merahki:


What church runs their seminary like you described? I thought one can only enter a seminary after primary schooling? Or is it not the Catholic Church?
Again, you want to wait till after lockdown for something that leaves you this distressed? Why won’t you call him? He may have some things to tell you too.
I like what @GhoJes had to say about it. I wish they can also make another contribution factoring in this cousin/seminarian angle.

To sleep, for tonight, do you have milk? If yes, have some hot milk...you can add a little brandy to the milk too... if you hate milk you may have a shot of brandy (or whiskey).
But you need to breathe darling, take deep breaths, and tomorrow you try again, okay?

GHoJes:

If he was adopted same year you were born and he is two or three years your senior, how is it that he had another parents? Did your mum had him and gave him out? Who told you he was adopted? Was he also told he was adopted? Did you see pictures of his said parents?

Ohizman73:

no i mean a close friend. find somebody to pose as ur fiancee.

GHoJes:

Wrong move, don't confront your dad you would be exposing the woman.

I almost added that another of your siblings could be from your mum in my first post. You need to get in touch with your cousin, does he not have social media presence?
Is he older than you? Find out how his relationship with his dead parents was? What you heard without revealing the source, claim an anonymous contact sent you the information. From his reaction you would tell if she is lying.

For your well-being take small break from this. Your desperation will sell you for free to the woman, she may capitalize on it to lie to you or cash out on you. But I believe she is not lying about your cousin being your brother. You need to find him but don't be hasty. Becareful not to let your parents know you want to contact your cousin.

Forget that person saying your mum is your source of sorrow, if they treated you well, you won't be this desperate to find her, you probably won't have hated marriage too. Forget that nonsense story he also told you, no two situations are exact, he doesn't even know the closure it gave to his friend if his story is true (hope your half sibling is not here already because I can't understand his desperation to bully and talk you out). You need your own closure.

eyinjuege:


Go to the seminary first.
And beg your "brother" not to mention anything to your dad and stepmom.
Infact, make him promise to keep your secret before you even tell him the matter and what you heard.
2 heads are better than one, and if he is interested he may be able to even bring better ideas and have access to more resources than yourself.
People may also respect him more, especially as he is a clergy man and may be more forthcoming with him about his ancestry

Ohizman73:

you should find a companion to escort you down to the seminary first since there is a direct source at bay ,that your cousin.

Ohizman73:

I just feel sad on this prospects.your mum that you are trying to even find is the main cause of your sorrow in life. not even your dad that you want to confront. you as a woman should now live your life to the fullest. ironically i have a distant relative that has a case like yours. it is like the guys mum got pregnant for his dad. they had issues only Godknows what happened. the woman one day just to drop the boy months old that matter at my fathers uncles house. and found her way that is how she finally disappeared till date till now almost 30 years.she never came back to ask of her son who is now grown up. i think the boy later made attempts to ask of his mum. he was very well aware of his story as he was taunted with it.his father claimed he doesnt know her werebouts. of course the boy has to live his life, is happyly married with kids and his love for his kids and wife is extra ordinary in effort to replicate the love he never got from his mum. you have no choice but to now confront that your cousin. search for him since hes another clue towards opening the pandoras box on your mum.

GHoJes:

You should please try to calm down a little. You know you need a wise and reliable shoulder to lean on, help you see when you clouded with emotions and support you. See you yearn for love, something you have never had, another reason you so want to meet your mother. But take it slowly, don't be over confident it is just the missing link for your life.

I think you should relax a bit and think clearly how to handle this. The court option should come last. Firstly, I believe you can still meet the person who revealed it to you. Don't push too much at first, let her know you don't want her to tell how to find your mum but that she should kindly tell where your mum is from(village)? If she is still alive? Relevant indirect questions that are clues and won't implicate her. Remember to keep them few, also do something good to her that will make her open up easily.

Somebody suggested using news paper advert, it is also a good option to consider before court. But before this try and find people from your village online or if possible go to the village but online is safer. See if they can identify with your family name and dig up something. Those unfriendly relatives you see, is it possible to look in their children's direction for help.

Your step mum have your dad around her fingers and manipulate him at will to make you and his family do her biddings. Keep calm and reduce the impression that you are determined because she is also pressing her buttons. The way they are going, it is hardly likely your mum abandoned you. You need calm to think well, get a good shoulder even if anonymous to support you because it will likely not end well if driven by too much emotions. I believe your mum is alive with the way everyone is afraid, I also believe you will find her. See, if there is your dad's relative that is not happy with your step mum, do him/her good to your advantage with promise to protect his/her identity.

Ohizman73:
well you have been told the simple truth.Going to court would complicate issues inview of the circumstances involved.sueing your biological father and stepmother would end in disastrous consequences for you in the end and the trauma you would face for life will leave you in a psychological mess.You father can claim he doesn't know your mothers whereabouts and what ever.theres nothing the court can do, the case can drag for a decade. Would your dad leave for ever.or the person who told you.your dad would have all sympathy, in as your mum whether she has a story to tell.for her not to have cdeserted you all this while in the first place, no matter the circumstances.your step mum that raised another woman's child , is it she would want to now sue. You have been adviced to find love. The money you would waste on a court case that would not yield results. Use it to raise a child and be a mother your mum wAs not to you. Use it on that child to seek reconciliation with your soul.you sound stubborn and full of hate and is falling victim to wrong advice from friends to sue your people would end in a disaster these people would desert you.ave to you to embark on a more organised research. Only you can help yourself to get at some clue on your mum.

Ohizman73:
I asked a simple question do you have proof that your real mum you are searching for is alive.or part of the mystery involved is to also find that.these are two things entirely.As the matter involved is very tactical. Without you relating some critical information the case would run into a brick wall.then since your dad and the person who told you are the only persons involved vital information about them is essential. So as to make extensive research behind their backs. Without all these information no amount of resources put in the search would yield any result.then you have to be willing to spare Man hours travelling together to identify some crucial landmarks.from studying the reads it is like your people never want you to find your real mum in the first place. Then if you as you have discovered such. They have also prepared that they would frustrate all your said efforts. And go at any length to protect their interests to the last. And it seems your dad is power and rich that he is feared. That is why his relatives refer you back to him.it would be exciting and challenging getting to the root of your matter.as to why your mother knowingly she had a child somewhere and not make even secret attempts behind your dads back to contact you.even much later.there must be some answers.but you have to be composed , relaxed and brace up . Trying to sue your dad and step mum would frustrate you the more. Which y intend. You have to camouflage yourself and pretend you are not interested again in the issue.then cautiously get to the root point.they know you are on your own, with no headway.were you not the one who said your siblings have ganged up against you.

Karleb:
When you find her, what're you going to do? Huh!

She left you. She didn't care for you, didn't nurture you and all.

Forget her! She doesn't worth all the tears and stress.


Besides, she should be the one looking for you.

LilMissFavvy:
I just took time to read your thread and responses, I must confess that I am touched. I observe you even spoke well of the parents who treated you badly at childhood, it shows you have a good heart, thanks be to God that you came out of it. I don't know if you have engaged in a legal battle before, talkless of a type like this, it is not a joke, especially with the outcome, it is you versus your entire family. Believe me you need emotional backup, lest you will break down on the long run, already i saw where you mentioned talking about ''committing suicide'', hope you are not a type that sees suicide as an option, hope it was just a mere threat. I have seen a little case of family legal issues, it is not easy, be careful. Fact is, WHATEVER IS THE MEANS THROUGH WHICH YOU ENTERED THIS WORLD, YOUR DAD OWES YOU A DUTY OF TELLING YOU WHO YOUR MUM IS, IT IS YOUR RIGHT. Since you claim to have explored all available avenues to find out the truth, I advise you try spiritual means, we still have few prophets who can see the past, and speak the truth. I don't mean native doctors or satanic agents. If the spiritual route fails, then you can go ahead using the courts. By the time your parents are threatened with a compulsory DNA, they will speak the truth without waiting to carry it out.

You said you do not want to marry, is it a personal decision? Or is this decision as a result of the hurts and trauma? If it's the former, fine, but if it's the latter, I advise you open your heart for love.

Mariangeles:


I don't think she's wicked, otherwise she'd have told and reminded her countless times that she's not her mother and for her to go look for her real mother.
Besides, she was likely cheated on.

Mariangeles:


If you have older siblings, it explains it to an extent; you might have been a product of infidelity on the part of your dad, your stepmother accepted you and took it out all on you.

Mariangeles:


Did your father ask you who the revealer was?

purplecoco:
They seem to know so much and won’t tell you, but I’ll suggest you do this search hunt on your own. It might sound scary, but you have to be strong and alert. I’m sorry you have to go through this. Don’t give up yet

purplecoco:
Wow, this is sad. I hope you find your mother. Don’t you have any other relatives from the Family that could help? Someone you could trust to tell you about her

purplecoco:
Wow, this is sad. I hope you find your mother. Don’t you have any other relatives from the Family that could help? Someone you could trust to tell you about her

Ohizman73:
I really felt your heart ,which quite a number of people can't fell on your agitations.so unfortunate as this is a case of deep rooted causes.How people can because of their actions jeolopadize peoples lives. Both your dad and your real mum.first reading all the treads your case is complicated and so you have to tread softly , cautious and remain focused.so as not to compound the issue and fall victim to another different scheme entirely.already you have been distraught and withdrawn from social life. Even finding love is difficult for you.had it been you learnt earlier on before you moved out of your dads house. You would have searched for some records and clues to assist your search. Studying your dad he is a person that would take the secret of your mum to his grave.then that your distant relative is your only hope. But you hahave to act fast what if the person also dies. You alone cannot be involved in this puzzle , time, energy and resources have to be spent.there has to be tracing of your dads geneology and place of origin etc.and you have to provide some facts that would assist in your search.or else you should forget.it is like you are looking for a pin in a haystack.without vital facts from you the case is a dead end even the best private investigators here in Nigeria whold run into a brick wall and keep on deceiving you and run your resources.if you have some vital facts that would assist.you can contact me and I would do my possible best.the first question I would ask do you have proof your mum is alive.or part of the investigation is to find out.cheers.

LilMissFavvy:
Don't Sue him now, wait till you are fully independent/financially buoyant before you sue him. Also, after you sue him, you will be totally alienated and hated by your family, ARE YOU READY FOR THESE? You will need emotional support, as you would be emotionally shattered, you will need some open arms to fall into cuz no man Is an island, so maybe you should consider suing him after marriage. One thing is certain, and it's the fact that he will definitely open up with the use of force, since he has rejected the peaceful measures you used.

Jullima:

Lagos?

adebayour26:

Jesus!!

I told you so.
Two things are involved: physical or spiritual (am sure of the latter)

Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.

Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.