₦airaland Forum

KenGali: Interesting Topic. I happen to know a sister who is trying to throw herself into some unfathomable family condition because she happens to be in love. Only difference with you is that nobody has asked her to marry a certain rich-man.

However, your problem is that you seem to be defining yourself by marriage, Either A or B, then you jump in and go kill yourself.
For all I care non-of these men could be your partner. You need to attend to the insecurity you harbour inside which is why you are seeking for marriage as an escape. Ask yourself, what value have you added to yourself in the last one year that is not geared towards marriage, If non, then you have a big problem that marriage cannot solve.

The factors you raised: wealth and love are both not assured. The boyfriend you believe loves you could change his mind tomorrow, he may never be better than he is today, He may make it big tomorrow. The rich-man you refuse to know today, could really love you tomorrow, may also never love you, may also become poor tomorrow. I will not advise you to marry a man way older than you though, but also do not marry into poverty if you have better choices. The choice of partner is a conscious decision you must make, not blindly because you are in love, but strategically like a woman who is preparing a nest for her children, a lovemeal for her partner and a home for herself. Missing any of the three elements in the preceeding sentence is ill advised. Love yourself before loving anybody.

Secondly, marriage is not all about love. Love is important, resources are also important. Some people can do it, but I will not advise any sister of mine to marry from comfort into a foreseen poverty. People may tell you about their ideal impressions of love, but truth is that it is not by accident that most of us never fall in love with people way below our class. In marriage money, social clout and love all matter.

Live your life comfortable in your skin, married or not married, then marriage will come to you at you own terms.
In the cause of that What you need to learn is how to assess the value of a man:
Think in these lines:

Do you really know him?
What is his prospect?
Have you related with him?
In the time you have knowm him, what positive impact has he had on you? (if none run)
What value do you add to him?
Does he recognize and appreciate them?
How does his future plan, fit into you own personal ambitions? (that's if you have one, I have learnt that most women who badly want to get married hardly think of anything beyond the wedding day)
Apart from love and sex, what does he bring to the table? security, wealth, career, social clout
Pity a man, give him money for it, but not love for pity


Mind you, Men are not really as emotional as women. If you think you cannot live without the man you love, find out if truly he can live without you.
All in all, pray to God for direction. If I were a woman, while I will not marry the richest guy merely for his money, I will also not marry the loveliest guy I find if he cannot protect and provide for me and his future children to a reasonable expectation. Beyond all, I will not touch a man with a long pole, if he has no self initiated ambition, no prospects and depends on me to tell him what next to do.

Thank you for ur insight