aeion:
Because you don't know the circumstances surrounding her leaving and not returning, don't make the conclusion that she dumped you for your wicked stepmother to raise, at least not yet. I pray you're able to get a head start in locating her.

My step mum is not wicked, she only gave me crumbs... Honestly, she even tried because some women would have done worse. I just wonder about many things.

Ishilove:

Then you are likely a product of away match.

I don't know what the story is; and I clearly do not care how I came... Am here now, and need to know who my mother is.
But for the record, the relative told me that my father paid my real mother's dowry when he Briefly separated from my step mum but returned it afterward after sending her out to bring my step mum back. I do not care what the history is; I just want to know my real mum.

merieam16:
Buh i tot u said it was a relative dat told u truth, go nd meet her 2 complete d search with u cos obviously she knows much.

The person referred me back to my dad to get the identity of my real mum.

Jullima:

Wow! Your birth certificate was forged (or that’s not your real birth certificate) so it means this is a more sinister scenario. Perhaps baby factory things?? Can you afford a private investigator? I see some ads here on NL for such services. Also, use social media as someone suggested, put up your pictures. Also, I think you should keep disturbing the family member that told you your step mum wasn’t your bio mum.

I am am a replica of my dad even more than all my siblings. I don't think I was adopted since I have older siblings.

sinaj:
Put up your picture(especially baby pictures), your dad's picture and your step mum's picture on different social media page.

Many people have reconnected with their family this way, Im sure you will reconnect with your mum too if she is still alive and sane.

I wish you plenty of luck.

My father will kill if I go that public.

vikkimimi:
Suing him won't help you make things easy, instead they'll get so bad!
Why not try going through elders within your family, like your dad's parents or even a pastor he respects in his church.....it'll be better this way even though it might take longer time than necessary for the truth to come out.

Take things easy, it's best to

My grandparents are all late. My dads pastor sadly is not an option trust me.

Jullima:
Don’t conclude that your mother dropped you off and never bothered about you. Some men take a child from the mother and cut all contacts, since your father is so feared even by your family members, that’s a possibility. Also, he doesn’t even want to tell you who your mother is.

Do you have access to your birth certificate? You can start from the hospital you were born, they have records.

I can't even hold my tears back, my heart is bursting out. I don't even know why I feel this amount of pain. My birth certificate says I was born in a private hospital that don't exist(I have gone there and its an office complex) and mother's name, occupation and signature is that of my mum(now step mum).

I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

sonofthunder:

You can check online stores like jumia or amazon. Alternatively you can check with those into sales and installation of car trackers. Price may range from 15000 to 25000 naira. The quality and source may determine this.

Thanks.

sonofthunder:

Stop bothering your self with this people and focus on your comfort. Though the scratch on your vehicle is a step taken too far. If you can afford it (not sure how much it cost) try and install a dashboard cam in your car. The person who did that may return for your tires or windshield.

Thanks again. Where can I get the dashboard cam and how much does it cause... I think its wise to get it.

andyanders:
Pls note this; never go alone to ur place where u had this issue at hand when moving ur things. If u can just get one or two uniform men better, cus they might turn to be trailling u to know where u are relocating. So, watch ur back when in motion for now cus they must have noticed ur movement.


Equally discuss with ur landlord or agent to process u for a refund, at least, part of what u paid and renovation u made. Or, try to get an agent to look 4 someone that could take it, then meet the landlord and get part of the cost of rent and expenses incured. We look forward to seeing u back 2ru this forum on a happy mood.


Be strong. You are not alone as we have u in our prayers.

You are just a breath of fresh air... This world would have been Paradise is everyone was like you

sonofthunder:

Your dad wants you to learn from his mistakes when it seems he hasn't learnt from them..... (just joking oh)

If you think seeing a psychologist can help then try and see one. It may just be what you needed. The whole idea whether with seeing a psychologist or reading the texts or getting a life coach is so that you can see things differently and also come to realise why people think the way they do.

I think your a very strong person people try to take advantage of. That's why you are able to endure despite finally seeing through their actions. But its a good thing you're getting tired of it.

Thanks for your support so far but mentioning my dad in that light leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Not cool. (No offence taken)

You are right about something though, I usually see through people's actions but yet allow things to play out when I could have taken a decisive step... I have no Idea why I do that; coupled with the fact that I easily forgive and forget (and the sad circle continues). I don't know but something deep down always searches for goodness in people even when its a really long wait with many disappointing stops along the way; love is supposed to conquer all right?... Its rewarding when it does but often times than non it just doesn't.

I will think about seeing someone who can help me see things clearly if I must, a psychologist maybe; where do you find them in Nigeria , psychiatric hospital? I don't see their offices anywhere. Thanks.

Ndeoma:


Alright... I believe you'd make it out of this challenge. Try to learn from your past experience as you are moving to this new place you found. Limit your conversation with your neighbours at your new place and mind your own business strictly so the former occurrence doesn't play out again. It's well with you.

Thanks.

Ndeoma:


Hmmm... You really having a tough time now. I can only imagine what you are feeling right now but I know there a solution to every problem in life.

Like I said... Send me an email with your contact let's discuss solutions to your problem. Don't die in silence please.

Thanks, I appreciate your concern but I don't have a problem that requires a life coach like you said earlier. Am sure you are a fantastic life coach, but this is just an ugly incidence that will soon pass like other ugly incidences I have faced; except that am having to face it alone. I will be fine. Thanks.

andyanders:


Listen, just be strong. Come out of ur depression by holding on to urself.It's getting bad if ur door has been tampared with. Good to note u're out of the environment. Their days are numbered. You did good to them and they paid u back with evil. You'll soon get news of what will happen to them. Be strong.

I have decided to move, and hope to start the search for another place tomorrow. Someone told about a nice place at federal housing lugbe, I'll take a look. I can't sleep. I cant concentrate. Am so scared.

Ndeoma:
Look you have to pack out of that place and you have to do that fast. The world we live in is evil and even more deadly been surrounded with hungry, poor and ungrateful neighbors who will stop at nothing to destroy you. And when you want to pack out... Do it quietly at night before the even know what's up... You are far gone from their reach so they can't hurt you.

As for depression, you definitely need to talk to someone and thanks to your neighbors who gave you the cold shoulder you've got no one around you to speak with. You are lonely and that's one of the major catalysts for depression. Seriously you need to distract yourself a bit so you can cool off from the stress you feel within you. I am a life coach and I can help you with your current challenge as I've help several of my clients with this same issue. I tried sending you a pm with my LinkedIn handle and phone but I don't know if it went through. Feel free to buzz me via email at scaleup34@gmail.com

Most importantly pray... I repeat pray! God is always there when we seem to be alone to protect and guide us. Be strong!

Thanks. I call my friends and family, but I can't understand how I feel Ndeoma; its a cocktail of anger, disappointment, regret, fear, pity, helplessness, bullied and so on , Very bad feeling.

andyanders:


his rejection, were u able to dictate/decode from his expression on his face, if it was on good faith or not? What of ur neighbor, did you tell them about the offer u gave nd rejection by the guy? If u feel threathened, report to the police since u cannot afford 2 relocate for now.

I don't know, his face was just indifferent. My neighbours don't speak to me anymore... Their obvious weight loss says volumes.
I have decided to move out. My front door key nob was loosed and opened last night... I was lucky to have bolted my door from the inside. My car was also scratched with objects.

I think I have fallen into depression. I miss my dad.

andyanders:


you've done noble. Was it ur neighbor or the guy that rejected ur offer? Did they state any reason 4 the rejection? If u feel threathened with that, report the case to the police to have it incedeted and to have them sign an undertaking that if anything happens 2 u, they shld held responsible. Try nd relocate to another area ASAP. Nothing will happen 2 u. God will see u try 2ru. Wait 2 hear from u.

I met the tout on my way back (along my street) and really apologized and also thanked him for his help before offering the money to him.
I can't afford to relocate now, I moved in early February and did a lot of upgrades on the house.

andyanders:
It's a pity u encouantered real thieves who are your neighbor/s and ungrateful animals.

Having seen your phone, you should have pretended by pleading to them that you don't have money with you, but next day you will look for 1k to give. Behave as if nothing happened as you have known the kind of people they are. 1k will not kill u. As u have done good to them, God will fight 4 you.

I'll advise you never to make trouble with them 'cus they can plan to harm you since u stay the same compound.

Take this step by tomorrow. Take 1k and meet the couple by tommorow. Ask them to help u plead with the guy to manage the 1k, that u went in and couldn't see any money hence u couldn't come out. You've to use wisdom and act as a fool to them since u are a lady.

Henceforth, you have to be carefull with them. If u can, start planning to relocate cus they can plan evil against u. Stop giving any of them anything. Just act as if nothing happened and watch ur back.

I gave them the 1k as advised but they rejected it. Should I be worried?

Naija4love:
just good heart

I see...

Exmilitant:
My god, couldn't stop laughing. Op, you just made my day!! Call a meeting and table the matter before your neighbours and then express your fears and possible threat to your life.... Its nothing personal neighbours wants money. Still laughing, the story is hilarious..

Please don't laugh cos its not funny at all... I have been seriously thinking towards learning karate; who knows, With the way the country presently is now- its could save ones life.

I have been looking for them to give them the money but they have not been home. I can't wait for this to pass

[quote author=sonofthunder post=88906651]
Hmmm, op we may need to talk oh.... Lol.
On a more serious note, you need to know when and where to draw a line. There's a difference between your friends, good friends and your best friend but in your case, an outsider will find it difficult/impossible to differentiate the three categories. This in itself is not bad, but you can see how you struggle to cope when things go 'south'

Learn to establish appropriate boundaries for different people in your life (family, friends, neighbos, colleagues, etc), that way your aren't overly hurt by people before fully admitting them into your life (consider it like granting them a trial..... Lol).

Also for the long run and to develop a firm personality, you can consider reading certain books: The Prince by Nicolai Machiavelli, 48 laws of power, why you think the way you do, amongst others but be carefully what you read though. Some of those books can completely change your ideology.

You're the kind of person everyone loves and tries to relate with but its unfortunate many will try to take advantage.

Thanks. I have been working on it my whole life , I feel helplessly troubled when I know I can do something about a friends problem, especially when children are involved, I can't say "No". I think its genetic because my Dad is like that too (Now he keeps telling me to learn from his mistakes).
My step- brother says my extreme softness is incurabe; If I could live, love and easily forgive his mom for all the things she did to me without getting tough or ever saying "enough" then I would never change.(funny enough, honestly I thought she was tough on me because I was a girl amongst many boys, I never felt I was being maltreated). I don't know where and when to draw the line like other sane people.
Do I need to see a psychologist?

andyanders:
Op listen, as I advised you through my earlier input herein to handle this situation with wisdom. Involving police or any law officers is good but might turn out to expose you to more danger than you expected. These guys are not only ur neighbors as they've other of their gang members outside ur vicinity.

0nce u get them arrested u expose yourself to danger. Giving out a token to the guy will do u good since u have gotten ur phone than getting them reported.

Remember u are a lady and stay alone and people advising u to go to the police or get army involved doesn't stay with u and will not be there with u if anything happens.

if u can remember a case of a young lady senator, at Abuja that was murdered at her home she stays alone. She saw some bad guys within her hood and secretly went to inform the police. They were arrested by the police and later released, but the same system told the guys that it was the lady that reported them. The same guys went to the senator's house, raped and murdered her.

Thanks.

Naija4love:


Sorry that's how people is. Just try to give the guy 1k if you can.. Can I know you more because we have things in common

Sure, but If I must ask- what do we share in common? I just hope it not "extreme softness "

Freddykrueger:

What city do you reside?

Do you want to send me help?

Jesus be praised forever for by his sacrifice we can call God "Father" and partake in the promises of the Scriptures. Amen

Rozz:
never stop helping people whenever you can,dont let this experience stops you from being nice. God shall reward you

I don't think its even possible to stop, my friends and family say that Its a problem I need to work on.
Once I accommodated a pregnant friend with her husband and two kids; providing everything (school fees and school bus fees to help ease stress)only for them to turn me to second class in my house; even moved into my room when I traveled. When I came back and met my things in the guest room, they claimed they needed more space since the baby was already due. I had to move in with my parents after the baby came for them to host guests for several months... My elder brother couldn't understand my weakness and had to rent a self contain for them to move out (paid for 2years). They never said thank you but kept complaining that am so insensitive to have moved them to a self-contained without considering the fact that they are five in number

Xisnin:

You have learned your lesson.
The worst thing to do in the midst of the very poor is to show that you are rich without
adequate protection.
From your explanation, you aren't that rich but just want to help strangers.

Don't give them a kobo. If you do, they will be extorting you on a monthly basis using fear and touts.
Report the case to the nearest police station(not for arrest).
Make sure a policeman follows you home(not for arrest).
Even better if you can get some soldiers to visit and conduct them round so they are seen(not for arrest).
Their appearance will send a message.

Finally, run from that place as soon as possible.
Don't wait until you have enough, seek help from family and friends, and don't let ego kill you.

You are absolutely right... Am so scared. I have to go to the police and also make arrangements to move. Thanks.

John 3: 16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son. That who so ever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Georgekyrian:


Where's your boyfriend, sometimes you have to let him come to your house make Dem see say person got your back, if you don't have let ur brother or Bestie visit you once once, in a moment like this you can call the nigga to come keep you coming to avoid stories because ppl can be funny sometimes

The story is, Things got really rough for me after a setback so I moved to another city and to a lower budget apartment. My family is not here and I am embarrassed to bring very old friends who live here to my house since I know its a temporary arrangement before I fully get back on my feet and get a befitting abode. And No, I don't have a boyfriend and don't need one for now; I can't concentrate when am in-love And I need to concentrate if I'll be leaving this place soon. Thanks.

I planned to confront them but that tout looked bad ass I was really scared. Now I realize I should not have runaway; you're right, I should have given the tout some money even though I was so terrified. I was just hurt and angry. I guess That's how we women first react in the face of danger