₦airaland Forum

Lukmanraji:
My gf of seven years has been giving me attitude recently which I noticed sometimes last year. I observed that she always check my phone to look for something to hold against me. Yes, she suspected that I'm having something with someone. So, every time she's around me, she always find one or two thing that will lead to argument and all that. Aside that, the respect, love and intimacy between us reduced drastically.

Fast forward to this year, She successfully read a chat on my phone where I was talking dirty with someone. That's the genesis of the whole mess I'm in right now. She just walked out quietly and decided to end it all. Since then, I've not been myself because this is the person I have planned to live the rest of my life with. So, I started begging her but she's not giving me any green light. I called, messaged her but no response. I asked my Junior brother to beg on my behalf but she didn't succumb to that not until my dad intervened to apologize on my behalf.

So, she call me that we need to see. I rushed to visit her and apologize again and again. She agreed to continue with the relationship but she hasn't forgiven me. After few weeks of the whole issue. I suspected that she's hiding something from me. Then one fateful night, I spy on her phone when she was unlocking her phone. That night, I was able to access her phone while she was asleep.

I checked her WhatsApp, I discovered that she has been clearing her chat with one particular guy who happens to be her friend from NYSC since 2021. They became close as they both work in the same financial institution but in a different branch. Then I went further to her Instagram page to see what's going there.

To my greatest surprise, I discovered that they have been having an affair since 2023. My gf has been throwing herself to this guy, they have been going to the cinema together and other places. On her birthday, my babe and this guy went out together without my knowledge, they both book uber to somewhere without my knowledge, they were both sharing their feelings online, talking about marriage, how to raise their kids irrespective of their religion differences and my babe even throwing herself to the guy for sex. Everything thing I found in their chat especially how my babe has been treating this guy with love and respect is the opposite of how my babe has been treating me lately.

So, I screenshoted all the evidence and save on my phone. I then challenged her that she's cheating on me with that guy but she blatantly denied it. Not until I showed her all the evidences with me before she began to cry fowl and started debunking all I saw. She claimed that they are not true, they were just playing and not into any thing serious. They are friends and that's how they banter each other online. All her excuses were not genuine but I still forgive her on one condition that I don't want to see her with the guy again and she should cut off any form of friendship or relationship between them because I had done something more than that to her just recently and she forgive me.

Meanwhile, during the cause of this issue, I proposed to my gf that we should take this relationship to the next level by seeing her parents this year and maybe by the end of the year, we do the whole thing. The shock response I got from her was that she's not in a rush to settle down with me. Not even this year as she's just healing from the heartbreak I caused her and I can't use marriage to tie her down then I continue breaking her heart. There's no how I tried convincing her that I am a changed man now as I am ready to take responsibility and be a responsible person.

After few weeks, I logged into her whatsapp on my system and then again I found out that she's still talking to this guy and they were even planning on going out again. I got angry and send proof to her but guess what, my babe para for me for cloning her whatsapp on my system. Hell almost let lose that evening. This time around, she felt unapologetic about the primary issue that I warned her to desist from. Funny enough, after close observation, I learnt that they move their chats from whatsapp to Snapchat where their chat is just "view once". Then I knew that this lady is not ready to stop talking to this guy. I have shouted over and over this matter but this time around, my babe is now feeling lackadaisical about this issue.

Right now, my babe is now comfortable with the guy and she's now sitting on defense about this matter. In our last conversation, my GF literarily told me that she doesn't love me anymore. And then she started rewinding all my past during the cause of the relation and using it as an excuse for not been able to love me like she used to. In our conversation, the only thing she didn't mention is that we should go on our separate ways (break up) but everything she said to me indirectly simply means that she is done with me.

I felt unloved as this is the woman I never placed anyone above, this is the woman I've nurtured when we were in school and outside school. I respected her and love her so much that she has become part of me. My parents, family and friends are expecting us to tie the knot soon but here is my babe telling me she's not in love with me anymore. I felt unloved about this whole thing and I'm heartbroken.

I am lost and crying inside silently as I never expected someone I have sacrificed something huge for before to be acting like this to me. I'm depressed. I need mature advise from you guys. Thank you.

AbuTwins:
I think it is not sane for you to say thrash is coming out of my mouth! It shows the type of home training you received. That needs rectification! You not agreeing with my position does not mean it is thrash!

Lmao... Talking about home training, How old are you if I may ask because it seems you are older than everyone here I assume

Yes, Allah commands us to live honorable with our wife. After the father expressly says he has given her to me as wife and i accept that in front of witnesses then we become married! It doesn't need much fanfare, renting of halls and the likes! Those are extras!

and the Almighty didn't ask any man without a good source of income to welcome in wife instead they were asked to have patience (I stand to be corrected)

It depends on her. I can only advice her convincingly to marry a promising hardworking and religious man! If the man asks for two months and i see sincerity in him i can even support him!

You are saying you will advice your daughter to run away from disaster but u are here condemning someone's sister and daughter for running away.... That 2 month is just to cajole her as it might be difficult for her to pull out after marriage and if she do, she automatically becomes a divorcee irrespective

That small gal I was talking about later married a 60+ after the Islamic waiting period reason why her parents made that decision is still a mystery


This is what breeds fornication and children born out of wedlock!
Your standards are raised to the roof while the economy is biting hard, even to feed three time daily is hard! Gone are those days when our mum did suffer with their husbands! What type of houses did they live in then?

Not everyone fornicates... The guy is an upright person Islamically and he understands d Deen

Even Biblically which you may classify as olden days, you'll see men marrying wives and living with an extended family! It's your choice!

Marriage should be based on virtue and righteousness! And as there wolves pretending like sheep among men so also we have them among women! Young women tend to exhibit that youthful exuberance and the men who marries such will have to be extra patient with her! A man is responsible for clothing, sheltering and feeding his wife whether she works or not!

exactly the Reason why I support the lady... She knows the guy more and am sure she knows he isn't capable of wifing her


She could have been patient for two month! If she doesn't trust the guy's prospect/future then she has no reason to marry him in the first place!

Yoruba adage says Irin ajo osun mesan kin ba ni lojiji (Sorry my Yoruba might be bad) But No be today he don dey plan wedding nao to dey expect 2 month

AbuTwins:
You can pray as you wish and i will also pray similarly for you!
And mind you i am a family man with kids!

Marriage is a contract and life is not a bed of roses!
If a man is financially okay why won't he rent or build a house?

If he's not okay then he shouldn't marry but fornicate around and maybe have some baby mama out of marriage!

The man promised her two months and she rejected the offer!
May he look for his type of woman elsewhere!

Some ladies were raised in face me i face you mud house but will want to marry a man with at least three bed room flat and a two cars!
When their papa never by beetles car!

Gepheral:
Na by force? Couldn't even finish the whole write up.. The man should Thank his God and move on

AbuTwins:
Abeg guy collect your money!

Buy one sachet of Panadol extra and use am for a week! Forget about her and move on!

That type of lady you want you'll see if you search wella! You for go village go pick educated girl. All those city-girls wannabees will give you migraine!

Do not waste time on what's not meant for you!

iamoyindamola:
Did you read the bulletin

Bintabisiriyu2:
When she was collecting dick and money she doesn't know now she has died of pregnancy complications