phabulous88:


Let me correct something, he is not your boyfriend and you're not his girlfriend either; simply put - you guys are just catching up online as friends.

You both went to undergrad together and he didn't ask you out, he prolly didn't even notice you then. Now all of a sudden, you're in China for your MSc and your future looks brighter, you feel bored in a foreign land and chats with him on Facebook, and the next thing you know, he's telling you about how much he's loved you from your undergrad days and bla bla bla... and you think you're in a relationship.

My dear, wake up and dump his sorry bottom, now! You're better off without him - think of how much (time and resources) you've invested in ur 'relationship' and how better you'd have been exploring and learning new things about your city. Since you guys started 'dating' 9 months back, what values has he added to you? Now he wants a 95k shoes. . If he really wants it badly, he should order it online and have it delivered next week.

I've been there before and I know how friends of the opposite gender will start loving you up when they know you're in a foreign country.

Everything you have written here is most likely true of what happened. The funny thing is I really felt it was true, not knowing I was about to be swindled
Thanks for your timely advice.

Ekaka1:


No don't buy it!! You're a very brilliant girl. If He can't smell Wife material right there let him shift or you get ready to take a walk before He turns you into a gold mine the rest of His life

Thanks for your valuable contribution. I am not buying any shoes and I have broken up with him, forever. Thanks over.

MariaFernenda:
Are u honestly still thinking about it?Gal make use of ur brain na,he doesn't love you nd clearly stated it in his msgs.If he wants d shoes he should send u d money 1st besides he should be catering 4 u nd nt squandering d little u ve.BE WISE OH,NO GO MUMU IN D NAME OF LOVE.No by mistake let am fool u sey him go pay u immediately u buy am or sey u no love am afterall.He who has an ear let him hear buh 4 ur case e go b he who has eyes and brain let him see nd reason

No, I was not honestly thinking out buying the shoes. Just wanted to know if there is by 0.1% chance that I am inconsiderate and uncaring. Thanks ever.

skillmyman:
OP,
the guy sounds irresponsible to me. i thought he should find a way of supporting you as little as he can knowing your a student and not demanding for a pair of outrageous shoes.
Anyway, the guy has denied you before you say jack robinson and your sounding desperate to latch on a guy.

Flee from all appearance of irresponsibility.
My two cents

Pls remove desperation from your text. Its killing me. I am not desperate. Many NLanders know my regular moniker. I am excellent in every way. Except that I tolerated a very rude guy for 9 months. Just trying to be nice that I don't hurt anyone. Thanks

OfficialIYANU:
guccidriver93k

1. Check your legs now. Are there shoes on them?
2. Is it a sandal or a shoe?
3. If it is a sandal, tighten your buckle
4. If it is a shoe, put your legs inside and
5. RUN FOR YOUR DEAR LIFE!!!

My dear, there is no issue of Kindness or Love here! (Take it from a MARRIED GUY)!

I have read so many irritating and disgusting comments here but my dear, the truth is your guy is a GOLD-DIGGER EMERITUS!

Girl, I dunno you but from your very first post...you're smart. I am truly impressed by a Lady who is not moved by WORLDLY things, but more interested in planning for her future. I pity the said guy cuz he's about to loose a RARE GEM!

JEEEZ! N93,000 for a pair of shoes?! Does it fly? Can it mint currency? Did Jesus use it? Of what benefit is it to me/him/us? Are questions you should ask yourself!

You guys are a couple and if he is serious minded, his aim should be planning to put a RING on your FINGER for God's sake! Will this kind of person now not put the burden of marriage on your shoulders (i.e. if you guys even get to that level)!

PLEASE guccidriver93k, don't let love blind you! This guy will milk you dry before marriage and if you get married, get ready to pay the rent, bills, children's school fees, house upkeep, and many others too many to mention! He will expect you to do everything!

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE O! Pack your load before it's too late! A broken relationship is FAR BETTER than a Broken MARRIAGE!

With prayers, diligence, commitment to God and responsibility on your part, God will lead you to a Responsible young man as yourself! I foresee a great power couple if you heed my words!

I am still touched that a young Nigerian girl can be so matured and future inclined as this. Lord don't let her and the many others like her out there fall into the wrong hands.

HE who has ears...

My dear, God bless you personally for me. Responses such as yours are the reason why I created this thread, at least I know I'm not the stupid or uncaring or inconsiderate person in the relationship. When he sent the last message on the last screenshot, I felt like the ground should open and swallow me. Such embarrassment because I said "save and invest".

If I buy 93k for him, what will I buy for my mum? What of my dad, my sweet siblings, not seen them in 3 years now. I have a large family that has been with me through thick and thin, and I am from an average Nigerian family. That young man has so shouted me down that I begin to loose my inner strength. But I kept on allowing it, hoping it will get better. Especially when you listen to be supportive, be nice, you are a woman kind of talks.
Thank God is over. I have ended the relationship today and I'm not looking back. Thanks over.

kewhos:



There absolute nothing too hard to understand in your write up. You said your boyfriend is working and and you did not mention his kind of job but let me assume that he can afford the shoe since you consider buying it but ya problem is wither he will pay back. You don't expect him to send you N93k in this harsh economy of ours on a relationship build on calls and social media for the past 9 months? This is the first time the issue of MONEY arise in your sweet 9mnths old relationship and what you did was to bring it to the notice of the world, girl you need to check yourself. In a good relationship there is no sharp guy or sharp girl, you don't TRUST each other period.

Sweet relationship indeed. Oh chi m o

Anitank. I have heard. You may now face your own life

anitank:


You were the only one who saw him as that. I doubt he shared the same view as you.

My dear you have given your advice. Pls leave the thread already. Last month, he annoyed me, I shouted back him. He called me and gave his mum the phone. Pls shift. I won't respond to you again Thanks

spark4daz:
I once asked my friend if she had read Half of a Yellow Sun and said she had seen d movie and had no reason to read d book.
.
This has also repeated a couple of times with different people.
.
People now prefer to visit movie shops and cinemas than libraries and bookshops and this really telling on the quality of students in our dear country.
.
Everyone seem to find a shortcut about everything which is why examination malpractice will always be on the high side. Gone are the days of reading news papers.
.
A Generation That Can't or Won't Read is as Bad As A Waste.

Let's Read Nigeria!

Lol. People's interests differ. I for one prefer numbers to words. I read because I have to (examinable content) not because I like to. And if its really that important to read when its not examinable, I prefer the visual reading - video

anitank:


I hope you mean this and stick to your words, becos as much as I can tell he was never even your boyfriend

He was my boyfriend, I'm very sure of that. But not any more. Not now. Not in the future. Never again.

Achilies:
Op.
From the screen shots I can conclude that he will not refund u the money for the shoe and if u insist he pay u back, he will break up with u.

If u don't buy the shoe, he will still break up with u.

From every indication he is just using you to get what he wants. And the future of your relationship depend on that shoe. Is that really the kind of relationship u want?

No. He is an ex already. Thanks for your valuable contribution

Jeffboi:
B4 a guy can ask you for such favour. Maybe he has done more than that for you





Sister. Kindly tell us what the guy has done for you.




Seriously you didn't post the conversation well. You deleted some. Because something warrant that outburst about not being your husband.


Abi am I confused

That was all the conversation we had. Nothing in between. Thanks

illrhymes:
If you ask of my honest opinion, first the O.P is not right, why will you post what ur bf asked you for online asking for peoples views....you're are way too wrong. Don't be too fast to conclude, if the guy has been working for a while and asked you, BUY IT!!! ......What if the guy is tempting to know if you'll go the whole 9 yards for him? And probably return the money, propose when you're back in the country. You're all about your money. Pls with all due respect I think you're selfish and very self centred! If you know that amount is too big then why disgrace him? SMH..............GIRLS!!!!!

From the pictures can you tell who he is? Can you tell who I am? Why do you think I am disgracing him and not myself? Did you see where I said "fragile relationship" in my first post? Do you think it was only about buying shoes I will come online to seek advice?
Everybody must talk sha. Cheers!

DeeTus:
It's okay. Just be careful with some guys back home. There are quite a number of good guys out there in China who are not really interested in material stuffs.

Alright. I will. Thanks so much

luka1981:
I think from his last statement, u have been following him desparetely and he is ready now take advantage of u. He is a cheat.

There was no communication in between those chats. From what I understand, it's because I mentioned "save and invest" in the second screenshot. No desperation whatever. Well its all gone. Hallelujah!

DeeTus:
Ok. And that is not why you should give me a silly response. I am one of those who made China look good for you guys. I studied language program at Zhejiang University as far back as 2000.

Ok. Thanks bros. We are really enjoying it now

DeeTus:
That's silly. I've lived in China. That is why I asked.

Its fine. Just don't think it has anything to do with the matter on ground. Thanks

InvertedHammer:
/
As much as I try not to say these words...

I must.

You are a compound idio.t. Why will you be attracted to a loser? You got the hint. He ain't going to marry you.
Tomorrow you will come back with a sobbing story of how he maltreats you.

Ladies like you disgust me. I pray you end up in this shit hole you are digging for yourself.

/

You haven't helped in anyway. Why judge me when you don't know me. Cool down, life isn't only the way you see it. Thanks

kewhos:
There is the issue of trust in your relationship, your boyfriend and you thinks the same way. He is afraid if he send the money to you, you might not deliver the shoe and you are like if i buy him the shoe, he might not pay me back my money. If both of you don't have a way of trusting each other, then you have no business being together.

He thinks I will not deliver the shoes? Pls read with understanding. You must not necessarily advise. Thanks

DeeTus:
OP, which city do you live in China?

Sambisa town. Anything

chukxie:


I have a feeling I know you. I might be wrong though. Call me if you're the person I'm thinking you are. My name starts with 'F' and I reside in a place in China that begins with 'H'. Back to the matter, don't buy those shoes. Period!

Lol. Ok

Lalasticlala. Ishilove. Please close this thread already. Its is turning to kids play now.
Thanks

Wow. I'm so blessed to have you all go through the story, patient to read, and reasonable to advice, even sharing your personal stories. #tears of joy.

Rejuvenated my inner strength reading all your posts. I read every one of them. I have quitted the relationship, no going back. God bless you all.

KanwuliaJara:


Just one?
You mean 2?

There' is something "flaky" about your story.

For a "fragile 9-month", long distance relationship, why would you go ALL OUT TO CHECK FOR PRICES?
Especially, as YOU KNOW IT COSTS 93K in the NAIRA EQUIVALENT?


This na real "Masters" material o!

93k is the direct equivalent from the currency of the country I am in now. Didn't you see the conversion in the screenshot I heard it goes as high as 150k in Naija from this thread. Pls don't reply again before you start insulting me and my ancestors in your usual manner. Thanks

chccho:
Op sorry to say u might not like d sound of dis but the truth is bitter, and the truth shall set u free...
U are wasting our precious time dating a guy like dis..
The guy is a scam and an inconsiderate fellow.. I call little signs like this red flags and when u see them u should flee my dear...so its not just a question of buying the shoes,its now a question of is this d kinda man I want to settle down with?

Thanks so much for your valuable contribution. I am no longer interested in the relationship. I will not look back.

SAVEDBABA:
"I want to use it for something" dat part bursted my head..... Bt on a second mayb he want s to buy and give to one of his ogas..... For reasons known to him.... My advise....dnt give him... Quote me to no y

Thanks for your valuable contribution.

Boss13:
I will not conclude because I don't know what your relationship is like. I just got curious about this story because of the shoe and I did a google check. Your boy friend can get a counterfeit of that shoe for 15-25k in Nigeria here and even on Amazon. The Chinese are very good in ensuring that. I wonder what he wants to use the shoe for (my guess). I am not saying it is bad to spend N93k on shoes, well if it is Oxford and you can afford it, however, from the situation of things, it appears your boy friend cannot afford it and willingly to go into debt for it. Maybe he is a fashion craze person, but putting a N93k shoe paid for by another person is not a very good thing. Hence, I would advice you not to buy it, let him pay for it with his own cash. Also, there is electronic transfer, he can pay with his MasterCard or VISA card.

When he first talked about this shoe, I ask him, "can we pls make due with alternatives for now?". He said "no, ah no nah, pls don't buy Chinese shoe for me o". Yes he is a up to date fashion type. Thanks for your valuable contribution.

Dolypson04:

Op did u create an account strictly for ds thread or u renamed ur profile?
BTW how sure are we that the guy hasn't given u something ten times costlier than d shoe?

Nope. We haven't seen since we started dating. No monetary or gift exchange before.

kaboninc:


But sweery, I've taken notice of the screenshots you said came from him. Then if you noticed also, you'll see that there was a 6 hour difference between when he told you not to buy the shoes again and when he replied you rudely.

My interest is in his rude reply. I strongly believe that something led to it, either you guys had a fight or something as I do not think he sent that text immediately after the previous ones.

No dear, no conversations in between. Even till now, none. He is a very rude person. Ex now, though.

Vikky014:
dear friend run away from dt guy. he is so rude u deserve better

Thanks dear. Your advice is soothing and priceless

baby124:
Don't discuss the matter anymore with him, when he brings it up, change the topic. and you may want to take it easy on the relationship. The guy is obviously childish and inconsiderate. Those are traits that will cause a lot of problems in future. He is also unrealistic. Does he expect you to shoplift. A man that is serious about you will not put you under such pressure and make you feel bad while you are going through your own struggle. Because he wants to portray a life that he obviously can't afford. Maybe he has seen that you are desperate?

Lol ma, Nothing to be desperate for o. I'm not. I'm excellent in every other area of my life. Just happened to be dating a guy who has no respect for anybody, not just me. Well, I'm no longer interested in the relationship. Thanks for your advice.

Timbuktou:


Hehehe. I know you wanted to insult him because you felt hard done by, but you really don't need to. There's been no physical contact in a while so, lyou should make the break up as casual-sounding as possible. This should leave him shocked more than anything else . That's the best way to handle entitled people.

However, he might come back forming Mr. Remorseful, I would advise that you do not rekindle the relationship. Old habits die hard and, at best, he'll keep them dormant till he has no use for you any longer or you could be walking into an abusive and manipulative marriage.

Again, good luck in whatever path you choose.

Thanks so much. The thread can end now. I got all I needed while creating this thread. God bless

Timbuktou:


If you don't have the money, then you don't. He's in no position to tell you to save for a gift for him. He's the one being inconsiderate and uncaring in this situation. Good luck

Pls one more thing: after I read the message on the last screenshot, I felt like giving him the insult of his life and walking out. But I also thought of talking a quiet walk out. Which do you think is better?

That young man, for no reason, has really insulted me twice like this before.

Timbuktou:
If he can pay back why doesn't he just send the money at christmas time so you can buy and bring it over? Unless this loan is for an indefinite period of time and has a 36 month payback period or till Jesus comes, perhaps!!!

Don't buy the shoes, and tell him why; you don't have the money. Period. I think you're scared of losing this guy, maybe because of your investments in time, emotion, and money already?. But I think going further with someone this selfish and inconsiderate is an even bigger mistake. The more time you spend with this fella, the harder it'll be to leave.

I'm only telling you this because I would do the same if a girlfriend had behaved like your boo. I'd have laughed her to scorn and told her to fvck off. My $0.02.

I'm not scared. Just asking incase there is a 0.1% chance I'm being inconsiderate and uncaring. No money has ever been involved in this relationship. Emotions?, yes. Thanks, I appreciate your your advice.