Good morning everyone, I've been a silent reader on this great forum for a while now and it is safe to assume that I'm now addicted to it. I've seen people table their issues here and get great insight from the brilliant minds here hence the reason I decided to pour out my mind about something that has been bothering me for a while. Please I crave your indulgence to read till the end and advice me accordingly.

Growing up as a teenage girl I was always irritated by guys coming close to me, I just hated boys for no good reason due to this issue I didn't have a boyfriend till I got to the university. I was sitting alone in class one day receiving lectures during my 100 level second semester, I guy sat beside me and tried to start a conversation, he was met with my usual cold shoulder and had to leave after his attempts on getting my number failed. Not up to 5 minutes and another guy took his position and asked me if I understood anything the lecturer was saying, I told him that I understood to a limit and he asked me to put him through. He looked really smart for me to teach him but I still went ahead to explain some things to him to the best of my knowledge, he left few minutes later after collecting my number. He was the first guy I was giving my number in school, somehow I couldn't resist him.

I spent the next few days thinking about this guy, I couldn't get him out of my head and it was a crazy feeling cos no guy ever made me feel that way. I waited endlessly for his call and would get disappointed each time my phone rings and he's not the one. He called me after one week and asked us to meet, I could barely contain my joy and my room mates were asking questions. We met in a park that night, and I found myself so warmed up to him and he kept making me laugh all through. I had my first ever kiss that night and during the kiss I unconsciously took his hands and placed it on my breasts. He asked me out later and I wasted no time in accepting him. I kept smiling sheepishly after I got to the hostel and kept replaying that moment.

This guy swept me off my feet and made me feel things I've never felt in my life, just his voice over the phone sends shivers down my spine, the sound of I love you from him would send tingles in between my legs and I tremble like a leaf in the harmattan season at any of his slightest touch but there was one problem.

He was always seen around campus with an Igbo girl( he's Igbo too while I'm from the middle belt) though he told me the girl is just like a sister to him. I had self esteem issues because this girl was far more beautiful compared to me, she had mad curves compared to me that was almost like a ruler. Their PDA was obvious for all to see though he kept denying her, it hurt me so much each time we have a combine lecture and I see them together while I sit alone, the girl would be all over him, throwing kissing at him at any slight opportunity. I would go back to my hostel and cry my eyes out but his friends which I was close to always assured me that there's nothing between them. I would break up with him many times but would still run back to him. My friend hated him for the pains he caused me and kept telling me that he would never leave an Igbo girl for me but I couldn't still get over him.

He looked like a player, he won't stay up to 10 minutes without a lady calling him, while I hardly hug any guy, girls will hug him with pressing their breasts on his chest. I never felt good enough for him, girls were throwing themselves at him and I was the least beautiful among all the ladies that came around him, I didn't know why he still kept me around. He wasn't rich in fact he was broke but had this strong personality that magnets ladies to him.

During our 200 level he suddenly changed and became more caring towards me and he was less seen with other ladies. He deleted all their numbers and stopped receiving many calls though that Igbo girl would still pop into the picture once in a while. I was curious but he refused to tell me the reason for the sudden change of behaviour, we started going to classes together unlike before that the Igbo girl had exclusive right to him. That period was one of the best in my life and I was glad I didn't give up on him.

It's been four years now, and like every relationship we have had our fair share of issues which always gets resolved immediately. He has improved me in all ramifications both intellectually and other wise and I've grown to be a better person than I was when I met him. I've learnt so much from him that I even call him my professor. We've graduated now but I'm somehow at cross roads because I don't know where we are headed. We have talked about marriage and he said once he get money he would marry me but he's never going to marry broke though for me I don't mind whether he has money or not I just want to be with him.

He's 28 and I'm 25, I'm beginning to get time conscious. He told me that if two years after our graduation and he doesn't get money to settle down he would let me go in order not to waste my time and we graduated some months back. I was upset because I felt he didn't love me enough to the extent of setting a timer. Recently ladies started creeping into his life again, we would go for an event together and ladies would be flirting with him though the does his best to shake them off. I went through his chat and one lady was telling him that he would regret turning down her advances to stay with a local classless girl and he replied by telling her that I'm a wife materia that is meant for keeps which made me a little happy and of course the Igbo won't still let him be. I'm always on my toes trying to keep him away from ladies.

My sisters have a split opinion about him, one of them thinks he definitely dump me and go for an Igbo girl since they hardly marry non Igbo ladies so she keeps saying the relationship is a waste of time while my other sister is of the opinion that I should stay with him because as an Igbo guy he would definitely get rich soon and I would enjoy after all my years of suffering with him. I don't know who gave her the impression that Igbo guys are immune to poverty. I voiced my ethnic concerns to him and he said the only thing that can prevent him from marrying me is if he doesn't get money. I always feel he's to fixated on money because that's all he talks about all the time, I tried to let him know that we can start small but he won't have none of that. He keeps telling me of his lofty plans of making sure I deliver all my babies abroad so they can have a second passport. He even has a list of countries that offer passports to that occasion and he doesn't even have a dime in his account but keeps talking of big big things that are beyond him.

I've been persuading him to get a teaching job but he refused citing that he can't work for 15k like I do, he's into programming and all he does is convert the imaginary dollars he's going to make into naira when he starts working for an oyibo company, he even refused to apply for Nigerian jobs and its not as if any oyibo job is forthcoming. He spends all day applying for jobs while I take care of his data he uses for learning from the teaching job that he despises so much. I went out of my way to connect him to a big school that offered to pay him 25k and he turned it down saying its too small for him that he would only consider 50k job and even at that he would be doing the employer a favour because he's worth more than that. I'm getting fed up with he's attitude, he carries himself like a pro but he's just a learner at the programming he brags about.

I don't even know how he survives because he receives money through my account since he borrowed from loan companies and couldn't pay. I visit him at times and meet take away plates of fried rice and ice creams and sometimes with his kitchen stocked with provisions I know he can't afford but he never tells me where those stuff come from. I feel a lady might be out there bankrolling him.

I'm beginning to get scared and I no longer feel secured in this relationship, I feel he's going to dump me and go for a more classy lady since he attracts them a lot. He keeps complaining that I've added weight and my belly to the extent that we had a serious issue about it. He's lanky and looks quite younger than his age and keeps hammering that I'm beginning to look older than him and he doesn't like it. I had to start jogging every morning till my knees swelled up and the doctors said that the fat I was shedding was accumulating in my knees so I had to stop because I couldn't walk for days. I watch my diet and eat just twice a day even trekking to work sometimes but I won't still get lean. I said I shouldn't worry about my weight anymore that he would take care of it when we get married by fixing a gym in our home but I'm not still assured. I get extremely jealous when I see him with a slim girl.

Please what should I do?? I really love this guy and I'm sure he loves me too but is this relationship worth fighting for? I feel he's plans are too bogus and might take time to achieve, I'm willing to wait but will he still love me by then? Won't he decide to go for a younger Lady when he finally makes it? Please advice me.

I'm sorry for the long story, I've bottled it up for a long time and its been eating me up so I had to pour out my heart here.
I'm also sorry for any typos. Thanks

So lengthy


I have tried to read it a little. But I lose interest in reading it when I reached the point you said on the first day of you meeting him, you guys kissed and you consciously took his hand and placed on your breast.

I am not doubting your story, but it looked more fictitious.

Summary please

You and who wan read this thing?

Igbo guys rarely disappoints as far relationship is concerned. My advice is for you to keep praying for him to make money on time and stop telling him about taking a less befitting job that will likely tie him down. I wish you both all the best

If you are in a journey and got lost or do not know where the bus is headed, please just go back home

Hmmm...
Make we wait for seniors

BTW if he's deeply in love with you, you won't ask questions.

I knew right from secondary school never to date a classmate or someone less than 7years older than me,this rule that I've followed strictly has really helped my life.You have already invested your emotions and you'll not listen to any advise that will not encourage you to wait for him.Ladies in your situation don't always end up happy with their decision,emotions and low self-esteem has taken the better part of you.If you were my sister I'll personally make sure I scatter this relationship and beat you up if you dare run your mouth but I'll patiently wait for posterity to bring you to me on bended knees thanking me for saving your life.

Iyaebe:
I knew right from secondary school never to date a classmate or someone less than 7years older than me,this rule that I've followed strictly has really helped my life.You have already invested your emotions and you'll not listen to any advise that will not encourage you to wait for him.

Helped your life how??

lilvicky68:

Helped you how??

Lmao

Ok

All I see is a small boy who doesn't want to be responsible roaming up and down...

Guys like this are just time waster..

What makes you think, you can't see someone better?..

In my own advice, leave this guy alone, just for your sanity..this guy doesn't feel what you are feeling...


Think about the good side and also think about the bad side, the bad outweigh the good...

Even if you marry this guy, you may not enjoy the marriage, cos they are enough clear signs that when urgent decisions needs to be taken in the family, instead of taking actions immediately, he will only be making mouths...

lilvicky68:

Helped your life how??

Yes,it has helped me avoid situations like the ops own.Isn't it obvious they will not end up together, then what will be her gain in all the wasted years,the wifely duties that she has been doing nko? Any relationship above six months with no solid defined direction is a total waste of time and energy.Every woman has to work against time and don't let some Penis Testers waste your time as a lady.

Iyaebe:
Yes,it has helped me avoid situations like the ops own.Isn't it obvious they will not end up together, then what will be her gain in all the wasted years,the wifely duties that she has been doing nko? Any relationship above six months with no solid defined direction is a total waste of time and energy.Every woman has to work against time and don't let some Penis Testers waste your time as a lady.

So all the ones you've been dating that are 7 years older than you.. why didn't them marry you??

6 months x 10 different men with no solid defined direction is it not 60months wasted??

Why is it that moving on with ones life these days now seem to be a difficult task even after discovering that one party ain't ready to settle down yet?

Op, simply move on with your life,....This life wey I dey see so ain't long enough to be wasted waiting for anyone...

lilvicky68:

So all the ones you've been dating that are 7 years older than you.. why didn't them marry you??

6 months x 10 different men with no solid defined direction is it not 60months wasted??

How did you know I've been dating and what makes you think I'm not married. You don't know me so stop using your sister's lifestyle to make assumptions

Ebubechuwku:
All I see is a small boy who doesn't want to be responsible roaming up and down...

Guys like this are just time waster..

What makes you think, you can't see someone better?..

In my own advice, leave this guy alone, just for your sanity..this guy doesn't feel what you are feeling...


Think about the good side and also think about the bad side, the bad outweigh the good...

Even if you marry this guy, you may not enjoy the marriage, cos they are enough clear signs that when urgent decisions needs to be taken in the family, instead of taking actions immediately, he will only be making mouths...

Oga why are you blaming the guy? So he should get married to her without a job so they will suffer? He even has good plans for her, its up to the girl to either decide to wait or to leave, the guy is handling it the best way in my opinion

Iyaebe:
How did you know I've been dating and what makes you think I'm not married. You don't know me so stop using your sister's lifestyle to make assumptions

Stop giving unnecessary advice that isn't working for you..

Supremedrizzy:

Oga why are you blaming the guy? So he should get married to her without a job so they will suffer? He even has good plans for her, its up to the girl to either decide to wait or to leave, the guy is handling it the best way in my opinion

Am not blaming the guy... they are not just compatible.. the man needs to work on his life while the girls needs someone who is built and reliable.. these are different main things...

Ebubechuwku:


Am not blaming the guy... they are not just compatible.. the man needs to work on his life while the girls needs someone who is built and reliable.. these are different main things...

Okay now I get you, but if everyone goes for made men who will marry the rest? She might actually be buying the dip if she stays

This story is as fake as Bobrisky's breast.

Supremedrizzy:

Okay now I get you, but if everyone goes for made men who will marry the rest? The might actually be buying the dip if she stays

Someone that is still building, most times are not reliable except you are so sure the person is reliable.
And most times when you are building, you don't need any woman, so that you will be able to face your life and work on making yourself the best version...

Jay5mie:
You and who wan read this thing?

Omo the thing sef tire me

Just pray dear. It’s what I did too...No one should waste your time.
Pray to God for directions and signs and possible break you two up if he isn’t your God ordained husband.

I’m pissed you putting up with the fact that he cheats because you are looking down on yourself. You deserve so much better, you need to work on your self-esteem.

Acrimony

Jay5mie:
You and who wan read this thing?

Women talk plenty, especially a woman that has something bothering her. If you are not ready to listen, then you aren't ready to have a woman in your life.

OP.. I took my time to read your lengthy stories i have few questions i would like to ask before my honest opinion

1.. His Kitchen can you please Elaborate because someone who has no job and was just out of school few months ago has an apt

2.. Pls the institutions you both went to, was it a UNI or POLY OR COED

3.. At 28, the guy is presumably young and you are almost at your own peek, how long do you think it will take him to save up to rent that is if he hasn't done that already, fix the room up and you are willing to stay put and not nag in the future which is contrary to an igbo belief "Make it before getting married"

4.. Those meals are they home cooked or Fast foods you saw in his place?

When we done with the answer i go shook mouth for una matter

I clearly understand you..but I will advice you stay away from him for a while... . Careless, pay less attention to him.....don't visit or call regularly like you do ..let him do the chasing....you're still young, 25 is still young to me, focus on yourself more, build yourself..let him see something different.....change your dressing if you do dress like the spirit koko ladies......lol..tired of type sha...but I believe you get what im saying..

I wish you all d best

firstbornson:
Acrimony

You get, I thought about this too

@op
I am sure ur relationship with the guy is over 4yrs.
How well do u know his friends and family?
If at dis time u are not close to a member of his family, biko kiss the relationship goodbye.

This relationship is so insecure and i have seen through that the no1 thing besides mouth love
which is security is not really evident in this relationship.

To be frank with u, ur guy has not given u the kind of security a lady requires from her man.

I will advice u prayerfully handle this as the red flags are just too much and the relationship may
be heading for the rocks.

I had a lady friend from Kaduna dating an Ibo guy while they were in school in 2008/2009.
The lady is about 35 yrs still waiting for this guy to have money b4 they marry.

It's well over 11yrs of dating.

I have a bet with her for 1m bucks if the guy eventually marries her.

The dude is in the east at the moment while the lady is at Kaduna growing older and relishing
the day she marries this guy. As far as i am concerned road no dey dere.

Op, please give room for a more serious man if one comes along.

Enjoy and all the best.