₦airaland Forum

I just had to ask this question because it's been causing issues between me and my guy. He doesn't seem comfortable at all with me having male friends and he throws tantrums each time I visit my bestie. He even tells me to my face that he doesn't trust me, so he scrutinize every move I make.

Each time I answer calls from male friends with him around it leads to him nagging about how much I don't respect him and it's not as if I talk dirty or tell them that I love them, just friendly conversations. We had a slight issue last night cos I came over to see him and stay for a week before leaving, I didnt warm the food out of anger and it got spoilt this morning. When I told him about the food he told me that it was supposed to be our breakfast so that means no food this morning.

I had to chat one of my friends and he agreed to take me out, I dressed up and left the house and he sent me a message not to return to his house. Did I do something wrong?

Jack005:
Such is life grace... I went tru your previous post were you said he was still job hunting . Does he now have a good job? You said you suffered together with him... Well, one way or the other we have all suffered heartbreaks and that is why i don't do relationships no more.. You have to try to move on, it's not gonna be easy, deleted every memory of him, numbers, things that make you remember him.. Time is of the essence here. Time will heal you.I just cannot say for how long. Be strong!

Thanks for your kind words, he's doing some stuffs online though it pays less than 40k monthly

Onyi22:
You r crying over a broke Nigeria guy who is not worth your tear, next time go for Money not Love

He was perfect till we graduated, money was not the bane of the relationship because we were both students most time we knew so we were both broke.

I never knew this is what heart break feels like, I'm shattered and broken.

I started dating him from 100 level till we graduated, it's been five years now. We suffered and passed through a lot together, I made a lot of sacrifices for him and even had two painful abortions for him.

But he always complained that I got fat and he liked slim girls, he broke up with me in the most excruciating manner. I noticed changes a few months back but he kept lying to me not knowing he was seeing another girl.

The girl chatted me up few days back to know her stand and I told her everything, he even posted pictures he had with the girl, this is someone that hates pictures and hardly takes one with me regardless of how much I beg. He doesn't even post his own pictures but he's already posting the girls pictures.

The girl is his spec and more attractive than me... I'm just ashamed of myself. The girl decided to stick with him even after everything I told her so she could leave him including the abortion part.

I've wished him well but I'm in serious pain, I've been crying for days now and unable to eat. I gave him everything, he was my first ever guy. I wish he could come back, I'm ready to forgive him.

How can move on from this heart break, it's killing me slowly.

CAPSLOCKED:
Gracelander
PAY ATTENTION TO THE QUOTE ABOVE.
FIRSTLY, YOU MUST TRY TO IMPROVE YOURSELF. THAT HAS TO BE YOUR PRIORITY. IF THE BOY GETS INTO A BIGGER POSITION TOMORROW AND YOU'RE WHERE YOU WERE YEARS AGO, HE'LL SURELY DUMP YOUR A$$. DON'T GO LOOKING FOR JOBS FOR HIM WHEN YOU CAN GET THOSE JOBS FOR YOURSELF.
IF IT'S "MARRIAGE" THAT YOU WANT, BY ALL MEANS, GO FOR IT WITH THE NEXT AVAILABLE MAN BECAUSE I BELIEVE IF YOU'RE SINGLE AT 35 NOBODY WILL SPARE YOU FROM THE "EVERY NEWSPAPER" MOCKERY. IF IT'S YOUR BUSINESS WITH THIS GUY THAT YOU BELIEVE IN, YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE MARRIAGE IDEA ASIDE AND LET THIS BOY ACCOMPLISH HIS DREAMS AS LONG AS YOU STILL BELIEVE IN HIS COMMITMENT.
AFTER SCHOOL/SERVICE I REFUSED TO TAKE UP ODD JOBS BECAUSE LIKE THIS PERSON, I BELIEVED IN MYSELF AND IMAGINED THAT I WORTH MORE. I LOST FRIENDS AND PARTNERS WHO WANTED MARRIAGE AND STUFF THAT I WAS TOO POOR TO GIVE, BUT LOOK TODAY SEVERAL MONTHS LATER I'M 1,000,000X BETTER THAN WHERE I USED TO BE AND THOSE THAT LEFT TO GET MARRIED AND SHĮT CAN ONLY BRAG OF ONLY MORE BODY COUNTS AS ACCOMPLISHMENTS. NO PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT. NO MONEY. NO MARRIAGE. NOTHING.
AS COMPLEX AS YOUR SITUATION MAY BE YOU HAVE TO TALK THINGS THROUGH WITH THIS PERSON AND REALLY JUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND. A BLESSING OR A LESSON IN THE END, WHATEVER THE OUTCOME IS YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT. YOUR CALL TO MAKE.

Thanks very much sir, I really appreciate your contribution.

shaybebaby:
My take.

You are too focused on him, what he is/ isn't doing etc.

What about you in this whole mix? Asides feeling pressured to get married, what about your own dreams? 25 is still quite young, you are definitely not a finished product yet with many more things to learn about yourself and work towards achieving.

If I were you, I'd take this time to focus on yourself and your personal growth. That's not to say, you have to break up with him, I'm asking you to look inward, identify the kind of life you want to build and start equipping yourself to achieve it.

As you grow, he will either grow with you or be left behind as you realise that you are worth more than where you currently are.

Thank you very much

Justkatty:
He's just being lazy and proud and I also think you made him understand that you can shoulder all responsibilities.
That's why I tell people money is unisex, it shouldn't be a man thing alone.
Have you tried developing yourself? I see lust here maybe because of his physique, that guy na e type dey take time starch cloth, polish shoe dey deceive some person's with grammar and over starched clothes.

I'll advise you improve yourself since he's not ready to start from somewhere.
Sincerely you've tried especially the part you talked about him flirting with numerous girls.

Try building yourself and be focus make e dey look for oyibo job
I respect every man that does any responsible job to see his family happy.
Laziness and big eyes has built duplex in his body.
Anyways I wish you guys the best.

He's not lazy, in fact he's one of the most hard working guy I've met, but he sets the bar too high and kinda arrogant believing he's special. As for looks he's just there, tall and lanky with a handsome face, funny enough he dresses casual and hardly wears shoes. I've been developing myself and he's been the one pushing me, he actually made me a better woman.

Dailyparrot:
This story looks fictitious maybe because of the perfect English and too much unnecessary details, nevertheless, we will still comment.

The question is not going for made men but going for a man that never despises the days of little beginning and that understands what it means to start from somewhere.

I never took a salary job after my NYSC but pre-NYSC, I took up a teaching job while trying my hand on freelancing until the freelancing paid off.

The guy acts like a woman. It is only a man without self pride that will choose to remain jobless while girls bankroll him.

Such a man will make a bad husband, trust me. Things don't always remain rosy in life and if he's not willing to compromise and start small, then there's a problem.

The OP is a graduate and 25 years. Her time is passing already. It will get to a point where she will not be mingling with men easily due to her work schedule, so meeting a potential husband becomes difficult.

Men are also trying to marry early these days, which will make the age to count against her soon.

I don't have time to compose a fictitious story, as per the aspect of ladies bankrolling I don't have evidence to prove that, its just an assumption.

moshmusth:
OP.. I took my time to read your lengthy stories i have few questions i would like to ask before my honest opinion

1.. His Kitchen can you please Elaborate because someone who has no job and was just out of school few months ago has an apt

2.. Pls the institutions you both went to, was it a UNI or POLY OR COED

3.. At 28, the guy is presumably young and you are almost at your own peek, how long do you think it will take him to save up to rent that is if he hasn't done that already, fix the room up and you are willing to stay put and not nag in the future which is contrary to an igbo belief "Make it before getting married"

4.. Those meals are they home cooked or Fast foods you saw in his place?

When we done with the answer i go shook mouth for una matter

He's been living in the apartment before we graduated, rent is expiring soon and I don't know how he intends to renew.
We attended a university, He hardly cooks, the meals are mostly in take away packs which means its likely to be fast food meals

Xilsbridalhouse:
Just pray dear. It’s what I did too...No one should waste your time.
Pray to God for directions and signs and possible break you two up if he isn’t your God ordained husband.

I’m pissed you putting up with the fact that he cheats because you are looking down on yourself. You deserve so much better, you need to work on your self-esteem.

During the infant stage of our relationship I actually got fed up and prayed that God should give me the strength to forget him if he's not mine, but if he's mine let him have a change of heart. He changed less than two weeks after that prayer I don't know if its a coincidence though. As per cheating I've never caught him, even when I went through his chats he always tells most girls that he has a girlfriend, whether I'm the one he's referring to is another thing.

AsapTeddy:
Which like long story be this...


We all know it's fake. U try shamm.when is part 2 coming out

So I will just sit down and write a long fake story?? For what exactly?? Do people get paid to post here?? Please swerve if you don't have any reasonable contribution stop occupying space.

Good morning everyone, I've been a silent reader on this great forum for a while now and it is safe to assume that I'm now addicted to it. I've seen people table their issues here and get great insight from the brilliant minds here hence the reason I decided to pour out my mind about something that has been bothering me for a while. Please I crave your indulgence to read till the end and advice me accordingly.

Growing up as a teenage girl I was always irritated by guys coming close to me, I just hated boys for no good reason due to this issue I didn't have a boyfriend till I got to the university. I was sitting alone in class one day receiving lectures during my 100 level second semester, I guy sat beside me and tried to start a conversation, he was met with my usual cold shoulder and had to leave after his attempts on getting my number failed. Not up to 5 minutes and another guy took his position and asked me if I understood anything the lecturer was saying, I told him that I understood to a limit and he asked me to put him through. He looked really smart for me to teach him but I still went ahead to explain some things to him to the best of my knowledge, he left few minutes later after collecting my number. He was the first guy I was giving my number in school, somehow I couldn't resist him.

I spent the next few days thinking about this guy, I couldn't get him out of my head and it was a crazy feeling cos no guy ever made me feel that way. I waited endlessly for his call and would get disappointed each time my phone rings and he's not the one. He called me after one week and asked us to meet, I could barely contain my joy and my room mates were asking questions. We met in a park that night, and I found myself so warmed up to him and he kept making me laugh all through. I had my first ever kiss that night and during the kiss I unconsciously took his hands and placed it on my breasts. He asked me out later and I wasted no time in accepting him. I kept smiling sheepishly after I got to the hostel and kept replaying that moment.

This guy swept me off my feet and made me feel things I've never felt in my life, just his voice over the phone sends shivers down my spine, the sound of I love you from him would send tingles in between my legs and I tremble like a leaf in the harmattan season at any of his slightest touch but there was one problem.

He was always seen around campus with an Igbo girl( he's Igbo too while I'm from the middle belt) though he told me the girl is just like a sister to him. I had self esteem issues because this girl was far more beautiful compared to me, she had mad curves compared to me that was almost like a ruler. Their PDA was obvious for all to see though he kept denying her, it hurt me so much each time we have a combine lecture and I see them together while I sit alone, the girl would be all over him, throwing kissing at him at any slight opportunity. I would go back to my hostel and cry my eyes out but his friends which I was close to always assured me that there's nothing between them. I would break up with him many times but would still run back to him. My friend hated him for the pains he caused me and kept telling me that he would never leave an Igbo girl for me but I couldn't still get over him.

He looked like a player, he won't stay up to 10 minutes without a lady calling him, while I hardly hug any guy, girls will hug him with pressing their breasts on his chest. I never felt good enough for him, girls were throwing themselves at him and I was the least beautiful among all the ladies that came around him, I didn't know why he still kept me around. He wasn't rich in fact he was broke but had this strong personality that magnets ladies to him.

During our 200 level he suddenly changed and became more caring towards me and he was less seen with other ladies. He deleted all their numbers and stopped receiving many calls though that Igbo girl would still pop into the picture once in a while. I was curious but he refused to tell me the reason for the sudden change of behaviour, we started going to classes together unlike before that the Igbo girl had exclusive right to him. That period was one of the best in my life and I was glad I didn't give up on him.

It's been four years now, and like every relationship we have had our fair share of issues which always gets resolved immediately. He has improved me in all ramifications both intellectually and other wise and I've grown to be a better person than I was when I met him. I've learnt so much from him that I even call him my professor. We've graduated now but I'm somehow at cross roads because I don't know where we are headed. We have talked about marriage and he said once he get money he would marry me but he's never going to marry broke though for me I don't mind whether he has money or not I just want to be with him.

He's 28 and I'm 25, I'm beginning to get time conscious. He told me that if two years after our graduation and he doesn't get money to settle down he would let me go in order not to waste my time and we graduated some months back. I was upset because I felt he didn't love me enough to the extent of setting a timer. Recently ladies started creeping into his life again, we would go for an event together and ladies would be flirting with him though the does his best to shake them off. I went through his chat and one lady was telling him that he would regret turning down her advances to stay with a local classless girl and he replied by telling her that I'm a wife materia that is meant for keeps which made me a little happy and of course the Igbo won't still let him be. I'm always on my toes trying to keep him away from ladies.

My sisters have a split opinion about him, one of them thinks he definitely dump me and go for an Igbo girl since they hardly marry non Igbo ladies so she keeps saying the relationship is a waste of time while my other sister is of the opinion that I should stay with him because as an Igbo guy he would definitely get rich soon and I would enjoy after all my years of suffering with him. I don't know who gave her the impression that Igbo guys are immune to poverty. I voiced my ethnic concerns to him and he said the only thing that can prevent him from marrying me is if he doesn't get money. I always feel he's to fixated on money because that's all he talks about all the time, I tried to let him know that we can start small but he won't have none of that. He keeps telling me of his lofty plans of making sure I deliver all my babies abroad so they can have a second passport. He even has a list of countries that offer passports to that occasion and he doesn't even have a dime in his account but keeps talking of big big things that are beyond him.

I've been persuading him to get a teaching job but he refused citing that he can't work for 15k like I do, he's into programming and all he does is convert the imaginary dollars he's going to make into naira when he starts working for an oyibo company, he even refused to apply for Nigerian jobs and its not as if any oyibo job is forthcoming. He spends all day applying for jobs while I take care of his data he uses for learning from the teaching job that he despises so much. I went out of my way to connect him to a big school that offered to pay him 25k and he turned it down saying its too small for him that he would only consider 50k job and even at that he would be doing the employer a favour because he's worth more than that. I'm getting fed up with he's attitude, he carries himself like a pro but he's just a learner at the programming he brags about.

I don't even know how he survives because he receives money through my account since he borrowed from loan companies and couldn't pay. I visit him at times and meet take away plates of fried rice and ice creams and sometimes with his kitchen stocked with provisions I know he can't afford but he never tells me where those stuff come from. I feel a lady might be out there bankrolling him.

I'm beginning to get scared and I no longer feel secured in this relationship, I feel he's going to dump me and go for a more classy lady since he attracts them a lot. He keeps complaining that I've added weight and my belly to the extent that we had a serious issue about it. He's lanky and looks quite younger than his age and keeps hammering that I'm beginning to look older than him and he doesn't like it. I had to start jogging every morning till my knees swelled up and the doctors said that the fat I was shedding was accumulating in my knees so I had to stop because I couldn't walk for days. I watch my diet and eat just twice a day even trekking to work sometimes but I won't still get lean. I said I shouldn't worry about my weight anymore that he would take care of it when we get married by fixing a gym in our home but I'm not still assured. I get extremely jealous when I see him with a slim girl.

Please what should I do?? I really love this guy and I'm sure he loves me too but is this relationship worth fighting for? I feel he's plans are too bogus and might take time to achieve, I'm willing to wait but will he still love me by then? Won't he decide to go for a younger Lady when he finally makes it? Please advice me.

I'm sorry for the long story, I've bottled it up for a long time and its been eating me up so I had to pour out my heart here.
I'm also sorry for any typos. Thanks