An interested buyer came to him and requested if he could get a test drive. The Imam told the man that this horse is unique. In order to make it walk, you have to say Subhanallah. To make it run, you have to say Alhamdulillah and to make it stop, you have to say Allahu Akbar. The man sat on the horse and said Subhanallah. The horse started to walk. Then he said Alhamdulillah and it started to run. He kept saying Alhamdulillah and the horse started running faster and faster. All of a sudden the man noticed that the horse is running towards the edge of the hill that he was riding on. Being overly fearful, he forgot how to stop the horse. He kept saying all these words out of confusion. When the horse was just near the edge, he remembered Allahu Akbar and said it out loud. The horse stopped just one step away from the edge. The man took a deep breath, looked up towards the sky and said Alhamdulillah!



11.True Incident: The incident took place in South Asia. A man was offering salah in his house. He was praying as fast as he could as many of us do. All of a sudden, he heard the door behind him open. Since, someone entered the room, he started making his ruku and sujud longer. Upon completion of the salah, he looked back to see who it was. To his amazement, it was a dog!


12.Two men were on a plane on a business trip when a Muslim couple boarded the plane and were seated right in front of them. The two men, eager to have some fun, started talking loudly. "My boss is sending me to Saudi Arabia", the one said, "But I don't want to go...too many Muslims there!" The Muslim couple noticeably heard and grew uncomfortable. The other guy laughed, "Oh, yeah, my boss wanted to send me to Pakistan but I refused...WAY too many Muslims!" Smiling, the first man said, "One time I was in Iran but I HATED the fact that there were so many Muslims!" The couple fidgeted. The other guy responded, "Oh, yeah...you can't go ANYWHERE to get away from them...the last time I was in FRANCE I ran into a bunch of them too!" The first guy was laughing hysterically as he added, "That is why you'll never see me in Indonesia...WAY too many Muslims!" At this, the Muslim man turned around and responded politely, "Why don't you go to Hell?", he asked, "I hear there's not very many Muslims THERE!"


[b]Rules of Joking in Islam
Some people joke too much and it becomes a habit for them. This is the opposite of the serious nature which is the characteristic of the believers. Joking is a break, a rest from ongoing seriousness and striving; it is a little relaxation for the soul. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Fear joking, for it is folly and generates grudges.”

Imaam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The kind of joking which is forbidden is that which is excessive and persistent, for it leads to too much laughter and hardening of the heart, it distracts from remembrance of Allaah, and it often leads to hurt feelings, generates hatred and causes people to lose respect and dignity. But whoever is safe from such dangers, then that which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to do is permissible for him.”

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas said: “Set a limit to your jokes, for going to extremes makes you lose respect and incites the foolish against you.”

The amount of joking should be like the amount of salt in one’s food.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart.” (Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7312)

‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Whoever laughs too much or jokes too much loses respect, and whoever persists in doing something will be known for it.”

So beware of joking, for it “causes a person to lose face after he was thought of as respectable, and it brings him humiliation after esteem.”

A man said to Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyaynah (may Allaah be pleased with him), “Joking is not right, it is to be denounced.” He replied, “Rather it is Sunnah, but only for those who know how to do it and do it at the appropriate time.”

Nowadays, although the ummah needs to increase the love between its individual members and to relieve itself of boredom, it has gone too far with regard to relaxation, laughter and jokes. This has become a habit which fills their gatherings and wastes their time, so their lives are wasted and their newspapers are filled with jokes and trivia.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If you knew what I know, you would laugh little and weep much.” In Fath al-Baari it says: “What is meant by knowledge here has to do with the might of Allaah and His vengeance upon those who disobey Him, and the terrors that occur at death, in the grave and on the Day of Resurrection).

Muslim men and women have to be inclined to choose righteous and serious friends in their lives, who will help them to make good use of their time and strive for the sake of Allaah with seriousness and steadfastness, good and righteous people whose example they can follow. Bilaal ibn Sa’d said: “I saw them [the Sahaabah] jokingly pretending to fight over some goods, and laughing with one another, but when night came they were like monks.”

Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) was asked, “Did the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.”

So you have to follow the example of such people, who were knights by day and monks (i.e., devoted worshippers) by night.

May Allaah keep us, you and our parents safe on the Day of the Greatest Terror, those to whom the call will go out on that great Day:

“Enter Paradise, no fear shall be on you, nor shall you grieve”

[al-A’raaf 7:49 – interpretation of the meaning]
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wow dangote looks like person with anti social past but with lots of ambition

So what , I also crave the Aljannah women ,this does not have anything to do with terrorism

dear OP hamburgers should be made from ham not beef

.....

fellow entrepreneurs that have succeeded in establishing a standard business this is a thread for you to share with us the young and inexperienced how it all happened , from your motivations? , at what age did you start thinking like an entrepreneur? , what was your initial plan? DID IT WORK OUT or you had to go for plan b if so what was plan b? , how did you advertise your products , how you got your starting capital? what were your challenges? and how you overcame them? and how is the business flowing right now? please feel free to educated our young minds

99cent: In Nigerian Christianity, high rank and success is measured by how western you are ex. impeccable English, flashy cars and clothes, high western education and professional jobs etc. Where as in Islam, community leaders are more respected and valued rather than how flashy your car is.

In a christian church like RCCG, winners chapel etc, you will not be congratulated for being the local government chairman or a local politician. instead, the most respected persons in lagos churches are doctors, lawyers, federal officials etc.

In mosques on the other hand, local politicians are more valued. If you go to a mosque, the most respected members there are local govt chairpersons, local businessmen and women, mayor, community leaders etc.

so muslims are more motivated/ incentivized to involve themselves in local politics than christians.
if a christian did it, he might be accused of being illiterate or too local.

I know this because my uncle (christian) is a local politician and he is more respected by his muslim friends. most of his christian friends do not give him the same respect. they value more professional, western style successes. like doctors and lawyers.
the only exception to this are churches like Celestial church/ cherubim and seraphim etc. they have similar attitude in terms of respect for "local-ness" as muslims.

in pentecostal churches, u will be respected for not knowing how to speak ur native language or for wearing western clothes exclusively. where as in islam, that will be shameful.

Hypocrisy at peak , how many imaams do you see with private jets?? do you think the mosque is a business center like your churches , BE EDUCATED THE MOSQUE IS JUST A PLACE WHERE MUSLIMS GATHER AROUND AND PRAY FOR AT LEAST 10MINUTES , the Imam is in front and also there are no PARTICULAR OR PERMANENT MEMBERS OF A MOSQUE so it is highly impossible for an Imam to know everybody praying in the mosque?? , How dare you even claim such when your pastors are known for milking their followers dry in the name of tithes , When we muslims gather to pray the poor might be infront while the rich at the very back and we all end up doing the same acts and living so get your facts right sir

Justosaus: as if that's not already happening.

Actually I mean physically , like chaining and other stuffs

What will you do if the world SUPER POWERS decides to invade Africa and use africans as slave , what do you think will happen and what will you do personally

The president who had no shoes , But mostly for his wife #shepopo is one of a kind i tell ya

pelvicky: I just love this man called GEJ,,.he is the better candidate jare.

D loggo is umbrella,,,do not miss it,,,

u love some people without reason,,,dats my love 4 Gej,,,d way he smile nd evrytn( no homo) nt lik those specialist in failure called aboki with dry face

MUMU the same GEJ will put in prison for 14 years , Foolish Gay

@topic but how does mr president feel when he uses the word PATIENCE on live

Next year when NIGERIA disintegrates ...........

He Is Not Worth It Dear , Dont ever beg him ,

Eyyaah his good reputation has gone to the dogs just like that , HIS LOSS

SAS is a devil and a bad omen , I will never vote for a party with ALI MODU SHARRIFF , nice on APC you've got my vote

Yes if she is a lady not a ho

LOLZ at least this one was not crying blood

Devil GEJ and his evil FEEDEEFEE are using every position in the country to gain recognition for 2015 , from DSS to NA to NPF to AIT to SAHARA to NSCDC to CAN , mmmtchheew SULE LAMIDO was reported to have stolen billions yesterday and is still in office while Nyako is still being chased like a lizard , I talk am whoever votes for PDP in 2015 YOUNG OR OLD , RICH AND MOST ESPECIALLY POOR MAY LIGHTENING STRIKE HIM WELLA

Ojukwu was murdered!!! Nnamdi Ojukwu was murdered!!! wept the palm wine tappers mother profusely as she ran towards the political square of the "LAND OF NAIRA" which attracted a great crowd of the Igbo subjects towards the square hoping the news was true but reaching there they found out that the late palm wine tappers mother had gone insane ....

Culled from EMEKA DID NOT GO TO SCHOOL

kenny091: the line up looks good but the north would stand against any president that is not a Muslim northerner. which is the reason for boko haram

AND THE BOKO HARAM DURING YAR'ADUAS TENURE NKO OR HOW WHY OBASANJOS TENURE WAS BOKO FREE
WAWAN BANZA

And since when is SULE LAMIDO APC

I am a Muslim , so why dont you ask questions

Watched It , The guy dumb sha

MUMU OP seeing your topic one might think it is SHEHU SHAGARI THE INCREDIBLE ,but sorry this one has no effect on northerners so GEJ bribed him for nothing

The expensive splash , the owner no fit look that pic

Wow just take a look at this beautiful site , WAR will have the greatest map ever. GOD BLESS WAR