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When she said to me: “Firstlady, I can never marry a man whose mother is still alive” ; I unapologetically looked her in the face and said: ”you won’t either be alive to be a mother inlaw”.
Haba, Firstlady, you’re too harsh, I didn’t mean it that way. (educate me then).

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See, let’s face it, what we wish for others is what we get, it’s just one of the laws that guides life.
If you don’t want to have a MIL, you won’t be one, shikina.

I am a daughter to a good woman, and like every other mothers, she’s got her flaws and weaknesses, I still love her purely despite those flaws. She’s my mom, she’s irreplaceable.
The day I get married, I get a new mother, another mother, who I’m bound by my marital vows to treat as my own mother.
Now, that’s a huge one. You may ask, “Firstlady what will you do if your MIL slaps you?” and my answer is, “exactly what I’ll do if my mom slaps me”.
Don’t expect me to tell her son, no, I won’t. Would I tell my husband if my mom slaps me over a disagreement? Why then tell him of his mom doing same.
As one who grew up in a polygamous setting, and an extended family set-up too, I know better.

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My MIL became my real mom the day I said I do to her son. That means I’ll accommodate her just as her biological children would, which is just as I would treat my own mom, and I expect my husband to treat my own mom.
It’s easier loving our own, but much easier loving those people someone we love holds dear to heart.

We aren’t negating the fact that some MILs know how to drive you nuts, but then, it’s your decision to allow it get to you. There’s always a limit she can go and then she stops when the sees you’re not perturbed. I have such a woman, she’s grandmother to me.

I see how my mother relates with other people’s daughters and I already know I have no choice but to have a MIL. Who’s better at calling her son to order if not her? Who’s going to teach me how to be a wife in that family but her? She’s been married for decades to a senior Mr. My Husband’s surname, so, she knows better.

Of course, we all can’t choose to have MILs, but we can keep an open mind to the challenges of having one who might be too possessive or attached to their sons.

The battle mostly starts when it seems you’re contesting to have her son to yourself, all you need do is plan your time such that she will have that Mother-to-Son time with her son, who’s your husband.

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We women know ourselves, and can be the best to approach issues bothering on MIL.

A lot of women shy away from men who openly declare absolute love for their mom’s, and it’s wrong. In my experience, any man who loves his mom so much will surely love his wife greatly. It can only take a man raised by a Queen to treat his wife like a Princess.

The wish and desire of every woman should rather be to have a MIL who’ll treat them as she’ll treat her own daughters, a MIL who’ll guide them properly in marriage and help prepare the ahead for marital challenges.

I’ve come to notice that behind every “supposed bad MIL” is a very loving mom who feels empty having to share her son with another woman. It’s common knowledge that mothers are more closer to their sons than to their daughters, just as dads are more closer to their daughters. I know my mom loves my brothers more, that doesn’t hurt me either because I know she loves me enough. Now, I won’t pretend not to notice my MIL getting this jealous face whenever she sees me having a sweet time with her son. I don’t think it’s easy seeing your baby being a man, and doing things you did with his dad with another woman (ha ha ha).

As one prepares for marriage, it’s essential to prepare to deal with MIL issues. It doesn’t matter the type you get, it’s essential you acquire to wisdom needed to make it work with her.
Mother’s are angels… Nothing beats that!

Thanks for reading. Share your thoughts, comments and suggestions.

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Firstlady, I can’t leave him, I don’t want to be single again. It’s hard being a single lady, I’ll keep enduring and hoping he changes. That was Amaka, my friend, as we had a chat about her relationship.
Her boyfriend Michael has been something else of late, adding to his none-caring attitude is that he verbally abuses her.

Amaka is 35 and owns a flourishing business, and Michael is 38 and a Marketing Head with one of the new generation banks.
She hopes that if she keeps holding on, she will someday become Mrs. Him and find her freedom from the constant harassment of both friends and foes over her singlehood. The fear of walking away and starting all over again, and maybe never finding another man, has trapped her in a relationship where she almost is loosing herself.

One of the hardest things in our society today is to find people letting singles have their own ball.
Singles are daily harassed, their single status being an object of discourse, as though there’s something bad about their single status.

If like me you’ve been made to know that you’re a nobody because you’re single or that you’re irresponsible because you’re yet to be married, then welcome aboard to life.

Sometimes, you’ll find people treating you like you need some pity based on your marital status or challenges(lol).

Hear me: that you are single does not mean your life is not working well.
That you’re a single-never – married mother, does not qualify you as a helpless woman.
Been a divorcee still does not imply your life is not working well.
That you’re facing one marital challenge after another, does not say your life has issues.

The moment you realize that everyone is fighting a battle, you’ll be able to wrap your head around it. Even good marriages has their down times.

No one has life so easy, including in the area of relationships. Every one has their battles, and remember those battles are just a phase. What really matters is your attitude during that phase.

If there’s anything you do, it’s to make lemonade out of the lemon life throws at you.

Get help where it is sure to come from and have it in mind that some people have seen worse times and came out good.

No one has it easy with life, life never promised easy by the way. Life is a journey, you’ve got to just make your journey count.

As much as you must know, everyone in life needs help, that includes that super happy person you admire. The difference is that some people know how to shift focus to positive things than dwell on their challenges.

Never let your marital status be a source of worry to you, nor let another make it their source of concern.
Your marital status is not a cross nor a disaster. Whatever you are going through maritally is just but a phase.

Just as marriage is a phase and blessing, singlehood is a blessing and as well divorce.

Never let anyone put you down because you had a failed marriage. Some died because they were ashamed to leave a bad marriage.
Being divorced doesn’t mean your life is messed up, it means you were strong enough to choose happiness.

Being a never-married-single-mother doesn’t make you a social misfit like they make you believe, it means you are strong enough to keep your prove of love. You have nothing to explain to anyone about your choice, all you need is give yourself all the love you have for you.

At the end you’ll have to ask yourself: am I happy? did I really have to trade my happiness? am I doing right to be happy? can it get worse than this?

Now, that happiness button is found within you. Switch it on!

Thanks for reading. Share your thoughts, comments and suggestions.


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The single phase is an amazing phase, the decision-making phase, the best time of your life to set things straight and right for your future.
You’re the boss here, unhindered and in full control. You’ll be making so many life decisions and it involves who you marry or not marry.
Now, whoever you marry, you’re equally marrying their family. That means you automatically become a daughter or son to your spouse’s family, and a new sibling to his/her siblings.

You may need to relax and ask: am I ready to be not just a spouse to my partner, but a son/daughter to their parents, and brother/sister to their siblings?

Most singles skip this part, with the euphoria of being engaged and getting married, then few weeks, months or years down the line, they start feeling suffocated by the presence of their spouse’s immediate family around them.

If there’s anything you do, during your dating and courtship, get close to your partner’s immediate family, and be your real self while at it. This is not about you pleasing or impressing them for acceptance, it’s about you getting to know them, and they getting to know you for the right purposes, and making necessary adjustments to accommodate each other.

One of the reasons most people fall out with their spouse’s immediate family members is very much connected to their inability to get to know them and connect properly during dating or courtship.
As you get to know your partner, please get to know their family: parents and siblings, if you both intend to take the relationship further. There’s no need playing hide and seek on your partner’s family.
This isn’t saying get overly familiar, but get close enough to know them, especially if you’re a sister. Connect with them, and feel free as though you’re with your own family, because that’s what marriage will make it.

Now, every member of your partner’s family won’t love you that much(you don’t love all your siblings equally, right?), but you need the love of their parents and some of their siblings. Know their favorite parent and also their less favorite siblings, because there will be some little sibling-feud you’ll be faced with someday. You should know that whichever parents loves them more will love you more, and be more jealous too with you in their lives, and that goes with their siblings as any sibling who has feud with your partner will likely transfer that feud to you.

As you observe these things, make mental notes, and solutions to dealing with them when the need arises without losing your sanity or peace of mind.

Some marriages are facing not spouse-issues, but issues of one’s spouse with their spouse’s family. It’s a very complicated situation when one’s spouse is at loggerhead with their spouse’s immediate family, the spouse is torn between the love of their life and their first love: family.

Some engagements have been called off because parents or siblings didn’t love or approve the choice of spouse presented to them, some divorced because of misunderstandings between their spouses and their immediate family, and this shouldn’t be so.
Understanding and wisdom should come into play, taking into cognizance that marriage brings two families as one.

Marriage is a journey worth embarking on, get onto it prepared in wisdom and you’ll find the needed strength to cross all hurdles that will come on the way.

Thanks for reading. Share your thoughts, comments and suggestions.

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