₦airaland Forum

I must say I really learnt a lot from everyone's comment. I will definitely accept the blame, because I saw the signs and decided to still move ahead. But sometimes, I asked my self cant we be better even if we are bad? I made it clear to her several times that I had a very weak spot for nagging. I even pleaded with her that it affects everything in me, ranging from sexual to work and social activities. But making her know that weakness made her felt on top of the world. I would not look at every other factor that occurred,sexting with other man, insult on my family and friends, etc. But the nagging part was an hourly dose. It was very impossible to even spend 2 minutes to communicate without a quarrel. I spoke to older women who had issues in the past and they said "A wise woman builds her home, but the foolish one plucks it down with her own hands" which means men are prone to mistakes, but the woman should stand and give him her shoulders to carry on. I dont think you guys have seen this level of nagging, I rated it A+, it happens anywhere and anytime regardless of people present. It destroyed my self esteem and made me almost useless. It took God to bring me back to my senses as I contemplated suicide several times. I had serious financial problems from my businesses, I was never lazy, but when a man has a troubled home, trust me nothing works.
And as regards taking care of the family, I did my best, she knew my earnings before we got married and agreed to manage it with me. Her family stopped giving her allowances and she made some very terrible demands on me just to keep up with her previous lifestyle forgetting the agreement we had.
I appreciate all your advises, the current girl I have can be termed as a "nobody" but trust me, I have all the peace in the world. First time I talk to a woman and she quietly listens, it was so unusual. I am not rushing things either, but I must confess, I give it to the West.

As regards the violence, she is very violent.
I cant lay the injuries, because many people would say I am weak,
But thank God I never reacted. Maybe, I would be serving a life Jail sentence.
My properties were not also left out, damaged car windscreens and all that.

freecocoa:
Which abuse? The woman dey beat am abi wetin? It's like I missed that part o.

Thank you Madam.

keepingmum:
Mr Greg clap for yaself oo.

You didn't want to marry a lady who you can't subdue yet you followed the money trail .....but it's your wife's fault. She pretended. She bribed your family, it's all her fault.

You resigned your job because U were underperofming but it's your wife's fault.

Wife gave u capital to set up a business which was ur responsibility to run. U ran the business down and out.....but it's all wife's fault.

U stopped sleeping with wifey but it's wife's fault

U were caught masturbating bmwhilst denying ur wife sex but it's wife's fault.

U then started an affair whilst in Nigeria, but it's wifey fault for u committing adultery.

U left 9ja for the abroad and within 5 months have found ya soul mate, the Ying to ur yang, the beautiful goddess that leaks ur left nyaaannsh and sleeps on the floor of ur feet: the one u can subdue and control. You now need validation and support from nairalanders to go ahead and divorce ur evil wife......abi? Continue committing adultery u hear. It's not even upto 6months u left the country and u r already cheating on ur wife. But it's OK, it's ur wife's fault.
She made u commit adultery. She made u listen to a dodgy pastor who prophesied the marriage and is now also prophesying divorce. I hope ur dodgy pastor has also prophesied marriage to ur new lady? I hope he will also officiate at ur new wedding o?

It is everybody's fault but urs. U my friend, are a lazy, gold digging, child hustler.

What have u done to ear the respect of ur wife? Have u kept ur vows?

Carry on oh, by the time ur obodo oyinbo princess finished dealing with u, ur story will be worse than Stella oduah's and her ex husband.

Thank you sir

Wingback:
Pvssy ass Niggas like you annoy me.

Your family bullied you into marrying a rich spoilt brat? Who's suffering now? You or them

People need to realize Family is forced down your throat, whether good or bad.


Oh well OP, "FORGIVENESS is not to be given to KARISHIKA"-Robert Mugabe.


Your wife just wants to use, divorce that Hoe...I mean cmon isn't it obvious you have more to gain, Old men get married to lovely women all the time, can't say the same about old women.

She was practically abusing you in the marriage and you self, where's your masculinity? A lady bullying you because her family is rich.


NAUSEATING NONSENSE!

jopretty:
I can only imagine what you are going through. In as much as Christianity abhors divorce, the Bible clearly states that it's better to stay on the roof of a house that live in a house with a troublesome woman. I believe your wife doesn't really understand what marriage is all about and her vows at the alter was formed at the tip of her tongue and without meaning to her. My candid advice is you tell her you can't live with her again cos of her character and you need time to get your mind settled, then watch what her reaction will be and her nxt move. And again, pls 'fall out of love' with the other woman and work on this issue. And by the way, have you communicated with your inlaws? Since they took her in the first time (which they weren't supposed to do) I bet they know their daughter and the things she can do. Lastly, it's only a foolish woman that'll disrespect her husband because she's older than he is. Once a man marries you, whether you're 20 or more yrs older, just drop it at the doorstep before entering his house and see him as your lord, master and ruler of the home and stay humble. My one cent though.

Thank you so much. I stopped talking to my In-laws when I first reported her calling me Gold Digger Issue to them, and they laughed at me saying they were watching me to know the real motives behind me marrying their sister and daughter. According to the mum "If the purpose you marry my daughter is because of our wealth, then you have failed".. Sorry to say, all my wedding gifts, I never saw any of it as her family seized it saying it was their tradition and I never fought over it. I am not perfect but at least I have always known the value of Empathy and so I am careful with anyone's feelings

barackodam:
I think you're getting it wrong ma'am.

he isn't a gold digger, he already said he'd foreseen this and caution his parents, but twas his parents and friends who pushed him into marrying her.

also, it's very much possible for him to fall in love with the white lady in that five months because he's already fallen outta love with his wife long ago. while he's married to his wife, his emotions were already single. paving way for him to love someone else.

OP, advise is that give your wife a second chance, not by going to see her now, but trying to see how long she can continue the lovey dovey. it's a two way thing.

1) she could truly have changed and want you back. she's prolly realised she's done you bad and wants to make amends.

2) she's lonely, no one to bark at, no one to yell at, scold, nag etc, she's missing her bossing you around part and can't wait for you to come back so she continues.

even though I want to believe it's more of number two, it could be number one also. so I'll advise, hang your feelings for Oyinbo for a while, and see how madam would react upon your return.

take care

Thank you Barack.
I totally agree with your number 1 point. But many times I thought that way and gave in, it always resulted to number 2. Even when she had left the house, we would not talk for days despite we were in the same state and few miles away. When I would make attempt to meet with her, I will realise she enjoys it that way. Knowing who she is with many experiences I so much scare to fall victim to number 2 over and over again.

Ginaz:
Sorry to hear about your family problem though, the poster above me sha, you doubt the story is not true yet you're giving advise.

Back to you Mr O.P, everything I could understand from your write up is that your wife is a bad woman, she's terrible, she's manner less, she's rude. I got to see that from the way you painted her to be.

She's the one with all the whole faults in the marriage, O.P ain't you yourself flawed too Didn't you do something out of character, or your wife is the devil in the marriage and you're the angel?

Between two people, one only can't be flawed, between two people, one only can't be perfect. You did some bad stuff too you're not admitting cos your mind just don't wanna accept the truth that you wanna do everything possible to leave the marriage.

You're taking the wrong way out of your marriage, by sinning and committing adultery therefore bringing more problems to yourself.

The truth is,you're no longer in love with her, all this your story is just for sympathy. You stopped loving her a long long time ago, the love is dead on arrival.

There is just one option for you O.P, divorce your wife since you no longer love her and live your life, marriage is not by force. As for the children, it won't do them good growing up to parents that doesn't love each other anymore so don't tell me that crap of ''I love my children". Do you know how it feels like seeing your mother and father fight and quarrel everyday? . Let me tell you, it destroys the heart of a child beyond emotional repair.

Both of you would be doing the children a very good job of separating and sparing them the trauma. Then you can go and marry your girlfriend you so much can't live without but remember, she will soon show you her true colours and will become a devil just as your wife has become also.

And I also have this last option for you, forget your girlfriend, end the relationship and come back home to your wife and work things out one more time.

Looking at a coconut one would think it won't break except it's hit hard with a stone. Don't ignore your problems, solve them.

thank you Ginaz.
I respect your opinion. I am not trying to justify my actions either. I will not also say I had no faults. of course I also made my mistakes by letting the trauma get the good side of me. Because since I was no longer sexually attracted to her, I tried masturbating, of which she saw me one day and immediately called her mother right there and also informed some members of her family, and we all know how human minds work. Even when I tried talking it over with her she refused listening and even informed the pastor about it. It resulted in me keeping an affair outside, which naturally made it worse, as I could get heat at home and be consoled outside. I listen to other men talk about their marriage issues and decisions they take as a man, even when theirs is far far less than what I experienced. There was a day she displayed her true self before my pastor, and the man called me privately and said "Please no matter what happens to you, never take anything from that woman or ask her for help"..It was so obvious she wanted me to be her tom boy while she rules.
The least thing I ever prayed for was to cheat on my wife when I ever get married. and it was my fears that turned out to be reality. As for my kids, I always feel a deep cut inside when they see us quarrel, I never hit her and most times I just walk out quietly without saying a word with many yell words raining behind him. I would have long ran away, but I tried to be patient just because of my kids. Then the worse happened, after she left my house before my return, she denied me access to my kids. Then my parents advised that I go get a life since I was llosing everything.

Now the word "Gold Digger" was what got me very infuriated from the beginning. I was never interested in the fact she had money or whatsoever, I was not doing badly on my own, as any reasonable woman would appreciate all I had achieved at my early age. And as regards the new girl, she is also a Nigerian, not rich, never given me a dime, so in a natural sense there is nothing I am taking from her. But her words and encouragement have brought me out of my depression and made me more focus and firm.

TooNoisy:
Let us assume your story is true which I doubt though.

My advise is that you continue to send money for now. You need to build yourself up and watch your wife's behaviour. You need to be sure she has changed and she must apologise to your family.

But you seem like you also use women. You married a lady only because she is rich - a very bad sign. You seem like a gold digger. Now you are in love with another girl that can assist you with money and file your papers.

You are still married to your wife so you are cheating. A sin before God. And within 5 months you are already madly in love. You need to come out clean with your plans cos in Europe that new girl can mess you up big time.

Face your kids for now okay. You have serious issues to sort out with yourself. Your wife is not the major problem here. You are.

Hello Fellow Nairalanders,
My name is Greg, I want to share a brief story about the most challenging period of my life at the moment and I will appreciate your kind and genuine advise to help me make a decision.
I am a young man who got married at 26, I met this lady, though it was after our marriage she told me she was older than me with 2 years. She is from a very wealthy home and she did stuffs for me at freewill no matter the cost. Though, I was very comfortable myself because I had a good job, a house of my own and was planning a trip abroad as I felt I needed new work experience in a different environment. I was very comfortable. But she became very fond of my family as she kept splashing them with gifts and surprises that my dad advised I gave up my dream and stay with her to build a home since she complements me. It was a tough decision for me because I was earlier heart broken by a lady I loved when I lost one of my jobs and she left me stranded. I was also scared of the fact she was more richer than me as I would never want to be subdued by a woman. After much pressure from friends, families and church, I gave in and decided to marry her. After the introduction, signs started showing up that got me really worried of the future that I was going into some big trouble. She was making references on how ordinary my family is compared to hers that is High classed and well recognised by the society. I complained to my parents and told them of the danger, they pleaded with me that the plans were already far gone and considering his position in his Ministry (Clergy) it will be a dent and also considering her family name and reputation. My major problem was she would never listen to anything I say, no matter how calm I try to say it.
I held on hoping it would get better after the wedding, she made a stunt that surprised my Best man and her Chief bridesmaid even on the wedding day. At that point I knew I was finished. One week into the marriage all hell broke loose. I will not emphasis on the issues experienced but I lost my self esteem, she totally destroyed it by daily using abusive, swear and curse words, at every slight issue we had all her family members would be aware, including the food we ate, how it was cooked and so on. As it got tougher, I had to quit my job as I was no longer productive and was always queried for bad performance. I felt giving her more attention would ease the problem since she was complaining my job took my time but it got worse as she reminded me one day of how jobless I have become. I fell back on the business we opened together, but because our home was far from peace nothing good came out and so it crashed and I became highly indebted to people I borrowed money from to sustain the business. I talked to the pastor who prophesied the marriage and he advised we got a divorce and it shocked me. Because I trusted so much in his words and recommendations to marry her but now he is asking me to do the unthinkable. I left the church to find a solution to our marital problems but she never appreciated all the efforts. I lost my sexual attraction to her to the extent that my man hides at the sight of her, but once I see a lady outside less pretty I get a hard-on. I tried some romantic measures but she was so rigid, to the extent she slapped me openly at an eatery. I later realised she was under the influence of her single friends advises who could not even keep a boyfriend, and also her younger siblings. Time went by and my parents where heavily insulted by her that they stopped coming to visit us. I started hiding from friends so they dont know how much I have fallen. I lost the two cars I had because I needed to raise some funds and all that. The problems were countless. That she even left my house and returned to her family house when I traveled out of town and never returned till I had to travel out of the country. Anyways, not to bore you. I got a loan from a friend and traveled to sweden. While here, God has been faithful to me and within a month I was already sending her money for my kids upkeep. we have a son and a daughter. I have to be frank with you all, I only love my kids and I do not have any feelings for her as she damaged it beyond repair. I have finally met a lady here, she is a wonderful lady. She encouraged me, assisted me through some tough times here. Stood with me even when I do not have anything. she is younger and extremely beautiful that I cant even Imagine how I got to have her type. I told her about my family problems and she advised me never to abandon my kids and she made sure I always did the needful, but on the other hand we are madly in love with each other. I have heard people talk about soul mates and totally loving a person, this is the first time I am feeling such, I used to be a heavy player much earlier in my life. I love her so much to the extent I feel too proud to cheat. She is God fearing and committed to church, unlike my wife who would visit church like maximum 10 times in a year despite my strong efforts to encourage her. I wish I had the words to describe the peace I have found with the new lady here. Now my wife has been complaining that I have lost communication with her since I traveled that she misses me and wants me to return at least for a visit. I have been here only for 5 months, I do not trust that woman because many times I sacrificed my happiness for her It tore me in pieces and she would mock me. I have been having a struggle on how to break the news to her that I am now in love with a lady here, but I love my kids so much despite I do not have any more feelings for the mom and despite I love the new lady so much as we have really done a lot of future plans and thinking together, she is completely opposite of my wife and a woman I always desired, What would be your candid advise? should I let go of my wife and move on with the new lady? My wife is already complaining that she is getting so lonely and I wont make a mistake of giving up my happiness for her usual wayo gimmicks. Please matured minds only. And if you do not understand, please feel free to ask questions. God bless you.