grandstar:
Godlovesyou28

How far? Have you found your birth mother?

If not, another tactic is to give your dad the silent treatment.

Tell him you'll cut him off until he tells you who your mother is and stick to it.

Don't let him guilt trip you into changing your mind. Stand your ground. He'll break within a year.

I tried that too but his BP shot up and his doctor asked me to stop; he has fully recovered now.
I was recently discharged myself(I was treated for depression). I never knew I was depressed until everything happened so fast
I guess I have tried my best. Everything around me needs my attention.
Am getting too old for the constant crying so I have stopped thinking about the things that hurt so terribly, I have found a friend in my therapist and she has introduced me to knew hobbies.
Thanks for asking but please stop. I have stopped; I have stopped striving for answers that could cost the life of another person (I don't want to hurt my dad). I have also tried every other logical and legal means.
Thanks from the depth of my soul. But... Stop.

Wow! I just woke up from my "pill-induced" sleep to see this. Out pouring of concern
What can I say?

For all your sincere love and concern am so grateful and overwhelmingly encouraged

for those who find it hard to believe me, it doesn't matter if you believe me or not.

For the those who have suggested that I go back to my original source, trust me when I say that "I have squeezed out every drop of juice from that orange". I can't push further and will never use undue force when I should show gratitude, but your pragmatic approach only shows how willing you are to help solve my problem.

For those who want me to approach it spiritually (I have been told many things, especially that my real mum is alive but will not dare contact me), I have been praying though sometimes my faith challenges me but I am growing by Gods Grace. Thanks

I am also weighing my legal options but not yet exhausted my other options.

And No, my older siblings will not help.

Yes lease I forget I cannot say too much anymore for fear that I am being monitored but I will like you to know that I feel surrounded by a family and will carry you along in a manageable fashion. Thank you for your kind words, tears and loving embrace. God bless you all.

DaniDani:
Have you gone to the village?

I hope to take care of something first; I guess, get stronger physically before going. Am so afraid (I really don't know why). Never been so scared and insecure all my life.

I am so hated in my family (I never thought it'll get to me this much).

I can't sleep anymore and sometimes I don't even remember to eat until after a day or two at times and don't feel notice until I feel too weak to get out of bed. I hate to go out too except its extremely important. I get very angry for no reason at my self and destroy or set my belongings ablaze. Am loosing touch of my business and my sales girls are looting me dry and I don't seem to care.

Why? Can't I fix anything anymore?

andyanders:


Just be strong. If you cannot handle it, seek for help from a known therapist/psychologist within the area u reside. My thoughts and prayers for you. Depression kills. Seek help.

She needs ur prayers nairalanders. Reach out to her for help b4 it gets to late. Ur member is battling depression. Your prayers for her.

Am not depressed; am just tired...

JourneytoEL:
any new update?

No. Thanks. I need your prayers cos am loosing my...

easygoing3sq:
Were you able to locate your real mum?

Not yet; I haven't been able to travel

DeeMain:
Are you able to sleep easily now?

Lack of sleep shows that deep down you are afraid and tense about all this new information and it's implication.

You can read Psalm 91 but this time read it to the little you whose mother is missing and she is afraid and lonely. Keep reading it to her until she calms down and is no longer afraid.

You, the adult, will be able to sleep easily thereafter. It will also calm your anxiety and nervousness down.

Looking forward to your testimony.

You already have very good suggestions for the other problem.

How did you know that its my best psalm... I know the entire chapter by heart. The power in that scripture had seen me through many battles in the past and given me hope that God has my back. Thanks for the new insight thanks.

felixzo1:
you already have all the clues you need to solve the issue.The problem is you are too emotional about it. you are not reasoning logically. Programme your mind to believe you are looking for women your dad paid dowry for. Even an investigation journalist with cash to pay for information here and there will get all the information from your village in less than two weeks.( the people who will give you this information are outside your dad's family)stop looking for your mother, most won,t remember.but I bet you some people will remember the woman your dad first married . ask for the family name then take your questions to them . they may be from a different village.

Thanks; am not happy with the situation but I do have my emotions in check. Thanks again.

andyanders:

For now, we should not tag the woman as demon.
Maybe her aim of trying to push her to a seminary school was to in sure that she never gets married in order to conceal their plan of who are mom is. This could trigger psychological depression on op now that she got to know as an adult. She can only handle this with maturity.

The best option should be for op to first get herself together and try to see if she can be able to get some kind of substantial evidence that could help her get to know who her true mom is and where she is right now. I truly believes that she is still alive somewhere and not dead hence their action. If was to be dead, they will open up to her.

With God, she will achieve whatever her dreams are by getting to meet her true mom.

It's painful growing up without knowing who one's mom is. She should just play smart to get substantial evidence or a clue in order to get a breakthrough. We should all have her in our prayers.

You have been amazing. Thanks for the prayers.

abelswife:


that woman is a demon. imagine what shes doing. I'm sure the ops brother was given a choice he wouldnt want to be a preist. They brought bride price for her own daughter, she collected, chop and clean mouth. But another person's daughter should go to seminary against her wish. the way this thing is paining me ehn...

She is not a demon; its my choice to remain single not hers. Its also honourable for her to want me serving God as my only career after all the mother of Samuel in the Bible gave him up to the service of God... You will make a heck of a great sister . Thanks.

switosman:
You already have enough info to do a self investigation. Just that you are too forward and very despirate about it.
If your Dad paid dowry for your mum then calmly ask elders about the family. You even can estimate the time it happened.
Try not to be direct. Find out the village your mother came from, them locate the family then you will locate your mother.
Or Grant a media search for your mother with the info you have. Somebody some where can identify with the info

Thanks.

DeltaBachelor:
hmmmm. Wonderful advice. OP, it's better you follow this advice o

Thanks

Mumben:
Op, I feel ur pain and I av this to say- never underestimate the power of prayer. av u prayed concerning this matter? Jeremiah 33vs 3 says: call to me, I will answer you, I will tell you wonderful and marvellous things that you know nothing about. fast and pray about it and watch God reveal everything to you. Good luck

Thank you so much.

Homeboiy:
The only source that u have now should be your informant.


convince her to tell u more.

Am on it. Thanks

andyanders:
Hope you've not stressed out yourself today. Getting a rest is very necessary 2 our health.

.

Thankd

Hello, you are really not alone in what you're going through; but the key here is the knowing that God loves you more than you will ever know and more than any human being could ever love you.

I grew up under almost similar but worse environment but got all my positive affirmation from God not anybody else; I almost dropped out from school too but I trusted God to the point that today I can't believe how far he has brought me to a place of complete independence.

People like you are usually very gifted but the devil strikes early in their lives to corrupt their foundation and plant his evil seeds in order to destroy your future.

Everyday is a battle and You can be equipped with the weapon to excel... Send me a message and I'll be out to give you the assistance you may need; many people at one time or the other have been beaten to the point of contemplating suicide but its the worse decision with very eternally grievous consequences. Stay strong... Help is on the way.

Foodqueen:
Give that woman that first told you more money, go visit her one on one and she will spill it all out.

For the sleep, maybe u need a change of environment. Plan a weekend trip to relax.

You will be fine.

Thanks

frozen70:


I know, it can be very hurtful, just follow the advice let's see if it will work

Thanks

frozen70:


Calm down pls and don't take it too hard before you spoil something

Find someone in your father's family and keep the person's secret

That person will tell you how to locate your mum

But for the fact that your mother never looked for you, should give you the courage to move on with your life

She may be from another state or region or even another country

Am glad you have grown, help yourself to be stable so that you don't go back to them for any favour

Thanks for the advice, I just want to know who she is .

andyanders:
You're welcome. Just be yourself and never allow this to affect your health. Try not to express yourself negetively when you travel home, but be your old self. Check if there are some kind of facts-like old lady's pixs you can lay hands to and compare your look as there could be some kind of resemblance. Also do hold deep talk with ur informant. Wish u the best nd be urself.

Stop thinking as we all are on transit in this world.

I will, thanks.

andyanders:
Op, sad to note of your present status and your state of mind right now. Do not stress yoursel to the point yiur BP will spring up. Thank God that you are alive. The truth must come out one day. Be patient while you navigate this as it will come and pass and you will sing songs of joy.

First, good to know of your real status now that you have come of age. Also, to thank God that you passed through a lot to come to this this stage and did not die before now through your step mom.

If this was brought here first after someone opened your eyes, I would have advised you first not to have confronted your dad as he has kept the secret from you for that long. You should have secretly searched his house in order to see if there are an old hidden pictures of a woman in his closest or album, then you lift the pictures first.

If your dad discovers any dirty approach, he might harm you to conceal his past.

First, just act as if nothing happened and never bring up the case up again with your dad or step mom for now. Start an underground investigation by first contacting your confidant who opened your eyes to tell you more.

How old is your dad and your step Mom? From that, when searching for a clue, look for a younger lady's picture, if there is an album or if you have access to his room. While doing this, watch your back and be smart in order for him not to notice. Always pretend to be happy with both your father and step mom. With time you might get a clue.

I will be right back.

Thanks for the advice but my Dad can't hurt me, he is not just that kind of person. I hope to travel once its possible to do so.

nabiz:
if you just realised 2 years ago that your step mother is a not your real mother, the I do t think your step mother is as wicked as you paint her

I never said she was wicked... She gave me what she could spare for a child not hers and am thankful but I just need my mum.

Please do you know anything that can help me sleep?

Foodqueen:
That relative that called u might be ur mother.

No she is not; am sure but if she was I'll be glad to end my search.

Please do you know what I can take to help me sleep?

I can't sleep anymore and nothing am taking for it is working...

JourneytoEL:
alright, i wish you all the best.

Thanks

JourneytoEL:
I thank God for the steps you have taken so far. But, you need to understand that a stitch in time saves nine. Just ask him if he knows anything about his parents, then when you gather enough information from him, tell him you just found out you are his sister. I will advise you to do these things before you travel. It will give you a clear direction of who exactly to ask in your village. Remember to pray fervently. You might be living with household enemies. Visit the Blessed Sacrament very often. I would also love to know the city you reside and your age. May the Good Lord clear your path and make your dreams come to past.

Thanks for your comment, No offence but am not still a Catholic; like I said, I just wanted a soft landing. I can't tell him on phone until since he is not yet on my side, and I also need solid proof (not just telling him that some anonymous person told me bla bla bla) to get him to understand that we have a mother somewhere that we must find together.

madampresident:


I somewhat agree with you.

Here's my own analysis of the situation.

Perhaps they married a young wife for your grandfather. Maybe your father and his brother slept with her and gave birth to you and your cousin respectively.

That explains why your cousin lived more with your grandfather and later your uncle?

Op did you know your grandmother or perhaps your grandfather's wife growing up?

I don't agree with that summation too because my grandfather was a very successful business man and always needed more boys to help in is trade though he was very nice; I cannot give some intricate facts that would help you understand since its a public platform that someone in my family might be on.

JourneytoEL:

how about you try other means since you can't travel because of lockdown, like facebook or asking a relative for his phone number? better still keep begging your step mum to tell you the truth and promise her it will be a secret between you two. Your step mum is on the verge of telling you, don't give up because your brother might just be as ignorant as you are

I have gotten his number and I slept like a baby after we spoke very early this morning . I was so nervous and to break the ice first since its been so long we spoke; I told him that I had lost my way and need salvation and peace that comes with true repentance, and have decided to answer my call to be a reverend sister... He was so happy and warm that I want repentance; he told me so many things my step mum told him I did(he has a very poor impression of me) and asked me to go to my parents and reconcile and also call my siblings and tell them that I had been a fool and allowed myself to be used by Satan, but that I have repented . I promised to do all he said and come visit him after the lockdown.

Even if I go he won't believe me. I think I need to go to the village first a see if I can gather some circumstantial evidence. Am just happy we spoke.

fertilewomb:


I don't know why I feel your dad comitted a very secret atrocity. it could be that your dad slept or took his late brothers wife and had you through her, which is why he doesn't want to tell you whom your mom is. It's a top secret he's been keeping with his wife and I don't think they are ready to divulge it to anyone let alone you.
Your dad comitted a formidable and shameful Taboo,which is why he doesn't want to disclose the identity of your real mother

People have children aside wedlock all the time and don't find it difficult telling the children who the mother or father is. why is yours different

I may not agree with you; my dad is a very disciplined man he is known to help people and never hurts people. My dad has a burden to tell me but anytime he is close to revealing I think my step mum mounts pressure on him and he stops.

My step mum does not love my dad enough to keep a secret like that if its to my fathers benefit and not hers.

She is also very materialistic and everything boils down to money with her; am not interested in any thing, all I need is to know my mum.

Eketem:
Ghojes has given you good advise, go meet your cousin then go to the village, you deserve closure

Thank you.

GHoJes:

Your missing link is your cousin/brother. From your statement, he knows the village very well and people he can approach for answers without even involving your father. Remember not to divulge your source at first to your brother, be sure he is very in before you tell him your source if you must.

Go and sleep as you have been advised, tomorrow is another day.

Thanks. Am grateful.

Kenfil:
You need to really calm down. I dont have any other suggestions since there's a lot already said here but u cannot achieve much or find any truth if u keep handling this with too much emotions. Breathe, think, and then act. Slowly!!!!!!! Goodluck in ur search and I hope whatever u discover makes u happy.

Thank you.