₦airaland Forum

rosegolden: No! I'm not one of those foreign women who are angry at all of Nigeria because a Nigerian man took advantage of her. My heart bleeds for those women and I'm sorry for their many struggles but that's not my story. Did I date a Nigerian man before? Yes. Did it work out? Nooo, but here's MY story. It's very long but explanation is necessary.

I met one the most handsome and hardworking men I ever came across in my twenty something years of life and he just so happened to be Nigerian. Prior to meeting him I had already heard a lot of horror stories and negative accounts of what Nigerian men were like but I've never been one to judge all of a group based on the general consensus and I'm glad I didn't because I met a great guy. He was not without flaw but I don't attribute anything that happened between us strictly to the fact that he was Nigerian but other people I spoke to seem to think it was. He was loving but distant and sometimes cold, he communicated poorly, not that he was uneducated, that wasn't the case at all he just didn't know how to express his needs and i'll admit that I was not good at it either. He was never disrespectful and treated me well but I suspected that he had reservations about my age (I am ten years his junior), the fact that our backgrounds were very different (I'm from the Caribbean), the distance between us ( most of the year we lived five hours apart in the same state because I was away at college) and the fact that he was at an age where he was ready for family and marriage and I was a young girl more focused on getting the degree than anything else. Because I want you all to get a good understanding of my love story I won't spare any details. Yes, we did have sex. Because of the distance between us, it wasn't often but it was always good. I'm not very experienced but he was the best I'd had. A good lover in every sense of the word, attentive, patient and he was the first man I tried a few things with lol. I'm blushing as I type that but it's the truth. Unfortunately the distance, poor communication and our inability to click mostly due to the fact that we barely got to spend time together took a toll on us and the inevitable break up occurred. We tried to get back together a few times but it didn't work each time. Like I said this man was not perfect, throughout the time I knew him he did things that hurt me, we had disagreements and I'll admit that he put his feelings and thoughts before me a lot of the time but that didn't take away from my love for the man that he was. God fearing, family oriented, hardworking and respectful are just some of the ways I chose to describe him. He didnt do drugs or drink alcohol. He didn't have it all together but worked hard to secure his future and I watched him rising. He reminded me of my own father and I built such a strong love for him that even long after breaking up, I still feel strongly about him and smile, sometimes even cry from the thought of him and missing him.

Now this is where you guys come in. I have discussed this relationship with a few women, all of whom were Nigerian women I met while at school and they said some things to me about my relationship that I wanted to share with you guys to see if you feel the same. Most of it is based on culture and that's the only reason why I'm asking fellow Nigerians for their opinions. I have to disclaimer though, the handful of women I confided in are either Nigerian American or Nigerians that came to America at a young age and only one of them is open to dating Nigerian men. As you can imagine I'm worried about the quality of advice based on the situation and their feelings towards their men.

1. The first thing I heard was "sorry I don't mean to hurt your feelings but he was never going to take you serious girl" she saw my hurt and decided against continuing but I suspect she meant because I was not Nigerian, my relationship wasn't going anywhere from the beginning.

2. I was also told that I should have let him meet my parents the several times that he asked. I didn't because my mom in particular is very strict about her daughters bringing men home. She accepts that we are older and dating but hated the thought that we would bring some guy only for him to dissappear in a few months and that we'll bring another and the cycle continues. I don't agree with my mom but I respected her wishes and I had no intentions of bringing him home until I was sure our relationship was concrete.

3. One girl said his family might not have liked the idea of us together and maybe that accounted for our relationship dissolving. I know he told them about me and on one occasion I met his sister who was just short of rude to me. Had she even said anything to me then I could say she was rude for sure but she barely acknowledged me and kept it moving. He was spineless and did nothing but did apologize after the fact because he was embarrassed.

4. And lastly one girl said I should never have had sex with him and be so sexually open and curious with him. She said I shouldn't have been so darn independent too. In her mind I errored in that regard.

What do you guys think? Him and I are probably never going to get back together but because of him I find myself very attracted to Nigerian men probably foolishly hoping that I'll find those same great qualities in another and I'd fare better next time at making it work. If you lasted to the end thank you! I look forward to reading your comments.

nyere84: I will like to be both.

smothly: don't tell me that's ur pic

smothly: Blood of jesus!!!!!!!!

Linda john: Hello guys, my name is linda and am new here. pls i need ur helps

mayapop: Yeah..

mayapop: Go away...

mayapop: Idk

mayapop: That's make up o

JOYCEOUS: ; D

Jst get ready sh's komin 4 u tu.

JOYCEOUS: Funny enof it's dier typ dat end up bin best of frnds if not, true lovas.

Abu Mikey: Gud evening sir!

JOYCEOUS: On dier bare ass

xynerise:

Smh

Abu Mikey: Aitte! Sorry!

mayapop: ;DKay! We are cool.

Mjjordan: 31 ways to make a girl smile (:
1. Tell her she is beautiful
2. Hold her hand at any moment … even if its
ust for a second.
3. Hug her from behind
4. Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
5. Wrestle with her
6. Don’t go hang out with you ex when she is
not with you, you might not realize how badly
it hurts her.
7. If you're talking to another girl, when
you’re done talking, walk over and hug her
and kiss her….let her know she’s yours and
they aren't.
8. Write her notes or call her just to say “hi”
9. Introduce her to your friends … as your
girlfriend.
10. Play with her hair.
11. Pick her up (she loves it)
12. Get upset if another guy touches her and
she doesn't like it
13. Make her laugh
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms.
15. If she’s mad at you, kiss her.
16. If you care about her, then TELL HER
17. Every guy should give their girl 3 things: a
stuffed animal (she’ll hug it every time she
goes to sleep), jewelry (she’ll treasure it
forever), and one of her t-shirts (she’ll most
likely wear it to bed) or sweatshirts sprayed
with her cologne!! and flowers or something
occasionally.
18. Treat her the same around your friends as
you do when you’re alone.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile.
20. Hang out with her on weekends
21. Kiss her in the rain (girls love this)
22. Kiss her just for the heck of it
23. If your listening to music, let her listen too.
24. Remember her birthday and get her
something, even if its’n simple and
inexpensive, it came from YOU. it means all
the world to HER.
25. When she gives you a present on your
birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it
and tell her you love it, even if you don’t (it’ll
make her happy.)
26. Always call her when you say you will, it
may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and
makes her think you don’t care so call even if
you can only talk for a minute. Girls don’t
necessarily have to have hour long
conversations every night but its nice for us
to hear your voice even for a quick hello.
27. Give her wat she wants
28. Recognize the small things … they usually
mean the most.
29. Don’t hug her friends or your friends that
are girls cause she’ll feel left out.
30. Hang out with her whenever you are free
and u should be free to hang wit your girl
friend all the time
31. If u care about her…SHOW her!

gedtalks: so for your mind u think that Nairaland is a place of only a certain class of people ehnnn....bwa..haa...haa..haa. No wonder some of you dress up and wear perfume before you log in...bwaa..haa..haa..haa

so for your mind u think that Nairaland is a place of only a certain class of people ehnnn....bwa..haa...haa..haa. No wonder some of you dress up and wear perfume before you log in...bwaa..haa..haa..haa